# Worst time to get a boner.....



## min0 lee (Jun 14, 2007)

Discuss.


----------



## oaktownboy (Jun 14, 2007)

church


----------



## squanto (Jun 14, 2007)




----------



## fufu (Jun 14, 2007)

In high school biology, sitting next to the hottest girl in your class, where the teacher tells everyone to stand up and join hands to simulate a molecule.


----------



## maxpro2 (Jun 14, 2007)

Kneeling in front of the body at a wake.


----------



## AKIRA (Jun 14, 2007)

In high school getting a hard on was kinda embarrasing.  Nowadays, I think it would be hilarious.

Id be more embarrassed to get a hard on and no one noticed.


----------



## Scarface30 (Jun 14, 2007)

^lol very true...going up front to do a presentation in class. get the ol' tuck-n-fold trick going there...

not that it has actually happened...


----------



## Bakerboy (Jun 14, 2007)

When you are getting tested at the std clinic and you realize that you dated the woman sticking you with the swab. lol


----------



## the nut (Jun 14, 2007)

While getting an ultrasound on my balls, that was an interesting conversation!


----------



## soxmuscle (Jun 14, 2007)

When I had to sit in the car for ten minutes saying I didn't feel good when my mom dropped me off at work.


----------



## MCx2 (Jun 14, 2007)

At the gym when I'm wearing basketball shorts....


----------



## Little Wing (Jun 14, 2007)

squanto said:


>


----------



## BoneCrusher (Jun 14, 2007)

In 7th grade I was ordered to stand up and write on the chalk board.  I had a big tent in my pants.  Not good times ... but funny as hell now.


----------



## Gazhole (Jun 14, 2007)

I should think the worst time would be in a competition to see who could not get a boner for the longest while getting a lapdance from some hot chick. The prize is $4,000,000. If you get a boner you lose.

That would suck.

I doubt itll happen again though. Ill never find another golden condom


----------



## Rubes (Jun 14, 2007)

wrestling my best friends sister at wrestling practice


----------



## danny81 (Jun 15, 2007)

^^^^^lol that would suck and probably hurt to if yu landed wrong.


----------



## NeilPearson (Jun 15, 2007)

Rubes said:


> wrestling my best friends sister at wrestling practice



At least it wasn't wrestling a dude during some major televised wrestling event.  Now that would really suck


----------



## danny81 (Jun 15, 2007)

lol. yah


----------



## min0 lee (Jun 15, 2007)

There was this kid who was at a bus stop who had a boner and he accidently bumped into this bullie who hates him, the bully got pissed at the boner boy and took out a knife ....boner boy ducks and cracked the bully in the jaw, the bully then falls on his boner which connects with his throat.
The bully is taking Danny er..um....Boner boy to court.


----------



## maniclion (Jun 15, 2007)

min0 lee said:


> There was this kid who was at a bus stop who had a boner and he accidently bumped into this bullie who hates him, the bully got pissed at the boner boy and took out a knife ....boner boy ducks and cracked the bully in the jaw, the bully then falls on his boner which connects with his throat.
> The bully is taking Danny er..um....Boner boy to court.


In our next episode, Danny the Boner Boy and the Prison Shower....duhn duh DUHNNNNNN!


----------



## min0 lee (Jun 15, 2007)

maniclion said:


> In our next episode, Danny the Boner Boy and the Prison Shower....duhn duh DUHNNNNNN!


----------



## Goodfella9783 (Jun 15, 2007)

One of my buddies in junior high was the class clown type. He used to get wood in the same class every afternoon and stand up while the teacher wasn't looking and do what he called the "forbidden dance." He'd move his boner around just using his dong muscles I guess and his pants would move up and down and around and the class would crack up, the girls would be like oh my god. It was pretty damn funny just cause this kid would do the most absurd shit to make people laugh.


----------



## maniclion (Jun 15, 2007)

Goodfella9783 said:


> One of my buddies in junior high was the class clown type. He used to get wood in the same class every afternoon and stand up while the teacher wasn't looking and do what he called the "forbidden dance." He'd move his boner around just using his dong muscles I guess and his pants would move up and down and around and the class would crack up, the girls would be like oh my god. It was pretty damn funny just cause this kid would do the most absurd shit to make people laugh.


