When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know,take it out on someone you don't know. I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number & dialled it.
A man answered , saying "Hello." I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robin Carter?"
Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the ' wrong ' number again. The same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!" and hung up.
I wrote down his number with the word 'asshole' next to it and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying the bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him and yell "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.
When 'caller ID' came to our area, I thought my theraputic 'asshole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you are familiar with our caller ID program?" He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back & said, "That's because you're an asshole!"
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn & yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window so I wrote down his number. A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole, ( I had his number on speed dial ) I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole too. I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?" "Yes it is" he said."Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked. "Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and the car's parked right out in the front."
-"What's your name?" I asked.
-"My name is Don Hansen" he said.
-"When's a good time to catch you Don?"
-"I'm home every evening after five."
-"Listen Don, can I tell you something?"
-"Yes?"
-"Don, you're an asshole!" Then I hung up & added his number to my speed dial. Now when I had a bad day, I had two assholes to call.
Then I came up with an idea. I called asshole #1.
-"You're an asshole!" ( but I didn't hang up. )
-"Are you still there?" he asked.
-"Yeah" I said.
-"Stop calling me !" he screamed.
-"Make me !" I said
-"Who are you?" he asked
-"My name is Don Hansen."
-"Yeah ? Where do you live?"
-"Asshole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house with my black Beamer parked in front."
He said " I'm coming over right now Don, and you had better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole!"
Then I called asshole #2. "Hello?" he said.
-"Hello , asshole!" I said
-"He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are."
-"You'll what?" I said.
-"I'll kick your ass !" he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1802 West 34th Street & that I was on my way home to kill my gay lover. Then I called channel 13 News about the gang war going down on West 34th Street.
I quickly got into my car & headed over to 34th street. There I saw two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter & a news crew.
Anger management does work !
A man answered , saying "Hello." I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robin Carter?"
Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the ' wrong ' number again. The same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!" and hung up.
I wrote down his number with the word 'asshole' next to it and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying the bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him and yell "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.
When 'caller ID' came to our area, I thought my theraputic 'asshole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you are familiar with our caller ID program?" He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back & said, "That's because you're an asshole!"
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn & yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window so I wrote down his number. A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole, ( I had his number on speed dial ) I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole too. I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?" "Yes it is" he said."Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked. "Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and the car's parked right out in the front."
-"What's your name?" I asked.
-"My name is Don Hansen" he said.
-"When's a good time to catch you Don?"
-"I'm home every evening after five."
-"Listen Don, can I tell you something?"
-"Yes?"
-"Don, you're an asshole!" Then I hung up & added his number to my speed dial. Now when I had a bad day, I had two assholes to call.
Then I came up with an idea. I called asshole #1.
-"You're an asshole!" ( but I didn't hang up. )
-"Are you still there?" he asked.
-"Yeah" I said.
-"Stop calling me !" he screamed.
-"Make me !" I said
-"Who are you?" he asked
-"My name is Don Hansen."
-"Yeah ? Where do you live?"
-"Asshole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house with my black Beamer parked in front."
He said " I'm coming over right now Don, and you had better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole!"
Then I called asshole #2. "Hello?" he said.
-"Hello , asshole!" I said
-"He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are."
-"You'll what?" I said.
-"I'll kick your ass !" he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1802 West 34th Street & that I was on my way home to kill my gay lover. Then I called channel 13 News about the gang war going down on West 34th Street.
I quickly got into my car & headed over to 34th street. There I saw two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter & a news crew.
Anger management does work !
