# Diary of a madman.....



## Pitboss (Jun 16, 2002)

Since I really don't care what people think about me... but yet i like to hear what people have to say I figured I start a diary. Just a diary of my thoughts, things that happen throughout the day that might be of some interest to more than just me and that bum I keep buying hot dogs for at 7-11.

******** insertion*********** 
I care that so many care about me here, work, and in life in general..   

I just don't care what people think about me.. their opinions, etc. That's a good thing people. If I  cared what everyone thought then I'd be paranoid that I'm always not doing what others think I should be doing or saying. 



Sunday June 16, 2002

I'll start with good..  I spent a couple of hours with Carter  he was pretty tired when I picked him up but he was a tropper and hung in there while we played at the park. Although he did fall asleep on the swing and on the see-saw.. LOL 

His Mom called me this morning at 6:45 to let him wish me a Happy Father's day. Boy that kid sure does have a lot to say that early in the morning. Not a clue what he said but I just agreed and said thank you. 

Amanda... girl I have been seeing for 2.5 months or so. Off/on, hot/cold.. that pretty much explains my feelings. We basically called it quits Friday night.  Then last night she called and asked if she could come over for one last night together.  Last night? Well in her mind my decision is made up. I'm not sure yet. 

I'll get more into this later. For now it's nap time... have to work tonight.


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## esmerelda (Jun 16, 2002)

I care!!!!!


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## Stacey (Jun 17, 2002)

Hey Pitboss~ I'm glad you have a journal..and we all do care LOTS about ya!!
Glad you got to spend time with Carter!!  Hope you had a good Fathers day yesterday! SMILE!


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## Pitboss (Jun 17, 2002)

Gee thanks   I know a lot of people care about me here and that's why I come here and why I'm so open about things that I say. But I didn't mean "care" like that.. I meant I'm going to type whatever I feel like typing and not care what people think about what I have to say or do type typing thing... LOL


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## J'Bo (Jun 17, 2002)

I care too 

Glad someone is willing to share there bad diet days too. Cause next week after my comp. my diary will look like a bad food guide.

As for your lady (ex-lady) that little "last night together" shit is a good tactic sometimes but it rarely works in our favor. 

The womans thoughts:
You go over for the "last night" and you show up looking awesome, and act nicer than you ever have. Then you have a great conversation and then comes the moves. You pull out some new sex moves that wow the hell out of the man, and hope that the next morning  when you wake up (if you even went to sleep) that you are as giddy and as happy as the first day you met. Then its not the last night anymore.

 

Woman and their fun lovin games. Ahhh.
Maybe men love them so much that they often try to break it off with the woman to get the "last night treatment".


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## Pitboss (Jun 17, 2002)

Thanks J'Bo     I hope that she wasn't thinking that. I mean from my point of view it becomes on a guilt for me, having a hard enough time with enough guilt in my life. Speaking of which.... 

Sunday Part II
4 beers last night   I said no more than 2 week and I doubled it... blah. 

I'll still get the Amanda issues later. 

I had to work last night and left at midnight..way too slow for two bounces.  When I got to work one Erin was there and gettting ready to leave. Erin and I were buddies for about 2 months.. freinds you don't sleep with, buddies you fuq.. as she would say. 
She asked if I had company later and I said nope... so we made plans to hook up after I got off. She was pulling a double and was heading to our other bar. Call me when you leave she said... 

So I left at 12 and headed to another bar I sometimes hang out at. I know a lot of people there, and a lot of the girls.. it's called a bikini bar, no nudity.  So I get there have a Bass Ale. Relaxing. Then comes Karen. Karen tried many times to get me in bed but when I gave in.. like that was hard work for her LOL  she would back down because she knew Erin was keeping me busy. Didn't care if we or weren't dating just that fact that she knew her and wouldn't sleep with me because of that.... So here I am seeing Erin tonight and Karen again guessed passed by. 

Then there was Stephanie... pretty hot red hard... great legs, etc. Anyhow we have always been friendly to each other. But last night she was way past friendly... just down right horny as hell and made sure I understood her intentions.....  and then again Erin was already in my plans...  

I go to my other club and find out it was even slower there than the other club and Erin took off around 12:30. I call her cell... I wait and and have another 2 beers. We close I call again and say goodnight. Head home with the cell phone between my legs.. it's on vibrate as that's the only way I "hear" it when I've got radio cranked.

No calls.. Go to bed alone.. thinking of one of the advantages of having a steady relationship...  I got pitched 2 balls and 1 strike and somehow the Umpire called me out???? 

Oh well.... it just wouldn't be life if these stupid things like this didn't happen.


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## lina (Jun 17, 2002)

Hey PB! 

I like to read your stories because your life seems like a lot of fun filled with wild stories! To me it's like reading a comic novel!   But rough on the outside I bet softie on the inside?  Maybe, maybe not.....

I love the pix of you and your son! He's a cutie pie!!!


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## Pitboss (Jun 17, 2002)

Hi Lina...  I sometimes go back and read some of the things i post just to remind me that my life really isn't that boring. 

Yes I am softie... Huh Sossuni, Lorraine, Shape8...  they have met me and can verify this. What they saw is what they got...  oh wait I'm not saying anything more than we just met for lunch or dinner type things!!! No rumors from that.  

I have  few more pics of Carter I'll post here tonight. Not sure if we got any with me...


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## esmerelda (Jun 17, 2002)

Hey babe`.....did you ever catch up with Albob??????


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## J'Bo (Jun 17, 2002)

PB you sure make my life look boring.

You sure have the ladies banging on your door.

Doesn't sound like you are too concerned over your split though.


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## Pitboss (Jun 17, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by J'Bo *_
> PB you sure make my life look boring.
> 
> You sure have the ladies banging on your door.
> ...



For th most part my life is fairly boring, at least day to day. I do have some strange things pop up out of no where which add a little excitement.

Ladies banging on my door?? I wish...  I am far, far from a ladies man, player, or any resemblance of either of those.  

I am concerned about my split with Amanda.. I hurt her, hurt her pretty bad and that was something I told myself I would never do again...  I fell out of the pan and right back into the fire as they say. 

Guess it's time to put things together.. 

August 2001: Wife and I decide to file for divorce. My idea. Why? Well all that will come out little by little. 

August 2001-Jan 2002, lived in same house with soon to be ex.. tough emotional times for both of us. Hadn't had sex since May, not that matters so much but th fact that in my mind I'm seprated, single but living under the same roof. Met a lot of women but couldn't move on it 

January 2002.. she moves out, house sold, new place bought, paperwork, loans, escrow, etc, etc.... a month of a lot of misc crap. 

Febuary 2002.. moving. Met a girl, took her home, helped me pack my boxs and I helped pack hers.  
.... my first rule was "be open and honest" Tell someone exactly what you are looking for, or in this case not looking for. I told Erin I am not interested in a GF, dating, or anything that resembles that in any way.  Cool... so we had sex. I was her booty call actually. 

March hooked up with a few other girls, same thing as above. 

March 17.. St. Patricks, met a very nice woman at a plcae I frequent for dinner. Her roomate happens to be a bartender there. That was it. 
Later that week she leaves her phone number with one of the bartenders. Sweet. 

We talk on the phone the next day, a Monday. Tuesday we meet breifly for drinks before I have to go to work. At 2:30am I'm on the phone with her until 3:30. At 4:30 I'm at her place. By 5:00am were are in bed. 

My mistake... I didn't tell her my rules. I didn't apply them after that either.  I just spent 11 years with the same woman and now I'm finding myself uncontrollably attracted to this new woman in my life, Amanda.  The first 3 weeks were awesome and I knew I was putting myself in a very bad position. I had chances to walk but I didn't .. not sure why. Maybe because it was still so good. The sex was the best I have ever had.. and she had the stamina and labido to keep up with me. It was wild. Her kiss.. oh she can kiss. We can sit there in bed and just kiss for an hour.. I swear the shivers she sends through my body just make it that much worse for me.  

As time goes by we find some personality conflicts.. I have to always be right, only because she refuses to be wrong.. go figure. We have a simple conversation and it turns into a debate. 
After some time it worries me and gets on my nerves. I'm not used to this type of conversations. 

Okay that's a lot of typing.... time for a break.


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## Miss LeDix (Jun 17, 2002)

PB, you really do have a way with words. I am enjoying reading your journal. But tell me, do you ever worry that one of these ladies will read this?


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## Pitboss (Jun 17, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Miss LeDix *_
> PB, you really do have a way with words. I am enjoying reading your journal. But tell me, do you ever worry that one of these ladies will read this?



Hmm my ex already knows abotu Amanda and thinks I need to be honest with her and just get out there and play..  Erin doesn't have a PC. Amanda know that I "hang out" at fitness related sites but that's about it. 

But I guess if she did search through my posts she might leave me which would make things a lot easier for me from my standpoint...


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## lina (Jun 17, 2002)

I don't think they can find out unless they know you by "Pitboss" and do a search on that?

Very interesting story PB...


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## Pitboss (Jun 17, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by lina *_
> I don't think they can find out unless they know you by "Pitboss" and do a search on that?
> 
> Very interesting story PB...




Uhm well my license plates are "PIT BOSS"  he he



You think that's intersting... wait till you read this. 

Okay I really am beginning to think my life really is ruled by sex.. 

This friend just stop by my work. She and I talk about pretty much everything. One big problem is that we flirt back and forth a lot... too much. She is spoken for and I won't cross that line.. well I'll put a foot over it but that's about it.  We've kissed, we have groped a little...  but I, yes I always stop before it gets out of hand.. or in her hand.. LOL 

She comes by during her lunch to say hi, to tell me about her trip to Vegas for work. We chat about stuff. Then she gets ready to go.  She normally wears nice dresses for work, sometimes a little too short, but has stocking on. Today she had a long green dress on and noticed no stockings so I comment.. she looks at me and gives me this really evil grin and then pulls her dress up and say nope, no stocking.. no anything!!! 

You don't want to know what I did next. But I didn't get carried away.. at least not as much as I really wanted to. 

damn.   

So Monday through Saturday is about sex and relationships or lack of, and Sunday is about my kid....  who came from sex.


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## naturaltan (Jun 17, 2002)

Excellent!!! 

we've batted this back and forth ... just once I want to be a fly on your wall.  

Although Mrs.NT was practicing for her Hedo appearance.  Quite a show!


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## lina (Jun 17, 2002)

OMG!!!!  !! You do attract those women by the bus load!!!! Well if that wasn't a hint then I don't know what is!!!  Don't you get tired of the instability and all those relationships??? I guess that's one way to get the sex without strings attached...

Another regular workday for PB


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## naturaltan (Jun 17, 2002)

maybe I need to apply at your second place of work ... he he


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## Pitboss (Jun 17, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by naturaltan *_
> ... just once I want to be a fly on your wall.



This was the second tiem today that I heard this... too weird.


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## butterfly (Jun 17, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> 
> 
> This was the second tiem today that I heard this... too weird.


hehehe


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## Pitboss (Jun 17, 2002)

Okay I just got flashed by some 18-20 year old with huge teets. This has been one weird day....... and it ain't over yet


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## Pitboss (Jun 18, 2002)

I'm a smoker. For 21 years now. I have tried and tried to quit but no go. 

Do you have any idea what it's like to let a substance control you?  Yes I and all smokers know the health risks associated with smoking. But does anyone ever consider asking a herion addict if they know? Of courser they know. Do they care, probably. can they stop their addiction? No.  

I had a smoke at 5:05pm. I bought no more on my way home. I did a couple of things while home and then straight to bed, it wasn't even 8:00pm yet.  I stayed in bed all night, tossing and turning. When I woke the first thing I wanted was a smoke. None in the house so tough go back to sleep. I think I was online at least 3 times between midnight and 5:00am. 

When I left the house what was the first thing I did... gee go buy smokes.  

I have tried the patch.. works but can't cure the boredom associated with not smoking. When you spend so many years doing the same thing so many times a day it's even harder to find something to replace it. 

I guess the only thing to do is just keep trying... I figure I'll eventually quit or die.....  

I hate smoking and I hate that I let it control me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## naturaltan (Jun 18, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> Okay I just got flashed by some 18-20 year old with huge teets. This has been one weird day....... and it ain't over yet



where and why??


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## J'Bo (Jun 18, 2002)

Yes i would like to know where you live too.
Sounds like a pumpin ville.

About the smoking, try to stick a sucker in your mouth when you get an urge. You may get a little heavier by resorting to food, but in the long run you can lose the weight but wont be able to take back the smoking damage. We will help you get through this, you just need to want it bad enough.


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## naturaltan (Jun 18, 2002)

I've needed help from the wife to get a flash ... she would flash, then they would flash.


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## Pitboss (Jun 18, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by naturaltan *_
> where and why??



On the way home. I kept passing these two girls and they would pass me. Not something I was trying to do on purpose. So they pass me by and the passenger sticks her tongue out at me. I started laughing. Then when they passed me again she sat up pulled her shirt and bra up and let them big ole boys out!!! 

Gee twice I got flashed.. on down below and one on top.... sigh.


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## Pitboss (Jun 18, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by J'Bo *_
> About the smoking, try to stick a sucker in your mouth when you get an urge. You may get a little heavier by resorting to food, but in the long run you can lose the weight but wont be able to take back the smoking damage. We will help you get through this, you just need to want it bad enough.



Thansk for the support. I'm not giving up on this. I've smoked way too long to just quit cold turkey..  okay maybe that's just an excuse but still.  I'm just going to forget about the time and just let the day go by. Hopefully I can go hours and hours at a time without it and by the days end I will have only had a few, if that many. Better than a pack. 

Oh and the sucker, or gum or toothpick stuff. I don't have an oral fixation problem, so those things never help


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## naturaltan (Jun 18, 2002)

I realize it's easy for a non-smoker to say quit cold turkey.  But when we had our daugther, Mrs.NT's parents cold turkey and they had smoked forever.  I think it's all about really wanting it.  They decided they didn't want set a bad example - so they quit.


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## J'Bo (Jun 18, 2002)

Did i really hear that correctly?

You don't have an oral fixation?
Aren't you the guy who has "give me head" on his signature?


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## Pitboss (Jun 18, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by J'Bo *_
> Did i really hear that correctly?
> 
> You don't have an oral fixation?
> Aren't you the guy who has "give me head" on his signature?



that's a totally different type of fixation... and if I could that sign would say I prefer to give rather than recieve!!!!!!!!!!!


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## Pitboss (Jun 18, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by naturaltan *_
> I realize it's easy for a non-smoker to say quit cold turkey.  But when we had our daugther, Mrs.NT's parents cold turkey and they had smoked forever.  I think it's all about really wanting it.  They decided they didn't want set a bad example - so they quit.



I thought that would be the case when I had my son...  or when I went on a vacation somewhere or......


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## J'Bo (Jun 18, 2002)

You prefer to give rather than recieve?
Maybe thats why your relationships with the ladies aren't working out.


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## Pitboss (Jun 18, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by J'Bo *_
> You prefer to give rather than recieve?
> Maybe thats why your relationships with the ladies aren't working out.



You'd prefer to give than receive????


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## Pitboss (Jun 18, 2002)

*How does this go??*

I think something like this.... 

Dear Diary, 

I am so totally confused. I really do like Amanda a lot. She says she loves me and I don't doubt that. She says she will do anything for me and make all kinds of compromises to make this work for us.  My ex was the same way.  But here I am confused as hell because I have more love than I could ever wish for and for some reason that just isn't enough.  I'm coming to the same reasons for my divorce as this split now.  

Why can't I be happy with the idea of being with just one person? With someone who loves me for who I am?  Why do I let sex control my feelings? Why can't I just look away from some hot babe instead of wondering what it will take for me to "get me some of that"???  

I let sex.. lust control me like I let cigarrettes control me. The last thing I want to do is get into another 11 year relationship and call it quits because I want to fuq every woman that turns me, or comes on to me.  Something just ain't right upstairs.... definately a screw loose somewhere. A gland out of whack....  maybe prozac is an option? 

So now I'm left with a decision that will hurt her now or possibly hurt her later. And I'm stuck on not wanting to lose her...  inside I can't help but think either way I'm going to hurt her.  But what if I can find a way to ignore those feelings of lust.... oh wait I did that before and what happened? My wife and I never had sex.. I turned my lust for others inside out and had to lie to her and to myself to explain my actions... I began to tell her that I was not attracted to her and that we had become more liek best friends than lovers... shitty huh? Great for her self esteem...... I'm such an a$$hole.  

I think back to all the shiat I did and said, and even now the same patterns are showing up. How could I possibly deserve to be loved the way they both loved me??  That's another part that kills me.... gives me so much guilt.


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## Pitboss (Jun 18, 2002)

Oh and then to add a little extra to the stew... I've sort of discussed some of my feelings with my ex and she is basically pushing to get out. That I am doing exactly the same thing to Amanda as I did with her, and that's not fair to Amanda. If she had her number she would call her and tell her run, run very fast and very far away!!!  

She's probably right.  She says what I need is either a woman who doesn't care what I do, with you or where... or at least someone who is into swinging to satisfy my needs.  She could be right...


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## Pitboss (Jun 18, 2002)

Okay I braking my heart here thinking and thinking about this damn reationship crap.... why oh why did we have to evolve?? I could have been so much happier in cave man times.....  

I know me. If I don't just say we are through I will go back to her. Then a few months later it'll all start again.. I'll get moody and start coming up with excuses, blah, blah.... then we will stay together because she'll start crying and I'll freak out because I'm hurting her... and then it starts all over again.  FUQ FUQ FUQ 

But dammit I do miss her. I miss holding her and talking to her. I miss watchign her get dressed..  damn I do miss her. 

She called and left a message.. it was sad but nice. But now I'm afraid to call her. I'm not sure what I want to say anymore, or even what to think anymore but any of this. 

Sex??? my driving force. In the past I had made attempts to chaneg my ways for my wife. No more porn, surfing the internet, flirting or anything that would take my attention away from her. In the long run I felt worse, more apart from her  and just not myself.  Do I do this again?? Do I just make that commitment and stay with it... better or worse? 

I really just want to go home, go to sleep and wait until tomorrow, a new day.... though it will consist of the same problems and issues all over again....


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## butterfly (Jun 18, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> I really just want to go home, go to sleep and wait until tomorrow, a new day.... though it will consist of the same problems and issues all over again....


Sounds like you need a big hug from us girl buddies...


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## naturaltan (Jun 18, 2002)

take the hugs man!  

if you don't, I could be your emotional replacement ... * giggle *


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## naturaltan (Jun 18, 2002)

If I have to send Mrs.NT down there ... you'll be sorry - I think!


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## Pitboss (Jun 18, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by butterfly *_
> Sounds like you need a big hug from us girl buddies...


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## Miss LeDix (Jun 18, 2002)

PB, sounds like you are going through a lot. Why type of health insurance do you have? You may want to see if a therapist is covered, it may just help to speak to an unbiased person. I cannot begin to give you any advice, I wish you the best of luck with whatever decision you make. I think you've made a bit step by admitting you may need some sort of help. 

Oh, and I like that sig! What do you mean, you want to sit next to me?


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## Pitboss (Jun 18, 2002)

So is that my answer??? Change my ways? Become a different person with real life objectives and goals? Real dreams?  Don't think of sex as sex anymore. That's past history.. back when I was a rip roaring youngster.  I've sowed my oats. No reason why I can't be happy as hell with someone who loves me. Stop having sex and start making love....    why so I find this to be a lot harder than I am making it sound. 

I know I want to be the best dad I can for my son.  My son is numero uno in my life... so maybe that's enough for me?  The rest of this stuff is just trivial???  So be there for my kid and then have whatever fun I can in life....  but then again the fun has to end sometime when we finally grow up. 

Damn so many questions and no real answers.  I still haven't called Amanda back.. now I'm feeling like shiat for doing that to her.


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## Pitboss (Jun 18, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Miss LeDix *_
> PB, sounds like you are going through a lot. Why type of health insurance do you have? You may want to see if a therapist is covered, it may just help to speak to an unbiased person. I cannot begin to give you any advice, I wish you the best of luck with whatever decision you make. I think you've made a bit step by admitting you may need some sort of help.
> 
> Oh, and I like that sig! What do you mean, you want to sit next to me?



OMG I'm laughing so hard........  I am already seeing a therapist!!!! Isn't that just wonderful......   I need a whole hospital ward to myself!!!!! 

Sitting next to you... in a "NON PORNAL" throne!!


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## esmerelda (Jun 18, 2002)

Hey baby!!!!!  Kinda wanna put my 2 cents worth in.....never.. and I repeat NEVER change who you are to suit anyone else!!!  So you like to look around...welcome to the real world!!!  So you dont want to settle down with one lady....welcome to the real world!!!  So you dont know if you want to get caught up in another long term relationship...welcome to the real world!!!

What Im trying to say....Roger...Listen to me!!!!  Is be you....get comfortable in your own skin!!!  The reason you dont like what your doing is cos you dont know what you really want!!  You had a long relationship with the Missus...11yrs right?? That takes you well into that age when young guns were playing around...you wernt really ready to settle down.....so play now!!!!  Life doesnt mean you have to have one person in your life always....tell Amanda that your not sure what you want...she may not like what she hears....but at least you've put the cards on the table and she will know where she stands and if she wants she can join in!!!  

Always be true to you first....then to Carter....then to the ladies in your life!!!!  You are more important than anything or anyone else.....here ends the lesson!!!!!!! And if your not careful...Im going to send in the Jolly White Airman to kick your lilly white ass!!!!  Albob.....get the picture?!!!


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## Pitboss (Jun 18, 2002)

For the record... I would never change me to satisify someone else... one men can not be changed by women!!!!!!! 

However it is a different story for me to change who I am to become a better person. For me, for my son and for whomever happens to be in my life. 

I can't continue on saying I love someone but yet sit and flirt with with some girl I brushed up against at the bar hoping to get her number as my gf/wife is sitting 20 feet away.  That's just fuq'd.. oh wrong thread.  

I don't know. I need some time to think what it is I want. We just got off the phone and she's starting to feel better, laughing and being her normal self. She is accepting what is happening or could be happening.  

I've already screwed up her self esteem regarding sex.. she thinks she isn't enough for me, or good enough for me. And this is all due to me wanting more and more and more variety in my life.... so yeah that's fuq'd up.  

Anyhow...  I think my first step is not to be so damn pornal. All it does is fill my mind with what if's...  heck it made me cheat on her already. That was my choice. I could have not pushed the issue and I take the blame for that.  So if I continue on that road where do you think it'll end up?? I'll do it again and again and continue lying to her and eventually hurting her more than I ever could.  I've broken too many damns hearts because of something that doesn't even have a brain.... go figure. 

Okay I think I'm ranting now....   Thanks for listening.


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## Pitboss (Jun 18, 2002)

Oh and another thing that I keep let bug me... I'm 35, she will be 38 in August... right now that doesn't matter to me. But what about a few years down the road when I start thinking how great it woudl be to have some fine young thang in my hands...  you have to say that with a buck tooth look and hold ing your hands out in front of you like you're squeezing boobies to get the right effect.... 

I know that shouldn't matter....  but I think about those kind of things.  

Maybe I am looking for excuses..............


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## Miss LeDix (Jun 18, 2002)

PB....you are welcome to sit next to me! We will be the king and queen of non-pornal intelligence!  

And for the record, you can have a wonderful relationship that is not based 150% on sex!


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## Pitboss (Jun 18, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Miss LeDix *_
> And for the record, you can have a wonderful relationship that is not based 150% on sex!



Our relationship isn't based entirely on sex... it's everything a relationship should be, as was my previous marriage...  my problem is that I allow sex to control my thoughts and decisions. 

I spent 11 years with my ex.. faithfull the entire time. Not saying that I didn't try to not be. Just never had a real opportunity to be. If it had been there I would have taken it. I'm a dog. I'm worse than a dog.......  I divorced my wife because I knew someday, and someday soon I would cheat. I couldn't do that to her. So I still broke her heart and her dreams......


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## Dero (Jun 18, 2002)

Ok,so now I know the specifics!!!Roger,you have what is called 
"The Grass is Greener on the other side of the fence syndrome"
YUP...Been there,done dat...!!!
While you have something good happening in front(Amanda) of you,you waste it by looking and going on the other side of the fence(the other flirts,yeah the younger thangs).
What you have to figure out at this stage is,WHAT YOU WANT...
Don't go changing your whole life,well some of it,WILL have to change depending of the outcome of your choice...
Another thing,DON'T GO BEATING YOURSELF ON THE HEAD WITH A STICK,it does'nt help much,only gets you a mofo of a headach!!!
Like you said in a previous post,you need to set your priorities in life...
I'm glad to hear that you don't care about what others think of you,'cus you know I think your an ahole (All this time staying serious...You know me!!!)
I hope you don't mind me adding my two cents to this ALREADY full of good advices thread...
Yes,I also care...
Keep your chin up BUDDY. 
Denis


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## lina (Jun 18, 2002)

PB, I can hear you're hurtin'.   Here's a big hug! :

Wow, lots of reading in this diary!!! Like I said, love your novels... When are you publishing this book? What shall we call it...hmmm...ok, seriously...I agree with what Dero said. Oh wise one!!!! 

This won't be an easy road for you.  Just like quitting smoking takes effort and 'one day at a time' mentality, so will trying to be less pornal.  It's a matter of how bad you want it.  Do you really want it or do you want it for your son?  If it is genuinely what YOU really want then if you put your darnest effort, you have a good chance in succeeding.  If you are merely doing it for your son, to be a good role model, to give him a sense of security, because you know it's the 'right' thing, then you are not doing it for yourself, and some day, you will go back to your old ways. Even if you don't go back to your old ways, you will feel miserable and in the end resent Amanda or whoever you end up with.  

So change will not be easy.  You'll have to work at it.  Just like any business plan, you will have to clearly write down your goals, and any actions you want to take for this change.  One day at a time.  Old habits are hard to break.  In the end, your beliefs, values, morals have to be planted so strongly that if you know where you are weak, you AVOID those situations so bad things can't happen... 

There are soooo many distractions out there and you seem to be a magnet for them!!!!!   I've had to make those choices too and believe me they are hard!!! It's soo tempting!!!  What happens if you've been with Amanda for a while and the honeymoon phase fizzles, the 7 year itch arrives? Believe me I've been there! I'm not saying you two will get married, but let's say stay with each other.. Again, you'll have to work hard to make it work... one day at a time...

How bad do you want it?

Look inside what do you see?


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## J'Bo (Jun 18, 2002)

Holy did i miss alot today. 
PB really, you need to shape up and stop thinking so negatively.
Why do you keep on saying, i am going to do this and then that and so on? If these are things you are comfortable doing then you will if you don't want to then STOP. 

