# funny crackhead stories



## heckler7 (Jun 6, 2012)

what are some of the crazy stories they tell you for a dollar.

I had a guy in Oakland begging for some money a few weeks ago, he said " I just missed my flight and need money for gas", while he was holding his bicycle.


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## withoutrulers (Jun 6, 2012)

lols


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## withoutrulers (Jun 6, 2012)

This wasn't told to me so much as I witnessed it happen. I worked with a guy who was addicted to both crack and heroin. He started getting really bad with his addiction. Toward the end of his working tenure, he started offering blow jobs to other employees. His last night working with me, he went across the street on lunch break and robbed a convenience store only to get busted right in the parking lot. He apparently didn't see the cop car sitting on the other side of the store.


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## heckler7 (Jun 6, 2012)

withoutrulers said:


> This wasn't told to me so much as I witnessed it happen. I worked with a guy who was addicted to both crack and heroin. He started getting really bad with his addiction. Toward the end of his working tenure, he started offering blow jobs to other employees. His last night working with me, he went across the street on lunch break and robbed a convenience store only to get busted right in the parking lot. He apparently didn't see the cop car sitting on the other side of the store.


this right here is a perfect example of how drugs addicts develop tunnel vision


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## FUZO (Jun 6, 2012)

Well I had a best friend who died of cancer at 25 and his brother is a crack head and he's the one that should of left this earth not my best friend. He's 50 still smokin and its disgusting. He has been in prison several times and just comes out after years to smoke up again that night he got released after being in there 3 years now thats fuk'd up


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## DOMS (Jun 6, 2012)

withoutrulers said:


> This wasn't told to me so much as I witnessed it happen. I worked with a guy who was addicted to both crack and heroin. He started getting really bad with his addiction. Toward the end of his working tenure, he started offering blow jobs to other employees. His last night working with me, he went across the street on lunch break and robbed a convenience store only to get busted right in the parking lot. He apparently didn't see the cop car sitting on the other side of the store.



I'm sorry, man, but I must doubt the validity of your story. I mean, several people here have mentioned that drugs aren't really that bad. It only brings puppies and love and shit...


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## ebn2002 (Jun 6, 2012)

I could write a book, but my favorite is when they say they need bus fare to get home.  I always tell them how stupid they are for leaving home without enough money to get back, but they just change lies to my car done broke down and I need $5 for gas.  Then I roll some quarters down the street and watch them chase after em.  Kinda entertaining.


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## Little Wing (Jun 6, 2012)

vanity said he saw a guy the other day with a sign that said too ugly for prostitution, he thought it was funny so he gave him some money.

here there has been an unbelievable rise in violent crimes. i heard a bunch of sirens a couple nights ago and a guy was stabbed 5 times on his walk home after work. 2 other bodies were found with stab wounds recently. shit is getting fucked up.


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## ALBOB (Jun 6, 2012)

FUZO said:


> Well I had a best friend who died of cancer at 25 and his brother is a crack head and he's the one that should of left this earth not my best friend. He's 50 still smokin and its disgusting. He has been in prison several times and just comes out after years to smoke up again that night he got released after being in there 3 years now thats fuk'd up



Go re-read the thread title.  These stories are supposed to be FUNNY.


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## Little Wing (Jun 6, 2012)

oh funny story. i'm not observant and walked right by it twice this morning without noticing...

not so funny story... there is blood all over the lower entry steps to my apt where someone tried to break in last night. shit is getting real. time to buy a gun. we have an open carry permitted with no permit policy in Maine. come at me bro. 

i said to the cop,"are you going to take a sample?" adding,"there's dna in the blood"

he said, "this isn't csi, we need a suspect first."

i said, "I SUSPECT someone tried to break in..."


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## Little Wing (Jun 6, 2012)

i asked the cop if it's true you can open carry with no permit he said, "yes but the problem is you open carry we get 20 calls."

i asked how hard it is to get a concealed carry permit.... it's not hard. LOVE Maine.


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## Little Wing (Jun 6, 2012)

fuck you crackheads. and bath salt use should be an automatic 10 years. this shit really isn't funny. human garbage.


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## IronAddict (Jun 6, 2012)

Man, where I grew up that stuff was an epidemic. I've seen crackheads going through dealers pockets after they were shot dead, and those phuqers knew each other.

I've seen guys be buddy buddy with people and then rob them at night.

I've been asked for 50.00 bucks, so they can go buy more crack.

But crackheads may be filthy, smelly and have no character, but they never, ever resorted to cannibalism.


