# Women's Rules for Blow Jobs



## Rusty (Sep 4, 2008)

*sent to me by my wife*

1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.

2. Extension to rule #1-- So if you get one, be grateful.

3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it's not standard practice to come on someone's face.

4. Extension to rule #3 -- No, I DON'T have to swallow.

5. My ears are not handles,

6. Extension to rule #5 -- don't push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really want puke on your dick?

7. I don't care how relaxed you get, it is NEVER okay to fart.

8. Having my period doesn't mean it's "hummer week," Get it through your head -- I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just because you can't have sex right now.

9. Extension to #8 -- "Blue Balls" might have worked in high school. But if you're really that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol.

10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked" it for you.

11. Leaving me in bed while you play video games immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you'd like to get another blow job in the future.

12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're good at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude.

13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about the protein content.

14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.

15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut.

16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up doesn't mean I have to "kiss it good morning."


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## FishOrCutBait (Sep 4, 2008)

Dear women.

You are only a rib's worth of us so you dont get entitled to rules, or to bitch.


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## BulkMeUp (Sep 4, 2008)

Rusty said:


> 5. My ears are not handles,
> 
> 13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about the protein content.
> 
> ...


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## maniclion (Sep 4, 2008)

If their ears aren't handles then why do some of them wear the easy-grip hoops in them?
I've had a few where I just laid back on the couch and channel surfed the whole time, I'm telling you those are the best ones....


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## bio-chem (Sep 4, 2008)

FishOrCutBait said:


> Dear women.
> 
> You are only a rib's worth of us so you dont get entitled to rules, or to bitch.



if LW sees this post she is going to murder you


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## maniclion (Sep 4, 2008)

bio-chem said:


> if LW sees this post she is going to murder you


Naw, but Jodi will....


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## Rusty (Sep 4, 2008)

maniclion said:


> Naw, but Jodi will....



Na, She has seen it before.  It's not new.  Just thought I'd start it over again!!!


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## NeilPearson (Sep 4, 2008)

Of course you have to swallow... and lick it all clean after.

And yes you are obligated.  If you don't want to and if you don't like it, I will find someone who does.


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## FishOrCutBait (Sep 4, 2008)

bio-chem said:


> if LW sees this post she is going to murder you



she knows I am kidding.


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## I Are Baboon (Sep 4, 2008)

whatever chick wrote that is too high maintenance.


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## Witchblade (Sep 4, 2008)

I Are Baboon said:


> whatever chick wrote that is too high maintenance.


Yeah, she sucks. Or doesn't, which also blows.


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## Little Wing (Sep 4, 2008)

rule 17. if we are in the 69 position during said blowjob many of the aforementioned rules are negotiable...


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## TexanTA1996 (Sep 4, 2008)

If a girl who was such a sexual prude even existed, she wouldn't have a boyfriend very long.


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## Little Wing (Sep 4, 2008)

FishOrCutBait said:


> she knows I am kidding.



funny women are a missing rib and being in a guys arms held close to where we supposedly originate from feels like home.... 

ps. i never went to Montreal before but it felt like home...


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## Goodfella9783 (Sep 4, 2008)

Damn grabbing a chicks ears while getting dome would just be weird. I've never heard of anyone doing that.


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## maniclion (Sep 4, 2008)

_10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked" it for you.

_If she can get far enough down on me to get a pube in her teeth then I ain't complaining


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## FishOrCutBait (Sep 4, 2008)

Little Wing said:


> funny women are a missing rib and being in a guys arms held close to where we supposedly originate from feels like home....
> 
> ps. i never went to Montreal before but it felt like home...



thats the sweetest thing I have heard all day, hands down


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## MuscleSportMag (Sep 6, 2008)

*Men's Rules for Blow Jobs*

Men's Rules for Blow Jobs:

1- Accept them


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## Crono1000 (Sep 6, 2008)

I got one today.  Just chiming in


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## fufu (Sep 7, 2008)

man, whoever wrote that is really bitter.


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## fufu (Sep 7, 2008)

Crono1000 said:


> I got one today.  Just chiming in


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## Little Wing (Sep 7, 2008)

FishOrCutBait said:


> thats the sweetest thing I have heard all day, hands down


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## TexanTA1996 (Sep 7, 2008)

fufu said:


> man, whoever wrote that is really bitter.



Whoever wrote that probably doesn't even have a guy to blow.


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## Witmaster (Sep 7, 2008)

Funny thing....

I've known both types. Women who CAN'T STAND the thought of Fellatio and others who love it.

The truth is... if you're a woman who enjoys sex with a man, you really need to understand that this is probably one of the most effective ways to get your "soldier" to stand at attention (if you know what I mean).

But then... we have a sexual health forum to discuss such strategies.


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