Can I lay in it for a sec?
I havent really talked at length to anybody about this yet, except for the people that already know what happened, which is my mom, me, my dad, and my roommate.
So.
My parents are divorced, have been since I was a child. since my teenage years, my dad hasnt really played a role in my life. Not a big deal, not having a dad has been part of my life for my whole life, so thats not what im even having emotions about. he lives in idaho, for the record
I have lived in a small town in california my entire life, and I moved to buffalo minnesota about 3 weeks ago, and I've been planning this move for close to three months.
all my friends, and my mom's side of the family all know.
however, NOBODY on my dad's side knows, not even him, up until yesterday.
My entire dads side of the family has been convinced that Ive been attending a junior college twenty minutes north of where I lived in california, and normally that facade would be easy to maintain, however, my dad has been planning and organizing family hunts, which has somewhat put a stress on the whole pretending that Im going to school in california thing.
My dad has been calling me a lot recently, because of the hunts, and it started basically right after I decided I was moving, so I've been telling him that ive been attending said jr. college. Right when dove season started, I joined my dads side of the family on a huge hunt, and was only able to make it to the afternoon portion of it, because I had to work. I lied to every single person there, and was luckily able to silence my drunk cousin who almost said it in front of the whole group.
And this probably wouldnt be a huge deal, if I didnt expect to be ridiculed and berated by the whole group, since Im doing something "different" and "unexpected". if it were a simple teasing, I wouldnt mind, however, not only would they ridicule me, they would all (excluding those of the same generation as myself, who understand) be furious with me, my dad the most.
so that went on, I was able to attend that, but then my dad put together a 3 day long chucker and pheasant hunt, which is happening this coming thursday, about a month after I drove away from california.
hes been telling me what days to get off, and the day before yesterday, called me to tell me what guns and chokes to bring. I told him of course, and continued to bullshit him, even telling him how my classes were.
The following evening, I called to wish my stepmother a happy birthday, and tell them all I hoped they had fun. I found out the house number, and waited about half an hour after they left to leave a message telling him on the phone, telling him I had moved to Minnesota three weeks ago, and that I was sorry for lying to him, and that I was too scared to tell him, because I thought he would ridicule me in front of the family, and be mad at me. I really just didnt want to put up with his bullshit, to be honest. And frankly, I didnt feel I owed him anything. I still dont. If it wouldnt have cost him money, and therefor cost me money to pay him back, I probably wouldnt have even told him.
I got a voicemail on my phone the next day, he was crying, and told me that although he didnt always agree with what I was doing, I am still his son.
Strange things to hear from a man who spent 23 years in the marines, 2 tours in the first gulf war flying a combat huey, cheated on my mother dozens of times, and lied to her about not coming home to her, my handicapped sister, and myself, only an infant at the time, saying that he had to pull some long hours at the base. I apparantly have a half brother in san diego, also. Throughout my life, he has done little but degrade my self-esteem, be emotionally unavailable, and send me useless crap that he doesnt want anymore, in an attempt to feel like hes "giving me something"
I havent called him back yet, and dont intend to. Not sure what I want to do.
To be honest, it felt good to hear him cry, also. Im not sure what I think about that, either.
I havent really talked at length to anybody about this yet, except for the people that already know what happened, which is my mom, me, my dad, and my roommate.
So.
My parents are divorced, have been since I was a child. since my teenage years, my dad hasnt really played a role in my life. Not a big deal, not having a dad has been part of my life for my whole life, so thats not what im even having emotions about. he lives in idaho, for the record
I have lived in a small town in california my entire life, and I moved to buffalo minnesota about 3 weeks ago, and I've been planning this move for close to three months.
all my friends, and my mom's side of the family all know.
however, NOBODY on my dad's side knows, not even him, up until yesterday.
My entire dads side of the family has been convinced that Ive been attending a junior college twenty minutes north of where I lived in california, and normally that facade would be easy to maintain, however, my dad has been planning and organizing family hunts, which has somewhat put a stress on the whole pretending that Im going to school in california thing.
My dad has been calling me a lot recently, because of the hunts, and it started basically right after I decided I was moving, so I've been telling him that ive been attending said jr. college. Right when dove season started, I joined my dads side of the family on a huge hunt, and was only able to make it to the afternoon portion of it, because I had to work. I lied to every single person there, and was luckily able to silence my drunk cousin who almost said it in front of the whole group.
And this probably wouldnt be a huge deal, if I didnt expect to be ridiculed and berated by the whole group, since Im doing something "different" and "unexpected". if it were a simple teasing, I wouldnt mind, however, not only would they ridicule me, they would all (excluding those of the same generation as myself, who understand) be furious with me, my dad the most.
so that went on, I was able to attend that, but then my dad put together a 3 day long chucker and pheasant hunt, which is happening this coming thursday, about a month after I drove away from california.
hes been telling me what days to get off, and the day before yesterday, called me to tell me what guns and chokes to bring. I told him of course, and continued to bullshit him, even telling him how my classes were.
The following evening, I called to wish my stepmother a happy birthday, and tell them all I hoped they had fun. I found out the house number, and waited about half an hour after they left to leave a message telling him on the phone, telling him I had moved to Minnesota three weeks ago, and that I was sorry for lying to him, and that I was too scared to tell him, because I thought he would ridicule me in front of the family, and be mad at me. I really just didnt want to put up with his bullshit, to be honest. And frankly, I didnt feel I owed him anything. I still dont. If it wouldnt have cost him money, and therefor cost me money to pay him back, I probably wouldnt have even told him.
I got a voicemail on my phone the next day, he was crying, and told me that although he didnt always agree with what I was doing, I am still his son.
Strange things to hear from a man who spent 23 years in the marines, 2 tours in the first gulf war flying a combat huey, cheated on my mother dozens of times, and lied to her about not coming home to her, my handicapped sister, and myself, only an infant at the time, saying that he had to pull some long hours at the base. I apparantly have a half brother in san diego, also. Throughout my life, he has done little but degrade my self-esteem, be emotionally unavailable, and send me useless crap that he doesnt want anymore, in an attempt to feel like hes "giving me something"
I havent called him back yet, and dont intend to. Not sure what I want to do.
To be honest, it felt good to hear him cry, also. Im not sure what I think about that, either.
....
