soo I guess I fucked myself

[Digitalash]

When it rains it fucking pours... this is essentially just a rant so feel free to ignore me lol, need to get some shit off my chest though

Soo I did a ten week cycle, pct'ed for four weeks, recieved some free gear and was planning to cruise anyway so I hopped right back on... Yes I know not smart but what's done is done. Second cycle was 14 weeks test/deca. Been cruising for about 6 weeks since. Right around the end of my cycle my chronic shoulder issues became so severe I'm pretty sure I tore both my labrum at some point in my training "career". Went to the hospital and they told me not to lift until I can get an MRI because the pain was honestly some of the worst I've ever felt in my life, and had continued and gotten worse over the past few months.

No insurance so I'm getting the fucking runaround, went to the hospital and they apparently "couldn't do an MRI"?? Orthopaedic will do it but I need to wait for some paperwork to go through which could be another week or two or god knows. Even then if I do need a labrum repair that means at least SIX GODDAMN MONTHS out of the gym.....

It continues, my job is pretty physical and eating ibuprofen like candy wasn't cutting it anymore. Got a note from the hospital so I'm gonna be out until this is resolved. So I haven't gotten paid in close to two months. Back to the cruising situation. Being the fucking noob retard I am I let it go to the last minute to re-up on test. Went to place an order with raws and fucked up royally by spending the last bit of my cash on the wrong type of card, which is non refundable. So now I have money on a CC, and essentially nothing else. Will be out of test literally next week, been on for around 30 weeks not counting a brief break for pct, no hcg, 14 weeks of deca fairly recently. I fully realize I didn't plan this out well at all and jumped into something I wasn't fully prepared for, and situations just made it exponentially worse...

So yeah I guess what I'm getting at is I can't lift, can't work, and now I'm gonna try and pct while possibly getting double surgery in the near future. I'm fully expecting to lose a ton of gains and overall turn into a skinnyfat POS. What are my chances of recovering well at this point? Any advice? Unless I can get test like yesterday, with a cc no less that's my only option I guess. I'm dreading the next few weeks/months as I'm already fucking depressed as it is, and I should still have a fair amount of test in me LOL. Not looking forward to this one bit

Again I apologize for the long and essentially pointless rant, but this is stressing me out enough I feel I need to talk to some of my bros about it. And that wouldn't go over so well in real life ha

 

[LightBearer]

Dam bro i feel bad, i wish the best of luck to you. if you had some cash to burn id hit some hgh as many IU as you can afford not for joint repair but to hold on to lean body mass
or maybe low dose var for a while but i dont know excactly how your siting financiially

 

[D-Lats]

Shit dude!

 

[Delawerebadboy]

Dude go to wall greens uses the credit card to buy a money pack

 

[S_walker]

Dude go to wall greens uses the credit card to buy a money pack

moneypak is cash only.

digi don't feel bad bro, I made the same mistake on my first go with Raws... not hard to do really.

 

[Digitalash]

haha yeah I would get on some hgh if I could, being a financially irresponsible guy in my 20's {yeah I know I fucked up there too lmao} I don't have the cash around for that. Test is my major concern at the moment and I screwed that up too by putting all I got into a non refundable moneypak of the wrong kind. I'm lookin around for someone that'll take it though lmao, haven't come across it yet...

I feel like I got hit by the perfect storm of shitty circumstances, but I'm probably making this a bigger deal than it really is. I'm sure I'll be fine ordering some clomid/aromasin and trying to get my natty production going again......RIGHT? Maybe for the best as in all reality I probably shouldn't be on this early in life anyway. And it seems kinda pointless to continue cruising when I can't even lift, though it has definitely helped my mood through all this haha

 

[Delawerebadboy]

My bad walker

 

[S_walker]

My bad walker

Maybe not. Digital did you call and ask Walgreens if you can get cash back after a purchase with this card? or maybe ATM? if my memory is right the card you have right now is pretty worthless and they mail you the real card in like 7-10 business days?