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## dirtbiker666 (Jun 6, 2012)

No stories but I can say Is I get a lot of "crack head specials". Brand new bofelx and Iphone 4 the other day for 140 bucks. Brand new 8 piece power tool set for 50 bucks. E36 vader seats and a craftsmen tool kit for 25.00 bucks really can't beat it. Tons of more stuff Just can't remember.


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## maniclion (Jun 6, 2012)

I stay away from drug abusers, can't stand them mucking it up for everyone else, deal with your daddy issues like everyone else and drink yourself to death....


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## heckler7 (Jun 6, 2012)

We had an eclispe the other day and the crackheads or homeless were tripping balls in santa monica. We stepped out onto the street to watch it at 4th and wilshire where alot of homeless people live. There was a really old guy with a big grey beard wearing only a black speedo playing catch thowing a tennis ball against the wall of a parking garage. At the same time a guy was walking down the sidewalk yelling at an amaginary person scaring the shit out of folks. My freind says " if shit gets and weirder I'm going back inside, right as he said it a shirtless guy on a bicycle goes speeding by wearing a 6 foot long foamy cowboy hat.


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## heckler7 (Jun 8, 2012)

I guess crack is whack, as much as I have to deal with crack heads, I thought other people would have a shit load of stories, I have hundreds of funny crackhead encounters.


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## heckler7 (Jun 8, 2012)

I stopped in Compton for gas late at night, as soon as a pull up to the pump 2 crackheads walk over. one guy has some cassette tapes for sale, I asked what do you got, he only had whodini I laughed and said where the hell did you get 10 whodini cassettes sorry I have a cd player anyway. Second guy says you wanna buy some shirts, he had hyper color shirts, I laughed and said that shit went out of style in the 80's no thanks. Crackheads will try to sell you anything


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## withoutrulers (Jun 8, 2012)

who the fuck is whodini? Did they rob a flea market?


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## heckler7 (Jun 8, 2012)

Whodini- Friends - YouTube


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## SloppyJ (Jun 8, 2012)

No black people where I live. 


LW, get your carry permit. Best thing ever! Then find something that is comfortable to carry. I know running around with a .45 sounds fun.... until you actually do it.


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## KelJu (Jun 8, 2012)

There was a creepy guy who lived in my dorm building for a semester who was apparently addicted to meth and crack. He offered numerous people blowjobs for $10 including myself and my roommate. I knew my university was a piece of shit, but I living 5 doors down from a gay crackwhore was just too much. Almost everyone in the complex reported the guy to the RA, and it still took 2 months before they kicked him out of the building. 

Not the most entertaining story, but at least it is true.


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## heckler7 (Jun 8, 2012)

damn I'm sorry you guys, I had no idea crackheads outside of california were so lame.


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## Little Wing (Jun 8, 2012)

there's a story in the bangor daily about one of the stabbings that happened here lately. a cop is quoted as saying, "this isn't csi..." lol

i wonder if that's like the most common cop line ever now.


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## heckler7 (Jun 8, 2012)

old lady comes up to me asking for some change, I have on an independent shirt and she says " you know you wear the sign of the devil" with an english accent. I said its actually the sign of our president who is the anti christ sent here to take over the world for the devils return. She froze and gasp. As I walked to my truck she mumbled " your the smartest person I ever met"


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## maniclion (Jun 8, 2012)

Little Wing said:


> there's a story in the bangor daily about one of the stabbings that happened here lately. a cop is quoted as saying, "this isn't csi..." lol
> 
> i wonder if that's like the most common cop line ever now.



It is, I've had 3 cops say it to me on 3 different occasions.  It's like your asking them to do their job or something...

They'll use all the tech in the world to bust weed growers, but if you mention fingerprints, dna or partial license plate with make and model of a car after you get robbed they bust out the "this isn't CSI" rap...  I see someone smoking weed so what, someone steals from me or someone I know you feel invaded and threatened.  They need to get priorities straight pot smokers are not higher on the priorities list than thieves. How about some mandatory minimums for them instead?


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## dirtwarrior (Jun 9, 2012)

these stories are epic


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## heckler7 (Jun 9, 2012)

I was coming out of Dennys in Oakland and a black guy has his hand to his ear like hes on a cell phone but he clearly had no phone in his hand, he was pacing back and forth talking to himself. he sees me walking to my truck and starts to approach me, when he gets close he claps his hands together like its magic and the phone is gone or maybe imagining its a flip phone, but skips pretending to put it in his pocket. then he said "yo yo yo I gotta do this deal, you got change for the bus?" I handed him some change and said you should call your freind for a ride.


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## syed2011 (Jun 14, 2012)

I thought this thread contains posts which are funny but i guess it totally messed up !


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