I don't really think you intentionally hurt females in your life, you just do because you have never corrected yourself. Once you realize that sex with one person is better than a one nighter than you will stop drifting. Relationships die down a little after a while and its up to you to spice them up. Everyone looks and flirts a little with the opposite sex, even when they have a partener. I really could go on about relationships stuff for hours, cause even though i am still young i have been through more relationships problems then most 40 year olds. I too had a problem with settling down and loved the idea of a new flavor every month. Doing that really does effect your relationships and sex down the road (mine anyways). After you have just (pardon my language) fuqed for so long it is hard to learn how to make love and express feelings rather than just put "shows on".

I really don't think a therapist has ever really helped someone in your sort of situation, its talking to other people and finding yourself rather than talking to a text book. 

I will PM you tommorrow, cause i have a splitting headache and need to sleep. Try to sleep to. I will be thinking of you.


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## Pitboss (Jun 18, 2002)

Okay I realized something today... first I have a bunch of great people here that I'd liek to call my friends..  A lot of great feedback and a lot of useful stuff. 

second.. I am not depressed just so we all know that. My minds been running OT since Friday about this relationship and my life.. 

Third.. aren't diary entries supposed to be like once a day??? LOL


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## Pitboss (Jun 18, 2002)

alright so let me throw this out there....  besides being overly pornal... possibly addicted to sex and a couple of other flaws I happen to really, really like who I am.  So why change me?  

Now my question... say I decide that I do not want a committed relationship with Amanda, really I don't think I'm ready and jumped to soon to begin with...  But I really want her to be in my life.. I don't want to lose her.  So I'm suggesting that we date, hang out together, etc... but not on such a serious  level.. and yes that leaves dating others open.  If she goes for it great... I the selfish one gets the best of both worlds.. I know. 

Now say she says she can't do that...  now what??? I don't want to lose her but yet I'm not willing to commit...... I'm fuq'd huh?


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## Pitboss (Jun 18, 2002)

Change of subject really quick.. it is my diary  you know... 

damn VCR just ate another tape!! That's the 3rd p.... uhm 3rd uh monster truck video this week.


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## J'Bo (Jun 18, 2002)

PB

You are going to hurt her more by keeping her as your hang out buddy. You have to cut her lose, its not fair to her. You just have to occupy your mind with something else, and try not to think of her.


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## lina (Jun 18, 2002)

Agree with J'Bo...

Be honest and upfront.


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## Pitboss (Jun 18, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by J'Bo *_
> PB
> 
> You are going to hurt her more by keeping her as your hang out buddy. You have to cut her lose, its not fair to her. You just have to occupy your mind with something else, and try not to think of her.



I expected that answer... but was hoping for something else. 


I know.....


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## ZECH (Jun 19, 2002)

PB............now I feel bad for giving you hell in Mochy's journal yesterday! Man I'll tell ya, I'm not sure if these problems are good or bad! Both I guess. I hope you don't get mad me me expressing my opinion.........I really think your still having problems from your ex of what..11 years. I got married in 1989. We split up in late 1990. She started going to school full time and it just didn't work.....she was up all night studying and going to school all day! The stress got to her and I couldn't take it! So she left and I started dating other women. After awhile, I met this one younger chick that I really liked. Man, what a body! We were pretty steady. I didn't see anyone else. Everything was great with us. Sex was awesome and we got along great! We dated for right at a year! I started rookie school in Nov. 1991. Well, that is when all the shit started. My wife was wanting a lot of the stuff back we had together, I guess thinking we would get a divorce! So, my instructor at school comes up to me one day and says I have a civil paper at the courthouse I needed to take care of(from my wife). I called her and told her to come get what she wanted! So she came one night and when we started to talk, she started to cry! I asked her what was wrong. She said she wasn't sure if a divorce was what she wanted. So after talking all night, we decided to give it another try! Now, back to my GF. I really liked her, but I didn't love her. But I didn't know what to do or how to tell her! You talk about confused! I guess I felt like you do!!!! She came to my house one afternoon and after about several minutes she knew something was up. I told her what happened and what we decided to do! Well, she started crying, put my key on the table and walked out! You talk about feeling empty!!! I felt like the lowest jackass around. Never saw her again for years!! My wife and I dated for several months before she moved back in , just to make sure it would work. Then in 1995 we had Maddison, a year after she had a miscarriage. Then in 1997, we had Matthew! I never knew how much I would enjoy being a father!! (Best thing in the world!) They are growing up so fast...where does the time go??? Well, several months ago in the grocery store, guess who I run into to?? My old gf Jamie! Well, turns out that she had been married and now divorced!!! What the hell do you think runs through my mind????? (Let's call Jamie and get some on the side!!) Then two weeks later I run into her in a mall 50 miles from where I live! Figure that! I think, this has to be fate!! I had Maddison with me doing some shopping(Just daddy and his little girl)! Jaime was babysitting for a friend. There were some rides in the mall so we take the kids in and let them ride for a while, while we talk! I apoligized to her for hurting her like I did and she said it took her several years to get over it! She said she now realized why I did it!! (She had never been married when we dated). I still think what if......we never got together....we still e-mail each other sometime, although I don't think nothing will come of it. I look at my children like you PB and think I want to be as good of a father as I can to them and if I get involved with someone else and get a divorce, that's not setting a good example! I love my wife, even though we do fight somewhat. She told me the other day she had been with me half her life. We started dating when she was 18 and she will be 36 in DEC. PB, you are only human(male at that)! You will have desires and tendencies........It's hard for me to figure what love is. Look at your gf. If you can't see yourself being without her forever, stick with her!!! But if you don't feel that way, find someone else! You will always look and want to be with other girls, but when you get with the right one, you will not want too!(Like Essy said "the grass is always greener on the other side") Man that is so true!!!  Sounds weird I know! And I admire you for being a good father...that's NO. 1!!! Hang in there dude! Life's a bitch, you marry one, then you die!! Life's too short not to enjoy! Roger, your a great guy as you are!! Don't be so hard on yourself.....it will work out for you!! To go through what you are, you are one hell of a person!!


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## J'Bo (Jun 19, 2002)

I agree with DG completely.

When you find the right woman , you will never want to be with anyone else. Of course you may look and flirt but never think of crossing that line. It doesnt sound like any of your girls are the "right" ones for my little PB. 

If you go back to any of these woman and do the same thing, what is that teaching your little boy? Men should not treat women like that and so he should know that and see his daddy do the same. 

You don't have to answer this (i think i know the answer) but why did you and the ex-Mrs. not have sex for monthes? Sex does matter and when you don't express your feelings through making love it is very hard on your partener. Just ask my BF, i have a hard time making love and not just #$%&%& you know. 

I am with yah.


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## Pitboss (Jun 19, 2002)

Great post DG!!!  Liek I said there is so much good stuff here and that's really what this diary was about for me.. just to get some good thoughts into my head. 

J'bo.... why?? Well it started right after we got married. We went from 3 to 4 times a week to just Sundays.. that became an inside joke and the "our" explanation was that we were already a settled couple. That it's normal once you have been with someone for so long.  Then it was even less, and even less. Then it became more like a chore for me.. like cutting the lamn. I'd rather pay someone else do it but couldn't afford it.... yeah that sounds bad and well even from my view point it was.  So why is the question still....  

Oh I always hate bringing this up because some take it the wrong way....  first yes beauty is on the inside and what's on the outside doesn't matter.... now say that over and over again and then think of all the past guys/girls you may have turned down for a date or lunch or even a dance because of the "beauty" that wasn't there... no attraction no go.  

She started gaining weight right before we married.. when we met she was 130 or so.. 2 years later 145 so she says. Within a year of marriage she was getting over 160.. starting to out weigh me and my physical attraction was fading.  After 5 or 6 more years she was closer to 200 lbs and @5'3 or 5'4.  I know these things shouldn't matter when you supposedly love someone but until you put yourself in that position you really have no right to make a judgement.  I have never been over weight, by choice, by vanity and by being thoughtful of the person I am with.  To be nothing feels better than when your spouse or whoever gets so proud when they show you off to their friends at parties or company functions.. I'm not all that and more.. but I ain't half bad either. 

Yes she tried the gym, dieting, Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, etc..  but she did not have the self discipline to want it. Just like me and my damn smoking..  Yes I was very supportive. I constantly helped her with her diet, stressed the importance of eating 5 to 6 meals a day. Told her how great she was looking when she lost a pound or two. Told her how great she was doing and sticking to her diet..  but I can only do so much. 

At one point we actually seperated for 6 months. I came out and told her that I just wasnot physically attracted to her any more and that our relationship was more like best friends than husband and wife.  During this seperation she went to the gym 4 to 5 times a week, lost almost 30lbs..  was being active on a daily basis.  When we go  back together that lasted maybe another month and she went right back into the same mode. 


Look I still love this woman. We were together for nearly 11 years and for the most part it was a great 11 years. One third of our life was spent together.  But at the smae time how could you not expect to let your "lust" eventually take control. You're 30-35 whatever and your Husband is a couch potato, beer belly, chip eating ESPN sports center addict.  You're still looking great and some hottie is tossing you signals left and right....  temptation is almost as back as some great chocolate.. eventually you give in. 

Maybe I'm just wrong here and if that's the case I'm sorry. But I ain't 60 ready to retire and happy that I get some when it's working.


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## Pitboss (Jun 19, 2002)

*Now on a different note...*

Does my kid know how to play with his hose or what??


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## Jodi (Jun 19, 2002)

PB - Very Cute, I love the grin on his face.


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## J'Bo (Jun 19, 2002)

I can tell you right now PB. That is exactely how i felt up until 2 monthes ago. I have been with my man for 4 years (not nearly as long as you were with the Mrs.) and the same thoughts occur in my mind. The reason they do is because we (you and i) were both too careless about sex in the past. Well for me anyways, i still have a hard time expressing feelings of love through sex, rather than it being just a fun game to play. I am just learning now how to make love. I think you may need to do the same thing. It definately takes alot of time and patience from both people, but it will be worth it in the end. I believe if this isnt corrected then this prob will keep on happening.

Thats right, no attraction no go. Its just a fact.

With her gaining that much weight, i can completely see what happended. Although you love the person you may have a hard time relating to them. Sometimes it grouses me out to see my BF eating junk because i am scared he will become over weight. it really isnt that you arent attracted to them anymore its that you dont see eye to eye on health and you most likely dont do the physical things you used to do when she was smaller. 

Your right you can only do so much. She obviously did not want it bad enough. Maybe she should have come to IM. You may want to introduce it to her, and just say that you have fun and think she would have fun on here and maybe learn from some people. You never really tend to take the advice from a  loved one as much as from a stranger (well sometimes).

She definately has to do it for her self and not for you.
Sounds like she needs to know how a healthy lifestyle feels.


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## Pitboss (Jun 19, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by J'Bo *_
> Your right you can only do so much. She obviously did not want it bad enough. Maybe she should have come to IM. You may want to introduce it to her, and just say that you have fun and think she would have fun on here and maybe learn from some people. You never really tend to take the advice from a  loved one as much as from a stranger (well sometimes).



I introduced her to MuscleMag last year....  bad mistake. All my online flirting was right there in front of her to read and see...  and her constant stalking my every post to comment on "I'm his wife" and being a little overly uhm don't know the words... 

anyhow.. She has her life and she is eating better and going to the gym. Has a "man" friend training with her. Which I'm really am glad to hear  

and you are soooooo right.  I can put as much passion into "sex" as I can and it stills come out as sex to me.  I don't know if it's the actually act or an emotion that really makes the difference.  I guess the hair pulling and the biting on the shoulder doesn't help much either...  

But no I do understand where you are coming from with this.  Not really sure what it will take for me to get to that point where I can seperate the two.  Or even if I ever will....... 


and you never did respond to a post in another thread... 

"you would rather give than recieve?"


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## ZECH (Jun 19, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> 
> J'bo.... why?? Well it started right after we got married. We went from 3 to 4 times a week to just Sundays.. that became an inside joke and the "our" explanation was that we were already a settled couple. That it's normal once you have been with someone for so long.  Then it was even less, and even less. Then it became more like a chore for me.. like cutting the lamn. I'd rather pay someone else do it but couldn't afford it.... yeah that sounds bad and well even from my view point it was.
> 
> PB....you sound just like me! I will be married 12 years this nov! My wife's sex drive has gotten worse and worse! If we do it once a week I'm lucky! But I'll add this......last year we thought about having our third child! The first go round, she had a miscarriage(I forget how far along). Second time around, at about 10 to 12 weeks(??) she went in for a check up and no heart beat! She had to have a DNC. Well, these two really played with her hormones and mind! She hasn't been the same since! I attribute some to that! She's under loads of stress at work(she's over a PT department). She went to the doc and he put her on some anti-depressant. It really helped her mood but not her sex drive. I'm the type that would probably like it every day. I even joked around with her saying if it didn't soon change, I guess I was going to have to get it on the side! She wants it to change but so far, no avail! And I wonder sometime about being married so long...do you lose the physical attraction? Does the same person get old over and over??? Is it me?? I don't think it is! And I feel like you...when she does want it, it doesn't feel the same. No spice..more like a chore!!(not that I mind). And having two kids and us both being gone 10 to 12 hours a  day at work doesn't leave much time!


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## Pitboss (Jun 19, 2002)

Well here is my veiw on that subject. 

After years with someone it does get old, it does lose it's spice. You can only do so much, between the two of you, to add spice and change into the bedroom.  

But there comes a time when you have to believe that your love for one another and your ongoing friendship is enough to continue on. You have to set aside your selfishness, your lust, and any other emotions that can disctract you from actually loving your spouse. 

There is a point when sex is a memory like college and family and future is the important issues. Companionship for a lifetime versus companionship for an hour. 

...  yeah that's my veiwpoint and opinion and it's something I will probably never really have.


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## Pitboss (Jun 19, 2002)

Oh.. 

I'm so sorry to hear about your and yoru wifes loses.  My mother went through 5 miscarriages after me... Guess that was God's way of telling her one of me was more than enough for anyone to handle!!!!  

But as a young child I was able to see and understand how these loses effected her.  You may want to consider trying to get your wife to a therapist... she is more than likely thinking there is somethign wrong with her and that she is at fault. Until she gets over that she will take a very, very long time to heal on her own and probably add even more stress to your marriage.


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## ZECH (Jun 19, 2002)

Thanks PB. You know one thing I have learned through the years we've been married is like I said earlier...The grass is always greener on the other side........Even though I think it gets old, there is no one I'd rather be with! I been with plenty of women and yeah it's great the first time or two, but you know what, it's the same!!! A &*##% is a &*##%!! it would all get old and boring once you get used to it! I agree with ya.....it's the friendship, commitment and trust that makes a marriage work. Sex is just one part of it!! And like J'bo said, you have to work at that, to keep it fun!! Me and my wife always pick at each other because we've been together so long we know what each other thinks and what we are going to say! And my values and ideas in life have rubbed off on her!! Ever been with a woman that totally believes different from you in politics and religion?? Used to be I didn't care. But now it's a turn off!! Hell, let's face it man! We're growing older and getting wiser!! Ain't that a bitch!!!!


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## Jodi (Jun 19, 2002)

WOW!  PB I think this thread should be changed to "Pour Your Heart Out"  I sat here reading all of this and I wanted to tell you guys that it is the same for women as well.  
A year ago I left my husband and moved to the midwest.   
We started dating when we were 19 and got married when we were 27.  Was married a whole 2 years.   I didn't want to have sex with him anymore!  My sex drive was still definately there but not for him.  He is an attractive guy.  He even started working out with me and eating right a few years back but I still didn't want him.  I use to get so excited whenever he or I would have to go away on business trips.  I use to be a workaholic cause I didn't want to go home.  
So anyway, the moral of my story is that now I realized how wrong I was and how much I miss him.  If any of you ever read my journal you would have read that I am moving back home.  My divorce has not gone through yet and my husband and I have decided that we are going to try and work things out.  That, and I miss my sisters and dog so damn much!  Now, I don't want to get too personal but my sex drive is still plenty there, but I am worried.  I don't want it to become what it use to be like where I didn't want to have sex with him anymore.  I enjoy it way to much and I am afraid I might make a mistake again.  I am hoping that the love that we have for each other will get us through and that we realize that were together.  We've been together for 11 years and there has to be a reason for that, I am just hoping I will find it?  
OK, enough of this gushy stuff.  Just wanted to let you know it happens to all of us!


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## ZECH (Jun 19, 2002)

Mochy, I know this is PB's thread but thanks for the post! Hell we all make mistakes, we're human! And no one is perfect!! I feel just like you do with the sex drive thing. Is love that you have for each other enough to get you through it?? I don't know the answer to that! Wish I did. I sure could make a lot of money if I did!!! I do know one thing...You miss him! That's says something. Maybe you were both young and thought it would be better on the other side...and like I said......mostly it's not!! Maybe things will be different now!! Maybe not. But it sure is worth a try!!! At least you will know!!

P.S.  That's why we are here...to help each other out!!


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## naturaltan (Jun 19, 2002)

* giggle * ... then there are _freaks_ like us who have found a very unconventional way to keep things spiced up.


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## ZECH (Jun 19, 2002)

NT...I'll have to admit, you and mrs. NT are two of a kind!!!!!!!
Dude I hope you have a great vacation coming up!! But don't forget.....PLENTY OF PICS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## naturaltan (Jun 19, 2002)

PB knows ...


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## Pitboss (Jun 19, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by naturaltan *_
> PB knows ...



Do as the Romans do!!!


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## Pitboss (Jun 19, 2002)

Mochy.. I really appreciate your openess. It takes a lot for someone to talk abotu such personal issues with basically strangers... maybe that's what makes it so easy for me. 

I think it's great that you two are going to try to work things out. It shows a lot when people have been through what you have and still decide that there is enough love and friendship not to call it quits.  People makes mistakes and as long you both know that there is remorse for those actions then it can work out...   me I'd ask my wife what took her so long to cheat on me and then ask for details... but I'm a perv like that.. LOL 

Expect some magic at first.. you know those butterflies you get like a new love has entered your life. They will fade quicker than a new relationship but you have to get past that part and remember what it was that kept you together for so long and what brought you back together again....  Good luck sweetie... 



Still think you need to post those pics you keep hinding from me!!


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## ZECH (Jun 19, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> 
> Still think you need to post those pics you keep hinding from me!!



Mmm huh!!!!!!!!!


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## buff_tat2d_chic (Jun 19, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by naturaltan *_
> * giggle * ... then there are _freaks_ like us who have found a very unconventional way to keep things spiced up.




It is funny you use the word _freak_ LMFAO that is one of my favorite words. I use it on me because of all of my tats and piercings. I LOVE that word and I use it lovingly LOL...seriously, I do!! I don't call the weirdos _freaks_  because it is tooooo good for them!


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## naturaltan (Jun 19, 2002)

then yourself, PB and I can affectionately call ourselves _freaks_


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## Pitboss (Jun 19, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by naturaltan *_
> then yourself, PB and I can affectionately call ourselves _freaks_



Well I'm still looking for that "freakette'!!!!!!! Cause I do know what I want.. how i want it and it's all just totally freaky!!!!!


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## naturaltan (Jun 19, 2002)

then yourself, PB and I can affectionately call ourselves _freaks_


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## Jodi (Jun 19, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> Mochy.. I really appreciate your openess. It takes a lot for someone to talk abotu such personal issues with basically strangers... maybe that's what makes it so easy for me.
> 
> I think it's great that you two are going to try to work things out. It shows a lot when people have been through what you have and still decide that there is enough love and friendship not to call it quits.  People makes mistakes and as long you both know that there is remorse for those actions then it can work out...   me I'd ask my wife what took her so long to cheat on me and then ask for details... but I'm a perv like that.. LOL
> ...


Thanks PB and good luck to you as well.  Its very difficult, trust me I know.


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## Pitboss (Jun 19, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by mochy *_
> Thanks PB and good luck to you as well.  Its very difficult, trust me I know.



damn nothing about those pics... he he


Thansk sweetie.. only time will tell and we only have one life to live. Can't always make the right choices but we can at least try to make the ones that we think will make us the happiest.


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## Pitboss (Jun 19, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> .. only time will tell and we only have one life to live. Can't always make the right choices but we can at least try to make the ones that we think will make us the happiest.



Had to put that in quotes....  still trying to figure out who wrote that????? 

Okay so my mind is decided.. after a few days of agony, restleness, attmepts to be non-pornal.. which is like asking Woody Allen to be 6 foot tall, good looking and funny....  NOT  GONNA HAPPEN!!!..... 

I'm calling it quits with Amanda. We talked on the phone breifly and I ageed that I would come over tonight to hang out, watch a movie for a little bit...  she knows, you can hear it her voice. But she has always known. She has been making it easier for me and telling me not to worry about her, she'll be okay and not to decide to stay together because I'm afraid of hurting her.. She is a very special person.  

I also don't want to lose her in my life and I want her to know that. Even if that means no sex, just friends...  I can do that, I think.... okay I can try to do that.  I mean who knows maybe down the road things will be different and I'll be ready to really commit. I'd much rather have her around and there than not.. makes sense??  I'm not going to play head games with here.. I'm not going to push sex on her or say things that make her think I'm coming around soon.  Just friends.. occassionally hang out. 

Now for the second time in less than a year I'll make that promise again to myself... never again will a break a womans heart.  Never again will I allow myself to be put into something I am not happy with. 

..... there.  Now I can concentrate on my diary just being a bunch a daily boring crap in my life. 

Hmmmmm PB's single again... uh oh!!!!!!!!!


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## Miss LeDix (Jun 19, 2002)

Yes, you being a single main is a scary thought!

Do you like my new sig?


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## Pitboss (Jun 19, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Miss LeDix *_
> Yes, you being a single main is a scary thought!
> 
> Do you like my new sig?



Not scary... exciting!!!! 

I like the sig.. sorry I couldn't stay for long.  It's hard to sit next to you and not have pornal thoughts..  I told you a dozen times your blouse had come unbuttoned but you wouldn't believe me.. oh wait that was something else I was thinking about with you in it..


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## Scorpio Gurl (Jun 19, 2002)

Hey PB, what's up????? 

Long time no talk  lol, how's things going with you.. or , do I wanna know.. hehe


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## J'Bo (Jun 19, 2002)

PB,

Good to hear you made some decisions.
Make sure there is no nooky going on during the movie w/ Amanda. It better not be a porno.


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## Pitboss (Jun 19, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Scorpio Gurl *_
> Hey PB, what's up?????
> 
> Long time no talk  lol, how's things going with you.. or , do I wanna know.. hehe



How's my gurl??? Miss ya bunches honey  

Well if start at the start of this thread I'm okay.. then not, then i am, and not, am, not, am... I think that's where i am at now.. LOL

Email me.. update me!!


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## Pitboss (Jun 19, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by J'Bo *_
> PB,
> 
> Good to hear you made some decisions.
> Make sure there is no nooky going on during the movie w/ Amanda. It better not be a porno.



At this time I have no intentions of staying over.. just talking and hanging out.  However it would be rather rude of me to turn down her advances wouldn't it?? And she picked the movie not me!!!!


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## lina (Jun 19, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> 
> .. never again will a break a womans heart.  Never again will I allow myself to be put into something I am not happy with.
> ..... .  Now I can concentrate on my diary just being a bunch a daily boring crap in my life.



You gonna put that in your signature? Sounds good! 

LOL, J'Bo, about the movie not being a porno one!!!


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## J'Bo (Jun 20, 2002)

Ummm PB as finger food. Peanut butter that is. I can't wait to stick a banana into my sugary PB. Man that sounds aweful, must be the PB in me.  

So are you good now? 
Tell all how the movie (porn) went.
Inquiring minds want to know, did you dip into the honey jar? or were you a good boy?


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## Jodi (Jun 20, 2002)

> did you dip into the honey jar? or were you a good boy



LMFAO!


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## Pitboss (Jun 20, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by J'Bo *_
> Ummm PB as finger food. Peanut butter that is. I can't wait to stick a banana into my sugary PB. Man that sounds aweful, must be the PB in me.
> 
> So are you good now?
> ...



I was more or less thinking my banana covered with peanut butter...  then dipping in your.......   hmmmm be nice PB


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## butterfly (Jun 20, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> Expect some magic at first.. you know those butterflies you get like a new love has entered your life. They will fade quicker than a new relationship but you have to get past that part and remember what it was that kept you together for so long and what brought you back together again....


Interesting how you used "butterfly" and "fade" in the same sentence there


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## Pitboss (Jun 20, 2002)

Okay... No I did not get in the Honey Jar last night. No we did not watch porn. 

What did happen though still hurts..  

We sat down as soon as I got there and I told her that I'm just not ready to commit myself.. I am but not in a relationship.  She commented how quickly I came to this conclusion. My answer.. well if I have question being or not being in a relationship that would make it pretty obvious that I don't. If I wanted to be in one I wouldn't have ever questioned it...   not a bad way of looking at it 

So we talked.. she blamed herslef, questioned thing she did or didn't do.. I consoled her. Told her it really isn't anything you did or didn't do.  I tried to put reason to words but really just couldn't get to come out the way I wanted it to... so we both ended up confused.

I told her that I want her in my life.. I care so much for her and I didn't want to lose her because of this. If she couldn't do that I could understand. We talked more. 

Then I said I should go. She asked if I'd lay down with her for a little while so I did.  At one point we found ourselves kissing. That hurt. That hurt a lot and I could feel the tears on my cheek.. mine not hers. I stopped and just held her close. We talked some more. 

Eventually she just started crying really hard and I held her. She said I needed to leave and that she will be okay. Just needed to get it out of her system.  I said I need to know you will be okay.. and she said she would be and that she would not do anything stupid. I kissed her on the forehead and left. Not sure if I would really ever see or talk to her again  

I went out to have a few beers.... okay 8 to be exact. Spent the next 3 hours trying to convince a Lesbian what she is missing. I think if I had another hour she would have been a very happy girl. 

I got home around 2am .. fell right to sleep. At 3:30am Amanda called. We talked for about 30 minutes. Okay she talked and I listened barely... I know but I was dead tired now.  She wanted to keep trying. Said she was willing to do whatever it took and that she would be willing to "look the other way"....  I told her that I will think about everything she said early and then.  I knew that was not something I would be able to do with her, not now. Knowing how hurt she would be if I did do what she was saying I could do.  

So I'm not at work, not feeling to good about myself and coming to realize why I hate breaking up... because I have no expierence at it. This is really the 2nd time I have ever broken up with someone.. both times was with women who trully loved me... idiot!!!  All my other relationship were more like dates.. one night stands, married women... too many married women.... no commitment relationships. 