 

[Digitalash]

Maybe not. Digital did you call and ask Walgreens if you can get cash back after a purchase with this card? or maybe ATM? if my memory is right the card you have right now is pretty worthless and they mail you the real card in like 7-10 business days?

Nah didn't even think of that, but I will definitely try it. Yeah it says on it, can't be used for atm etc. and they'll mail the real card to me. Not sure how that works as I didn't give a name or anything when I bought it haha

 

[mnpower]

hmm the paper card you get before the card comes in the mail should be good at retailers.... or heres a quick though you can load money packs with paypal..buy the $5 money pack card load your paypal account with the wrong card fund the money pack with paypal?

 

[mnpower]

or since your really tight on cash, i hate to take away from raws as hes my boy since he opened here....euro-king has evo labs which are dom now so load you paypal and pay them with paypal save a step and their shit is cheap as fuck right now

 

[Digitalash]

or since your really tight on cash, i hate to take away from raws as hes my boy since he opened here....euro-king has evo labs which are dom now so load you paypal and pay them with paypal save a step and their shit is cheap as fuck right now

Yeah I actually was about to go with the evo but seems they're having some problems with that right now, thought it best not to take any chances here. Love ek don't get me wrong but not trying to wait forever, I'd like to see at least some of it come in before I do that. Unfortunately already tried the CC route there and they don't take it at the moment, though the option is there. Also need a password, made a ticket asking for it and it got deleted

I will try the moneypak>paypal>moneypak thing for sure though

let this be a lesson in how to do everything wrong lmao

 

[keith1569]

but if he was gonna get raws from raws, it would be a much better deal than through EK..
Digi--hit up raws and see if u guys can mabe work something out with the money pak u got? Another option would be to just come off and do a strong pct. I stayed off for 5 months with low levels and said f it and went back on..going through an endo was gonna cost to much..

 

[Digitalash]

but if he was gonna get raws from raws, it would be a much better deal than through EK..
Digi--hit up raws and see if u guys can mabe work something out with the money pak u got? Another option would be to just come off and do a strong pct. I stayed off for 5 months with low levels and said f it and went back on..going through an endo was gonna cost to much..

Was just gonna load up on enough test for 40 weeks or so, don't have the time or funds to start my first brew yet though I definitely will after this clusterfuck

Already talked to raws when I found out I got the wrong shit though, nothing I could really do except give him the cc number and hope he trusts some random ass guy, and that he needs to buy something online Entirely my fault so I'm not gonna give him the sob story and hope he pities me lol

 

[spark]

Hey Dig. I fucked up my shoulder twice, torn rotator both times. I had surgery, 4 weeks later, stupidly i was back in the gym. I lost some size, at that time i had been on for well over a year. Overall, get it fixed, give your body a break and you will be suprised at what muscle memory will do for you. It is a shitty feeling. Not preaching here, put your faith in God and ride his wave. Somehow he has carried me thru a life of hell. Granted, It was self induced but like you said we all learn and we all get hurt. People will come thru when you least expect it.

 

[TGB1987]

Digital if you have a money pack this is what you can do. Take the money pack and add it to your paypal account. Attach your bank account to your paypal account. They will make a deposit of some odd number of change to your bank account then you verify the deposit on the paypal site this will link your acct to the paypal. Once you have added the moneypak and the bank acct you can send the money from the pak to the bank account and pay a small fee. That way you can get your money back. This should work unless you have some strange card I have never dealt with before. Hope things get better. If you need further help PM me. Good Luck.

 

[Digitalash]

Hey Dig. I fucked up my shoulder twice, torn rotator both times. I had surgery, 4 weeks later, stupidly i was back in the gym. I lost some size, at that time i had been on for well over a year. Overall, get it fixed, give your body a break and you will be suprised at what muscle memory will do for you. It is a shitty feeling. Not preaching here, put your faith in God and ride his wave. Somehow he has carried me thru a life of hell. Granted, It was self induced but like you said we all learn and we all get hurt. People will come thru when you least expect it.