My friend Jarvis would pull his out in class and thump it on his desk, the first time he did it the teacher had left and we were all reading quietly when we heard THUMP THUMP THUD everyone turned around and he was standing there acting like he was playing the drums....I threw the kid next to me's book at him trying to smash his dick...after that he would do it and we all knew what he was doing, the girls would always look and this one boy would look back.  EVerytime we would be like "You know exactly what's happening and you still look back you fag!"


----------



## Goodfella9783 (Jun 15, 2007)




----------



## MeatZatk (Jun 15, 2007)

spotting your partner during his bench


----------



## tallcall (Jun 15, 2007)

min0 lee said:


> There was this kid who was at a bus stop who had a boner and he accidently bumped into this bullie who hates him, the bully got pissed at the boner boy and took out a knife ....boner boy ducks and cracked the bully in the jaw, the bully then falls on his boner which connects with his throat.
> The bully is taking Danny er..um....Boner boy to court.



I.. can't.. breathe..!


----------



## KelJu (Jun 15, 2007)

How about in the gym, when I am in my stretchy shots for leg day, and I get a woody watching a chick do squats. Dame it, I had to run to my locker and grab my towel then walk into the showers and act like I was taking a shower until my woody went away.


----------



## KelJu (Jun 15, 2007)

fufu said:


> In high school biology, sitting next to the hottest girl in your class, where the teacher tells everyone to stand up and join hands to simulate a molecule.





Fuck, you made my spit cottage cheese all over my monitor.


----------



## Rubes (Jun 15, 2007)

danny81 said:


> ^^^^^lol that would suck and probably hurt to if yu landed wrong.



didnt have to worrie about that i was on top pulling a move that my coach likes to call the saturday night ride


----------



## Crono1000 (Jun 15, 2007)

I never got caught that I know of, but I was always boned in school.  I remember for some reason the pledge of alliegence first thing in the morning was a particularly boney time.  I'd be fine until it was time to stand up and I would "salute" the flag.  Also it happened alot right as my mom would drop me off for school.  Again, I'd hold my breath and concentrate to keep it away but as soon as we got to the stop I'd bone up.  I'd bend down for an extended time like i was having trouble getting my bookbag and numerous times I'd go "UUUUUuuuuuummm... I was going to say something.  I forgot what it was" so that I could stand crouching with my head in the car to give it time to go down.


----------



## Little Wing (Jun 16, 2007)

you guys do realize you're probably the only ones that realized what was happening?


----------



## Little Wing (Jun 16, 2007)

maniclion said:


> My friend Jarvis would pull his out in class and thump it on his desk, the first time he did it the teacher had left and we were all reading quietly when we heard THUMP THUMP THUD everyone turned around and he was standing there acting like he was playing the drums....I threw the kid next to me's book at him trying to smash his dick...after that he would do it and we all knew what he was doing, the girls would always look and this one boy would look back.  EVerytime we would be like "You know exactly what's happening and you still look back you fag!"




 and what did Jarvis grow up to be? drummer or pornstar?


----------



## Little Wing (Jun 16, 2007)

some guys i knew oncewere talking about a guy that would start fights in clubs n pop a boner while he was getting the shit kicked out of him.


----------



## maniclion (Jun 16, 2007)

I remember the bumpy bus ride to school and home would give me the most raging hard-ons....I thought I would outgrow that but one time, not long ago, I was on a crowded city bus and we'd hit a few potholes that sent my tool into a stand-up comedy bit, he really embarrassed me when an old lady got on the bus and no one was getting up for her so I just stood up and let her have my seat...and there I found myself standing with my little fella pointing at this girls head as I stood in the aisle of the bus.  We hit a pothole that made the bus sway side to side and her ear laid right into my crotch...I don't know what he whispered to her down there but she gave a side glance and then leaned forward in her seat a little...