So Amanda calls me at work and asks if I would sleep over tonight when I get off work..  I'm like uh no.  She says look i want you in my life. I want to be close to you. I want to have wild sex with you and I want to be able to just hang out with you.  Basically what I want.. but the sex was not a subject I had discussed.   I still told her that I don't think it's right, that I don't think this is what you need. And basically she said that's for her to decide.  Okay.  But if things get too hard for you. If you feel that this is hurting you or you know it's going to hurt you down the road speak up. Don't hide your feelings from me.  I don;t want  you holding on to me hoping for more. 

Basically is about like that. But I did get the feeling that she is comfortable with the idea. That she can accept being friends for now.. for life if I have it my way.   I told her don't expect me to be there everynight... it's not about the sex!!! It's about a friendship. 

I know it's probably not going to be good for her. But I'm going to do my best to not make myself readily available. I am going to do my best to do things with her that we both enjoy... and not have sex during, before, or after we do whatever we do that day.  I want to continue building our freindship. 


go ahead ladies let me have it.....


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## Pitboss (Jun 20, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by butterfly *_
> Interesting how you used "butterfly" and "fade" in the same sentence there



OMG I didn't even see that.... stop reading into things I say. It'll only mess with you up..  it's all just jibberish, junk!!!


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## butterfly (Jun 20, 2002)

My two cents...

I think you are doing the right thing by just being her friend.  Even if you didn't have all the sex thoughts and desires... you JUST got out of a looonnnggg relationship and you need some time for YOU!!!

Too bad you didn't meet her a year from now when you might be ready to "settle down"


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## Pitboss (Jun 20, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by butterfly *_
> My two cents...
> 
> I think you are doing the right thing by just being her friend.  Even if you didn't have all the sex thoughts and desires... you JUST got out of a looonnnggg relationship and you need some time for YOU!!!
> ...



And a year from now I may be, and with her in my life there could be that possiblity.  

Especially if I keep hitting on lesbians!!!!


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## Jodi (Jun 20, 2002)

I definately think you have done the right thing by just being friends.  You may even feel after the long term friendship that you do both need each other in a more intimate way.  You never know.  Just make sure you keep it that way no matter how much she tires coming onto you.  Keep it as friends and don't let the idea of sex come into your mind or its all over.


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## Pitboss (Jun 20, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by mochy *_
> I definately think you have done the right thing by just being friends.  You may even feel after the long term friendship that you do both need each other in a more intimate way.  You never know.  Just make sure you keep it that way no matter how much she tires coming onto you.  Keep it as friends and don't let the idea of sex come into your mind or its all over.




But she wants the sex.  Do I deny her that???  please don't say no... say yes give it to her!! give her every inch and and give it to her hard.... oh sorry got carried away. She's just that good in bed and just thinking about it get's me a little overly excited.


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## ZECH (Jun 20, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> 
> 
> 
> But she wants the sex.  Do I deny her that???  please don't say no... say yes give it to her!! give her every inch and and give it to her hard.... oh sorry got carried away. She's just that good in bed and just thinking about it get's me a little overly excited.



Hmmm!! Why don't you send me a pic of her!!!!


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## Pitboss (Jun 20, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by dg806 *_
> Hmmm!! Why don't you send me a pic of her!!!!



Uhm..... no!


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## ZECH (Jun 20, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> 
> 
> Uhm..... no!


Ok, so what are you really trying to say here??


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## Jodi (Jun 20, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> 
> 
> 
> But she wants the sex.  Do I deny her that???  please don't say no... say yes give it to her!! give her every inch and and give it to her hard.... oh sorry got carried away. She's just that good in bed and just thinking about it get's me a little overly excited.




If you really want to try and maintain a friendship than you really ought control yourself and NO SEX!  I know easier said than done but fuck friends aren't usually a good thing you know.  If you truly care for her and you think that maybe someday something could happen more serious than show her that.  Show her how much you care as a friend.  Even if she wants it too.  It will just turn into a game with her to make sure she still has your attention sexually.  Also it will soon make her realize that you only keep her around for sex and not a friendship.  Just my opinion.


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## Pitboss (Jun 20, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by mochy *_
> If you really want to try and maintain a friendship than you really ought control yourself and NO SEX!  I know easier said than done but fuck friends aren't usually a good thing you know.  If you truly care for her and you think that maybe someday something could happen more serious than show her that.  Show her how much you care as a friend.  Even if she wants it too.  It will just turn into a game with her to make sure she still has your attention sexually.  Also it will soon make her realize that you only keep her around for sex and not a friendship.  Just my opinion.



That's how I was looking at. 

But the flip side... rejection also comes into play. 

I also don't look at her a fuck buddy... to me that's just booty calls.  I think doing other things outside sex solidifies the friendship bond... no??


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## Jodi (Jun 20, 2002)

Maybe if you try to explain to her that you are attracted too her but for sanity reasons you need to keep it a friendship level.  Explain that you care too much for this to turn into just a sex game and you maybe afraid thats what it would lead too.  I'm just throwing ideas.  If she really wants to be your friend as well she will understand that its not rejection.


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## Pitboss (Jun 20, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by mochy *_
> Maybe if you try to explain to her that you are attracted too her but for sanity reasons you need to keep it a friendship level.  Explain that you care too much for this to turn into just a sex game and you maybe afraid thats what it would lead too.  I'm just throwing ideas.  If she really wants to be your friend as well she will understand that its not rejection.



Very good!!!!  I will do my best to do this.  

Now dealing with going with for 2.5 months 10 times a week minimum to 0!!!!!!!!!


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## Leslie (Jun 20, 2002)

I must put in my 2 cents- 
If you continue your "sexual" realtionship then one of two things will happen: You will end up "together" or you will stop talking completely once the other finds a "significant" other.

If you don't continue to have sex; you still may end up "together" , your friend ship will probably grow stronger and the chances of you always being friends are much greater.
Just my thoughts.. BUT what do I know I am just a dumb blonde


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## Pitboss (Jun 20, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Leslie2196 *_
> I must put in my 2 cents-
> If you continue your "sexual" realtionship then one of two things will happen: You will end up "together" or you will stop talking completely once the other finds a "significant" other.
> 
> ...



I'll agree with you there,,, the blonde part.. Just kidding!!!

Look the best part about this diary is all the female reponses. Not only to I get to flirt, I get a femalespoint of view. If all I had were males replying it would be post like...  "dude if she wants it give to her, are you stupid or something?"  dumb comments like that. 



To be honest she is the one looking for the sex now.. and is basing this on a past relationship where she was pretty much the other woman being led to believe that he wasn't seeing this other girl in that way anymore even though they were still living together because she couldnt afford to move out for a while.. lie, lie, lie, etc, etc.  She said since she had done this before it wouldn't be that difficult to doing it again....  

Now I'm not saying I am agreeing with her. I think that would be a terrible way to look at. It would really kill her self esteem... and I ain't into that type of thing. 

No avoiding sex all together is the way to go. 

Oh wait. Does it apply if I let her tie me up and do as she pleases??


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## Jodi (Jun 20, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Leslie2196 *_
> I must put in my 2 cents-
> If you continue your "sexual" realtionship then one of two things will happen: You will end up "together" or you will stop talking completely once the other finds a "significant" other.
> 
> ...



Most definately.

PB as far as sex, you already know you can get it elsewhere.


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## Pitboss (Jun 20, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by mochy *_
> PB as far as sex, you already know you can get it elsewhere.



Excuse me???? was that an offer???  he he


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## Jodi (Jun 20, 2002)

Geez, I'm trying to be all serious here and what do you do, make a pass at me.  I'm appauled!  J/K


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## Pitboss (Jun 20, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by mochy *_
> Geez, I'm trying to be all serious here and what do you do, make a pass at me.  I'm appauled!  J/K


Oh thought you were making one towards me... by bad.. buy ya a drink??


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## butterfly (Jun 20, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> To be honest she is the one looking for the sex now..


I think she may be saying she wants the sex for another reason other than the obvious... it's her way of trying to hold on to you.

You don't want her holding on to you that way... it wouldn't healthy for her mentally.


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## Pitboss (Jun 20, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by butterfly *_
> 
> I think she may be saying she wants the sex for another reason other than the obvious... it's her way of trying to hold on to you.
> 
> You don't want her holding on to you that way... it wouldn't healthy for her mentally.



yeah but physically it would 

Okay.. no sex!! i know that is the right thing to do.. no ifs ands or butts... well no butts anyhow she won't let me go there... LOL


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## buff_tat2d_chic (Jun 20, 2002)

I don't agree with most everyone on this, I think. *I say give it to her. * You are both adults and if she want to continue that part...why not? I know several people who have a "comfort" friend...works pretty well for them. At this point of the relationship it is JUST sex and sex is good...we all need it.

I would talk it over and make sure she understands that if sex is involved that is all it is...just sex and no strings.


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## ZECH (Jun 21, 2002)

I like the way she thinks!!


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## Fade (Jun 21, 2002)

Good morning PB


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## J'Bo (Jun 21, 2002)

Ok NB, what the hell is that kinda comment? Coming from a woman too.

I totally agree with everyone on here, sex in this case is VERY BAD. I know that she asks for it, but NB its not because she wants to pump.

PB,  I think you know what i am going to say already. She doesnt want to have sex to get it on (sorry), she wants it because she thinks it will get you back. Believe me i know, it is tactic #24 of the desperately seeking ex ploy. 

Quote from PB:
"I went out to have a few beers.... okay 8 to be exact. Spent the next 3 hours trying to convince a Lesbian what she is missing. I think if I had another hour she would have been a very happy girl." 

Man you are the funniest guy on this forum. I wish we could meet.

BTW, even kissing is in the tactic book (#12). You ask them to come lye down then you spoon up close, and put your lips near his neck and then he can feel your breathing and almost lip touch. Then you press against his body and then once they feel that female region in behind them. Boom its off to the races. Boy PB is that something like what happened.

Not trying to be a smart ass, just letting you know what is up in that "female head" of hers.

I think you made a good decision and you should stick to it.
Get some past feelings out of the way and clear your head a bit then you may be able to give Amanda what she and you both want.

I say all this because i have been through this a million times. In fact my present man and i have been going out for 4 years and for the first 3 years we broke up around 5 times. We finally agreed that we were being dumb and that we did not want to be without eachother (ever). I too have never broken up with BF's it is a very hard thing to do. 

Maybe after a while you may want to continue the relationship with Amanda, but it shouldnt be a thought in your mind right now. You definately shouldnt tell her that you guys may get back together, not fair to her.

Where do you live?


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## Pitboss (Jun 21, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by J'Bo *_
> Where do you live?



are you going to at least call first?? I can't have you just showing up when ever... he he   Los Angeles area.  And the thing about the lesbian was true!!! 

NB, J'bo, Butterfly and everyone else I appreciate your comments and have really taken all of your words with some serious thought. 

So sex or no sex is the issue right now.  uhmmm sex, but she started it!!!!!! and it's been almost a week.. and I had no solo runs this week either!!! 

Okay seriously we did at 4 this morning.  We laid in bed and chatted for about an hour. We started kissing and I stopped. I told her that I didn't think this was a good idea and that it will only keep her hopes alive and I'm not making any promises about anything more than us being friends.  She asked me if what I wanted was someone to hang out and have coffee with and go shopping, things like that. I said yeah basically....  her response. Well that won't really work for me.. I have  enough GF's to do that with and unless you are gay I ain't putting you the GF's category.. so either we fuck or you go home and send my B-day/Xmas cards to let me know how you are doing....   more talk, etc, etc... 

In the morning we sat on her patio had coffee and just talked like we used to talk when we first met... not sure how to describe that exactly. We talked about stuff we always wanted to do, go, been to already... some past gf/bf stories that were the stories you tell your friends because they don't get jealous of past lovers.  We talked about things we would like to do together.. maybe a weekend get away. Taking Carter out for the day to see fishes...   just talk.   I felt comfortable, she was very comfortable.. no qustionable expressions, eyes tell a lot and hers only showed excitement when she talked and interest when I talked..   anyhow... 

She wants me around and she wants me to satisfy her and my needs. She agrees that we need to concentrate on more things than just sex and should be able to do things without it.  She has no hang ups with this the way it is. She has done it before but under false hopes and because I have been nothing but honest with her she has no real expectations of anything. She wants me in her life just as I want her...... hmm see below. 

Do I agree with her or believe her... not really. J'bo you are right.. she's hit every ploy from number 1 all the way to 28 so far.. well not that bad but a few.   What I have concluded is this.. she would rather have me one day a week than no day at all. She is willing to deal with me dating other women instead of not having me in her life at all....  kind of what i was asking for since the beginning but I was asking while we were bf/gf ... so maybe that's whats she doing.  If that is the case I have no reasons not to be happy with the arrangements... Pitboss the perv gets to play. 

Sge jumped into this new "role" rather too easy.. so I'm on my toes about her emotions, her thoughts and her words... and my words.  No hidden or open promises. No down the road stories..  it's all right now, at this moment comments. 


I know you all think I am making the wrong choice here...  sorry 


Oh and good morning Fade


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## Jodi (Jun 21, 2002)

PB - J'Bo, Butterfly and myself have all told you that its gonna be a game for her.  A game with your emotions.  I know everyone suggestions are easier said than done but you need to really be careful here.  She has already said she basically doesn't want you as a friend.  Sounds to me like she is gonna do what she can to keep you as more than friends.  She said its ok to date other people.  The first time you go ahead and go on a date with someone else you are going to feel so guilty and almost like you are cheating on her.  Then the next time you talk to her and you either tell her you are going on a date or going to go on a date she is gonna get moody.  It will start with her voice sounding sad and then she will start to get very short almost bitter in a way but she will still be saying its OK.  I don't know if this makes sense but its her way of telling you she really doesn't want you to date other people.  Then you are gonna feel like a dirt bag.    Then when its all over (the date and her bitterness) and the next time you try to date again you won't be able to go through with it.  Another game of holding you down and keeping you to herself.  Again I hope this makes sense.  I think most women that read this will understand what I mean.  Its a guilt trip thing without saying NO I don't want you to date other women.

Ok with that being said, I really hope you be careful.  Also, I could be wrong and it really could work out for you.  Anyway, I hope it does go well and you don't run into this type of issue.


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## butterfly (Jun 21, 2002)

I think you hit it right on the head Mochy!!!  

Something else to consider PB... while you two are "being friends" and as long as she's secretly hoping you two stay together... SHE won't be free to pursue that special someone that's out there who will want to fulfil all her needs including marriage & kids of her own.


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## Pitboss (Jun 21, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by butterfly *_
> I think you hit it right on the head Mochy!!!
> 
> Something else to consider PB... while you two are "being friends" and as long as she's secretly hoping you two stay together... SHE won't be free to pursue that special someone that's out there who will want to fulfil all her needs including marriage & kids of her own.



She will if I bring them home to her


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## Miss LeDix (Jun 21, 2002)

If all of you like the way PB writes in here...you should check out the story he just wrote in the Open Chat forum...'What's wrong Fade' or whatever it was called.  

Sorry PB, just had to give you credit...**going back to non-pornality now..**


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## ZECH (Jun 21, 2002)

Commenting on Mochy's comment.................
Jealous gf's are trouble!!!! PB.............I have to take the girls side on this one!! What was the name of that movie with Mr. Douglas???  You better make up your mind one way or the other! Fuq her or get the hell out....if not your asking for trouble!


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## Pitboss (Jun 24, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Miss LeDix *_
> If all of you like the way PB writes in here...you should check out the story he just wrote in the Open Chat forum...'What's wrong Fade' or whatever it was called.
> 
> Sorry PB, just had to give you credit...**going back to non-pornality now..**




Thanks Miss L...  I noticed you brought a friend with you to IM.. Adidas.  Funny you non-pornal and 
Adidas.. All Day I Dream About Sex 

Hmmm strange company you keep!!!!


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## Jodi (Jun 24, 2002)

Another Korn fan?


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## Pitboss (Jun 24, 2002)

Okay.... I'm a bastard, an asshole, and anything else you can think.. 

I'm still seeing Amanda.. just not as much as I had been before. We talk about things.. sometimes "us" comes up and I can tell she's hoping I'll just go back the way it was. I can't though.  I'm just feel??? Free? I guess that's the word. I was being smothered and didn't realize it.  Now it's almost weird. Almost like she is saying go on, get out there and get it out of your system. Maybe that's what I need??  I don't know. But I haven't been just sitting at home.. okay I've been working but even then I'm working it!! 

So yeah.. I'm having sex with her still..  while maintaining a freindship/relationship/not a relationship kind of thing....   

and while I'm doing that I'm swapping telephone numbers with a 22 year old stripper from another club.. not the one I work at...  who happens to also do porn...   

Either this is God's way of testing me or Satan's way of having fun!!!!  


other than the normal woes of PB and his women troubles it was a busy weekend. Worked 4 nights straight, no sleep, lunch with family on Saturday, spend a few hours with Carter and his mom tagged along, then an afternoon hanging with Amanda.. uhm twice.. he he ... oh !!!

The EX!!! She finally got laid!! About freaking time!  That girl needed a good fuq!! Sorry but she did. I would have offered,..... NOT!!!


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## Pitboss (Jun 24, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by mochy *_
> Another Korn fan?



Huh????  Used Cucumbers but haven't tried corn... could be interesting!!! 

I know... that was bad!!!


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## Jodi (Jun 24, 2002)

OK so you don't listen to Korn!  They have a song called A.D.I.D.A.S (all day I dream about sex)!  Never mind.


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## dvlmn666 (Jun 24, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by mochy *_
> OK so you don't listen to Korn!  They have a song called A.D.I.D.A.S (all day I dream about sex)!  Never mind.



awesome song.


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## Pitboss (Jun 24, 2002)

I have the CD but never even paid attention the titles of the songs... 

Okay had therapy today... oh I'm a wacko inscae anyone missed that part. 

My ex gf/current gf/??? and my therapist both put it bluntly to me... "so want you want is a GF but still be able to fuck whoever you want?" My reply... "hmmmm yep that seems to work best for me" 

I'm such a f'n pig!!!

Oh and we talked about Carter, my ex, more of Amanda, sex, more sex, what I like, etc....   She was looking pretty good today. Never realized her breasts were that big before...    there I go again.  Damn. 

Wonder if I can go a whole day without one single sexual thought??  hey stop laughing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL


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## ZECH (Jun 25, 2002)

So your therapists is a woman? Anyone want to lay odds on how long it will be before PB bangs her????


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## J'Bo (Jun 25, 2002)

I bet 10 million that he has sexual thoughts of taking her over that leather couch within 3 sessions. 

Seriously PB maybe you need to get your hormones tested and get that effing testosterone undercontrol.


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## ZECH (Jun 25, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by J'Bo *_
> I bet 10 million that he has sexual thoughts of taking her over that leather couch within 3 sessions.
> 
> Seriously PB maybe you need to get your hormones tested and get that effing testosterone undercontrol.




BAAAAAWAAAAAA!! He had that thought within 10 minutes of the first session!!!!!!!!  Now tell the truth PB!!!


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## Pitboss (Jun 25, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by J'Bo *_
> I bet 10 million that he has sexual thoughts of taking her over that leather couch within 3 sessions.
> 
> Seriously PB maybe you need to get your hormones tested and get that effing testosterone undercontrol.



Okay.. I'm like this normally all the time. Just think how bad I could be considering I've been on Test for the past 8 weeks!!!! Too bad I wasted on that money.. not time to work out, not eating right, blah, blah, blah...  a little bigger but not much. 


Sexual thoughts??? Oh yeah!!! On the couch, over the armrest of that over stuffed chair she sits on, standing agaisnt the wall..  oh I have already made use of every possible corner of the room!!!! 

Amanda came over last night, early. Seems she took a few days off from work.. needed a break from it all, all but me.  We talked about my session with the therapist.  I openely and honestly always tell Amanda what I said in my sessions.  I think because of my honesty it has made her think things out, maybe better than me.  She said she has no problems with me "getting it out of my system"  If I make a date she said she would like to know ahead of time so she doesn't interfere with whatever plans I have made...  not sure I can tell her that though. I don't know. 

There was a lot more discussion about that stuff... but in the end it lead to her feelings about her she feels I didn't give her a chance and that's what hurts her the most. That I gave her the feeling I gave up and had to find it elsewhere... not just sex people, well sex but we are talking threesomes, group, etc.....  she is willing to try anything with me but not like all at once!!! Although that can be arranged... LOL 

So sexually we are on the same level. Me being the more agressive one willing to act on the whatever situation cums up..  

One thing that I pointed out to her and it made both of us a little more comfortable with what's going on... I said to her as we were having some drinks, holding hands under the table, me looking at her like a teenager with a crush on hs English teacher... hmm mine were all males.. okay this Spanish teacher that so f'n hot.. omg she would wear these tight ass jeans and tight shirts.. she blew away any gorl in school that's how hot she was and she knew it!!! Oh so yeah.. I said besides all the crap I have put you through in the past few weeks what's different right now versus a month ago?? Nothing she said. You treat me the same way, you look at me the same way, you keep me up on that pedestal the same way, so really nothing.   it was all good. 

I know you all probably can't really understand this stuff and it's tough to describe sometimes but for me right now, this time in my life I need my cake and the icing too or however that saying goes. If Amanda is willing to allow me to do that I have no reasons to not want to be with her.  I'm not stopping her from finding anyone better.. hell I made a comment about it not being fair to her and she got pissed!! If I wanted to be with someone else I wouldn't be here with you right now...  okay, okay.. geez I was just saying...   oh and she knows that I have no problem with her helping herself to a little kilbasa on the side!


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## Pitboss (Jun 26, 2002)

*Wonder if she will see this...*

Morning Danilee!!!!


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## J'Bo (Jun 26, 2002)

OK PB
Sounds like your little "icing on the cake and eat it too" is quite selfish. If you cared about her you would let her go. No one can take the torture of being used like that, even if she says its ok. I dont know where you grew up but where i come fromyou just dont treat people like that. Sorry for being harsh, but it sounds like you arent being very considerate of her feelings. So whenever you say you care so much about her, i now doubt you. Do you want to scare the girl forever? Cause it will take her a long time to get over what you are going to put her through.


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## danilee (Jun 26, 2002)

PB,

Wow, what can I say..I read your journal, and I have my opinions.

Amanda, sweet Amanda, I have been in her shoes before, said and done the exact same things....Women play games with sex, we use it to control men...It is very hard to get out of doing it, but this is what most women do...When we have nothing else, we give head, thinking someway some how, this is gonna make the guy love is again.  

I am in an industry now where I have learned a lot about the ways of sex and men...I am also in a realtionship that flys in the face of what I think I learned at work, and in other situations in life.

My stance and actions now, and for the past few years, have been one of, not doing the duty until the commitmant is in place, and pretty much put in place by the guy.  Yes, MANY don't stick around for months waiting to get some, but the ones who do, you usually don't have these kinda problems with.

PB, have ya thought about just going without?  I know that sounds harsh and all, but sometimes true intimacy is what is going to have you stick around, even after the sex cools off...I think sex makes things way to complicated when it happens too soon...You won't grow emotionally when you do things without emotion.  

I was on a merry go round about these issues for a while, and while it seems really great to hear stories and live out sexual fantasy, I will tell you I do, and IT AIN"T NO BIGGIE...Everyone wants to be loved and accepted for WHO THEY ARE, bottom line...We do things out of FEAR or LOVE, that is it...Everything can be traced back to those two emotions really. Think about it.

I believe that if you take things really slow, focuse on your own growth(and your son) you will become intune with things around you and figure out what really is the issues here...

I always thought about being with other men(heck I was, but the other men wanted commitments too)  I soon realized that I am going to be old and grey one day..My youth will be gone, I want someone that is there with me, old and grey...Maybe even sick...I want to love someone old and grey...You find these connections early on and evolve with the person, and there you find security and peace...Something we all need(even you).
So in the end this is what we are all searching for, just takes some longer to admit it, accept it, not fear it...AND LOVE, just because.
OK, maybe more later, hard night stripping.
danilee


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## Pitboss (Jun 26, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by J'Bo *_
> OK PB
> Sounds like your little "icing on the cake and eat it too" is quite selfish. If you cared about her you would let her go. No one can take the torture of being used like that, even if she says its ok. I dont know where you grew up but where i come fromyou just dont treat people like that. Sorry for being harsh, but it sounds like you arent being very considerate of her feelings. So whenever you say you care so much about her, i now doubt you. Do you want to scare the girl forever? Cause it will take her a long time to get over what you are going to put her through.



Be harsh!! I don't mind really.  

I don't know how to really explain whats been going on this past week, or these past few days.  We been going about things like nothing ever happened between us.  We spent the night hanging out at the pool, watched a movie, cuddled, etc... like nothing had changed.   

Yes I do agree that I am being selfish, at least in a sexual standpoint.  But as far as the relationship stand point nothing has changed.  I know it probably doesn't make sense to anyone. I'm probably coming off like I am just using her to satisfy my own needs. But truth be told it's the other way around and I am completley satisfied with being there when I can for her to make her happy, feel wanted, and most of feel loved. 

I guess I'm a dog without a leash. But this dog knows his way home and will always come back home as long as she wants me there. 

Like I said before I appreciate everyones comments, good or bad. I read them all, they do sink in and do help in some of the decisions I decide to make or how I approach my conversations with Amanda.  Many times she has opened her mouth to say something and I have to push her to say it. I tell her say what ever is on your mind so we can discuss the issue.  I don't want her keeping her feelings hidden from me about what's going on now or in the future.  I know from my past experiences that not talking and not saying whats on your mind good or bad is the worst possible thing you can do to yourself. 

Thanks.. 


PS. J'bo congrats on your1st place finish!!!! Awesome!!!!


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## J'Bo (Jun 26, 2002)

Thanks PB!
Pics are on the summer 2002 posting.

I think that you guys are kidding yourselfs if you are just going around playing house with your relationship again. It takes work and time to fix a realtionship and it doesnt sound like either of you have done either. 

But if you are committed to staying with her and resolving things regardless of what you are going to have to go through, than cool. It doesnt sound like you two are committed to doing that though.


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## Pitboss (Jun 26, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by J'Bo *_
> But if you are committed to staying with her and resolving things regardless of what you are going to have to go through, than cool. It doesnt sound like you two are committed to doing that though.




Well as wacky as this sounds it's true....  we have before and we still do know talk about a future together.  I am not.. once again I am not giving her false hopes, or leading her on. That's not my intentions has never been.  What I tell her is from the heart.  What I tell her about my .. what?? sexual prowness, desires for other women are honest, open and in now way are a reflection of what she does for me or to me in that area of the relationship.  I have stressed tiem and time again that it is not about the sex. Yes Danilee I could go without with her and contoniue to focus of the other parts of our relationship. One major problem. When I mention this last week she took it as I was not attracted to her and didn't want her for sex and that is why I needed to get it elsewhere. 

