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Ironmag - Park

mmafiter

mmafiter

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Do you EVEN FUQQING care?
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Ok fuqqers! I've been forced to create a new series to deal with all the freaks on this board, who continue to mock me.:flipoff:

I bring you......Ironmag - Park!:clap:

The cast:

DaMayor

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If being the first to come out was a race, we have a winner:

DaMayor, the beloved Astroglide mascot, has come out of the closet.

I found this out the old-fashioned way. The popular mascot wrote a sexually explicit letter to me, where he professed adoration and lust for my person.

???I find you very hot. You are the man I???ve been waiting for,??? DaMayor wrote, as his current lover gripped his shoulders tightly and tested a newly formed flavour of Astroglide.

When asked, the company refused comment on the sexuality of its mascot. DaMayor himself could not comment, but gesticulated wildly, leading to further speculation that he is indeed gay.

Clues? They are so plentiful it???s hard to believe. I have listed several below.

1) Lives in South Carolina, where there appears to be a law against men being exclusively heterosexual.

2) No mascot wife listed in guidebook, where he lists brunch and tea dance and two of his hobbies.

3) Dances, arms flailing above him, to Kylie Minogue songs, gyrating his hips like few other heavy, middle-aged guys can.

4) Recently seen at male stripper bar in Gay Village of Montreal, getting a lap dance from stripper who, interestingly enough, goes by the name Tank316!.

5) Did I mention he lives in South Carolina? :laugh:
 
Irontime:

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Irontime is a chronic masturbator. Now, this generally wouldn't be a problem ,but Irontime masturbates in the school library, while watching the librarian and reading craft books!:shrug:

Irontime was recently caught by the schools administration and was sent to M.A. (Masturbator's Anonymous), notice the strait-jacket. Here is the twelve step program he is currently following;

1) Never touch your genital region except during normal cleaning and toilet procedures. In fact, when possible, avoid cleaning your genitals entirely.

2) Do not look at your genitalia.

3) To win this battle you need accountability. Tell everyone you can about your goal to stop habitually masturbating, and encourage them to periodically make sure you are sticking with your plan.

4) When using the toilet or the shower, leave the door wide open so that you are in full view of any passersby. Furthermore, let the passersby know that you are there by yelling phrases such as, ???Hey! Look at me! I am taking a shit and I have a big pulsating hard-on, but I am NOT masturbating!??? This will put a damper on any immoral behavior, unless, of course, you are an exhibitionist.

5) If you are prone to masturbating in your sleep, you probably have lots of funny stories. Post them here at Ironmagazine.com so that we can read them and laugh.

6) In very severe cases it may be necessary to sever your hand and/or genitalia. Step 1: Place your hand and/or genitalia in a paper cutter. Step 2: Swoosh! Step 3: Stop the bleeding and dial 9-1-1.

7) If you are prone to masturbating in your own feces, well, then that???s pretty messed-up there buddy.

8) Instead of masturbating, try having sex with an inanimate object, like a melon, a prosthetic vagina, or a hole carved into the ground.

9) If you currently masturbate with a particular group of friends, break off the friendships immediately. Unless the friends are really hot chicks that let you cum on their tits. Then it???s OK.

10) If you cannot fall asleep without ???peeling one off???, then, for fuck???s sake, go ahead and masturbate; a guy needs his rest.

11) Based on research, create a matrix of all the times and circumstances when you have masturbated. Analyze this matrix to find the activities and times when you are most prone to masturbation. Invite hookers over during these times, as you will receive more return on investment during said time.

12) Pray to God for a miracle cure for your addiction. If He cures you, then God definitely has far too much time on his hands.

Good luck IT, we're all behind you, cause we sure as fuck don't want to stand in front of you and see that spectacle!:rofl:
 
Mudge

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Mudge is a pigeon molestern, notice the molester moustache, and light bondage gear on his wrists if you will. Although never actually convicted of pigeon molestation, Mudge is known throughout California as having an "unhealthy interest in little birds." Known as "Mr. Creepy," Mudge was forced to resign as a Boy Scout leader in 1998 for "inappropriate behavior."

He went on to start his own boys' organization, where he taught such life skills as; Duct tape bondage, Feather plucking and fucking, Pigeons are whores! 101, etc.
 
Albob

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Albob believes he is an Air Force Master Seargant, unfortunately for him, he works at McDonalds. He calls his uniform "fatigues", and refuses to answer any direct questions, other than to mumble off some numbers and his rank (Fry guy).

His favourite movie is "Full Metal Jacket" and he routinely acts out the script on unsuspecting customers. Such memorable lines as;

"You are pukes. You are the lowest form of life on Earth. You are not even human fucking beings. You are nothing more than unorganized grabastic pieces of amphibian shit."