----------



## Crono1000 (Jun 16, 2007)

maniclion said:


> I remember the bumpy bus ride to school and home would give me the most raging hard-ons....I thought I would outgrow that but one time, not long ago, I was on a crowded city bus and we'd hit a few potholes that sent my tool into a stand-up comedy bit, he really embarrassed me when an old lady got on the bus and no one was getting up for her so I just stood up and let her have my seat...and there I found myself standing with my little fella pointing at this girls head as I stood in the aisle of the bus.  We hit a pothole that made the bus sway side to side and her ear laid right into my crotch...I don't know what he whispered to her down there but she gave a side glance and then leaned forward in her seat a little...



no joke almost the exact same thing happened to me on a crowded public bus not too long ago.  It was a bit of morning wood + sitting at the back of the bus, and I was praying that it'd go down before my stop but it didn't.  Getting pass people to get off the bus felt like the big wheel in the price is right, with my dong as the little ticky bumper and other people's faces being the numbers.  It could have been my imagination but I picked up on some glances and snickers on the way out, but I was sitting back there with tanya so people probably thought we were fooling around in public so I kinda just took it as praise


----------



## juggernaut (Jun 16, 2007)

every morning on the bus going to school way back when, mr. winky used to rise when he'd see mrs. yontef's cleavage (goddamn she had big boobies). By the time I got to school, my magic wand would still be going. Couldnt stand up. Then i saw the bus aide and her beasty face scared the shit out of me and i was good.


----------



## fufu (Jun 16, 2007)

maniclion said:


> I remember the bumpy bus ride to school and home would give me the most raging hard-ons....I thought I would outgrow that but one time, not long ago, I was on a crowded city bus and we'd hit a few potholes that sent my tool into a stand-up comedy bit, he really embarrassed me when an old lady got on the bus and no one was getting up for her so I just stood up and let her have my seat...and there I found myself standing with my little fella pointing at this girls head as I stood in the aisle of the bus.  We hit a pothole that made the bus sway side to side and her ear laid right into my crotch...I don't know what he whispered to her down there but she gave a side glance and then leaned forward in her seat a little...



At school I would get boners on the bus coming back from the gym...I just strategically placed my gym bag in such a way to hide my trouser snake, the light sports shorts don't help either.


----------



## Plateau_Max (Jun 16, 2007)

Eddie Murphey put it the best in his standup bit... "remember back in school when your dick would just sort of stand up like it just wanted to see what's going on?" **stands with legs together and leans side to side pretending to be a boner** 

I had to laugh real good at that one when I heard it because it's such a hilarious TRUTH... I mean really a lot of times back in school it's like boners would just appear out of nowhere for no reason, I'd look down and hey guess what it's hard as hell.  Personally though, men thinking about sex every 6 seconds... I think it goes to around 80-100% of your thoughts if you're day dreaming which is probably why it happens most of the time in school.  Just coming into puberty and thinking about sex more often, given ample time to let your mind wander in class really supports setting yourself off.

On a side note, I'm eating grape tomatoes right now... man these things are tasty.


----------



## tallcall (Jun 16, 2007)

I had a particularly embarrassing one back in high school. This is a bit of a two parter. First, I was with my girlfriend at the time, walking home from school (we attended college classes while at high school, so this was well after everyone else got out). 

The second part is that it involved two guys who walked out of the gym in their underwear   right in front of us (this was right around the time I kind of discovered I was gay, so it was very interesting and embarrassing for me). 

I laugh about it now all the time though. It wasn't exactly like I had any chance to hide it or anything, I thought it was cool that the guys didn't care and didn't make a big deal about it (I was about a foot taller than both of them and I know I can be intimidating sometimes). I no real option but to finish the walk home with a bit of a tent. She didn't notice because she was too busy starring at both of them. Oh well, that's my embarrassing story.

Sorry for the really gay post, but it's the truth.


----------



## Little Wing (Jun 16, 2007)

am i the only girl reading these?


----------



## juggernaut (Jun 16, 2007)

what your nips never popped out of your shirt at an embarrassing time?


----------



## Little Wing (Jun 16, 2007)

yes. i got asked if i was cold a lot.


----------



## juggernaut (Jun 17, 2007)

I dont believe you. Show me some proof.





Little Wing said:


> yes. i got asked if i was cold a lot.


----------



## Little Wing (Jun 17, 2007)

there was proof in my gallery but i airbrushed them out.


----------



## Plateau_Max (Jun 17, 2007)

Now I'm going to be closely eyeing the boob shots in your pics for evidence of air brushing.


----------



## Little Wing (Jun 17, 2007)

it's the pic with the mountains in the background.


----------



## Fetusaurus Rex (Jun 17, 2007)

riding on the back of a motorcycle with another guy

Im pretty sure that would be a terrible time to get a boner....


----------



## juggernaut (Jun 18, 2007)

Fetusaurus Rex said:


> riding on the back of a motorcycle with another guy
> 
> Im pretty sure that would be a terrible time to get a boner....