Okay look I am approching this relationship so differently than any other I have ever been in. Open and honest.  Would it be better that I just cheat behind her back.... as some of you may know I have already once..  Both her and my therapist.. damn I hate saying have one just makes me sound more fucked up...  agreed that it takes more to be honest about this than to hide it. 

too many good realtionships are thrown away because someone strayed...  I'm not talking about having an affair.. I see no excuse for that. But just sex, no emotional attachment.   If more people could seperate love and sex... as they are two different things then I really believe more marriages would last. There would be less jealousy in the world and a lot more people with silly grins on their faces...  maybe I'm just the extreme when it comes to this stuff.  But as I have told Amanda, and even my ex-wife. I don't care what you do with others as long as I know you love me and you always come back to me. If they don't come back then it's obvious they don't love me and why the hell were we together in the first place?????  

I know probably everyone here except for myself thinks I'm nuts when I say that I can and do see Ananda and I being together for a very long time.


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## Pitboss (Jun 26, 2002)

to add the mix.... 

I seem to spend a lot of time talking  to people about an open sexual realtionship. Mostly to get some feedback and to see how people react.  This is what I have come up with.. my opinion on those that can not consider this as an option. 

 Jealousy seems to be common with both males and females. Most men seem to be more so than women.  Jealous of what? Jealous that the significant other will leave them for the other person. This is actually a very common fear when 3somes is the subject.  But what does jealousy really have to do with any of this. Nothing. It's not jealousy it's insecurity.  Insercurties about yourself that maybe he/she will find someone that does it better than you. That they turn you on more than they do. Insecurities that they have a better body than you do. 

Once again if you are secure enough with yourself, secure enough with your partner and able to seperate sex and love then if there is outside sex in the realtionship.. or even inside (3some, etc) then there is one less issue that could possibly ruin a relationship. 

Make a list of the topics that ruin relationships/marriages andtry to come up with a solution that allows that to be avoided.

Infedelities..  both parties have to be secure and of course in total agreement. It's not one or the other.

Money...  number one cause of divorce for newlyweds. So what.. win the lottery?  I have my own idea's on what works. I prefer not to share it as this may cause the divorce rate to go down and that means less single women for those single men.  

Sex.. not related to first subject. lack of from one party or the other.  Lots of things to spice it up. But you can only play Nurse so many times.  Okay so we hear.. but if you trully love that person then the sex doesn't matter.  Sorry but I say its different.. it doesn't matter when you're in your 50-60-70... maybe just 60-70. But when your 30, been married 6 years it pretty much does matter!!!  reads cheating spouse.   Someone posted a study done back in the 50's regarding cheating spouses. You remember the joke about your  dad being the mailman, milkman, etc...  they think now that over 50% of spouses cheated back then.  I'd say more.  I would also say that majority of wives knew it.  But what were they to do? They stay home, cook, clean, take care of the kids, etc....  they couldn't just leave  how would they live?  So turn the cheek and ignore it.  It's been like that since the beginning of time. Men cheated. Women too. Difference being women paid a price dearly when caught.  Now he cheats, she cheats end of relationship because you can. They both have the means to survive without each other. 

Think I got carried away here somewhere along the lines... have no clue what I was trying to really say... rambling alot lately. 

Any how just another look into the messed up mind of a ranting madman!!!!


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## dvlmn666 (Jun 26, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> Sex.. not related to first subject. lack of from one party or the other.  Lots of things to spice it up. But you can only play Nurse so many times.  Okay so we hear.. but if you trully love that person then the sex doesn't matter.  Sorry but I say its different.. it doesn't matter when you're in your 50-60-70... maybe just 60-70. But when your 30, been married 6 years it pretty much does matter!!!  reads cheating spouse.



I used to think that sex didn't play a big part of it either. Til I was married, and well now I'm divorced. But your totally right here PB. Some say it doesn't matter but in the end without sex, they are just a friend, you may love them but it isn't a complete relationship without the whole package. 

But damn dude you think about sex more than anybody I've ever met.  

I do think the girls are right though about Amanda (cute name by the way) is probably going to end up getting hurt.  But I'm sort of in a situation like yours but a bit different.


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## Pitboss (Jun 26, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by dvlmn666 *_
> But damn dude you think about sex more than anybody I've ever met.



I don't think that's a good thing... is is???? 



> I do think the girls are right though about Amanda (cute name by the way) is probably going to end up getting hurt.  But I'm sort of in a situation like yours but a bit different.



I guess without actully seeing us together, or hearing what we say to each other it's kind of all heresay...  We both convey how much we do care for each other. I continue to reforce my feeling for her by letting her know that Carter s number one and she is number two in my life and will continue to be so.  When the question comes up about me finding someone else I answer "why would I find anyone else when I'm not looking for anyone else" 

If you go back and read everything I have said and understand that I can and I do seperate love and sex. That I can and I do have sex with no emotional attachments. That I can follow my rules of this is sex only... nothing more. If they can't follow those rules nothing gonna happen.....  


I'm really waiting for some of the ladies here to just go off on me...  I know somebody has to want to say whay a loser I am, a pig, male chauvanist, or whatever else they can come up with.


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## dvlmn666 (Jun 26, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> 
> 
> I don't think that's a good thing... is is????



Only if your actually gettting it more than me. 



> I guess without actully seeing us together, or hearing what we say to each other it's kind of all heresay...  We both convey how much we do care for each other. I continue to reforce my feeling for her by letting her know that Carter s number one and she is number two in my life and will continue to be so.  When the question comes up about me finding someone else I answer "why would I find anyone else when I'm not looking for anyone else"
> 
> If you go back and read everything I have said and understand that I can and I do seperate love and sex. That I can and I do have sex with no emotional attachments. That I can follow my rules of this is sex only... nothing more. If they can't follow those rules nothing gonna happen.....



Yeah, but I was just calling it how I see it. But the fact that your being blatantly honest has to help alot. At least she knows which is very very important. 

I think for guys it's easier to seperate sex from love. Just an observation ladies so be nice to me.


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## Jodi (Jun 26, 2002)

> I think for guys it's easier to seperate sex from love. Just an observation ladies so be nice to me.



Sex is Sex unless its with someone you love than its more.  I think anyone that has been in a Sex/Sex relation can seperate Sex & Love.  If you have only been in a Sex/Love relationship then I believe it would be harder to seperate sex from love.  Women tend to fall into love faster than men so thats why I believe you think its easier for men to seperate.  I think it all depends on the type of relationships one has experienced in the past.  Did I confuse you?    I tend to do that to people.


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## dvlmn666 (Jun 26, 2002)

Nah you made sense, and it's a very reasonable and good answer.  

Plus  you added in the fact that people must learn from there past.


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## Pitboss (Jun 26, 2002)

All I know is that no matter what decision I make aout my rleationships all that really matter is this guy.. Like I said he's number one, every one else is down the line...


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## Jodi (Jun 26, 2002)

PB you look like you are a very caring father and you love your son very much!  I respect that, after a divorce, some parents tend to forget about or neglect their children.  I am glad to see that you have put your son as the number 1 thing in your life.


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## dvlmn666 (Jun 26, 2002)

ahhaah  I like to see a good dad like you dude. I can tell how much he means to you.


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## Pitboss (Jun 26, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by mochy *_
> PB you look like you are a very caring father and you love your son very much!  I respect that, after a divorce, some parents tend to forget about or neglect their children.  I am glad to see that you have put your son as the number 1 thing in your life.



Thanks Mochy... and Dvlmn  

yes he is #1!!!  Amanda has already pushed my buttons on that when she got upset that we didn't have our Sundays together.. I put it in simple words.. You do not want to go there.. Do not put your time with me in front Carter. End of discussion!  i will leave any woman without a second thought you interferes with me and my son! 

now with that said..... dddddddaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmnnnnnn  my arms look huge in that pic.. sweet!!!


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## J'Bo (Jun 26, 2002)

Yes the pipes are looking good.
So wheres the grey hair?
Where do you live?


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## Pitboss (Jun 27, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by J'Bo *_
> Yes the pipes are looking good.
> So wheres the grey hair?
> Where do you live?



Thanks sweetie 

Can't see it in that pic but I have tons and tons of gray!!! Hate it. I hate it som much I've considered spending an entire weekend plucking them all out..   

I live in sunny Souther California.. Los Angeles area.  Hate the people, the traffic, the air, the taxes.... but you can't beat the year around weather, the beautiful women and Starbucks every other block!!!


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## Pitboss (Jun 27, 2002)

Diary entry.....  

Okay I can't believe I did this. OMG it is too funny though. 

So yes I was with Amanda again last night. We had a great steak dinner, damn she cooks great!! Grilled on the BBQ, it was perfect!!  Oh and the pasta salad she made.... hmmm well she made it on Tuesday also. I was like eating that up like there was no tomorrow it was soooooo gooooooood!!!! Then as we were laying in bed she tells me she has a confession to make... the past salad.. well she didn't make it. It's package called... ?? damn forgot. It comes the noodles, and the season packets... oh it is so good but it tasted better when I thought she made it 

oh so last night dinner... then we spent an hour in the Jacuzzi.. tossed down 3 Smirnoff Ice's.. should have never turned her on to those.. LOL. Watched a little news and then off to bed. Doing our thing.. not to get into to much detail.. But I was on top and then I rolled over and pulled her to side and cuddled for a little bit. It was getting late and I was getting  tired. I hadn't finished which is never a priority to me. As long as she cums a couple of times I'm content.  She decides to go down on me as I lay there. About 10 minutes later I hear "Roger!!" .. I'm like huh???  Oh shit I fell asleep!!!! OMG I felt so bad... but she had fluffed up the down pillow really good and I was so comfortbale... it was like a massage and I just slowly went to sleep.. I was still hard just snoring.. LOL 

I had a girl fall asleep on me once doing that.. poor thing LOL


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## dvlmn666 (Jun 27, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> So yes I was with Amanda again last night. We had a great steak dinner, damn she cooks great!! Grilled on the BBQ, it was perfect!!  Oh and the pasta salad she made.... hmmm well she made it on Tuesday also. I was like eating that up like there was no tomorrow it was soooooo gooooooood!!!! Then as we were laying in bed she tells me she has a confession to make... the past salad.. well she didn't make it. It's package called... ?? damn forgot. It comes the noodles, and the season packets... oh it is so good but it tasted better when I thought she made it



grrrrrr  I can never find a girl who cooks. Not a single one has ever been able to cook.  j/k yer lucky dude.

but dude, you fell asleep?  wtf, you gotta lay off the schminoff ice's. lol

hey try the bacardi Silvers, I like them better by the way. lol


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## J'Bo (Jun 27, 2002)

I am laughing as usual.
You still got it old fart.
P.S i am thinking of moving to L.A, my bf's visa is due to come next year. I thought i maybe like a real sight being the only one with real flat chest and all.


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## Pitboss (Jun 27, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by J'Bo *_
> I am laughing as usual.
> You still got it old fart.
> P.S i am thinking of moving to L.A, my bf's visa is due to come next year. I thought i maybe like a real sight being the only one with real flat chest and all.



Well you should probably move out here first.. get settled in and then send for him...  I even know a great place you can stay until things get going...  

Oh and it ain't all silicone.. out of the 45 strippers I work with I'd say only 10-15 of them have implants, hmm maybe  a few more.


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## Jodi (Jun 27, 2002)

> About 10 minutes later I hear "Roger!!" .. I'm like huh??? Oh shit I fell asleep!!!! OMG I felt so bad... but she had fluffed up the down pillow really good and I was so comfortbale... it was like a massage and I just slowly went to sleep.. I was still hard just snoring.. LOL



So hows here self asteem today!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## Pitboss (Jun 27, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by mochy *_
> So hows here self asteem today!!!!!!!!!!!!!



I think her self esteem is great it's the rest of the day that sucks.. bad day at her first job. The she ran out of gas even though the gauge said she had over a 1/8 tank.  She has to wrok tonight fron 5 to 12 after taking 5 days off.....  not too good!!!


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## Pitboss (Jun 28, 2002)

I'm drunk....... that's is all. 

Oh and I hung out wit hsome Hells Angels.... really got to wonder what's up wit h that?????

Okay off to watch some porn.... LOL


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## danilee (Jun 28, 2002)

HeY PB

Just peeking in...

Wanted to say I mailed you with all that info, and it is sooo long and detailed I am almost embarressed to have sent it   

Well it is late here, and I needed an ear, and believe me it is one long drawn out email...Sorry if it was too much....I am one of those story tellers...I type as fast as I talk..

Looks like things are going fairly well here...Your living as you see fit, most should be so bold...

danilee


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## danilee (Jun 28, 2002)

Oh I am off to watch some porn too


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## Pitboss (Jun 28, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by danilee *_
> HeY PB
> 
> Just peeking in...


can ya knock next time... so I have time to get out of my briefs!!!!



> Wanted to say I mailed you with all that info, and it is sooo long and detailed I am almost embarressed to have sent it


and I'm still reading it... LOL just kidding. 



> Well it is late here, and I needed an ear


anytime sweetie.. I have two pretty big ears...


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## butterfly (Jun 28, 2002)

Howdy


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## Pitboss (Jun 28, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by butterfly *_
> Howdy



Hi Butterfly... Happy B-day sweetie  

Glad this morning went fine.  Right ovary... hmmm its a girl!!!!


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## butterfly (Jun 28, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> 
> 
> Hi Butterfly... Happy B-day sweetie
> ...


I hope so!!!  You know how much I want a girl.


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## Pitboss (Jun 28, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by butterfly *_
> 
> I hope so!!!  You know how much I want a girl.


My only concern would have to be Fade and her dating!!!!!!! hehe

and where is our dear Fade??


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## butterfly (Jun 28, 2002)

He went home for lunch so he is either playing PS2 with Cory or asleep.

Yeah, he's already said he doesn't want to think about her dating... I just have to laugh!!!  It's so cute!


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## Pitboss (Jun 28, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by butterfly *_
> He went home for lunch so he is either playing PS2 with Cory or asleep.
> 
> Yeah, he's already said he doesn't want to think about her dating... I just have to laugh!!!  It's so cute!



Well tell Fade I will keep Carter away


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## J'Bo (Jul 3, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> I'm drunk....... that's is all.
> 
> Oh and I hung out wit hsome Hells Angels.... really got to wonder what's up wit h that?????
> ...



What else is new, porn hey?
Isnt it great?


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## J'Bo (Jul 3, 2002)

BTW PB Where are you? and what is going on with you and the woman? I need an update. I am feeling quite neglected.


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## Pitboss (Jul 3, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by J'Bo *_
> BTW PB Where are you? and what is going on with you and the woman? I need an update. I am feeling quite neglected.



Ah don't cry sweetie   you know all I want to do when you cry is take you in my arms and hold you tight..... and see if you'll slap me when my hands wander!!!!  

Not much time.. check your PM's... 


Everything has been great .. Amanda and I have been getting along great, talk alot about me and my stupid sexual ??? whatever is. 

Still attracted to my therapist... Nice ankles and very suckable toes!!!  Wish she'd dress down a little... LOL  

Been busy at work, at home making room for a roommate.. cash baby!!!  Uhm seeing Carter on a weekly basis.. another 6 more weeks and i get him for full days!!! 

Uhm horny.  

pretty much  all good lately 

XXX

Roger


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## J'Bo (Jul 3, 2002)

Great to hear things are going good for you.
We just finished our Canada day last weekend and i had a great time at the beach. Lying around in a bikini is the life. So you doing anything special for July 4th? Too bad its not a long weekend for you guys, thems the brakes i geuss. We will chat soon.

Jenny


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## butterfly (Jul 9, 2002)

Hey PB


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## Pitboss (Jul 9, 2002)

Hi Ann    .... thinking about you and your baby...  all good thoughts and prayers


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## Leslie (Jul 9, 2002)

PB! Missed ya hon! Hope all is well You are too busy posting pics of gay men to talk to us ladies


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## Pitboss (Jul 9, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Leslie2196 *_
> PB! Missed ya hon! Hope all is well You are too busy posting pics of gay men to talk to us ladies



Wasn't or haven't been in the chatting mood lately  but figured at least keep the ladies entertained with a little eye candy  Sorry no nekkid pics of me though... he he


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## butterfly (Jul 9, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> Hi Ann    .... thinking about you and your baby...  all good thoughts and prayers


Thanks sweetie!


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## naturaltan (Jul 9, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by J'Bo *_
> Lying around in a bikini is the life
> Jenny



you should try it in the buff!!


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## butterfly (Jul 9, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> Sorry no nekkid pics of me though... he he


Damn... what's the point in looking then


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## Pitboss (Jul 9, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by butterfly *_
> 
> Damn... what's the point in looking then



Too sweet   but I don't even come close to those guys in that thread.


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## butterfly (Jul 9, 2002)

At least you've got a big...uh...heart!!!!


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## naturaltan (Jul 11, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> Been busy at work, at home making room for a roommate.. cash baby!!!  Uhm seeing Carter on a weekly basis.. another 6 more weeks and i get him for full days!!!



EXCELLENT!!!!!  

ps ... in reading some of this thread, some can seperate love and sex ... * giggle *


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## Pitboss (Jul 11, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by naturaltan *_
> ps ... in reading some of this thread, some can seperate love and sex ... * giggle *



Ya think??? I'm glad you can tell but I'm having a hard time figuring out these ladies. I'm almost certain Esmerelda, Sosunni, and possibly J'bo...  but I ....  oh hey you talking about me  

NT, did I ever reply to your PM? I don't remember... anyhow see how things go over the next 6 months. Love to join you and the Misses in Jamaica. Hopefully as a foursome but if that doesn't work out hope you two don't mind a threesome?  

Okay no matter how I wrote that it still cums out pornalized!! LOL


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## julinia (Jul 11, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> 
> Okay no matter how I wrote that it still cums out pornalized!! LOL



Like we expect less


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## Sosunni (Jul 11, 2002)

Hey - look what I found!!!  

Hi PB...  I wanna get caught up... or tied up.. whatever... but need to leave for that thing that pays my bills....

S


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## Pitboss (Jul 11, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Sosunni *_
> Hey - look what I found!!!
> 
> Hi PB...  I wanna get caught up... or tied up.. whatever... but need to leave for that thing that pays my bills....
> ...



Hi   check your email when you can. 

Uhm must be nice not going into work until afte 9am!!!!  So what's your excuse for not going to teh gym every morning???


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## Pitboss (Jul 11, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by butterfly *_
> At least you've got a big...uh...heart!!!!



:

Thanks Butterfly...  I know you know how big my.. uh.. heart is!!! LOL 


okay I promised J'Bo I'd do some creative writing in my diary.. it has been sometime and not much has really happened lately to me but I'm sure once I start writing it'll cum...  


so let me start a new post...


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## Pitboss (Jul 11, 2002)

*Thursday July 11, 2002*

Dear Diary, 

I'm sorry for neglecting you lately. I just haven't had much to write about. Oh sure I guess I could have written something each day, some silly thing that may have happened to me. But I didn't want to bore you. Life has been rather stagnant lately. Work, eat, sleep... 
what?? 
Oh sex. Well yeah I've had sex. 
Yes! More than once. You have to remember who I have been seeing. You know the girl who's sexually appetite is twice what mine is. 
No I'm being serious.  
Prove it?  
How? 
Tell you about it? 
Damn diary is a perv... okay fine I'll give just a couple examples, maybe. 

Lets see where should I start.. Oh I know!! 
Wednesday July 3rd. 
Amanda got off work around 10:00 and I head on over. We prettymuch kicked back and had a few Smirnoff's Ice's.. I should have never gave her one. Damn fish is what she is!!!  He chatted like any other couple, catching up on the days events.  Sitting out on her patio, her across from me. She lifts one of her legs up to rest on my leg allowing me a full glimpse between her legs... summer dresses are so especially when nothing is worn underneath  .. she caught me looking and got embarrased. I love that.. I spend 15 minutes at a tiem with my mouth down there and she gets embarrased when I catch a peek... LOL 

I go to get another drink and lean over to kiss her.. nice long, wet, tongues playing, lip biting kiss... her hand slides up the inside of my shorts... hmmm look ma not undies!! As soon as her hand wraps around my... my....  okay this is my journal and dammit it's freedom of speech!!!... around my cock I start to get hard. Love it when she holds me...   I pull away..and say "oops got get out drinks" laughing the whole time I walk to the kitchen, I am such a tease!!

I come back and stand right next to her as I hand her her Smirnoff. While she takes back a nice big swig I pull my shorts down to expose myself to her... no surprise to her it's become normal for Roger to drop his drawers where ever..  he looks around, as we were on her patio, 2nd story but neighbors can see us and we can see them.  She takes me into her mouth... blah, blah, blah.. and then blah, blah, blah.....  okay break time. 

Need some responses here. Do I do with the blah, blah, blahs or do I just let the writing skills cum out?


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## Pitboss (Jul 11, 2002)

Okay then.. It's been almost 2 hours since I posted the above post. I'll take that as no one has a problem with me getting overly pornal...   or do they???  I'll write the way I like to write.. make you think you're reading a Penthouse Forum letter. Only difference is my won't start with "I never thought this would happen to me. I mean I always read these letters in the Forum and could only dream I'd be writing my one letter to Penthouse.. geez"   

I give you all a chance to voice your opinions.. Prince? W8? anyone else of Authority.. oh Kuso diary mod???


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## Pitboss (Jul 11, 2002)

okay I'm bored and have 5 minutes to waste.....   so she takes me in her mouth. My right hand placed on the back of her neck.. no I am not pushing her into me, that's rude! My left hand slides down to her breast and I gently squeeze.. she likes me to squeeze hard.. I will but not yet.  We go at this for sometime. I reach down and pull her away from me and then grabbing her hnads stand her. We start kissing, hands wandering. I slowly turn and move to the balcony wall and then turn her around. Her back to me. I kiss her neck, soft bites with my teeth. I place my mouth over her right trap and soft sink my teeth against her skin, she lets out a soft moan.. girl loves to be bit!   I slowly lift her sundress and run my hands over her ass, her skin is so soft, soft like velvet or silk. I slow move against her letting my hips guide me into her. Slowly we make contact. Slowly I enter her, little by little. Pulling back a little and then starting all over until I'm all the way in her. 

We hear some people coming down the walk way. Keeping our moans silent I continue to move my hips, just a little, just enough to drive her nuts. I can see her bitting her lip holding back...  I reach around her and grab both breasts in my hand, her nipples pussing against the dress. I take both them between my index finger and thumb, squeezing harder and harder as I press myself against her harder, deeper..  I let one hand loose and slide it down her stomach and between her legs. Letting my fingers play a little...  hmmmm  


Okay been longer than 5 minutes gotta go. Sorry couldn't finish or had to keep it R-17


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## J'Bo (Jul 11, 2002)

You suck , i cant believe you left me hanging like that. Your posts are anything but boring PB. Nive new avatar BTW. Must you make your son a mini perv already?


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## Pitboss (Jul 11, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by J'Bo *_
> You suck , i cant believe you left me hanging like that. Your posts are anything but boring PB. Nive new avatar BTW. Must you make your son a mini perv already?



Well I had to leave work... now I'm home, naked and ready to shower... off to work and look at tits all night. Damn I hate my life.. LOL

He's no perv.. but Carter is twice the flirt I ever was!!! He works it and he knows it!!!


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## J'Bo (Jul 11, 2002)

Believe me PB, i did not say he was a perv. I meant you made him look like his daddy. He sure is the cutest thing i have every seen. Like his daddy.


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## Jodi (Jul 11, 2002)

DAMN PB!  You ought to start writing books.  Hell, I'd buy them.  I like your posts as well.  Very interesting and fun to read.


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## Pitboss (Jul 11, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by J'Bo *_
> Believe me PB, i did not say he was a perv. I meant you made him look like his daddy. He sure is the cutest thing i have every seen. Like his daddy.



Oh okay.. guess I misunderstood.  He's cute I agree... but the cutest "thing" you've ever seen?  


Thanks Mochy... I can only write for so long. I usually get bored and need to start a new story. My short stories are short with no ending.. LOL


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## Pitboss (Jul 12, 2002)

I was searching for an old thread of mine when I came across this pic....  for those that haven't seen it I thought you might enoy it. 

I was in the US Marine Corps from 1984 -1991.  I was in Desert Storm from August 9 or 11, 1990 until March 3, 1991. Yes I am considered a war veteran.  

Anyhow for Halloween I decided to pull out my old cammies and have a little fun.... hmmm that didn't work out to well. When I got out in 1991 I weighed 160-165 with maybe a 13-14% BF. When I took this pick I was about 177 and 10% BF. My old uniform didn't fit. I had the sleeves rolled up and my arms basically got stuck.. LOL  So I went and bought a new set.. even these were too tight on my arm... not really complaing. Just wish my chest and back were in size sync with my arms!!! 

So here is Senior Drill Instructor Staff Sargeant PB!!


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## Pitboss (Jul 12, 2002)

oh damn.. I'm eating cottage cheese. I hate cottage cheese!!!!! has pineapple in it though and that's kind of yummy. J'Bo pineapple right? 

LMAO!!


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## J'Bo (Jul 12, 2002)

Love the pic. You have a nasty look on your face though, you going on a beaver hunt? LOL. nice pipes babe. Oh your boy, yes he is sooo cute, The pineapple, ummm good.


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## Pitboss (Jul 12, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by J'Bo *_
> Love the pic. You have a nasty look on your face though, you going on a beaver hunt? LOL. nice pipes babe. Oh your boy, yes he is sooo cute, The pineapple, ummm good.



Well Drill Instructors aren't supposed to look nice...  

Well I really don't need the pineapple in my diet...  I'll go into more detail when I continue my story from yesterday .. he he


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## naturaltan (Jul 12, 2002)

seriously ... think about next June as a great time for a vacation.  Just go with no expectations and things will be great.  As soon as you place expectations on it, you will ruin your whole vacation.


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## Pitboss (Jul 12, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by naturaltan *_
> seriously ... think about next June as a great time for a vacation.  Just go with no expectations and things will be great.  As soon as you place expectations on it, you will ruin your whole vacation.



Uh I'd expect to have a great time..  lot's of sun.. lot's of drinking.. and plenty of good things to eat????  Too much??


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## Pitboss (Jul 13, 2002)

Damn it's so nice when you have a partner that you can completely click with in bed!!!  Since March 27 the first time to last night it just keeps getting better and better!!   

Her roommate is in Palm Springs for the weekend so we had the living room to explore.  My knees got a little burn but not too bad.  I had one of the best orgasms I can remember. It was some off and on foreplay and then just rip the clothes off and go. Didn't take too long which was fine with both of us as we were tired.   So when I came.. OMG I just kept thrusting and literally moved her about 3 feet on the carpet..  you know a few inches at atime and not like all at once!! Lucky she didn't get rug burns on her ass!!!

oh hum. I;m so bored at work today. Have nothing to add to my diary except for sex stuff.  Going to see Carter at McDonalds in the morning... not looking foward to chasing him around those damn tunnels...  but it's sooooo worth it hearing him laugh the whole time!!