Damn bro that sucks. Hope you're healed up good now though. Not sure what's worse but the one thing they did say for sure was that it's not the rotator cuff because I can still resist pressure, it just hurts like fuck. Same as you though I knew something was wrong for quite a while and kept lifting anyway, til it finally got to the point I couldn't put something in my pocket without almost crying lmao

I'm hoping to god it's not my labrums {labri?} because recovery from a labrum repair is 6-8 months before you can lift heavy again

 

[spark]

Thanks digi. Let me know how its going. I cant PM, fucking 31 posts. I guess 50 is the magic number. Lol

 

[spark]

From my dumbass experiences, my mistake was goin back on too soon to help "heal" my injury. Well, guess what, I masked the pain while i was healing and due to that shit. I had another surgery 16 months later. All I can say is wait a while before gearin back up so you dont mask the pain. I would double dose the shit to come back quicker. That was fuckin stupid.

 

[spark]

Hell, my wife just reminded me of my double hernia surgery too. I played ball and trained for a show with a double hernia. I stayed so numb due to gearand pain pills, I didnt know how bad it was til I coikdnt walk one day. Went to the doctor, I coughed, he said you need surgery NOW. I WAS IN SURGERY THE NEXT DAy. My insides had detached from inner walls of my abdomen. I now have some mesh in my abdomen that ensures my insides stay in place. This is the life of an idiot on pain oills and who loved his gear. Fuckin idiot. But damn life is a rush. I wouldnt change shit. I am SPARK because of what i have done.

Give the world a finger Dig, your real friends will come thru for you

If you dont love me, you will hate me. And i dont give a shit. I have been there done that.

 

[VonEric]

Oh man i feel for you bro!!! I had a slight tear in my bicep/forearm tendon after a pretty good cycle not to long ago... I feel your pain -literally!! Hope you heal soon.. Might look at IGF too??

 

[Digitalash]

Holy shit bro sounds like you've had it pretty rough. Never had any surgery before, never even a tooth pulled lol. Not even worried though, at this point I'm pretty much praying for surgery. I've been through this once before years ago, took about 3 years of lifting for my one shoulder to start getting bad, kept going. Was out for over a year due to life circumstances and it felt ok, start lifting and bam 2 months later the pain's as bad as ever. It's hard as hell not to lift though, pushing through the pain is just part of the game, too bad I never learned the difference between "good" pain and "bad" pain until now haha

I'm definitely gonna take my time with this one, make sure I'm 100% before I get back to it. Maybe run some GH or peptides for a while and hopefully speed up the process. If I come back and can lift for a few months with no pain, then I'll hop back on a nice cycle

edit: thanks voneric, I'm really feelin the love around here , I think the last cycle definitely contributed to this. My joints felt pretty alright on the deca so I was going hard as ever. Drop in some superdrol at the end and my overhead press goes up 40 pounds in three weeks, doing laterals with more than ever in my life. Feel pretty ok and I drop the deca and start cruising, no lie I felt the pain getting worse every day after that

 

[BigBird]

Just remember Dig - somebody always has it worse than you do, right? I think. j/k bro - hey man, things could always be worse.

Currently, I have a stretched strained connector (lig or tendon) in my right inner elbow connecting the bicep to the joint. Many times I'll aggravate it during a lift or movement such as hammer grip or pronated and I'll see stars!! It hurts so fucking bad sometimes and I can feel it round the clock. I KNOW something is wrong and am just fighting my way around it while the "inevitable" lays down the road in the future. That is, I will have to refrain from weights for an extended period of time if this trainwreck elbow/bicep of mine is ever going to have a chance to heal. However, your current injury sounds like it's a crippling handicap to the point where you already have to refrain from weights and I sincerely hope and pray that my arm/elbow situation doesn't escalate to that status but my instinct tells me it will without a doubt. Yes, heavy weights while blasting for an extended period of time can cause joint injuries such as in our cases.

Hang in there dude. Survive one day at a time and live to fight another day. Hopefully you have access to consistent quality pussy b/c that's one thing I am ALWAYS thankful for no matter how stressed I am. Funny in a way but true 100%.

 

[Digitalash]

Just remember Dig - somebody always has it worse than you do, right? I think. j/k bro - hey man, things could always be worse.