----------



## Fetusaurus Rex (Jun 18, 2007)

juggernaut said:


>




hey sir, I seen a little vid with Craig Titus and some other guy and they were even in their spankies and they hopped on a bike together all homosexual like

and if one of them got a boner, it would be the worse thing to ever happen in the world


----------



## juggernaut (Jun 18, 2007)

you'd be correct on that.


----------



## Little Wing (Jun 18, 2007)

i'd think while you were getting a cavity search would be bad


----------



## maniclion (Jun 18, 2007)

Getting baptized, you wear a little white robe and tighty whiteys....after you get wet it's like a wet t-shirt contest.....

I almost got one while getting an X-ray, I was in a hospital gown and had to take off my boxers cause they had buttons on them and they didn't want them showing on the film...anyway I was laying flat on my back and the X-ray tech was a cute filipina girl, I had to fight with all my might as I watched my gown start to tent....luckily she was in the back room getting a cushion to wedge on my side to get the right angle for my left and right spine shots....


----------



## Double D (Jun 18, 2007)

While watching gay porn. (Atleast from a male perspective anyways).


----------



## fletcher6490 (Jun 18, 2007)

I used to have this Chiropractor that was smoking hott, so I would purposely make my appoints be the last of the evening so that her and I could possibly have some alone time together.  Well yeah, so in my fucked up head I would imagine the porno scene of how it would all go down while I was getting the heat massage shit all alone in the room.  Hahaha, then she would come back in the room after like 20 minutes and start flipping me around doing all that crazy shit.  You have no idea how "hard" it was for me to not pop a giant bone.  I went to her probably 20 times and every time  was the last appointment of the night and ever time I got no action...Go figure.  Then she moved to another town and I have not been to a Chiropractor since.


----------



## Witmaster (Jun 18, 2007)

In Marine Corps Basic Training.....

Sitting in nothing but a pair of white boxer shorts,  Stacked in a room a**holes to Elbows with 300 other young men....  Cute nurse with hypnotic eyes and intoxicating perfume...  Yea,   bad timing.


----------



## fletcher6490 (Jun 18, 2007)

Witmaster said:


> In Marine Corps Basic Training.....
> 
> Sitting in nothing but a pair of white boxer shorts,  Stacked in a room a**holes to Elbows with 300 other young men....  Cute nurse with hypnotic eyes and intoxicating perfume...  Yea,   bad timing.





> had a particularly embarrassing one back in high school. This is a bit of a two parter. First, I was with my girlfriend at the time, walking home from school (we attended college classes while at high school, so this was well after everyone else got out).
> 
> The second part is that it involved two guys who walked out of the gym in their underwear right in front of us (this was right around the time I kind of discovered I was gay, so it was very interesting and embarrassing for me).
> 
> I laugh about it now all the time though. It wasn't exactly like I had any chance to hide it or anything, I thought it was cool that the guys didn't care and didn't make a big deal about it (I was about a foot taller than both of them and I know I can be intimidating sometimes). I no real option but to finish the walk home with a bit of a tent. She didn't notice because she was too busy starring at both of them. Oh well, that's my embarrassing story.



This guy came out Wit, you don't have to be shy.  We don't judge...


----------



## Fetusaurus Rex (Jun 19, 2007)

while reading these stories about homosexual times to get a boner


----------



## tallcall (Jun 19, 2007)

fletcher6490 said:


> This guy came out Wit, you don't have to be shy.  We don't judge...



I was the one who made that second quote. You guys are awesome, I don't have any stranger (but true) stories that that one.


----------



## Plateau_Max (Jun 19, 2007)

I was having kind of a confidence "issue" a few months back.  It was an issue where I sort of had... A LOT OF IT.

I was in a quick trip (popular gas stations in Wichita) and I was talking to the girl behind the counter just making my exchange buying gas and some beef jerky.  She noticed about the same time I did that *my penis was getting HARD*, to which my comment was "yeah you might wanna ugly yourself up a bit next time so this doesn't happen"

She laughs akwardly
I laugh akwardly
I reach in and adjust myself
I leave...