Have been uttered to customers as they await thier orders. One poor little boy couldn't decide if he wanted a chocolate or vanilla milkshake, to which Albob screamed;

"You had best unfuck yourself or I will unscrew your head and shit down your neck!":no:

When his supervisor gave him the job in the first place, Albob was so happy he yelled;

"Hell, I like you. You can come over to my house and fuck my sister."

Needless to say, Albob is crazy and extremely unstable. If you're ever greeted at a McDonalds by this man, heed my advice. Always reply to his questions with "Yes sir!":scared:
 
Way funny! :lol:

However, too much words, less pictures! I want to laugh not LEARN something I already know! :lol:

Did you say something about McDonald's???
 
it...has....begun......

good stuff!
 
) Recently seen at male stripper bar in Gay Village of Montreal, getting a lap dance from stripper who, interestingly enough, goes by the name Tank316!.
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:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: i'd say he's really on a roll.:grumble: :grumble: bastard:D
 
I'm sure the reason he didn't get to finish is because W8 had him do his chores.
 
Originally posted by Rusty
I'm sure the reason he didn't get to finish is because W8 had him do his chores.
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mmafiter....aka....house bitch
:D
 
:laugh: Okay I'll admit it. Good one :rofl:
 
Originally posted by mmafiter

5) If you are prone to masturbating in your sleep, you probably have lots of funny stories. Post them here at Ironmagazine.com so that we can read them and laugh.

10) If you cannot fall asleep without ???peeling one off???, then, for fuck???s sake, go ahead and masturbate; a guy needs his rest.
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Done and done :p

:scratch: What if I have to 'peel one off' to start my morning off right? Is that allright too? :shrug:
 
Wow... coming up with something like this takes some skill... i think i will try never to get on mma's bad side
 
Originally posted by Titanya
Wow... coming up with something like this takes some skill...
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That's roughly equivilent to saying Milli-Vanilli had "skill" as a vocal group. :rolleyes:

Originally posted by Titanya
i think i will try never to get on mma's bad side
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No that he even HAS a good side. But you're probably right, he's WAY better than YOU. :rolleyes:
 
albooby's just jealous cuz he doesnt have enough wit to come up with a creative slam.... all his insults run somewhere along the lines of: "your gay" and "go hump dero's ass"
 
Originally posted by Titanya
albooby's just jealous cuz he doesnt have enough wit to come up with a creative slam.... all his insults run somewhere along the lines of: "your gay" and "go hump dero's ass"
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:funny: :funny: :funny:
 
Originally posted by Titanya all his insults run somewhere along the lines of: "your gay" and "go hump dero's ass"
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Back up there little shithead, I do NOT lower myself to that level. :finger: I'll admit, there have been one or two instances where I've made a homosexual slam but, on the whole, I avoid that genre completely. True, I'm not a cut-n-paste whore like mmafiter, that's an awesome talent he has. I, on the other hand, am perfectly able to handle myself with pure witt and wisdome.









So there..................................................................ya' faggot. :p
 
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Albob.. what happend?

I thought you dont use those kind of phrases
 
Originally posted by MJ23 I thought you dont use those kind of phrases
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Sarcasm is completely lost on you, isn't it? :confused:
 
Albob.. forget it

Asshole.. :)
 
Rusty

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Rusty struggles with his vows of celibacy, with regard to adult male priests. It seems he has developed a penchant for "The holy Rod" and finds himself trying out for the church choir and other church functions in order to seduce the local clergyman.

Rusty is what is known in the fetish world as a Jesus Junkie. In a pathetic attempt to become closer to God, Jesus junkies flock to sexually deviant priests, like pre-teen girls to an N-Synch concert.
 
Tank316

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As has been previously noted, Tank316 is a bisexual male stripper who works out of a Montreal club. Tank, has pursued many body enhancement methods in order to remain the most requested performer for his preferred clientelle; Homosexual Male Fisting and Torture Stag Parties.

Basically, Tank's "act" consists of him entering the room, stripping down to a thong, and then allowing however many men are at the party to violently fist him, or any other form of sexual deviance they see fit. As a result of this constant abuse, his body has begun to deteriorate. He recently went to a Mexican street doctor, to get buttock implants......extra firm.

No word on how the surgery went as of yet.
 
Cronno1000

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Cronno is one of those special kids that need to wear a helmet for thier own protection. After years of finding items of nefarious sexual purposes in his mother's room, Cronno now repeatedly slams his head on walls in an attempt to destroy the mental images planted there. Often viewed as mentally retarded because of the safety gear, Cronno is quite intelligent, but school administrators have placed him in the "special ed" class anyway.

Cronno can be often seen with his "girlfriend" Titanya (awwww how cute) re-enacting the various deviant sexual practices of his mother. Other times he will yell innapropriately for no apparent reason. His favourite time for this practice is during the quiet reading time in class. While the other students are reading Dr. Seuss quietly, Cronno will stand up and shout "Anal Beads!!!" or "Nipple Clamp!!!"

Notice the red eyes, Cronno is heavily sedated with Ritalin in an attempt at treatment.
 
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