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## Burner02 (Jul 13, 2002)

See?!?!? I need to have children...I've been DYING to run through the playland @ McDonald's....and YOU get to do it!

...and I haven't had rug burns in a while...


Damn


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## Pitboss (Jul 15, 2002)

*I think I am done with women!!!!*

Who needs them?  I can easily take care of my own needs. I don't need to have someone next to me to cuddle up with and if I do I'll use my pillow and spray it with my favorite ladies perfume!! 
I can cook my own food. I can even have my own conversations with myself and if I need to I'm sure I can argue.  


Okay so Saturday I worked from 9am to 1pm. Went and got my oil changed and then hit the gym. On the way home I decided to surprise Amanda and spend some time with her before she went to work. I wasn't originally coming over later that night knowing she wouldn't get off work until 10:30-11:30.  So itwas a nice surprise  

We had sex.. great sex. The best I can remember.. while it was quick it was still great! Oh hell it's always great with her. 

So off to work she goes and I decided to lay out at the pool for an hour or so. Then I head home. Stop and get some food. Did a few things at home and headed back to her place.  I hooked up my spare 21 TV for her since we were tired of looking at that 13 inch screen!!  

Lets see oh and then I wnet and used the Jacuzzi. Then I showered and laid doan to nap. It was about 10:30.

So Amanda comes home close to 11:30 and I'm out. She wakes me up and I acknowledge her presence. But fall right back to sleep. A few minutes late she wakes me up again. And again. And again..  then she got stoned and continued doing this until she came to bed around 1:30.  I was so tired that I just couln't get up.  She wanted to play of course and I just ignored her I guess. 

Sunday I get up and go see Carter from 9:00am to 11:00. I told Amanda I should be back before 12. I purposely changed the times I see Carter from 10 - 12 to 9 - 11 so I could spend a little extra tiem with Amanda on Sundays. So we were going to head to teh pool for a bit and then take a nap...   well that was the original plan

So I get to her place at 11:40 and she's still in bed. She got up for maybe 2 hours she said and then went right back to  bed.  I really din't want to lay down. I knew if I did I'd be out for a good 2 hours. Just felling a little run down I guess.  So I lay down...  we nap. She wakes up a few minutes later and decides now that I am asleep it would be a good time to wake me and want to make out...  uhm I'm sleeping!!  Okay I ended up taking a little over a two hour nap. Heard her bitch and complain about me ignoring her, not spend any time with her and then went she tried to kiss me I barley kissed back.  Then she decided I must be seeing someone else since I hadn't had sex with her since... uhm less tan 24 hours ago!!!!! 

I don't I'm just fed up I guess.  I'm tired of her bithcing about me always wantting to sleep.. "I work two jobs too" she says.. yeah but you get home before mifnight and don't get up until 8 or 9 the next day. I ger home at 3am and up at 6am then spend then I work 8 or 9 hour days (play on IM) and then keep myself entertained until she gets home, stay up till 1am sometimes 2am .. get a whopping 4 or 5 hours sleep and she bitches about me sleeping!!

Anyhow I left her place with a pretty sour taste in my mouth. Was not happy with what I saw or heard from her.  I really don't feel I was in the wrong. I would never wake anyone up to fuck around. If you're that damn horney go play with yourself. 


Oh and then I didn't call her once yesterday after all this. I didn't call her today. She did a couple of times. No messages of course. 
Then this morning she calls and starts going to why she said all the things she said.. once again it has to do with time spent with her. Her only night off is Tuesday, normally. But it's not just that. Now it's not just spending time with her but doing stuff.. hiking, go to teh beach, etc...  I'm like fine, but not after I worked all day, only got 5 hours sleep the night before and maybe I'll get 5 again tonight...  all I want to do is relax!! Yeah hit the gym and then just vegg... watch a movie, whatever.   Okay so I'm being a little selfish here... maybe. 

I'm so not sure what i am doing. She really pissed me off yesterday and I find that I really don't want to talk to her or see her.  Maybe that's it. The end of whatever we had.  


done ranting... now thinking.....  blah.


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## Pitboss (Jul 15, 2002)

Damn I hate thsi shit.  I left her a message telling her that yesterday really got to me and I don't know what to think about it.  I told her that I really have nothing to say to her right now and actually I really don't even want to see you right now.  (that's gonna hurt) 

I said I'm going to see my therapist like every Monday...  only like 5 more weeks and I can be done with that...  maybe. Then to the gym for a shoulder/traps. Grab something to eat and head home. Probably just do a little laundry, try out the jacuzzi at my place and then head to bed early.   

I finished the message with somethign about tomorrow is another day and we'll see how things go. 

So now that I've spent all morning thinking about yesterday and how things went I really have to think about what my therapist says. I actually do enjoysitting there for an hour and just talk, and talk, and talk...  I've learned so much moreabout myself, at leas how I am but not really why I am.. oh well gotta start somewhere.  

But we have determined I have control issues. I knew this already but not in the depth that I am realizing now.   I like to have control of me. What I'm doing. When I'm doing it.  Here is  a couple of examples.

Say this Saturday someone (EX, GF, Work) has made plans for me to attend a b-day party. I don't want to go. I am not looking forward to going and I'm upset that someone has taking my Saturday away from me.  

Now if "I" was the one that decided I wanted to go I would be completley happy with that desicion because I chose to spend my day that way. 

or now with my relationship with Amanda. When we were in a serious relationship I felt I "had" to call her at 10am before she went to work, or I had to come over and spend the night, or I had to this and do that.    When I broke up with her weeks back and we still continued to see each other but not in such a serious "verbal" way.. notalk about future, etc...   but now I felt I was calling when I "wanted" to and not when I had to. Or if I wanted to come over tonight or not. It's the same relationship but yet I feel I have control of my time... to a point. 


So I'm a whack.. looney... crazy..  just a lost soul searching for something..  haven't a clue what it is. 


anyhow back to what I was thinking about this morning. I'mstarting to realize that Amanda and My relationship is aboput the sex and that's it. The sex is great, hell better than great! We never argue or have any disaggreements in bed. But when we are out of the bedroom I keep finding we clash. Either I'm too stubborn or she is. I'm always trying to prove I am right and she tries to prove she s right... 9 out of 10 she is right,, so  must be the stubborn one.. damn me and my Taurus horoscope!!  
I find she rubs me the wrong way. She speaks whats on her mind and doesn't without thinking...   yesterday we went to the store after my long nap , on the way back we stopped and got a Red Bull, she is addicted to those things..  anyhow I set it on her center console. When we get back to her place I carry the groceries up.  as she's now getting ready for work she says "did you bring  my Red Bull up"  Uhm.. "no, did you want me too?"  her reply... "No I like it warm, thanks though"  can't read sacasm but it was there every word, every syllable...  me being a nice guy bites my lip and goes down to her truck to get it. Toss it in the freezer and then as we get ready to walk out I get it for her. Nice a cold... grrrr


hmmm she just called. Guess I should have answered the phone but I am such a wuss when it comes to talking to people in person or even on the phone.  I'm thinking she will say somethign sweet and supportive.  Then later today she will call back and be totally the opposite saying that thsi is stupid and why should she feel bad about yesterday as I was the one ignoring her.. I call it sleeping or trying too!!!!   

Oh damn no message....  she's pissed 

Gonna be an interesting 24 hours.. she actually hass tonight off for a change but didn't know it until this morning. Won't surprise me if she comes over to my place to find me to talk...  kind of makes you feel good about yourself when someone is willing to work so hard to keep you.   sort of...


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## Pitboss (Jul 16, 2002)

*Tuesday July 16, 2002*

Dear Diary,  well cant' say I did much last night. Workout and then laid down about 7:30 and was out until 6:30 this morning. I tend to do that when I'm feeling down or depressed or have so much on my mind that throughout the day I tend to just get so mentally exhausted.  

So therapy yesterday was.. ?? I don't know. For the first time in 9 sessions or whatever it is that I have been going I asked to stop early. I think the way I asked was "I'm done talking, okay?"  Just tired of it all.  I keep trying to tell myself that Amanda is right for me, the one Amanda  I really want to be with the. But it's the other Amanda that I can't stand to be around. Then I start thinking that the only time we trully get along is in bed, but that's not true. We have had plenty of great moments that weren't related to sex.  Damn I hate relationships. I so wish I could just come and go when I please but that wouldn't be fair to her. 

I left my therapy session with no real answers, no less issues regarding this past weekend.. if anything I left with more questions for myslef to answer. Not a good day. 

So around 8pm or so Amanda calls and asks that we don't discuss anything as she doesn't want a bad night. Okay...  so we pretty much sat there with dead silence... ho hum....  eventuallu she spoke up and said she was going out with some friends from work.. GOOD!!!! i want her to socialize with more than just me!!!  I spent 11 years with a woman who made me her habit, her priority in life on a day to day basis. This is where the term get a life comes from. There is more to do and live for that just your significant other!!!!  Wnat to smother someone.. spend 7 days a week, wevery waking hour and and every psosible minute you can with each other....  eventually we all want our space adn we will explode!!  At least I do.  

Towards the end of the call she asks if it's bad.. whatever I need to talk about. I answer no, unless you want it to be. I left my therapist with the idea that this was it. I'm done and it's time to just stop seeing each other. But as soon as i see her or even hear her voice I totally reverse my feelings and thoughts.  We breifly discussed what happend on Sunday. How I did not appreciate the way she treated me and that when I am around that "Amanda" I really want to call it quits, this is not the girl I am crazy for.  She kept saying that she expalined why she was like that yesterday in her message and that she is just going stir crzy and needs to get out. I kind of exploded there...  I told her you are talking about two different subjects and one doesn't warrant the other. Sunday was about me sleeping and not having sex with you. The other subject is regarding me not spending enough time with you and spending our one evening together sitting around the house.  Anyhow the discussion was pretty much ended there, no resolve, no actions, nothing... but to be continued today sometime. 

So she goes out. Calls me at 11:30 to let me know she got home safe.. that was nice. I would have woke up soon and start to worry if she hadn't doen that.  

Well now it's a game of who calls who first. She goes to work at 9:45, another 5 minutes so......   yeah I'm a stubborn bastard but damn it I don't feel I need to aplogize or make any changes to what I did or said over the past 2.5 days.  I'm not the one that got the f'n attitude. I don't feel I neglected her at all. I made additional tiem for her on my Sundays with my kid. I've been giving up my gym and my sleep for more time with her.....   


You know what. Not anymore. I love working out. I love looking better and bigger.  I will not sacrifice my life style, my child, my work, or anything else for one person.  That's just asking for misery in my mind.  So we will talk,  we will work things out but not at my expense.  

Okay so I just wonder what people think of this now?  Since it would seem that not many are responding anymore to my posts here.. boredom? Not intersted in the innerworking of madman?? LOL  

If you all could be me for a week and see and hear the things she says or does you'd have a better understand of my position.  She needs a lot, and has a lot of issues. Baggage as they say. Well like I told my therapist baggage is fine but just don't expect to start unpacking it all at once!!!!  We all have issues and baggage, maybe me more than most men of my age, I don't know maybe not.  But still you work together to understand each other and understand why they do and think the way they do. You be supportive when they need it, Amanda needs a lot of support.. sometimes more than I am capable of offering. But then again it doesn't help when you are supportive and offer helpful ideas to get out of certain jam and then turn around and completley ignore everything you have done or said..  She still unsure of where or when she is moving. In the mean time she has already let one option slip away, actually two options. Staying with me won't happen. I just can't see that working out. 


anyhow... got to get back to work.


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## buff_tat2d_chic (Jul 16, 2002)

It's not that no one cares or that no one's reading your posts...I think it is that no one knows what to say. Well at least I don't. I am sorry you are having problems. That sucks. I have been married 14 years and somedays I don't like my husband. Sometimes it is for several day or more. I don't want him to look at me or touch me much less have sex. But eventually it fades and life looks better. I think you have something with Amanda other than "just" sex or you would have gotten out already. But that is my opinion and you have to make your own decisions. I wish you luck and I hope you find what you think you are looking for.

BTW I love reading your diary...the good, bad, and the ugly are all GOOD reading. Thanx for sharing.


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## Pitboss (Jul 16, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by newly_buff *_
> It's not that no one cares or that no one's reading your posts...I think it is that no one knows what to say. Well at least I don't. I am sorry you are having problems. That sucks. I have been married 14 years and somedays I don't like my husband. Sometimes it is for several day or more. I don't want him to look at me or touch me much less have sex. But eventually it fades and life looks better. I think you have something with Amanda other than "just" sex or you would have gotten out already. But that is my opinion and you have to make your own decisions. I wish you luck and I hope you find what you think you are looking for.
> 
> BTW I love reading your diary...the good, bad, and the ugly are all GOOD reading. Thanx for sharing.



Thanks  

I hear ya. I was married for 11 years and had many, many days like that. Still do and I onlytalk to her once a week!!!!  

Not sure if I put this in mydiary or not but I'll say it now just in case. 
I'm a woman ,... just kidding LOL

When I first saw Amanda I was taken by her beauty.  Then she sat next to me on her own, no invite nothing and we chatted a little. It  was ncie, nothing special but then again nothing ackward.  I eventually got her phone number from one of teh bartenders, she left it for them to give me. I still have the note in my wallet, with her picture.  In the 11 years with my ex I never, veer ad a pciture of her in my wallet. Now I have two, my son Carter and Amanda.  

When we first met for dinner, Tuesday March 26, not really a date as of yet, that was to happen the next Monday. She just met me for my rituallistic dinner at Outback before I go play midget bouncer at the titty bar.  But as soon as we started talking and laughing, and smiling I knew I was in trouble. I was overtaken by this woman. I knew that my life of being single for as short as it was was done with. She was special and I knew it.  I so wanted to kiss her after 15 minutes together but I had a mouth full of steak and figured that wouldn't have went over too well.  We did eventually kiss before the night was over.... and it was a great kiss!!! Damn this girl can kiss!!!!!!   I ended up staying with her that first night.  We are adults and we both know what we were doing... right??? 

Okay from here... the next few weeks were just me on cloud nine.  I was falling in love with this woman. I had never felt this way about anyone in my life. I saw us growing old. I saw us being together forever...  not normall man thoughts if you ask me.  I found myself on the verge of tears just thinking about the possiblity of losing her to cancer... she has been in remission for about 12 years. I couldn't believe I almost crying at that thought of not having her in my life.  I mean the entire month of April was great. Special. Magical. I honestly feel I fell in love with this woman.  So caring al lthe time. Always making sure I was happy as can be. I couldn't ask for anything more for her.  

All was fine until that other side of her came out, April 26 my birthday.  We had our first fight and I saw a side of her I did not liek that night. She was rude, she was a little too racial for me. She said a few things that didn't hurt me but sure did piss me off.  I think since then is when I guess I keep looking for reasons to fall out of love with her.......  

she's on the phone right now...... we aren't talking, well we are kind of.....  blah


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## buff_tat2d_chic (Jul 16, 2002)

I have a side that my husband doesn't like 
	

	
	
		
		

		
			





....oops DAMN wrong smiley! Hey this is the one I was looking for 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




LOL you know what I mean. We all have ugly sides. Occasionally my hubby shows his (I do too ) ugly side. I have even thought this is sooo not worth it...I am out of here. Then I get my head cleared and I really do love him...despite his wicked ways LMAO. 

People who are comfortable together let themselves go sometimes. She must be comfortable with you to show her "ugly" side.   

You write very well and I can feel your sadness and frustration.
I really hope you feel better soon.


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## craig777 (Jul 16, 2002)

You are right, that is why Kuso won't post pictures because all his sides are ugly sides.


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## buff_tat2d_chic (Jul 16, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by craig777 *_
> You are right, that is why Kuso won't post pictures because all his sides are ugly sides.


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## buff_tat2d_chic (Jul 16, 2002)

Sorry PB to use your diary site...but I wanted to say "hi" to Craig777 while he was here. 
Hi ya Craig. I live about an hour away from you. Hope you made it though the flooding ok...our area of town was ok, BUT some of the city was devistated here. Many homes and vehicles lost or washed away.  Anyway. Hope all is well.


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## Pitboss (Jul 16, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by newly_buff *_
> Sorry PB to use your diary site...but I wanted to say "hi" to Craig777 while he was here.
> Hi ya Craig. I live about an hour away from you. Hope you made it though the flooding ok...our area of town was ok, BUT some of the city was devistated here. Many homes and vehicles lost or washed away.  Anyway. Hope all is well.



Stuff like that makes my daily "disasters" nothing in comparison...


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## craig777 (Jul 16, 2002)

Hi NB,

We were fine, I live near the highest point in San Antonio. It got really bad for the people down river of Medina lake damn, and Canyon Lake damn.


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## naturaltan (Jul 16, 2002)

It does make one wonder what is and isn't important in life.  Just to let you know, I check up on ya!  And everytime I read it, it screams "Jamaican holiday"  he he he.  I realize your financial situation may not allow it right now, but you've got a year to save ... and it is probably a whole lot cheaper to fly from the states than it is to fly from here.


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## Pitboss (Jul 16, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by naturaltan *_
> It does make one wonder what is and isn't important in life.  Just to let you know, I check up on ya!  And everytime I read it, it screams "Jamaican holiday"  he he he.  I realize your financial situation may not allow it right now, but you've got a year to save ... and it is probably a whole lot cheaper to fly from the states than it is to fly from here.



Oh I'm still thinking about this... daily!!!!  But I do have one dilemma... with Amanda or without Amanda. At this point she wants to go. I want her to go. But I want the Amanda I like to go and not the one I wanna slap around and stuff into a foot locker and toss off the tallest building.....  okay no one take that wrong!!! I would never put her in a footlocker.. LOL   I haev never hit or even slapped a woman but I tell you when she gets in these moods I just blurts out whatever it is on her mind I can now understand, in a weird way, why her ex husband or bf's hit her.  I don't think its right or justified but I can understand what drove them to it!!! 


Thanks NT and everyone else that has taken the time out of your lives to read what jibberish I tend to  write.  I enjoy writing and I really enjoy knowing that others read and enjoy it too.  I don't think I could do this without your visual support and of course feedback.  Makes writing a little bit more enjoyable  Thanks all. 


oh so to get back to where I was.... so we had our phone call. We went around and around. I feel this, she feels that. It's all her fault, it's all my fault. Just endless circles.   Now she is hurt because Tuesday is her night and I told her I am not coming over. I also did not invite her to my place. I just don't want to see her. Okay that's not true, I don't want to deal with her. It's so messed up.  I want her but don't.  

So now she's bumming around. Probably going to go to work for only an hour or two and then go home, get stoned, not eat, drink whatever beer or Shmirnoff Ice she has left and then cry herself to sleep waiting for me to call and ask her to come over....  oh great now I'm feeling guilty and that all this is my fault.  I don't understand this stuff.


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## butterfly (Jul 16, 2002)

I finally posted an ankle pic for you...


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## naturaltan (Jul 16, 2002)

If Amanda and yourself manage to be around together come June or whenever you decide to go, I say together.  But if not, come by yourself.  I'm sure you and I could really stir up some serious fun ... he he he.  

I could teach you about the various pool jobs ... anchor man, water guy ...


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## Pitboss (Jul 16, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by butterfly *_
> I finally posted an ankle pic for you...


I know I saw it and liked it so much I decide to put here where I can see it everyday


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## Pitboss (Jul 16, 2002)

Okay now my signature is perfect!!! Way too  funny!!!!!


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## butterfly (Jul 16, 2002)

You are *too* funny!!!


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## butterfly (Jul 16, 2002)

Butt... I've looked back at all those leg pics and they are all models???  Not sure if my little pic is in the same league


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## Stacey (Jul 16, 2002)

I THINK YOUR ANKLES AND LEGS LOOK TOTALLY AWESOME BUTTERFLY!!! Better than all the models!!


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## naturaltan (Jul 16, 2002)

can only say AWESOME legs! 

... but that goes with the whole fantastic package!


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## Pitboss (Jul 16, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by butterfly *_
> Butt... I've looked back at all those leg pics and they are all models???  Not sure if my little pic is in the same league



??? You must be kidding???  They are puuuuurrrrrrrfect!!!!!!!


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## butterfly (Jul 16, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Princess *_
> I THINK YOUR ANKLES AND LEGS LOOK TOTALLY AWESOME BUTTERFLY!!! Better than all the models!!


Thanks Princess!

At least they have some shape to them and aren't toothpick legs...


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## Pitboss (Jul 16, 2002)

Damn that pics gonna get me in trouble at work....   oh how my mind wanders endlessly with thoughts of passion and .......  I'll stop before Fade wakes from his nap!!!


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## Jodi (Jul 16, 2002)

PB - I know that I don't know Amanda and I can only go by what you write here in your journal.   BUTT I do have to say that everything you have written here in the past few days regarding this most recent situation keeps bringing only one word to mind, IMATURE!!!!!

Meaning, I think Amanda has a lot of growing up to do and stop being so selfish.  If she doesn't get her way she cries and bitches about it.  Tell her to GROW UP!!

I hope I'm not being too harsh but like I said, I can only go by what you write here.


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## butterfly (Jul 16, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> Damn that pics gonna get me in trouble at work....   oh how my mind wanders endlessly with thoughts of passion and .......  I'll stop before Fade wakes from his nap!!!


Well noone is forcing you to look at it Roger (hehehe)... I guess I shouldn't post any more...


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## Stacey (Jul 16, 2002)

I know what ya mean Butterfly.. I would rather have shapely legs than toothpicks!  Yours look awesome!


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## Pitboss (Jul 16, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by mochy *_
> I hope I'm not being too harsh but like I said, I can only go by what you write here.


You're not being harsh. You have probably said what I've been needing to hear.  I can see that now when I think back on all the little incidents that have happened. Yes generally they really have been her being selfish and not me.  Especially with this last time and her complaining about the time I spend with her. Let's see Monday night from, Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday afternoon, and then Saturday night well I was sleeping, and then our nap on Sunday and our bickering the rest of the time.  I keep asking when was I supposed to see you more??? If you're not working I'm working and if I'm not working I with you, or sleeping!!  

Okay we both have some growing up to do. I mean with me it's be in a relationship or not. She keeps pointing out that we aren't and I say we are and then I don't want one but yet I still call her my girlfriend....  oh it's a endless cycle!!!!! 


... 
Well my guilt got the best of me. She says I hurt her.. not sure really how but okay I'm gullible and when it comes to women I crumbled..   I called her and told that yes I would like to see her tonight at my place instead of hers. But I also said that I'm afraid that the Amanda I don't like will be there..  you know lets just call her Sybil to makes things easier to understand.. LOL  but I'm afraid that if the attitude comes with her I'm done. I as this close to calling it quits on Sunday, all day yesterday, after therapy and even when I woke up this morning. That's how much she pissed me off....  but then again as my therapist notes I am impulsive in my desicion making process... she is so right. Hey at least I got something out of that $100.00 session that day!


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## Pitboss (Jul 16, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by butterfly *_
> Well noone is forcing you to look at it Roger (hehehe)... I guess I shouldn't post any more...



Oh I'm not complaining.. not at all. If I had to lose my job I might as well lose it thinking good old dirty thoughts  while looking at your legs!!!!


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## Pitboss (Jul 16, 2002)

shit. shit.shit!!!! 

okay so now she's screwing with me.  She calls and says the message I left her made her feel even shittier about herself.. Huh???  I dont' know but I'm pretty sure I didn't say it where it would have ciome out that way. It wasn't supposed to be an attack on her.  Then she says she just can't handle this anymore and all the other crap going on in her life. Then she says I gotta go . bye. 

Then she calls back and says she is sorry if she said anything bad today and that she called her mom this morningasking if she could come back to Ohio to stay for a while and her mom said no.  Gee not exactly what I would expect parents to say so have to wonder what's going on with that...   no she has no one. No where to live when her room amte bails on her. No one to comfort her, etc..   gee brought me down in the gutter pretty quick...   I offered for her to come over to my place tonight. She said no she has things she has to do.  Great now what do I do???


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## Pitboss (Jul 16, 2002)

okay now I'm just a mess...  I feel like I am losing her and it's my fault.  I'm such and idiot.  I want her in my life but damn the bad stuff just over whelms me sometimes. It's more than I feel I should have to do with in any relationship.  

She needs someone right now in her life more than anything and here I was being the selfish one and not caring about her problems. It's been the typical hi honey I'm home and then start bitching about my day and not caring if she had a good day or bad day...   

So I'll call her and ask her to please come over tonight.  We can talk, we can try to figure out some solutions to her problems.. me included as one of those problems.  I need to hold her...  because I want to.


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## Pitboss (Jul 16, 2002)

figures. When stuff like this is going on adn I call I hope that she doesn't answer and I can leave a message. This time I wanted her to pick up and instead I go to her voice mail. 

So what I'd say??  Weird it was just 30 seconds ago that I hung up and I'm not positive what I said.. uh something to the effect that I'm not ready to call it quits even if that's how it has been sounding. That I need to find a constructive way to deal with her verbal outbursts rather than a destructive way. That this is not all her fault, a lot of it is me and the way I am and all the other quircky little issues I have going on in my personality. I asked that she call me when she can so we can talk about this stuff. That i want to be here for her when she needs me and even though I have tried in the past maybe I could try a little harder in the future to be more supportive and thoughtful of her problems instead of focused on mine....  

Guess for now I sit and wait...  do I go to the gym now??? Do I go home and sulk waiting for her to call, if she calls???? 

what a week....


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## joecamp4 (Jul 17, 2002)

Damn PB...I don't really have any words of advice or anything.  I just hope things start looking up for you.

Joe


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## butterfly (Jul 17, 2002)

I would've gone to the gym...

So what happened???


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## Pitboss (Jul 17, 2002)

Thanks JoeCamp 


Wednesday, July 17, 2002
Dear Diary, 
So it's weird how things happen and how things work out.  Yesterday I called and left 3 messages between 4:00pm and 5:30pm.  I checked my home and my cell for return calls but nothing.  I was heading to the gym and then realized what an asshole I would be if I went to the gym instead of her place to check up on her. My "male" way of thinking maybe she was testing me.  By the time I got to her building I realized I was getting mad.. temper was building up but really not sure why. I wasn't so much mad at her really, I don't think.  Maybe I was mad at myself for allowing all this to happen to begin with. 

I noticed her truck was there so I knew she was home. I knocked on the door and her roommate answered and said she's on the patio. So first I was relieved that she was okay (physically) and my temper that was building calmed down.  I walked outside and stood there with my sunglasses on so she couldn't see my eyes.  She was a little defensive about me being there and didn't say too much. I in turn had nothing to say other than, what I had to say I said in my messages to you but since you haven't heard them oh well.  I got an attitude going.  I didn't want to but I did. I was pissed that she had no idea what I had said or how I felt.  So I left. 