----------



## Fetusaurus Rex (Jun 19, 2007)

Plateau_Max said:


> I was having kind of a confidence "issue" a few months back.  It was an issue where I sort of had... A LOT OF IT.
> 
> I was in a quick trip (popular gas stations in Wichita) and I was talking to the girl behind the counter just making my exchange buying gas and some beef jerky.  *She noticed about the same time I did that my monster was trying to come out from under the bed*, to which my comment was "yeah you might wanna ugly yourself up a bit next time so this doesn't happen"
> 
> ...




were you in bed? or at a gas station?


----------



## Plateau_Max (Jun 19, 2007)

There I fixed it for you.  Read it again.


----------



## Fetusaurus Rex (Jun 19, 2007)

Plateau_Max said:


> There I fixed it for you.  Read it again.




for me?

you shouldnt have...


----------



## the nut (Jun 19, 2007)

maniclion said:


> I threw the kid next to me's book at him trying to smash his dick



Dude, you can lose your man license for that.


----------



## zombul (Jun 19, 2007)

min0 lee said:


> Discuss.



At the two hour and thirty six minute mark of mom and dads home made porn clips.


----------



## the nut (Jun 19, 2007)

maniclion said:


> I remember the bumpy bus ride to school and home would give me the most raging hard-ons.




How about rollercoaster rides, those were the best!


----------



## Little Wing (Jun 19, 2007)

zombul said:


> At the two hour and thirty six minute mark of mom and dads home made porn clips.



this one requires an explanation.


----------



## Little Wing (Jun 19, 2007)

when you are vanessa del rio and you are at the beach in a tiny little white bikini.


----------



## The Monkey Man (Jun 19, 2007)

Mens Lockeroom/shower at any gym
Very embarrassing if you are not ghey...


And I love the gays...  just not like that -


----------



## zombul (Jun 20, 2007)

Little Wing said:


> this one requires an explanation.



I was fine at the two hour and thirty five minute mark


----------



## danny81 (Jun 20, 2007)

there was some gay kid in my gym class and when we are changing he gets a boner. we didnt think he was really gay, but it turns out he is. he left the school because of all the constant disses and getting his ass kicked everyday. but yah getting a boner in a male gym changing room is bad.


----------



## Little Wing (Jun 20, 2007)

zombul said:


> I was fine at the two hour and thirty five minute mark



you really watched your parent's home made porn? if you did you deserve like a nerves of steel medal or something


----------



## tallcall (Jun 20, 2007)

danny81 said:


> there was some gay kid in my gym class and when we are changing he gets a boner. we didnt think he was really gay, but it turns out he is. he left the school because of all the constant disses and getting his ass kicked everyday. but yah getting a boner in a male gym changing room is bad.



That's the truth, and it's also the reason I always hated locker rooms.


----------



## zombul (Jun 20, 2007)

Little Wing said:


> you really watched your parent's home made porn? if you did you deserve like a nerves of steel medal or something



Ok let me clear this up real quick before it gets carried away,that was completly meant in a sarcastic manner and is not true at all.But it would be a bad time though.


----------



## Fetusaurus Rex (Jun 20, 2007)

while watching a gay parade go down the street


----------



## danny81 (Jun 20, 2007)

^^^^^^^^LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

BTW tall call why didnt you just change in the girls locker room?


----------



## Minotaur (Jun 20, 2007)

Fetusaurus Rex said:


> while watching a gay parade go down the street



No such a bad thing if you're gay and in the midst of gay men... it's not so unusual.

If if you're not gay you could wind up having friends up the ass.


----------



## Little Wing (Jun 20, 2007)

zombul said:


> Ok let me clear this up real quick before it gets carried away,that was completly meant in a sarcastic manner and is not true at all.But it would be a bad time though.




i actually read a post where someone recognized their parents on a vcr porn tape. i think it was on here. can you say scarred for life.


----------



## tallcall (Jun 20, 2007)

danny81 said:


> ^^^^^^^^LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
> 
> BTW tall call why didnt you just change in the girls locker room?



Then everyone would have known, remember I kept it as buried as I could for a loooong time. I just stayed away from locker rooms in general (my school did not  require p.e. classes, but I took one or two in the beginning anyways - I know stupid).

By the way danny, I understand that it is uncomfortable to talk about this, so let me say that I in no way intend to come off as some weak a**hole (I can't really stand the femine gay guys and am very masculine myself, I hate the prissy ones you always see on tv!!!). Also I will answer any questions as honestly as I can since I am still going through all of this in my therapy sessions. Next step, getting out and meeting people.