Currently, I have a stretched strained connector (lig or tendon) in my right inner elbow connecting the bicep to the joint. Many times I'll aggravate it during a lift or movement such as hammer grip or pronated and I'll see stars!! It hurts so fucking bad sometimes and I can feel it round the clock. I KNOW something is wrong and am just fighting my way around it while the "inevitable" lays down the road in the future. That is, I will have to refrain from weights for an extended period of time if this trainwreck elbow/bicep of mine is ever going to have a chance to heal. However, your current injury sounds like it's a crippling handicap to the point where you already have to refrain from weights and I sincerely hope and pray that my arm/elbow situation doesn't escalate to that status but my instinct tells me it will without a doubt. Yes, heavy weights while blasting for an extended period of time can cause joint injuries such as in our cases.

Hang in there dude. Survive one day at a time and live to fight another day. Hopefully you have access to consistent quality pussy b/c that's one thing I am ALWAYS thankful for no matter how stressed I am. Funny in a way but true 100%.

Appreciate it bro, if you got insurance though I might get that looked at. Like you said if it's been going on for a while it's almost inevitable... Better to figure out what it is early so maybe you can work around it or get it taken care of. I wasn't blessed with the greatest joints apparently and I get some elbow tendon pain once in a while too. Staying away from heavy skullcrushers or tricep extensions seems to do the trick, or at least do your sc's on a decline. Close grip bench, dips, and cable pushdowns agree with my elbows pretty well. Unfortunately I've had to lay off dips/bench completely for a while now because that seems to be what causes most of my shoulder pain. Honestly even rows were getting pretty brutal towards the end.


Some times I wonder why the fuck we do this? Seems every serious lifter you talk to has a list of nagging injuries a mile long. But then I look in the mirror and it all makes sense again

And for sure, if I wasn't getting laid pretty regularly I would've totally lost my sanity on that last cycle haha

 

[Digitalash]

update:

Evo lines is starting to roll in so I'm gonna place a small order there, hopefully the T/A time is straightened out and it won't take too long

I have on hand 20ml of 300mg EQ, and a bottle of superdrol. I'm obviously going to feel a bit shitty for a while but should I at least start with the EQ to avoid total muscle loss? Not worth it? Keeping my diet in check and working legs/abs and whatever else I feel can handle it like a motherfucker and I'm still looking alright. If I stop all AAS now I think I'll be pretty fucked amiright?

 

[spark]

You may feel like hell for a while. I dont know how long it takes for your gear to come in. I woukd personally use a half of a cc once a week to keep your test levels from totally crashin. You may still feel like hell. But not near as bad as a total crash. You can do this Dig, keep your head up and one finger in the air. The only person who controls you is you. You seem mentally tough, turn the notch up a level and dig in a little harder

 

[Digitalash]

been doing a half cc the past two weeks, got one 1/2 left lmao...... Thx for the kind words though bro

crash is pretty inevitable as far as test goes, at least for a bit. I'm thinking I'm gonna run the EQ at maybe 1ml a week just so I can keep what I can.

Looking on the bright side my legs were lagging a bit anyway, if I can't do upper body for 6 months I should have the sickest legs by then haha

 

[Glycomann]

I would just get off and heal up. Look for a sedentary job if you can and one that has health insurance would be optimal. Like in a hospital. Maybe take this as a sign to get back to school and increase your earning potential. That's what I did when the shit hit the fan on me many moons ago.

 

[keith1569]

True man do a strong pct and save what cash u have

Sent from my Samsung Infuse 4G

 

[Digitalash]

I would just get off and heal up. Look for a sedentary job if you can and one that has health insurance would be optimal. Like in a hospital. Maybe take this as a sign to get back to school and increase your earning potential. That's what I did when the shit hit the fan on me many moons ago.

I was waiting for your input bro , I know you're a supporter of coming off even after long cycles. Give it to me straight, if I just say fuck the test and grab some clomid/aromasin how long should it take me to start feeling normal again?

And yes I'm definitely going back to school, that was always in the works I just put it off too long lol