I went to the gym. Did 2 warm ups sets of leg press, then 3 working sets and then left. Meand the gym have to be in sync and if there is something between us we just don't work together very well. 

Oh I did check my messages when I got to the gym. She called my home phone and cell phone and left several messages.  These messages should have made everything allright but for some reason they just fueled my anger, which is why my workout didn't last.

On the way home I kept thinking about a lot of things that go on in life and everything seems so silly and stupid. Life shouldn't be this difficult. We should be happy 99% of the time and that 1% is when we greive over a death.  There really isn't a reason for all this and dammit I'm going to remember that!  So things don't go as planned... smile and make new plans. Someone says something to offend you, smile and say thank you I will try to correct that problem.  yeah I know easier than said... 

I get home and figit.. do laundry.. got on here for a little bit.  Mochy sweetie I am so sorry for that rather unfriendly PM..  can I please take that back and try again???? 

I stewed. Reflecting on what happened over the past few days. What I want. What she wants. Life. All of it.  I finally called her back.  I let her do the talking as she asked me not to say anything.  After sometime I understood what she was telling me. She wanted to get her life back to where it was so she could find the Amanda I fell in love with.  This meant she was putting me on hold???  Huh never had that happened before. Not trying to mean or anything I said okay so call me when you are ready. What else was I supposed to say???   The call eventually ended and she asked if she could call me later. I told her she can call me anytime she needs to, I'm always here for you. 

She called. Asked if I would come over and I did. We didn't talk much about us. We held hands. We cuddled and we fell asleep. It was a nice evening. It was??? I don't know near perfect a way to spend time with someone you truly care about.  

I'm happy today. I like that. I like that a lot.


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## butterfly (Jul 17, 2002)

My dear... I think you've named this diary correctly...


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## Jodi (Jul 17, 2002)

> Mochy sweetie I am so sorry for that rather unfriendly PM.. can I please take that back and try again????



I didn't think you were unfriendly, you just sounded sad.   

No big deal!   

Glad to know that your happier today.


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## Pitboss (Jul 17, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by butterfly *_
> My dear... I think you've named this diary correctly...



Yeah I know.. I'mso afraid to go back and read through this someday. Either it will totally put me in a irreversible state of depression or send me laughing all the way to my grave!!! Either way ..... crazy!!!


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## Pitboss (Jul 17, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by mochy *_
> I didn't think you were unfriendly, you just sounded sad.
> 
> No big deal!
> ...


Thanks   I just don't like nbeing unsociable and when I am I'm always afraid I say things the wrong way..  uh type things the wrong way.


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## Pitboss (Jul 17, 2002)

*Thursday July 18, 2002*

Dear Diary, 

Looks like I'm getting fired. 

Well funny how things work out. Today started off as a great day, and actually considering what happened today I'm still smiling and in a relatively great mood.  I'm on a 2 day suspension until Friday then I will find out the outcome if I get to come back to work or not. I'm hoping not and I'll explain why. 

Oh so why the suspension?? Well seems that this past week the IT people have been monitoring my internet activity. I just happended to look at two websites besides this one today, one that was posted for a model friend of someone here, forgot the name of the site and the other was our very own Venus' site. Well that's all it took. 

We signed an agreement a year ago or more stating that we would not use the internet for anything but work related use and since these weren't well that's why the suspension. Now the termination part is what makes this all interesting.  I'll have to start back in March. 

There are two girls at work who complained about sexual harrasment, not directly at me though. What was asked of these to girls was to document all accounts since their employment that they considered harrasment.  Due to this my name and about 10 other employees showed up on the list. Their greivences were things like, rubbing there back while talking to them. Placing a hand on their shoulder while they were seated at their desk, etc.. 

Yes i was guilty of these acts. Did I consider them sexual harrassment no. We were never given a "class" that specifically says this is and this isn't. 

Okay so now one of the girls happens to be trying to the sue the company for whatever reasons she has. She has been on anti depressants for over 6 months and is now on a Dr's request for leave of absense. All of this is due to her being traumatized, etc. 

Now once again how does this relate to me losing my job? Well they are trying to tie in the sexual harrasment stuff and me looking at women clad in bathing suits... somehow these two go together.  I am their scapegoat. I am the only Supervisor in their lists they submitted. IOf they show that they have let me go due to related circumstances then they are taking the steps needed to correct the problems this girl was having. You all follow??? 

Okay now why do I hope I get fired? Well I'll struggle for a bit but eventually I will be much better off. Can you say LAWSUIT???

*Wrongfull termination:* I agreed to use the Internet for work related purposes only and they state they have been monitoring my activity since Monday then why was I not in their office Monday after being logged on to this web site for nearly 8 hours, adn again yesterday and again today for 4 hours???? No they need to use the sexual harrasment and bikini clad ladies together for their own needs.  Also I can almost guarantee that i am the only person in  that company in the last 6 monthsm this past week, next week and the next month after I leave that was either written up or terminated for wrongful use of the Internet. They picked me out specifically, no one else.  As far as I am aware no one has been given any suspensions or written warning for using the internet for non work related sights. 

*Discrimination:* besides being single out I'm going to file for sexual discrimanation. The company has a dress code which they do not follow. The allow women to where short, short skirts, skin tight t-shirts, shirts that show midriff (tummy) and I'm sure i can come up with a couple more examples. But the point being that none of these outfits are allowed!!! The dress code specifaclly states where the kist hem must be, no midriff, no tank tops, and no clothing that could be considered.. damn forgot the wording. 


I'm still smiling  not sure what or where I'm going but I do have a lot of support from my family and Amanda. Amanda again my lifesaver.  Yeah I must be mad but at least I can look back and figure out why for the most part. 


Oh and one other thing...  there are couple of people that have those little Sports Illustrated swimsuit calendars on there desk. Not much different than what i was looking at now is it??  I think I'll take my camera and a newpaper to work and grap a few snapshots   Wonder if it's too much to print out a few exapmles of some internet history and cookies just to show that I'm not the only one using the interent and why was i the only one being monitored??? 

LMAO.. I just can't believe this. Maybe that's why I can't get this grin off my face.. I know the afternoon romp with Amanda helped put that on there but it's still there!!!


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## Pitboss (Jul 17, 2002)

Hey Diary I ust wanted to point out a couple of things. You know back in April I actually tried to commit suicide, twice. Got put on a 72 hour hold at the local hospital psych ward.. that was kind of cool though.  My whole world was crashing down on me. i had no control and I don't like that. It just seemed nothing I could do would change the outcome of what was going on. There is a thread in the general chat  called...  I'm sorry??  Mayeb that's it. But it goes more into detail about what and why it happend. 

This time again i don't have control but it's different. I'm looking at things in a different perspective. I could lose my house, my new car, etc...  but I'm not going to kill myself.  back in April I felt I was losing all those things too and I did try.  Why the change in attitude?  Well... 

I decided last night that life is supposed to be fun. We should enjoy each day, We should be smiling.  I couldn't stop thinking about these thoughts and because of that i relaized that i am happy, with or without a house or a new car or even a job that's paid me way too much!!!  These things are trivail little bumps in my road of life. I'll have tomorrow or next year to worry about another new car, maybe it won't be for 5 years but who cares. I have people that love me. My kid, oh my little boy. I feel worse about not being able to help his mom out with money right now more than anything. I know she doesn't need it all but still it's the point. By me paying it shows some responsibilty in my childs life. 

Another thing that has helped beyond my wildest dreams.. therapy.  yes therapy.  I have attended 9 session since my April incident and i have learned so much about my self, not all good mind you but still. I give therapy credit for allowing me to handle today's situation so well withou going over the deep end.  I'm surprised that i say this stuff because up until 9 weeks ago i thought therapy was a waste of my time and anyone else that thinks they need it.  If I can afford it I will continue to go..  besides I have a crush on my Therapist


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## Pitboss (Jul 17, 2002)

One last note for tonight.. I think. 

You know what the best part of having sex is? From start to finish you don't think of anything. Everything that was bugging you today, this wek, last year is non exisitant. It's just you and your partner. Concentrating on what your are tasting, touching, feeling, ....  when you look into each otheres eyes you don't see stress or despair or worry. It's almost a blank stare but theres a spark there that lets you know that you two have became one doing this time together. 

It's so weird. 

late


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## joecamp4 (Jul 17, 2002)

Damn PB...Hang in there.  Again, I don't have much to offer, wish I did...just checking into your journal to see how you're doing.  I hope things turn around for you...

Joe


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## Sosunni (Jul 17, 2002)

PB... just visiting.. don't have much time but this is the only place I will visit tonight.

I'm sorry that things are challanging for you.  BUT.. you're being challanged for a reason.  Prove resilience (sp?) to yourself, get you a better job... spend more time with Carter... whatever... you're strong enough to endure this... and I know you to know that's true.

In any event, my time tonight is limited... need to up date my own journal but right now, you're more important.

I'm sure Amanda's being a great help to you... but know that if you need to talk.. you know how to reach me.
First, foremost and always your freind ~ Suz.


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## esmerelda (Jul 17, 2002)

Hey honey...and here I was thinking I was the only one whose world was completely upside down!!!!!  Things happen for a reason.....mostly for the best!!!  I too have a female work-mate (for want of a better title!!) who has also used me and another four co-workers as an attempt to get out of her contract!!!  We were all sure she had a hidden agenda...but only when the shyte had hit the fan several times did we actually work it out....hoping for a payout = getting plastic surgery = getting back into air-hostessing!!!!!   So you pick on the strongest personallities in the work environment....claim they are harrassing you....give reasons that dont have to be proven/cant be proven....claim how bad its effecting you....and hey presto....they stuff up eveyone elses lives so that they can get the easy way out!!!!!  PB...Roger baby.... do you really think you and I are the type to let this shyte keep us down?????  So far...mine has been a lot of hot air...the managers know the real story and the hidden agenda.....they now are doing all they can to keep the darlin' smilin'....only we are the ones who are winning.....she will be very very sorry when the truth comes out......and it will...till then....Im the nicest, sweetest, most accommodating person on the team....and isnt that giving her some grief!!!!!

Hope this helps.....Im behind you ......would rather be infront of you....but will have to wait till later on that one!!!!  Take all the time you need with Amanda.....cos I recon you will be less frustrated...about at least one part of your day!!!!!!


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## buff_tat2d_chic (Jul 18, 2002)

Good morning PB. I hope you have a better day today.


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## butterfly (Jul 18, 2002)

*Part 1*



> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> There are two girls at work who complained about sexual harrasment, not directly at me though. What was asked of these to girls was to document all accounts since their employment that they considered harrasment.  Due to this my name and about 10 other employees showed up on the list. Their greivences were things like, rubbing there back while talking to them. Placing a hand on their shoulder while they were seated at their desk, etc..


1st point... did either of the girls ever express to you guys how the touching made them uncomfortable???



> Yes i was guilty of these acts. Did I consider them sexual harrassment no. We were never given a "class" that specifically says this is and this isn't.


2nd point... I agree, where is the company provided sensitivity training???



> Now once again how does this relate to me losing my job? Well they are trying to tie in the sexual harrasment stuff and me looking at women clad in bathing suits...


3rd point... did either of these girls ever see you looking at these websites?  If so, it could have made them uncomfortable.  If not, there is no connection between that and their harrassment claims.



> somehow these two go together.  I am their scapegoat. I am the only Supervisor in their lists they submitted. IOf they show that they have let me go due to related circumstances then they are taking the steps needed to correct the problems this girl was having. You all follow???


Yeah I follow but I don't by it... a corrective step would be to give everyone sensitivity training.



> *Wrongfull termination:* I agreed to use the Internet for work related purposes only and they state they have been monitoring my activity since Monday then why was I not in their office Monday after being logged on to this web site for nearly 8 hours, adn again yesterday and again today for 4 hours????


I'm sure they didn't call you in right away b/c they wanted to collect more dirt on you and the sites you visit... that's how we do it here


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## butterfly (Jul 18, 2002)

*Part 2*



> Also I can almost guarantee that i am the only person in  that company in the last 6 monthsm this past week, next week and the next month after I leave that was either written up or terminated for wrongful use of the Internet. They picked me out specifically, no one else.  As far as I am aware no one has been given any suspensions or written warning for using the internet for non work related sights.


4th point... great arguement for your lawyer to use.



> *Discrimination:* besides being single out I'm going to file for sexual discrimanation. The company has a dress code which they do not follow. The allow women to where short, short skirts, skin tight t-shirts, shirts that show midriff (tummy) and I'm sure i can come up with a couple more examples. But the point being that none of these outfits are allowed!!! The dress code specifaclly states where the kist hem must be, no midriff, no tank tops, and no clothing that could be considered.. damn forgot the wording.


5th point... if you don't include this in with the first suit it might look like your just whining.  But include it and it could help establish a pattern of irresponsibility on the companies behalf.



> Oh and one other thing...  there are couple of people that have those little Sports Illustrated swimsuit calendars on there desk. Not much different than what i was looking at now is it??  I think I'll take my camera and a newpaper to work and grap a few snapshots


more evidence to prove the company irresponsible...

Hope you have a better day!!!


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## Eggs (Jul 18, 2002)

Man PB, sorry to hear about work.  Well, if they are going to act like that then perhaps its better to not work there, but of course thats looking at it all 3rd person.

I would definitely do what you can to cover your own ass though, including getting any photographs, scrn prints of cookies (perhaps photographs too using 35mm as that way they cant use the "they were digitally altered" bit), etc.  Perhaps you should also talk to the people involved in this.  I'm not sure if the girls who are going on about the sexual harassment thing have a problem with you personally, but if you get fired for this and then the girls say they never had a problem with you, perhaps that would look good on your end.  Then again, they could just be interested in their pay off, which is very likely.

Anyways, Butterfly has some good advice.

They need to give you warnings - unless someone told you touching them on the back, etc made them uncomfortable, then that just doesnt fit the bill of sexual harassment... and if they didnt warn you about what you were doing on the internet (even when you werent there apparently  ), then they definitely shouldnt fire you over it.  If they are that strict with you that they would fire you for checking out IM and Venus, then everybody in the place would be out of work.

Glad to hear that you are taking this well.  When it comes down to it, life is the only thing we are really guaranteed in, er, life.  Once we die then whats it really matter... but while we are alive this is the greatest gift one could possibly ever have.  Even when scraping the bottom of life, just the sights, smells, touches, tastes, friends, pleasure & pain, and yeah, even sex... being alive, you really cant beat it.  We take life for granted so often until we realise thats all we have.  Not speaking of you necessarily, but definitely myself.

I hope everything turns out well for you.  And, ahem, good luck with your therapist.


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## Pitboss (Jul 18, 2002)

First I wish there was a way for me to say thank you to each and everyone of you in person and not through this devils advocate... he he   I swear the Internet is the Devils work!!!!!

I'm doing great people!!! I've been smiling all night long... uh I got stoned for the first time in a long, long time.. so that kind of helped. The Hagen Daas didn't help my diet much though.. LOL

Okay everyone has great points and great thoughts,, thank you. 

Butterfly you always have the best questions.. you should have went with the law school route... 



> *
> 1st point... did either of the girls ever express to you guys how the touching made them uncomfortable???*


Never of these two girls ever said not to do that, or please don't do that it makes me uncomfortable comments or even looks, movements, etc. The part that really bugs me those about these two women is that they continue to talk with me like nothing every happened. They smile and wave, always say hi first. Hell Kristy, the one that is on med leave even went to dinner with me two days before they discussed the harrassment crap to me at work!!! I even paid for dinner.. it was her and another girl so it wasn't just "us" 




> *
> 2nd point... I agree, where is the company provided sensitivity training???*


They haven't. The reasonings for bringing all the past harrasment issues to light was so they could put it all behind them and start fresh. fresh by bringing in a company that would give us classes on wht is and what isn't. it has been over 4 months since they said this and nothing yet.  Everything that has been said is considered is all word of mouth.



> [b/
> 3rd point... did either of these girls ever see you looking at these websites? If so, it could have made them uncomfortable. If not, there is no connection between that and their harrassment claims.[/b]


No way.  But that is how they are trying to connect the two... if by chance i was looking at a picture and someone saw then that could be sexual harrasment...  not sure how that works but whatever!! 



> *
> I'm sure they didn't call you in right away b/c they wanted to collect more dirt on you and the sites you visit... that's how we do it here *


Which is all the more reason I want them to fire me for this.  It's totally contradictive to their policy. It states all non related sites. it doesn't detail what is and what isn't unrelated.  They should have written me up for looking at my HOA website, or IM, or MM or Yahoo.com.   This poslicy applies to each and every employee and if I am the only one written up or released then it was obvious they purposely picked me out and that is wrong! Hey I agree that i messed up and I will take the responsibilty and whatever actions they take but I'm sorry in this case it's fair is fair and if one policy applies to me it applies every one else!!


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## Pitboss (Jul 18, 2002)

Dear Diary, 

Not sure if I ever said this but my ex-wife is a bitch.. no really a royal, snotty, bitch!!!!!  

Okay i sent this email this morning to her and copied two of my journal entries with it. I called her and asked tha tshe read it and if possible give me some idea's or thoughts. She works for Human Resources in a fortune 500 company and has access to more information I could imagine.  



> itboss:
> Hi
> 
> By the way I'm doing great!!!! I've been wanting out
> ...


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## butterfly (Jul 18, 2002)

Like I said before... I don't know about CA but in TX you are required to pay your child support... job or no job.  Sorry, that's just how it goes 

If you end up leaving this job and the new one doesn't pay as much then you can go back to court to request the support be lowered.  However, I know judges don't like to see the same cases over and over so you may need to wait 6 mos... asl your lawyer.

On the bright side... if you don't pay the child support she can't refuse you your visitations unless she wants to go to jail.  But then again if you don't pay then she can file a complaint and have you put in jail.

Now may be the time to get into making those movies you were thinking of...


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## EarWax (Jul 18, 2002)

Yo Pitboss, dang, some people have a lack of compassion don't they.   From your email, I don't think there was any need for her to get spiteful and defensive.  It just goes to show, you can't open up to some people.  Since you got Amanda, I'm sure your a winner in any case!


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## ponyboy (Jul 19, 2002)

Dude, I would imagine the employment acts are different in the States, but up here in Canada ANY company needs to go through the proper channels to fire you, unless it is for something specifically stated in your contract.  Verbal warning first, then written warning, and THEN they can fire you.  No notice at all makes you have a pretty good case.  My father is in corporate law and when I described it to him he said it didn't make sense.  

You could always do what Kevin Spacey did in American Beauty and just blackmail them.  Get some sensitive information (if you don't have it already) and just screw them.  It sounds like they are screwing you pretty good already.


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## butterfly (Jul 19, 2002)

Wonder if TP has any advice...


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## lina (Jul 21, 2002)

Hey PB

Just wanted to stop by and tell you I waz thinkin' of you...

Hang in there sweetie...


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## butterfly (Jul 22, 2002)

Good morning PB 

Hope you had a great weekend!!!


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## buff_tat2d_chic (Jul 22, 2002)

Good morning PB. I, too, like butterfly hope you had a good weekend. Let us know how you are doing.


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## EarWax (Jul 22, 2002)

Hey PB, just checking up on ya...


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## Pitboss (Jul 24, 2002)

*Wednesday July 24, 2002*

Dear Diary...  miss me????  

Hello to everyone here!!!  Special hugs and kisses for those special individuals...  

Well I've been keeping busy. Resume, visiting people to make contacts, shopping for some new dress shirts. Seems the old one's don't fit anymore.. LOL.  Phone calls like crazy. I've been doing a lot of research for work, different types of work. I also have been trying to find out if I have a case against mt former employer. At this time it doesn't. So I have about 24 hours to make a decision. Do I go back and sign that release and take 2 more weeks pay or do I refuse to sign it and keep going until I find a lawyer who can make a case for me?  I've had some people say do it, take it to court. The amount of money they are going to have to pay in lawyer fee's may make them think twice about it and settle out of court. Hmmmm think......... 

Got the resume going.. should be getting those out come Monday.  I'm thinking of a job that pays okay and I would consider temporary. I have some idea's for my own business.

I'm thinking of picking up a Limousine and start my own service. I't extremely competive I know but considering the overhead expensives are insurance and yearly permits that's not bad. The cost of the limo, pirced them at about 15-17 grand. So no payments, no lease, etc.   

I also picked up a Glock19 http://www.glock.com/te_g19.htm 
I'm thinking of offering something most limo services don't.. armed protection.  I'm hoping to branch out to private security in addition to this.  I may not be 6'4" 250 but i do know how to shoot a gun!!!!!! Maybe now I can actually put some of my Marine Corps experience to work.  

Now I need to look into how difficult getting a concealed arms permit will be.... 

Anyone need a body guard???? 

Other than that everything has been great!! 

Thank you so much everyone for your support, your kind words, the emails, the nude pics... oh sorry wrong group of people. 

Now I will say my spirits have been great. I'm like a walking smile 24/7 lately. My diet has been crap and i haven't been to the gym since Saturday.  I really haven't a clue where my whole day goes.. oh well.  

talk to everyone soon!!!!! 

XXX

Roger


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## Pitboss (Jul 24, 2002)

oh and one other note. Not only did I lose my job last week but I also lost a very important person in my life. No it wasn't a death or anything tragic like that. It was a personal choice that was made and one that I will have to learn to respect and come to terms with.  I still see this person almost daily and that sometimes makes it difficult. You know when you just want to reach out and say Hi but you can't.  

Well it's been almost a year since my sepration and the start of this roller coaster ride in life.... hope it ends soon cause I'm getting dizzy!!!


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## EarWax (Jul 25, 2002)

Good to hear from you bro.  The limo job sounds like a good plan, but I'd shy away from being a bodyguard.  It's too dangerous these days.  Sorry to hear about your loss of a friend, it always is a let down when that happens.  Life always makes unexpected turns, keep your chin up!


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## buff_tat2d_chic (Jul 25, 2002)

WB PB! We missed ya! Sounds like you have some awesome ideas.


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## naturaltan (Jul 25, 2002)

Hey PB ... whatever you gots to do to come with us on vacation next year is cool with us!  

But hearing you're a 24/7 smiling man is great news!  The diet and gym will come soon enough.

take care and keep in touch!!

Stephen


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## Pitboss (Jul 25, 2002)

Thanks all!!!!!   

earwax... damn I still laugh everythime I type that!!!  I really like the idea of a body guard. It's the danger part that i like 

NT... oh if I can arrange it I'll be there next year!!!! Just have to decide which is more important, making a house payment or a week of  Hedo!!!!!!  Gonna be a tough choice!!


Okay update... lawyer finally got back to me. Said to take the money and run. Without solid proof that i was singled out I wouldn't stand a chance. So I'll sign the documents. After a week of thinking about it I can't complain. I enjoyed most of my time with the company. They were kind enough to let everyone know that due to circumstances I had to leave. So no one really knows why which is cool.  I can still come and go to say hi. I have know many of these people for almost 11 years and some have become really close to me. Can't lose that  now can I?

Get my resume tomorrow or Monday and then hit the streets. I'm just going to dump off applications everywhere i can think of. Some sales positions, service writers for the dealerships, Limo driver ( really would liek this to get an idea of the business) private investigators.. found this online sounds interesting, and probably Personal trainer positions at the gym acroos the street from my house... might as well huh? Doesn't pay at all but it's the experience I'm looking for the money part I'll worry about as it arises. 

Okay... off to answer about 10 emails!!!! later all!!!!!!


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## butterfly (Jul 25, 2002)

Hey PB!  Missed ya!!!

Probably a good idea to take the $$... sometimes judges can turn on you if you haven't a solid case and stick you with ALL the legal fees 

Try to get back to the gym... it'll only make you feel even better!


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## Pitboss (Jul 25, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by butterfly *_
> Hey PB!  Missed ya!!!
> 
> Probably a good idea to take the $$... sometimes judges can turn on you if you haven't a solid case and stick you with ALL the legal fees
> ...



Funny you mention that about the gym. One thing that I have noticed over the past few months is that when I am going to the gym and eating fairly healthy I'm usually almost always smiling, in a great mood and my stress levels are way down. When I miss a few days and the diet is astray I feel lathargic (sp),  moody, stress can get way up for no reason and I get a bit snippy at the mouth.  I Won't have time tomorrow, maybe saturday and/or Sunday I can get back into it. If not Monday for sure!!!!! 

Oh I have some more funds coming in about a month. Should be close to 3,000. I'm getting this through my refi on my house. My buddy handles my loans and did a little number game to help me out... sweet!!! 

So here's my plan... get a job. Doesn't have to be a great job or even one I want to be at, I just need it for the income and to pay the bills. The $3,000 goes into the bank for emergencies and hopefully won't need it. Then when I get my 401K I will purchase a Limo and use the $3,000 towards incureance and permit and a car cover. My Grandmother has a very large front yard and huge driveay. I could park 3 of these there with plenty of room for more!! My mother, Amanda and a couple of other friends have already offered to drive for me if I can't do it myself. Here is one example of what I have found. 

1995 LINCOLN TOWN Car limousine, 140" stretch, white/gray interior, custom bar, tv/vcr, cd, good condition, pp, (LION 11), $16,900 or best offer


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## naturaltan (Jul 25, 2002)

that looks pretty cool ... I've heard you get some great stories to tell driving ...


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## Pitboss (Jul 25, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by naturaltan *_
> that looks pretty cool ... I've heard you get some great stories to tell driving ...



Taxi cab confessions!!!!! Hmmm maybe i should put in 4 or 5 video cameras so they can have the event recorded. I can take it home and edit it for them and then they can have their very own professional style porn!!!! LOL.... hmmmm you know...


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## naturaltan (Jul 25, 2002)

ok ... with an idea like that, I think I might do the same here ... he he

I know we've given a few taxi drivers a couple of good stories ... one cabi we use when we go out always tells us of how the young ladies get frisky come the end of the night.  lol


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## butterfly (Jul 25, 2002)

Wow... I didn't know limos where so inexpensive!

Good idea with the video cameras!


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## naturaltan (Jul 25, 2002)

listen to us ...  ... getting PB to put camera's in his limo.


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## Hammerlynn (Jul 25, 2002)

Hi PB! I've read through your journal and you've had so much happen but the thing that you pointed out is that you've stayed happy and smiling over the last few months. 

Your optimism shows through! Just keep your head up! The limo deal sounds cool! I agree..please put in cameras and sell copies on IM members for cheap  

Seriously..hang in there and let me know when those tapes are available for purchase


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## Eggs (Jul 25, 2002)

Ahh, sign me up!