----------



## maniclion (Jun 20, 2007)

While giving your mom, dad, sister, brother....another man the Heimlich...


----------



## min0 lee (Jun 20, 2007)

tallcall said:


> Then everyone would have known, remember I kept it as buried as I could for a loooong time. I just stayed away from locker rooms in general (my school did not require p.e. classes, but I took one or two in the beginning anyways - I know stupid).
> 
> By the way danny, I understand that it is uncomfortable to talk about this, so let me say that I in no way intend to come off as some weak a**hole (I can't really stand the femine gay guys and am very masculine myself, I hate the prissy ones you always see on tv!!!). Also I will answer any questions as honestly as I can since I am still going through all of this in my therapy sessions. Next step, getting out and meeting people.


More power to you.


----------



## Witmaster (Jun 20, 2007)

fletcher6490 said:


> This guy came out Wit, you don't have to be shy.  We don't judge...


Did I mention the nurses name was 'Brad' and he's a Scorpio from Long Island.....


----------



## tallcall (Jun 21, 2007)

Witmaster said:


> Did I mention the nurses name was 'Brad' and he's a Scorpio from Long Island.....



Yeah, you gotta love those male nurses. Seriously, my Uncle started as a nurse in the Navy in the 70's and ended up administering the Naval hospital at Gitmo for many years (I forgot how many) until his retirement.


----------



## Plateau_Max (Jun 21, 2007)

The only thing I don't like about male nurses is when I get one while I'm in the hospital.... grrr.  It's like when my friend and I went to a resturaunt one time and it was nothing but REALLY HOT waitresses, but we got the ONE waiter.  It ended up being okay 'cause he was real cool and was telling us which of the girls were single and what not


----------



## min0 lee (Jun 21, 2007)

tallcall said:


> Yeah, you gotta love those male nurses. Seriously, my Uncle started as a nurse in the Navy in the 70's and ended up administering the Naval hospital at Gitmo for many years (I forgot how many) until his retirement.


Male nurse.....Navy.......this must run in the family.


----------



## tallcall (Jun 21, 2007)

min0 lee said:


> Male nurse.....Navy.......this must run in the family.



Yes, but don't tell him, I want it to be a surprise!


----------



## min0 lee (Jun 21, 2007)

tallcall said:


> Yes, but don't tell him, I want it to be a surprise!


Your going to suprise your uncle by telling him he's gay? He still doesn't have a clue yet?


----------



## tallcall (Jun 21, 2007)

min0 lee said:


> Your going to suprise your uncle by telling him he's gay? He still doesn't have a clue yet?



I just think we should keep it from his wife. I don't want her knowing he has a "mister"-ess.  

I'm only kidding of course.


----------



## min0 lee (Jun 21, 2007)

tallcall said:


> I just think we should keep it from his wife. I don't want her knowing he has a "mister"-ess.
> 
> I'm only kidding of course.


----------



## Rockhard2212 (Aug 31, 2010)

When you are getting surgery because one time I was getting surgery on my finger and i was in a hospital gown and i got a boner in pushed right through the buttons and the sexy female doctor was in the bathroom


----------



## vortrit (Aug 31, 2010)

AKIRA said:


> In high school getting a hard on was kinda embarrasing.  Nowadays, I think it would be hilarious.
> 
> Id be more embarrassed to get a hard on and no one noticed.



lawl!


----------



## Dark Geared God (Aug 31, 2010)

your making a speech to your men and your about to got into a hot zone


----------



## vortrit (Aug 31, 2010)

The Situation said:


> your making a speech to your men and your about to got into a hot zone



I always like sporting wood when going into a "hot zone"!


----------



## Dark Geared God (Aug 31, 2010)

vortrit said:


> I always like sporting wood when going into a "hot zone"!


 not thats kind of hot zone...
\the bad kind


----------



## MDR (Aug 31, 2010)

zombul said:


> Ok let me clear this up real quick before it gets carried away,that was completly meant in a sarcastic manner and is not true at all.But it would be a bad time though.



Had a girlfriend show me Polaroid pictures (Yes, I'm that old) of her parents doing it when I was in high school.  I almost hurled right there.  She just thought it was funny.  Had to smoke two joints and drink a 1/2 bottle of JD just to get the images out of my head.  Can't even imagine seeing a video of my own parents.


----------



## KelJu (Aug 31, 2010)

I sported a rock solid boner during a massage. I was having really bad leg cramps, so I tried out deep tissue therapy. The chick was like 50, fat, and horrendously ugly, but when she started rubbing my groin, there was no stopping my dick from popping up like a jack in the box. I was embarrassed, because the chick was so old. I started laughing uncontrollably like someone pooted in church.


----------



## Dark Geared God (Aug 31, 2010)

MDR said:


> Had a girlfriend show me Polaroid pictures (Yes, I'm that old) of her parents doing it when I was in high school. I almost hurled right there. She just thought it was funny. Had to smoke two joints and drink a 1/2 bottle of JD just to get the images out of my head. Can't even imagine seeing a video of my own parents.


 
i don't know what to say but how's this....my aunt had this friend that stayed with her when i was in my teens she asked me to get to her dresser in drawer on top and get her check book..can remember why.. but i go in there and i find it it was at the bottom..also i saw a big white thing with a handle it was about 1 foot long and it was a rubber dick..the friend waalk in and laughed i said this looks like mine what is it used for ..she said really does it she said hmmmmm....when my anut walking in and said i could go play vid games now...side note my aunt like to party..after that day her friend would alway look at me funny i didn't know why until i was a little older true story..i look back now and its some funny shit


----------



## Curt James (Aug 31, 2010)

_ding ding ding_

"What is seconds before you pull into the parking lot at work?"


----------



## Curt James (Aug 31, 2010)

KelJu said:


> I sported a rock solid boner during a massage. I was having really bad leg cramps, so I tried out deep tissue therapy. The chick was like 50, fat, and horrendously ugly, but when she started rubbing my groin, there was no stopping my dick from popping up like a jack in the box. I was embarrassed, because the chick was so old. I started laughing uncontrollably like someone pooted in church.
> 
> _Last edited by KelJu; Today at 09:22 PM.. 					 					 				_



Hey! Spill the beans. What did you leave out???


----------



## MDR (Aug 31, 2010)

The Situation said:


> i don't know what to say but how's this....my aunt had this friend that stayed with her when i was in my teens she asked me to get to her dresser in drawer on top and get her check book..can remember why.. but i go in there and i find it it was at the bottom..also i saw a big white thing with a handle it was about 1 foot long and it was a rubber dick..the friend waalk in and laughed i said this looks like mine what is it used for ..she said really does it she said hmmmmm....when my anut walking in and said i could go play vid games now...side note my aunt like to party..after that day her friend would alway look at me funny i didn't know why until i was a little older true story..i look back now and its some funny shit



Very funny shit


----------



## Dark Geared God (Aug 31, 2010)

MDR said:


> Very funny shit


 
funny thing is when i was 15 i started to party and my aunt would buy the party favor and i would give her the money for booze damn they partys would last for days..ahhsummertime


----------



## maniclion (Aug 31, 2010)

I hate getting them when I have to take a shit, you sit down and have to try and force it down, there's a minimum clearance where if you are too high piss splash over the edge onto the back of your calfs or too low and your in the water all while hovering a few inches off of the seat....I had to do this after squats one day and got a cramp and plopped down on the seat smashing the tip of my dick right under the lip of the toilet bowl and bending it in half and then piss sprayed all over the back of my legs and ass....usually I stand and pee first then sit in that situation but that day my sphincter was losing the battle...


----------



## MDR (Aug 31, 2010)

Curt James said:


> Hey! Spill the beans. What did you leave out???



Yep, I think kelju left out the part about the happy ending...


----------



## MDR (Aug 31, 2010)

Richard Gears said:


> during a physical. It happened. I even tried to stall but there wasnt much i could do. She pretended she didnt notice but i guess that was her professionalism taking over.
> 
> id say a funeral would be bad. Or hugging your mom. Or being extracted from a vehicle with the jaws of life surrounded by emergency rescuers.



OK, but was the doctor hot?  Maybe she was used to it.


----------



## Dark Geared God (Aug 31, 2010)

MDR said:


> OK, but was the doctor hot? Maybe she was used to it.


 did that one at a army hospital .. funny and strange


----------



## ALBOB (Sep 1, 2010)

Fetusaurus Rex said:


> while watching a gay go down




Got much experience with that?


----------



## vortrit (Sep 1, 2010)

How about when getting patted down by a cop. That would not be good.