Seriously though PB, sorry to hear about the job... glad that you are taking it so well and not allowing this BS to get the better of you.  Limo driver packing heat, there has to be some demand for that sort of thing 

Limo Service / Armed Guards... sounds like fun.  Anyways, looking forward to the updates as they come.  Have a good weekend.


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## Sosunni (Jul 27, 2002)

PB - Just checkin' in on you...  sorry about the job but you know, everything happens for a reason.

Love and miss you! 

XXX

Suz


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## Pitboss (Aug 5, 2002)

You people are so great!!!!!!!!  Now if we can get rid of Kuso and Albob this place would really be rocking!!! 

Just checking in. Everythings going great! Relaxing and enjoying my stress free days. have some applications to submit but not in any major rush yet. Been hanging around the pool working on my tan. Funny the looks moms give me when I drop my shorts to get my bum tanned.  LOL 

Two more weeks and I'll get Carter for a full day!!!  Not sure if we will hangout in the pool or head down to the Long Beach Aquarium.... it's awesome!!!  Mom says no beer so I guess the titty bar is out. Just thouhgt he might enjoy seeing where dad works.. LOL 

Okay off to do some house cleaning and laundry. See ya all really soon!

XXX
PB


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## Pitboss (Aug 5, 2002)

Holy crap!!!!!!!!  I leave this site sort of, well part time actually and when i cum back there's a forum with naked women!! Some of them totally nude unedited and even some of them are.. uhm well damn playing with themselves. Even to the point of inserting fingers and/or toys!!!!    Damn I'm really going to have to rething my career options. I can work or i can be unemployed and spend my days looking at naked women!!!  

Hmmm Playboy has "Women of Enron" wonder if we can get a "Women of IM" thread going???


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## butterfly (Aug 5, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> Hmmm Playboy has "Women of Enron" wonder if we can get a "Women of IM" thread going???


Well, there are definitely some lookers here but I'd bet you'll be hard pressed to get any of them to sign up


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## ALBOB (Aug 5, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> You people are so great!!!!!!!!  Now if we can get rid of Kuso and Albob this place would really be rocking!!!



 ...............That's French, it means I think you're #2.


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## Jodi (Aug 5, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by butterfly *_
> 
> Well, there are definitely some lookers here but I'd bet you'll be hard pressed to get any of them to sign up



How right you are Butterfly!

Good luck getting that to fly PB!


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## naturaltan (Aug 6, 2002)

he he ... the 'Women of IM' ... 

I was thinking the same about my company.  Our shares have gone down to around $12 from $40.  I wait for Mrs.NT to pick me up ... and the ladies I see come out of our building wouldn't be fit ... well, let's just say, they are not Playboy's type.    but the Women of IM .... hhhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmm.


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## Pitboss (Aug 8, 2002)

Well howdy!!!  

Not much going on in my life. Relxing mostly. It's amazing how being stress free can effect your looks. I feel better than I have felt in years. I look better.. no bags under my eyes, I'm always smiling and I just love life in general!!   Still no real job as of yet but I do have a few more applications to get out there... although these are for the jobs that i would prefer not to have. I've decided I'd be happy making $7.50 per hour with a stress free job, np baby sitting other employees, writing up someone for being 10 minutes late or any of that other crap that goes along with "supervising" others... blah!!! 

Things with Amanda have been great!! She will be moving in with me at the end of the month. This will be a first for me. I have never had a GF live with me. Even with my ex wife we didn't live with each other until we were married. 

Carter started day care on  7/29, but only 1/2 days and only 3 days a week. He loves it!!! Kid talks, and talks, and talks!! Can't understand a damn thing he says but I know he is saying something.. LOL   In two weeks, well really after this coming Monday I will be able to have Carter by myself for  full days. I can't wait. Spending only 2 hours every weekend just isn't enough time and being that his mom is there sometimes the conversations get a little emotional.  I'm going to take him on his first bike ride and hang out by the pool, take a nap together. Then in a couple of weeks we will be going to the Long Beach aquarium.. he loves fish!!   I'm pretty excited  

Anyhow just a little update for anyone interested  

Oh and I'm thinking of stepping down from my throne. I think the title of King of Pornal is up for grabs. I just have to decide what must be done to prove one's pornalness and the right to wear that crown.  any idea's??

Later all.. I sure do miss this place


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## naturaltan (Aug 8, 2002)

that is a great update ... everything positive!  The news about Carter is the best. Great to hear good things happening.


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## Pitboss (Aug 8, 2002)

Thanks NT  

It's funny how things seem to work out. it only took one day and a short drive home, well that and a fight with Amanda to make me put things into perspective. Life's about being happy and dammit i want to be happy!! So far in the past 3 weeks I can't recall one moment where I let stress control my day.  I lost my job, so what. I was denied unemployment, so what it's a lousy $340 a week.  I've had more people tell me how enjoyable it is to be around me than ever. I used to never hear people say "Are you always in such a good mood?"   It used to be " Don't you ever smile?" I can't stop smiling lately and laughing all the time.  

When bad things do happen I have a simple answer.. "The sun will rise tomorrow"


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## Pitboss (Aug 8, 2002)

One other note. I have been getting to the gym 5 to 6 days a week. I've been getting on average 7 hours of sleep and my diet has been okay. A little cheat here and there but so far it's not showing. I'm down to 185 from 193 and I've lost 1/2 or more in the waist.  I still plan on keeping my goal to reach 200 plus but I think I'll take my time getting there. 

Later


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## butterfly (Aug 8, 2002)

Awesome attitude!!!


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## esmerelda (Aug 8, 2002)

Great to hear things are chugging along for you!!!  Its great that you and "mini-me" are spending more time together...now you can teach him the ways of the Master!!!  He's a natural anyway!!!

The job will come when it comes......so spend some time on you instead......Im already loving the difference!!!!

You will always be the true King of Pornality!!!!  But make sure the new Prince is trained up to your standards!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## Jodi (Aug 8, 2002)

PB...........
I am so happy for you.  Its great that things in life are finally starting to make you happy.  Seeing Carter for a full day oppose to 2 hours is going to make a world of difference in your relationship with him.  

I will be unemployed soon myself because of moving back home in 3 weeks, but its a small price to pay for happiness.  So I know where youre coming from.

Make the best of it and enjoy it.


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## butterfly (Aug 8, 2002)

Can't you just feel the love you inspire in us PB!!!


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## Pitboss (Aug 9, 2002)

You girls are too much!!! Thanks  

Esmerelda I'm thinking you should set the standards and pick the new King.  I know how you think  

Mochy, you'll still bve here with us when you move won't you???

and Butterfly, that's really the sweetest thing I think anyone has ever said to me. Thank you.  Although I think I'd be just as happy if you said "Can't you just feel the "lust" you inspire in us".. he he


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## Jodi (Aug 10, 2002)

Hey PB
Yes I will still be here.  I'm just moving.  Being a computer geek I can't stay away from the Internet for too long or I start going through withdrawal symptoms.  LOL!


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## Pitboss (Aug 10, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by mochy *_
> Hey PB
> Yes I will still be here.  I'm just moving.  Being a computer geek I can't stay away from the Internet for too long or I start going through withdrawal symptoms.  LOL!



Yeah!!!!!!!!!  Of course all your free time wll be spent with hubby....  is that Scarecrow??? Oh and nice itsy bitsy yellow thong  nice ass too!!!!!


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## Pitboss (Aug 10, 2002)

So it's another Saturday. One I thought I would spend with Amanda but that didn't work out. She's starting to get stressed out about moving again. Her soon to be ex room mate is being a jerk. He's packing things he never uses but knows Amanda uses them. Things liek water bottles, the coffee maker and he even took the vacuum. So she gets stressed and when she gets stressed she gets pissy and I don't do pissy very well. Had a little tiff last night and then today she said she needed some time to herself to run errands. Me? I just calmly say "okay" we all have things we need to do and we all need time to ourselves.  She is also a little stressed about moving in with me. I find this kind of funny. i should be the one stressed about it but it's the other way around. I think she is mostly concerned about how things will be between us and something so silly I laugh thinking about it. She likes decorating and being creative when it comes to living spaces. I like things simple, not a lot of clutter on the tables or shelves and I think she feels we will be bumping heads when it comes to this. Once again I will take the calm not offensive or even defensive stand. I'll be neutral  

Today I'm moving my computer desk down stairs in to the dining room.  Hey I know I'll post pics. Be right back..


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## Pitboss (Aug 10, 2002)

okay so here is my place. It's located in Canyon Country, Ca. About 40 miles north of downtown Los Angeles.  I closed Escrow in Feb 2002 and financed $174,000 for it. Right now there have been 6 other units like mine that have recently sold for 198,000-200,000 and climbing!! Amazing.  

I think is just a tad over 1,000 sqft. It's 2 story with 2 bedrooms. The master which isn't that big has a shower. The spare bedroom has a full bath. Downstairs is another bathroom, no shower or bath. 

There is a two car garage which is accessed through the patio (dining room). It also has a washer and dryer upstairs in the hallway. Not much for any linen storage  Not a great layout of moving furniture around, specially with the living room. The previous owner built a ??? enclosing a big screen TV. I made him throw in the TV when I bought the place 

Every day when I come home... hmm I'm out of work so that doesn't apply anymore.. LOL  anyhow I am simply amazed what I paid for this place. It's ridiculous!!!!!!!!

Excuse the mess... I was getting ready to tear apart my computer desk. I'm moving to the dining area, in the corner where the wine rack is located. 

Bedroom...


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## Pitboss (Aug 10, 2002)

here's a different angle looking the other way..


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## Pitboss (Aug 10, 2002)

then from the bottom of the stairs looking into the living room..


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## Pitboss (Aug 10, 2002)

then looking back at the living room from the kitchen area..


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## Pitboss (Aug 10, 2002)

lets see ... here is the kitchen

Notice the picnic basket on the left by the telephone. How many single men can say they own one of these?? Huh? I'm a pleaser when it comes to women


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## Pitboss (Aug 10, 2002)

Last one. The dining area. Computer is going in the right corner.  Not like I have a lot of dinners guests anyhow. 

Oh and I left out the spare bedroom. Got someone renting that and I didn't want to impose.


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## Pitboss (Aug 10, 2002)

Well that's my liittle Townhouse. Feels like an apartment to me but I guess that's from being used to living in  real houses for the past 7 years or so. 

Well off to move the desk and PC. Then head off to Home Depot to  get some idea's for closet organizers. More money spent... but worth it. 

have a great day!!!!!!


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## Burner02 (Aug 10, 2002)

Hey PB-
nice place. My town home is a tad smaller than yours but in a ranch configuration. I like that tan recliner chair thing you have? What ever it's called. Looks comfy....multi-purpose as well....
The mirrored sliding doors in the bed room seem to add the feeling of more space? I was thinking of adding those to my bedroom sa well some day....


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## esmerelda (Aug 11, 2002)

Hmmmmm....now where do I start......huge mirrors in bedroom... but not on ceiling!!!!!  Wine rack looks fairly empty!!!!  Bathroom vanity looks kinda sturdy.......yep.....I likes it!!!!  

Not knowing what a 'normal' unit looks like in America...this seems quite like what we build over here now....all two story but they mostly have 3 or 4 bedrooms (one is converted to a separate study)....but when you look at the exchange rate...its half the price of yours!!!!  

Burner....why not post pics of your place...that way we can see who's is bigger!!!!


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## Burner02 (Aug 11, 2002)

"Burner....why not post pics of your place...that way we can see who's is bigger!!!!"
***because, my dear friend...I do not have anything to prove...


Oh, the town home....Pb's is bigger by a little bit.


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## Jodi (Aug 12, 2002)

Nice Place PB!  Can i just tell you that Scarecrow and I bought a house which is about 1700sq. for $155,000.00.  It was 2 1/2 years ago but Holy SHIT!!!!!!!!!  I always knew CA was a lot more expensive than the East Coast but Damn.  

Anyway, your townhome looks very nice.  I'm impressed, decent taste for a guy.  LOL


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## Pitboss (Aug 12, 2002)

Damn ants every where!!!  It's what 10am and already near 100 today!!  

Lelly the counter is very, very sturdy!!!  As far as the mirrors on the ceiling.. hmm it's vaulted and the wrong angle. Although I am looking for a mirrored head board .

Thanks Mochy. Like I said I like my home simple. Notice no pictures on the wall. I have one but that's it.  I'm tryinmg to force myself to put more up but I think I'll let Amanda have fun with that.

Uhm Lelly what am I trying to prove is bigger? And can I post it here?


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## Pitboss (Aug 12, 2002)

Burner... mirrors. Yes they do add the feeling of space. Big difference!! Plus think like Esmerelda and I think and you can understand the real reason for mirrors!! LOL


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## Sosunni (Aug 12, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> Uhm Lelly what am I trying to prove is bigger? And can I post it here?



Gee... I think I could do that for you! 

Hey sweetness.... miss me!?


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## Pitboss (Aug 12, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Sosunni *_
> 
> 
> Gee... I think I could do that for you!
> ...



You're going to post it for me??? 


Of course I miss you


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## Sosunni (Aug 12, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> 
> 
> You're going to post it for me???
> ...



Hmmm... that picture was taken at your place, I see now!!  

It seems like I haven't been here for days!!  I miss you too!


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## naturaltan (Aug 14, 2002)

yo PB, whaddup??

Nice to hear from you my friend.  The bach pad looks to be in top form!


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## Scorpio Gurl (Aug 14, 2002)

Hey Roger! Wassup... long time no chat!   lol

Looks like your doing great now, no stress/less stress life! Sooo glad to hear that 

Things going alright here, training is kinda slumping in tha summer... but starting to get my butt back into gear! 

Take care, and I'll try to catch ya sometime on MSN again.. I'm hardly on though..  so hopefully   

Ciao  Sexy! 

Steph


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## Pitboss (Aug 14, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Scorpio Gurl *_
> Hey Roger! Wassup... long time no chat!   lol
> 
> Looks like your doing great now, no stress/less stress life! Sooo glad to hear that
> ...



Steph sweetie!!!!!  Too funny I was about to send you an email... ity's been way toooooooooooo loooooooooonnnnnnnggggggg! I miss my SeXy Gurl  

I'll email you any how and give you some more updates


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## Pitboss (Aug 14, 2002)

*PB and Carter's Adventures in Texas!!!*

Carter and I, possibly Amanda too, will be going to Irving Texas June 20-22, 2003 for a Family reunion. Im going to plan on staying for only a few days. Couple of days with family and then an extra day to visit anyone else that happens to live near or up for a little traveling adventure.   

Tammy best be ready for me!!! LOL 


.... 

This Saturday carter and I get to spend all day together. I am so excited. We, well I have our whole day planned out.hang by the pool and check out teh babes, Then head inside and grab a little lunch. Kick back in the air conditioned house and watch a new Elmo video. Have a nice relaxing bath and then a little nap before heading back to moms  

Gonna feel strange having him to myself.. I miss that  I hope I don't cry too much Saturday. Especially when I drop him back off at Moms. If he cries I'll just burst.. 

later all..


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## Stacey (Aug 14, 2002)

Awwww ROGER!! I hope you have a wonderful day with Carter!!! 

WOW Your coming to Texas!!! COOL!!!  Irving is kinda far from me.. but ya never know!
Take care sweets!


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## Pitboss (Aug 14, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Princess *_
> Awwww ROGER!! I hope you have a wonderful day with Carter!!!
> 
> WOW Your coming to Texas!!! COOL!!!  Irving is kinda far from me.. but ya never know!
> Take care sweets!



I'll have Amanda take some pics 

Hey Irving Texas is a lot closer to you than it is to me!!!! LOL


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## butterfly (Aug 14, 2002)

2003... that gives me plenty of time to catch up in hottest to my fellow Texan ladies, Fitgirl & Princess!!!

It *IS* hard to let him go back to his mom's.  Fade still goes through that every time!


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## Pitboss (Aug 14, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by butterfly *_
> 2003... that gives me plenty of time to catch up in hottest to my fellow Texan ladies, Fitgirl & Princess!!!
> 
> It *IS* hard to let him go back to his mom's.  Fade still goes through that every time!



catch up??? Women are crazy!!!  *You're already hot, duh.*

He's only cried twice I think when I've left him and that was only after spending 2 hours with me.  The first time I sat in my car crying for a good 10 minutes  

It's times like that when I start to think if I made the right decision. If I tried and tried to keep making it work would I eventually be happy? Would it mattter if I was happy as long as carter and his mother were happy? Shouldn't that have been enough to make me happy?  

I miss being a family


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## Pitboss (Aug 14, 2002)

Well in case anyone noticed I gave up on my regular journal. I can't seem to keep one and my diet is like a yo yo, good one day and extremely bad the next. How bad? Hmmm I had 3 Hagen Das ice cream bars on Monday. Hey it was 109 outside!!! yeah okay so I was inside and it was only 80 or so.. LOL 

I have been going to the gym, usually 5 days a week. Although I think I might be taking it easy for the next month or so. Legs, chest and shoulders I can go all out on but biceps and back.. hmm well I pulled a forearm muscle, the brachili (sp). I can work around it but I know better. If it hurts to pick up a full trash bag, say 20lbs you know you have a problem. So it'll be light days for back and bi for a while  

What else have I done? Oh yesterday I finished up my bedroom closet. Picked up a closet orginizer from Home Depot. It worked out pretty good and Amanda seems to like it. She has her side and I have mine. 

Oh and one other personal problem.... kind of embarrasing but I'm beginning to believe that no matter how personal it can be it's best to just be open and let it out.  The amoutn of feed back you can get is amazing and I'd say 9 out 10 times the end result is a positve one. 

I've been having problems keeping it up... you know it.  I can decide if it's mental or physical. The physical reason being that I was on a 10 week cycle of deca and test  and my test levels still haven't gone back to normal.  I started taking Tribulis so maybe that will help.   I must say what a waste of money that cycle was. My first full length attempt and I managed to gain very, very little. Too little sleep, not enough time at the gym and a terrible diet.  I really think I did my best that I could considering the hours I worked.  Oh well. 

The mental part? Well the first time it happened I think I was just extremely tired.  The next time all I could think about was losing it, you know what if I lose it again? That's it. That's all it took. Same with the next time. Then the next time everything was okay. Then again. Then fine, well sort of. I almost lost it and had to think of other women, fantasies, etc to take my mind off of losing it. That worked but that was the first time I have ever thought of anyone else while being with Amanda  ... but then again I really liked what I was thinking.. he he 

It's tough for a woman to really understand what a man goes through when this happens. You know they are thinking it must be them, or something they did or didn't do. I'm sure 90% or more of the time it has nothing to do with her.   For the man though it's a ego thing. It's a let down of our man hood. A destroyer of our animalness, etc, etc. It's worse than getting your butt kicked by a person who is half you size and in front of everyone you know. For a man it's an erection that shows our excitement. For a women it's her wetness. Sometimes a woman may not be able to get as wet as she needs to and there is always that bottle of Astroglide. For a man without an erection there is no magic bottle. It's all or nothing. 

Gee I think this is a first in my diary that I will say this... 
TMI!! Too much Information... LOL


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## Fitgirl70 (Aug 15, 2002)

You're coming to Irving in June??? 
AAALLLLRIIIIIGGGGHHHHTTTTT!!!!

Rock on!!   I can't wait.  Irving is pretty close to me.
Sweeeet


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## naturaltan (Aug 15, 2002)

PB ... that's right about the time we're heading for Hedo next year and were thinking about coming to Texas a few days early to visit with the Texas ladies of IM.  It sounds like we might be able to set it up to meet you (and maybe Carter too)!!  Keep us updated about your whereabouts for June.


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## Pitboss (Aug 15, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Fitgirl70 *_
> You're coming to Irving in June???
> AAALLLLRIIIIIGGGGHHHHTTTTT!!!!
> 
> ...



I'll be looking forward to it   Get ato see family I haven't seen for 5 years and hopefully see  a bunch of you or at least T. Then I can show off my pride and joy. Heck I might show off Carter too....  LOL  just kidding people... geez. 

NT the dates in June have been confirmed unless something comes up and they have to change them.


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## Fade (Aug 15, 2002)

Kewl. An IM members party.


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## Pitboss (Aug 15, 2002)

Hmm no comments on my uh new problem....  that's okay. i woke up horny as hell this morning and it seems to working like it's old self.


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## Pitboss (Aug 15, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Fade99 *_
> Kewl. An IM members party.



That would be an awesome thing.  Even if it's only a handful of us.


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## naturaltan (Aug 15, 2002)

If your dates are set, I'm pretty sure we'll be going back to Hedo for June 21st to the 29th ... so it's possible we might be able to work our way down south first.  A gathering of the IM clan would be very cool.  Have a few beverages and laughs!


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## butterfly (Aug 15, 2002)

Unless you guys want to come down to Houston maybe we can party at FG's house


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## Fitgirl70 (Aug 16, 2002)

party at my house.....absolutely!!!


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## Pitboss (Aug 18, 2002)

Stupid computer!!! I hit Ctrl and ??? and the 6 paragraphs I just typed for my diary were deleted!!!!! Mother fu,,,,,,, aaaagggghhh

Okay so yesterday I spent all day with Carter. From 9 am until 6:30pm. We played, with Amanda and Grandma. We hung out at the pool.. see picture. I only took one   We napped, we wathed Elmo.. I think I like Elmo more than he does.. LOL  Wee had grilled cheese sandwiches and hot dogs. He actually ate them He's so fussy about food and has been on a liquid diet by his own choice. He has little tantrums when he can't have his juice or milk and Patty and I are going to have a hard time breaking him of that since her parents watch him during the week and spoil him rotten. They don't want to hear him cry so they give him anything he wants to avoid the tantrums.  Pisses me off but then again that's what grandpaents do.. 

We had a great day   he met me at the door with a great big and laugh that almost brought tears to my eyes. His mom started crying when I was about to leave so I gave her a big hug and reassured her that he would be fine. She has alot of stuff going on in her life and I think being without her baby yesterday made things even worse. I told her later that any weekend that she feels that she needs him by herside that I'm fine with that and we can schedule me to take him another day.  It's a long story but lets just says she's under her parents house and her parents are more like Cinderella's step mother than real parents... not a good thing. 

Anyhow the day was great. I loved every minute and can't wait until our next day together!!!


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## esmerelda (Aug 18, 2002)

What an absolute honey!!!!!!!!!!  It looks like he has things all sussed out!!!  Chillin back....grabbin a few rays....chuggin a coldie .....just waitin for the babe's to wander on past and the picture is set!!!!!  Man how he has grown!!!!!  Its great to hear you had a wonderful day together!!!  Being a shift mum...I steal as many moments with mine as I can get away with....before too long they just dont want to hang with the oldies anymore!!!!

When are we going to get another shot of PB and Mini PB???


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## Pitboss (Aug 22, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by esmerelda *_
> What an absolute honey!!!!!!!!!!  It looks like he has things all sussed out!!!  Chillin back....grabbin a few rays....chuggin a coldie .....just waitin for the babe's to wander on past and the picture is set!!!!!  Man how he has grown!!!!!  Its great to hear you had a wonderful day together!!!  Being a shift mum...I steal as many moments with mine as I can get away with....before too long they just dont want to hang with the oldies anymore!!!!
> 
> When are we going to get another shot of PB and Mini PB???



There ya go again asking for naked pics of me!!!! LOL 

As I will be spending more and more time with Carter I'm sure we will start seeing more pics of me and him


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## Pitboss (Aug 22, 2002)

Okay I really have to wonder about me sometimes......  okay almost all of the time. 

Last night I get off work and head to Amanda's. Jump in bed about 3am and  she gives me crap about calling her at 10:30 leaving a message and then not answering my phone. I turned it off. I assumed she was asleep.... blah, bitch, bitch, bitch. I ignored her. 

About 10 minutes later right as I was falling asleep she rolls over and  she says "Roger, I cheated on you"  

I replied "That's okay sweetie" 

Her "That's it? Just it's okay?" 

Me "you know how I feel about this, and the fact that you are in bed with me now" 

Her ......silence, then "well it was in a dream. I was kissing this guy but I don't know what he looked like"

Me "it's only a dream" followed by snoring


Woke up later thinking damn shouldn't I have showed some reaction? Oh well. Makes me wonder where her thoughts are taking her right about now. Might make for some interesting  fights after she moves in.


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## EarWax (Aug 22, 2002)

I know ya have lots of things on your mind PB, but perhaps she was just testing to see how much you care about her.  Don't let pride get in the way man, that can only lead down the path of the darkside.  Of course, I could be wrong ... but it would be the first time.


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## Pitboss (Aug 23, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by EarWax *_
> I know ya have lots of things on your mind PB, but perhaps she was just testing to see how much you care about her.  Don't let pride get in the way man, that can only lead down the path of the darkside.  Of course, I could be wrong ... but it would be the first time.



No testing. Just said she felt guilty about dreaming she was with another guy. But I assured her I have no problems with that and she can dream about as mant men as she wants.. one at a time or all at once!! LOL 



Hey I think it's working again!!! last nigth and this morning!! sweet made my girls day!! 

Carter is off to Palm Springs for the weekend with his mom, Aunt and Uncle.  So i won't see him unitl Labor day weekend. I think as long as his mom doesn't have any plans for him I take Saturday and Monday.  Kind of had to think of things to do with a 19 month old baby. Guess beer, women and football are out of the question?? hehe


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## naturaltan (Aug 23, 2002)

You sound SO much happier ... it's nice to read!


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## Mudge (Aug 23, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> 
> No testing. Just said she felt guilty about dreaming she was with another guy. But I assured her I have no problems with that and she can dream about as mant men as she wants.. one at a time or all at once!! LOL



My woman and myself don't sleep around or anything, but were both fine with porn together or seperate, and we both talk about men and women who are sexy (she's the one thats bi not me!!!  ), that is part of what I think keeps things fine between us. I still like to think about other women now and again, but neither one of us are the type to feel ok to bang other people, but the porn and etc seems to keep things just fine between us, although its been 3 years not 11.

As for 'getting it up', avoid the Deca!!! Stick to test, that should double or tripple your need for sex by itself, remember what I said about bein impotent, in lower doses it will have lesser effect, which is what your experiencing now!


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## Pitboss (Aug 27, 2002)

Well Amanda is all moved in. I think she has been more nervous about this whole thing compared to me.  I'm being positive about this and have made it as comfortable for her as possible. I got the closet organized so she has her side and i have mine. I did the same with my bathroom and I'm even going to go through my dresser today so she will have her own drawer... now that folks is what I call a commitment!! LOL 

Life has been great. Everything seems to be working out fine and I really can't complain about much. I keep asking for more nights at the club and they have me at 3 nights a week now. If I can get 2 more nights I pretty much can go 6 to 8 months I think without stressing about finding another job.  Although I do keep filling out applications, several online. So far I have had one call back and that happened to be one that I wasn't intersted in. Still not sure why I filled out the application. Oh well. 