----------



## Curt James (Sep 1, 2010)

Richard Gears said:


> during a physical. It happened. I even tried to stall but there wasnt much i could do. She pretended she didnt notice but i guess that was her professionalism taking over.
> 
> id say a funeral would be bad. *Or hugging your mom.* Or being extracted from a vehicle with the jaws of life surrounded by emergency rescuers.



lol 

Not a good thing.



vortrit said:


> *How about when getting patted down by a cop.* That would not be good.



_Might _get you out of a ticket. 

...

Of course I'd rather have the ticket.


----------



## KelJu (Sep 1, 2010)

Curt James said:


> Hey! Spill the beans. What did you leave out???



Corrected some misspelled words.


----------



## Curt James (Sep 1, 2010)

^Oh, _maaaaan!_ Lie to us.


----------



## fufu (Sep 2, 2010)

When I was a little kid my mom made me go to church. I'd often pop my fly during the sermon. We'd have to stand when it came times to sing the hymns. 

This was never fun to cover up.


----------



## nayr6321 (Jun 7, 2011)

juggernaut said:


> what your nips never popped out of your shirt at an embarrassing time?





Little Wing said:


> yes. i got asked if i was cold a lot.





Little Wing said:


> there was proof in my gallery but i airbrushed them out.





juggernaut said:


> I dont believe you. Show me some proof.



WOW YOU MUST NOT HAVE BIG TITS IF YOU DONT WEAR A BRA


----------



## sacrifice (Jun 9, 2011)

Sauna at the gym when you have a choice of dying from heat exhaustion or walking in front of a full sauna in tightish running shorts with a hard on.


----------



## 2003 V-ROD (Jun 9, 2011)

oaktownboy said:


> church


 
JUST WONDERING WHAT GOES ON IN THAT CHURCH


----------



## GearsMcGilf (Jun 9, 2011)

A mate of mine in the 9th grade popped wood whilst wearing his gym shorts, you know those gay ass gym shorts and T's we used to have to wear.  So naturally, the (female) PE teacher is teaching us how to do alpine sit-ups, where you lay on your back and raise your legs and sit up at the same time.  The teacher calls him up to demonstrate for the rest of the class (males and females).  He's lying on his back and pointing north big time.  He's tries to curl one leg slightly over the other to hide it, but the teacher says "put your legs down son."  Everyone's all snickering about his wood at this point and even pointing it out to the chicks in the class.  It was obvious he was hating life at that point.  But, the teacher didn't seem to have a clue.

After class was over, several guys were ripping him a new one over it and for the rest of the year, his nickname was high rise.  When he'd catch the football, other kids would be yelling "over here high rise!"


----------



## jagbender (Jun 10, 2011)




----------



## jagbender (Jun 10, 2011)

Now That's a PRICK


----------



## jagbender (Jun 10, 2011)

Here is a whole blog about awkward boners   LOL 

Awkward Boners Latest Posts / Blog Profile


----------



## maniclion (Jun 10, 2011)

My dog was standing in my lap the other night, playing tug with one of her brothers and she kept stepping on my dick so naturally it got excited from the rough activity....but it also gave me a funny bit for a comedy movie where a guy might be holding a rambunctious little kid who is jumping and stomping it's feet in his lap and he pops wood on accident and then someone comes over to talk to him and he stands to shake their hand and everyone sees he popped wood with a kid in his lap.....someone like Ben Stiller, he's trying to explain the kid was jumping on his junk and it was just a reflex....


----------



## Curt James (Jun 10, 2011)

min0 lee said:


> *Worst time to get a boner.....*





When you're attending church
In a wedding party offering a toast to the bride and groom
While standing on a crowded bus
At the pool
During a funeral, especially while offering a eulogy
Standing in line at a buffet
At the doctor's office/hospital/in a gown awaiting an MRI
While getting your teeth cleaned
When you're having pants measured
Sitting in a sauna
In the locker room
During a conversation with your current girlfriend about your _ex _girlfriend
Waiting in the checkout line at the supermarket
While giving your mother-in-law a hug


----------



## Clenbut (Jun 15, 2011)

I got a boner when i was talking to one of my clients and she was tilted towards me and i had a full view of her tits.


----------



## cg89 (Jun 15, 2011)

funeral, kindergarden graduation list goes on anything involving young girls


----------



## tommygunz (Jun 16, 2011)

Are you kidding me ? Theres no such thing as a bad time....ughh did I say that out loud ?


----------