Didn't see Carter this past weekend as he was sunning it up in Palm Springs.  But this weekend I will have in Saturday and Monday.  Guess we will hang by the pool. Oh and I plan on taking him on his first bike ride. Yes I have a little helmet for him to wear. Just hope my legs aren't still sore!! Lots of hills around here I have to pedal up.  Monday I still may shoot for the Long Beach Aquarium. But I'm thinking how busy it may be there since it will be Labor Day.  We'll see. 

I do love it when he comes over. It's really the only time I get to watch Elmo without Amanda laughing at me.. he he

Okay back to house cleaning/arranging/unpacking 

Hope everyones week is as good as mine!!!

XXX

PB


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## Pitboss (Aug 30, 2002)

Just a litte hello to all those that take the time to browse through my diary. 

Sometimes I am trully amazed when I check to see who is online here and see 3 or 4 people, usually 2 or 3 of them are "Guests"  looking at my journal. 

I also would like to apoligize if has become a little boring to read. When you aren't working and have become pretty committed to  your current girl friend  it seems not much really happens to me anymore. Either that or it's because I'm not looking for it. 

Anyway.. thanks all!!!!!!!


PB


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## Burner02 (Aug 30, 2002)

Hey!
"mornin! it's only 0430 there in la la land....up early, or haven't crashed yet?
I've got 25 minutes before relief...then off to Waffle House.....
hot waffles..and hot syrup!
Will pay for it this afternoon in the gym!
Have a great weekend, bro-


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## Pitboss (Aug 30, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Burner02 *_
> Hey!
> "mornin! it's only 0430 there in la la land....up early, or haven't crashed yet?
> I've got 25 minutes before relief...then off to Waffle House.....
> ...



Just got home from work and the gym. Too wired to sleep right now. 

Waffle house?? I went to those in Georgia. I didn't realize they had them out this way. 

That's okay in about 3 hours I'm cooking Amanda scramble eggs, bacon, and wheat toast for breakfast. I'll have at least 6 to 7 slices of bacon... Mmmmm. 

Have a great weekend too!!


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## EarWax (Aug 30, 2002)

Hey how did the bike riding go?  

Mmmm... bacon!


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## Pitboss (Aug 30, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by EarWax *_
> Hey how did the bike riding go?
> 
> Mmmm... bacon!



The bike ride will be either Saturday or Monday. I'm leaning towards Monday as it is a holiday and the roads aren't ass crowded. Have about a mile ride to the bike paths. 

Bacon is cooked and waiting for my lady to get ready for work... damn it smells so good in my house!!!!!!!


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## Pitboss (Aug 30, 2002)

Breakfast was great. I so love taken care of a sexy woman!!!!! I do tend to spoil them which can be bad in the long run .. you know after a while people start to expect you to continue to do these things and as soon as you slack off a bit there must be something wrong.  Thankfully Amanda hates flowers!!! LOL 

So I got like 2.5 hours of sleep, made breakfast, wish we had time for some CARDIO   then did some errands. It's now 12:17 PST and I do believe the pool is calling me.. got to tan. Well that and when I drove by the pool there were a couple of hot bodies just getting there. Sweet!!!!! 

Later everyone. I'll either be sleeping or typing some weird shiat here at IM... lack of sleep causes some strang brain imbalance with me... he he


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## ALBOB (Sep 4, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_ lack of sleep causes some strang brain imbalance with me... he he



Somehow I don't think sleep has anything to do with it in your case.


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## butterfly (Sep 4, 2002)

You definitely need more sleep sweetie!


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## Pitboss (Sep 5, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by butterfly *_
> You definitely need more sleep sweetie!



I've been getting sleep but now I haven't had time for the gym this week.. gggrrrrrrr. 

So what's been happening? Saturday spent the day with Carter. Didn't do too much. Drove around, hung around the house, went to the mall. Oh and went for our first bike ride. Had one heck of a time getting him to keep his helmet on. Didn't like that one bit. But once he was on the bike and moving he was all smiles!! Except when the helmet moved infront of his eyes and he couldn't see.. LOL 

His mom asked me to take him on Tuesday instead of Monday. Worked for me since I had to work Sunday night.  So we finally went to the aquarium. Spent a total of 3.5 hours there. Funny I spent nearly 2.5 hours just driving that day!! We had fun  Took a nap in the car when we first got there.. that I needed! Then headed back home to visit with Amanda, eat some dinner and take a bath. Damn what a life this kid has. I wish I could be driven all over, take 3 naps and have women give me baths on a daily basis!!! 

Other than my fun time with Carter I have been busy with other things, family, home, etc. With Amanda here I find I don't have the time to spend on the Internet like I used to. We try to spend as much time together as we can since she works so much and well I don't..  

I started to think it was a huge mistake letting her move in. She has been a total bitch of late. Well at least that's how I'm taking it. Just comments she says or how she says them. Little things really. She has always been like this but lately these comments have been bugging me. I've been ignoring her more than usual for the week. In fact haven't had sex with her for a week now. She hasn't really said much to me about it but she knows. I know she knows. It's a game to me.  She always bitches about how "bad" her ex's treated her and well I treat her.  It's her decision then. I can treat her the way i like to trat women or I can treat her like she is used to.  I'm tired of going out of my way to make her happy only to feel like I just got shit on!! 

Examples???  Well he's what really got to me.  Sunday I had a huge migraine and had to lay down to get rid of it.  during the whole tiem I was awake she was a sweetheart.. like I like. Then she came to lay down with me. I woke a little later and felt great so I got up and let her sleep. This was about 6pm.  I went downstairs and started getting dinner ready. Marinated the steaks, made a pasta salad and a few other things.  When she finally came down she prettyy much bitched about me letting her sleep so long.. I responded with well I guess your body needed the sleep.  I kind of blew off tyhe comment and said that I can have dinner ready in 20 minutes. She said no thanks it's too late to eat now, although I'm sure I'll be up to 3 in the morning now!

Thsi is nothing really compared to a lot of the stuff I have been putting up with this past week.  I can't remember what she said to me on Monday but it was nearly enough for me to tell her she has until November 1 and then she's out!!  

It's weird but when she gets like this I find I have no attracton to her, even physical. I don't want to talk to her, touch her or even be near her. I knwo we all have our problems, quirks, etc. But damn I have never had to deal with someone like this. If I could keep the good and get rid of the bad I know in my heart I would be hers for life.  But the way she is "life" would be more like an imprisonment!!! 

anyhow... my main concerns right now are getting to the gym.  i could go today but that's a 25 minute drive there and a 25 minute drive back. I have to work tonight, have 2 loads of laundry and a little yard work to clean up.  It's already 12:30 and by the time I get out of he it'll be 1:00 and I know by 6pm I'll be beat and no time to really relax. So what do I do?  Well within walking distance from my front door is a 24Hour Fitness. They offer a month to month program so I'm gonna check it out.  I figure I'll be in this house for a while so why not. I like meat markets  

Well end my bitch session with a pic from Tuesday.


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## EarWax (Sep 5, 2002)

Hey Pitboss, nice to see you had a good time with your son.  

Doh, Amanda sounds like she is getting used to being spoiled hehe.  I hear though at the beginning, life is rough when moving in together.  Doesn't sound like too much fun.  

And get to the gym!  Sounds like that 24 Hour Fitness is a good deal.  Just make sure it has the weights ya need.


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## Pitboss (Sep 5, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by EarWax *_
> Hey Pitboss, nice to see you had a good time with your son.
> 
> Doh, Amanda sounds like she is getting used to being spoiled hehe.  I hear though at the beginning, life is rough when moving in together.  Doesn't sound like too much fun.
> ...



Well last time she started pulley this crap on me I pretty much broke it off with her. Then she opened her eyes and realized that I really do care about her. This time I haven't a clue what her problem is!!  I'm sure we will be hashing this out in the next few days. I can only put up with so much attitude before I explode.


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## butterfly (Sep 5, 2002)

Love that pic!  What a cutie!!!


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## EarWax (Sep 6, 2002)

Hehe, yeah Pitboss, that kid sure looks happy!
Yeah, I'm the same way, I can't take too much crap before I start to feel the temper rise to a boil.


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## Pitboss (Sep 6, 2002)

God he's growing so fast


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## Pitboss (Sep 6, 2002)

Weird how things work in life. This morning I was thinking of this guy I met last summer. We worked out occasionally when we crossed paths in teh Gym. His name is Chino or Chino XL. He is a rap star and has i think 3 albums. He was compared to Eminem over the years but the fact is he had his first album way before Eminem had his. Regardless the guy is super cool and I hadn't seen him since last September. His last album released.... Sept 11!! Bad day to release a new LP.  

So today I go to this 24Hour Fitness I joined yesterday and guess who is there. Too wierd!!! 

He still does the music stuff but has now focused on acting. Neat. 

Here is a picture from his site. He's a pretty big boy..


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## Pitboss (Sep 10, 2002)

Well another new week. Last week flew and I really missed not seeing Carter this weekend. Amanda was thinking we could do a picnic this Saturday so that should be fun 

Not much else happening of late. I've been getting 3 to 4 nights a week at the club which is perfect.  Actually business has been failry slow which means not much in the way of tips, normally that's what it means. I should be walking out of there with 75-80 a night but the girls are generous and I'm averaging 95-105 which is way too cool. They like me  sweet!!

Got a phone call this morning from the Transportation Safety Administration. I applied for a screener position, you know one of the lazy people that stand around and chit chat as you walk through the metal detectors. Well if you are not aware the US GOV has taken over that job and pretty much all jobs related to airline safety. I think they said by 11/16/02 it will be theirs.  So they have me scheduled for an assesment next Wednesday. It's an 8 to 10 hour interview!! 

I'm undecided though. It's decent pay to start at, about 35K. Promotions are real.. at least for me I feel they would be. Great benefits, etc.  My only concern is the hours. Remember airports are open 24/7/365. And with Carter in my life it can make thing difficult. Carter first then job. I'm tired of it being the other way around!!!! 

Oh well we'll see how things work out. mayeb I can do it part time for now if they want me.


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## butterfly (Sep 10, 2002)

Good luck with the job opportunity... you'd be a Civil Servant and then you could transfer to Houston and work at JSC with me


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## naturaltan (Sep 10, 2002)

Good luck PB!!  Hope it all works out for you.


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## Pitboss (Sep 10, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by butterfly *_
> ...you'd be a Servant and then you could transfer to Houston and work for me



Hmmm I like the way this sounds


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## Sosunni (Sep 10, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by butterfly *_
> Good luck with the job opportunity... you'd be a Civil Servant and then you could transfer to Houston and work at JSC with me



I got a job you can have.... oh WAIT  it's been filled!

No pun intended~


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## Pitboss (Sep 12, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Sosunni *_
> I got a job you can have.... oh WAIT  it's been filled!
> 
> No pun intended~



LMAO!!!!!  At least I can be confident in that being a profession I could consider!! But how much do you think I can get away with charging?


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## Fade (Sep 12, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Sosunni *_
> 
> 
> I got a job you can have.... oh WAIT  it's been filled!
> ...


Oh I get it...hahahaha...that ws funny.


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## EarWax (Sep 12, 2002)

I'm not sure I got that joke.  Hey PB, just do what that guy did on American Beauty and get a job with the least amout of responsibility.  That sounds like heaven now hehe.


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## butterfly (Sep 13, 2002)

Yeah... weren't you thinking of going into the porn business???


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## Pitboss (Sep 13, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by butterfly *_
> Yeah... weren't you thinking of going into the porn business???



I was until realized I would only be hired as a cock double


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## butterfly (Sep 13, 2002)

AMEN!!!


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## Pitboss (Sep 15, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by butterfly *_
> AMEN!!!



Usually I get "Thank God" but when my pants are down "Amen " sorks too!


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## Pitboss (Sep 15, 2002)

Thought I'd post a couple of pics....... 

First one is Carter and I hangin in the living room.


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## Pitboss (Sep 15, 2002)

Finally a pic of Amanda.  Like my sunburned face???  This is an okay pic of her. I think I have another that looks a lot better.


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## Pitboss (Sep 15, 2002)

and the last one of just me.  Notice my fat rolls look like abs.. pretty cool!!!


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## Leslie (Sep 15, 2002)

Awesome pics PB! You look real good


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## EarWax (Sep 15, 2002)

Your looking great PB.  Everyone is smiling and looking so relaxed.  I'm jealous!


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## butterfly (Sep 15, 2002)

Looking pretty hot there  ... nice to see that great smile of yours!!!


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## Jenny (Sep 16, 2002)

Hey PB!
Haven't read your journal in quite a while.. Just popped in and saw a bunch of great pics! Lookin' hot!  So does Amanda! And your little one is so darn cute!! 

Hope things are better.. 

Take care,
NG


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## Pitboss (Sep 16, 2002)

Thanks all!!!!!!!  And yes I am so relaxed it's crazy and loving every minute of it. 

Hopefully I can post some more pics come spring time.. me at 205!!  That's my goal and I'm gonna be wroking hard to get there come Jan 1. 

and ladies stop making me blush


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## EarWax (Sep 16, 2002)

Good luck reaching 205!  Hey PB, could you tell me your shoulder routine cause I'm changing mine up and trying to get stronger in that area.


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## naturaltan (Sep 16, 2002)

Hey there my friend ... scary as this is, Amanda's almost how I imagined her ... 

Looking good, sounding good ...!


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## Pitboss (Sep 16, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by naturaltan *_
> Hey there my friend ... scary as this is, Amanda's almost how I imagined her ...
> 
> Looking good, sounding good ...!



Not scary at all. In fact I bet you had a real good time thinking about her!!! LOL


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## Pitboss (Sep 16, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by EarWax *_
> Good luck reaching 205!  Hey PB, could you tell me your shoulder routine cause I'm changing mine up and trying to get stronger in that area.



I don't think my shoulders are all that great, howver I do feel they are very well proportioned to my body. 

My normal shoulder routine would be 
Military or DB press x 3 sets
Then it's all cables.
Side lateral raises x 3
Bent overs x 3
Front raises x 3 (sometimes)

9 sets normally and the occasional extra 3 front raises. 

I feel cables allow me to have better form. I can can alos concentrate on the negative much better.


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## Fitgirl70 (Sep 16, 2002)

Looking great there PB.   Carter and Amanda too!!!

I especially like the fat rolls......uh, the abs.   Yeah, that's what I meant.

I love that beach pic.  Where was that?  Hey fill me in.  New job yet?


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## Pitboss (Sep 16, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Fitgirl70 *_
> Looking great there PB.   Carter and Amanda too!!!
> 
> I especially like the fat rolls......uh, the abs.   Yeah, that's what I meant.
> ...



Hi T!!!  

That beach pic was taken at Laguna beach. Nice little town about 30 miles south of Long Beach. 

Fill ya in??? Look I know ya want another baby but I was pretty sure you wanted one with your hubby  

No job yet. Have an 8 hour interview (assesment) on Wednesday. It's for the "new" airport screener positions that the US Government has taken over. Good pay, good benies, etc. Just not sure if the hours will work for me but we will just have to see what hours they are willing to give me.


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## Fitgirl70 (Sep 16, 2002)

hahaha.....very funny!!!
"New" airport screener position??  Well, well....touch you!!
What are the hours, do you know yet?
Govment work is good if you can get it.   Is that Union?

Well, good luck.   I'll say a little prayer for you that everything turns out the way you want it.


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## Pitboss (Sep 16, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Fitgirl70 *_
> hahaha.....very funny!!!
> "New" airport screener position??  Well, well....touch you!!
> What are the hours, do you know yet?
> ...



Not sure of the hours. But figure that its a 24/7 job, 365 days a year. So probably 3  8 hour shifts.  I'll be happy to take the position as long as it follows the following criteria..

a) Doesn't interfere with my time I can spend with Carter
b) Allows me to keep my second (currently only job) at least 2 days a week. 
c) not sure about this one yet but I'll think of something. 

I know the pay is around 35,000 plus OT. I have to wear a uniform  and I'll probably be one od the oldest ones there .. but that may be a good thing as promotions may come faster for me.


----------



## Pitboss (Sep 16, 2002)

OMG!!!!!!!!!  I just weighed myself on Amanda's scale... 175!!! If it's right I have lost 20lbs in 2 months!  No freaking wonder I feel tiny   I need to get to my other gym and jump on their scale. I know it's correct and that's the one I have been using.  175 to 205?? 30 damn pounds. Guess I'll just start eating whatever I damn well feel like... back to the Hagen Daas and Beer diet..


----------



## Fitgirl70 (Sep 16, 2002)

No Hagen Daas and Beer!!!  

More like Weight Gainer.   Ask TP about his bulking diet.


----------



## Pitboss (Sep 16, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Fitgirl70 *_
> No Hagen Daas and Beer!!!  :fingerno:
> 
> More like Weight Gainer.   Ask TP about his bulking diet.



Bulking diets and me just don't work. I hardly ever have an appetite to eat. It's really a chore sometiems for me to eat food. Ass it is I try to stay around 2500 a day and seem to be losing weight with that.. need 3500 a day I think.


----------



## butterfly (Sep 16, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Fitgirl70 *_
> Govment work is good if you can get it.   Is that Union?


Ain't that the truth!  Of course, there are bunches of civil servants where I work and maybe half of them actually work.  The ones that don't NEVER get fired... they just get passed from org to org.

Plus, they get so much freakin vacation time... I've know many that had it accumulate so high that they were TOLD to take some time off or they'd loose it... so they just take a month off  go figure!


----------



## Burner02 (Sep 17, 2002)

hey-
saw the pics....dam, I'm still trying to get to where you are!

is...is...is that GERY hair??????


Glad to hear that things are going good for you bro-


----------



## butterfly (Sep 17, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Burner02 *_
> is...is...is that GERY hair??????


----------



## Pitboss (Sep 17, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Burner02 *_
> is...is...is that GERY hair??????



Now that's not very nice  

But I won't tell Amanda you asked that


----------



## EarWax (Sep 17, 2002)

Thanks for the advice PB, I will try the cables in a week.  I hope they don't give me grey hair.


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## Pitboss (Sep 17, 2002)

Stupid, F'ing Epson printer crap!!!!!!!!!!!  I needed to print out 17 pages of my application for the job interview tomorrow. I ran out of ink and then when I replaced it it wasn't unitl after page 10 that I realized the black cartridge was cracked and leaked all over the fuking place!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

Not sure if I needed it or not but better safe than sorry.


----------



## Burner02 (Sep 17, 2002)

hey PB!
I've got THREE gray hairs myself...and I've never been maried, nor have I got children..so, you sir are doing pretty good!


I just read something bt a former Marine that you might like:

"Not as lean, Not as mean, But still a Marine."


----------



## Pitboss (Sep 18, 2002)

Just got back from that stupid assestment and after all that time sitting around and taking that stupid test they said I failed. It's a pass or fail exam.  Look I may not be a geneious.. hmmm genious..  damn really, really smart but I sure as hell know I'm a heck of a lot smarter than half, no make that 3/4's of those that were there.  At first I thought I had the wrong place and these people were applying for the cafeteria positions....  LOL

Ahh fuk it. I don't think I could have handled that job for more than a month. Staring at peoples luggage... hmmm the ladies with the most toys wins!!!! 

Oh well back to looking into something I want to do rather than something I have to do....


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## ALBOB (Sep 20, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_Ahh fuk it. I don't think I could have handled that job for more than a month. Staring at peoples luggage... hmmm the ladies with the most toys wins!!!!



It's just as well, if you had gotten the job I would have started calling you "Esmerelda".


----------



## Pitboss (Sep 20, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by ALBOB *_
> It's just as well, if you had gotten the job I would have started calling you "Esmerelda".



Couldn't find W8 to do this for me so I'll try my best...


STFU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## Pitboss (Sep 20, 2002)

Just a little pat on the back for me.. 

Did shoulders today. New gym doesn't have a Military press??? What's up with that?? So I did seated DB presses.

New personal best 
55lbs x 12, 65 x 9 and drum roll please....... 70lbs x 8!!!!  

That's all. 

Hope ya all have a great weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

XXX

PB


----------



## Burner02 (Sep 21, 2002)

Congrats, PN-
I just put up a new weight on my incline DB presess myself today as well!


----------



## Pitboss (Sep 21, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Burner02 *_
> Congrats, PN-
> I just put up a new weight on my incline DB presess myself today as well!




 to you too!!!

I think I'll sit down today and give myself some goals for Jan 1, 2003.  I like it when I lift new w8's. Sure does make you feel like you really are getting somewhere in the gym. Heck last night I did BB shrugs 275 x 10 twice. That might be a record for me too but I haven't a clue.. LOL 

Oh and another note.... sssshhhhhh no one let Amanada know this or she will freak out! her scale is off by 10lbs. I used it and almost cried when it said 175. I went to my old gym and it said 186.. I was sooooooooo happy, well for me


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## EarWax (Sep 21, 2002)

Psst... Amanda, your 130 lbs not 120 lbs.


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## Pitboss (Sep 21, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by EarWax *_
> Psst... Amanda, your 130 lbs not 120 lbs.



Exactly!!!!!!!


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## Erilaya (Sep 21, 2002)

Yowzah PB! Finally got time to come peruse your diary.. 

what a hunka man!! great photos, loved seeing ya and of course your lil guy is adorable beyond words.. Amanda is a hottie and Lucky  

smiles

Eri'


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## Pitboss (Sep 21, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Erilaya *_
> Yowzah PB! Finally got time to come peruse your diary..
> 
> what a hunka man!! great photos, loved seeing ya and of course your lil guy is adorable beyond words.. Amanda is a hottie and Lucky
> ...



Thanks sweetie...... you made me blush and that's hard to do when I have my clothes on!


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## Pitboss (Sep 21, 2002)

Holy crap there are 8 people lookning at my diary right at this very moment...

Gee almost feel like I'm being violated!! LOL


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## Pitboss (Sep 21, 2002)

Now it's 9 people!!!!!!!!!


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## Erilaya (Sep 22, 2002)

Its cos of that Animal Magnetism PB. 

Eri'


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## Burner02 (Sep 22, 2002)

...or maybe 'cause he works at a nudie bar and we are looking for stories?


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## Pitboss (Sep 22, 2002)

Nah... I like Erilaya's reason better.......  ggggggrrrrrrrrr


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## Burner02 (Sep 22, 2002)

yeah...you would!

However, that angle doesn't work for the rest of us!


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## Pitboss (Sep 22, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Burner02 *_
> yeah...you would!
> 
> However, that angle doesn't work for the rest of us!



Okay then I'll leave you all with a quick story.. got to shave and shower and head to work soon. 

There is this stripper at work. She's a sweetheart and funny as hell. One problem though. It is rumored that she used to have a woody johnson, a schlong, a freaking penis people!! She was what? A hermaphrodite? You know born a woman but with a penis. Now from what I hear she has operations to correct that problem is all woman now...  yeah well I still ain't touching that!  Uhm where was I going with this?? I don't know. Anyhow she has a sister whom I have met a few times. Short and fat with huge, I mean huge tits! She insulted me once by trying to pick up on me.. then said she just liked older men. Gee thanks.....  

Well I walked into the bar last night and guess who was standing there in a itsy bitsy bikini??? AAAAGGGGGHHHHHHH her sister with her tits pouring out getting mixed in with the fat rolls... agh freaking sick!!!! 

But whats worse is that guys were actually going to the stage when she came out? Holy crap I'm thinking this could be a cash cow.. LOL  Open a strip club that promotes only ugly women. Heck maybe even some missing limbs? Hey they need jobs too!

okay the above comments were meant as a joke and should be taken as this persons actually thoughts.....  


Night all.  Maybe I'll have something good tonight to share


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## Burner02 (Sep 22, 2002)

later-
Some guys do dig big women....

Don't feel bad. I had two two hundred pounder flirting and fondling me on Friday night...they WERE trying to hook me up with their cute 120 lb cousin....
talk about a "hands on interview!"


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## ALBOB (Sep 23, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> 
> 
> Couldn't find W8 to do this for me so I'll try my best...
> ...



Yeah, OK, you should probably let the professionals handle this type of work from now on.  Nice try, but a bit weak.


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## Pitboss (Sep 25, 2002)

The only thing I have to say today is........  hmmm not sure how this relationship is gonna pan out. Or how long it will last.  Seems that everytime I feel I'm in the mood she opens her mouth and says some smart ass comment or we start bickering about stupid things and it totals turns me off. 

Hmmm blow up dolls don't talk back now do they..


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## ALBOB (Sep 25, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_Hmmm blow up dolls don't talk back now do they..



I think Irontime would be the resident expert on that subject.  You might want to PM him.


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## EarWax (Sep 25, 2002)

"The key to everything is patience.......you get the chicken by
hatching the egg..........not by smashing it." --Arnold Glasow

Err.. what was the question again?


----------



## Pitboss (Sep 25, 2002)

Okay so I'm showered and kicking it in bed wearing my tightie whitie boxer briefs that she loves seeing me wear.  She comes home from work, walks in and says "Hi". The changes to some shorts and as she walks out the door asks if I want lunch.  Uh yeah but I wasn't exactly thinking of food at the moment...  oh well the flame is burning out little by little............


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## ALBOB (Sep 25, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by EarWax *_
> "The key to everything is patience.......you get the chicken by
> hatching the egg..........not by smashing it." --Arnold Glasow



I'm thinking ole' Arnold was an idiot.  You get the chicken by going to the grocery store or the local KFC.


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## Pitboss (Sep 26, 2002)

Deary Diary, my life is turning inside out!!!!!!  Well not really but it hasn't been a bed of roses lately.  

So last night Amanda took off work early, really early. She left here at 4:30 and was back by 6:00. So we wlked to store holding hands  came home ate a little dinner, then watched American History X.. awesome movie!!!!!   Then we went to the bedroom, where we or she proceeded to watch more TV. Me I was curled up next to her kissing her shoulder, her arm, her hand, and making my way back up.  She laughed so I assumed I was tickiling her, so I asked if I was? Her response.. "what you in the mood now or something?" I responded with "that depends".  "depends on what?" she asked. "Depends if you are?" She chuckled and went right back to watching TV. Okay so I rolled over and went to sleep.  I do believe we have officially become room mates sharing the same bed!!!!!!!!! Here I was avoiding killing me a kitten or two yesterday for that???? hell no!!

.... now the damn painters were back this morning. It's been a week now!! Well at least I got 7 hours of sleep last night. Time to call onsite Sup. This is gone too far, milking the clock and ruining my sleep!!!!

Now good stuff. Carter  Get to have him Saturday.. yah!!!!!! 

Already started thinking about halloween and I think this year I'll pull out my football gear. I asked my mom to make Carter's outfit... a football!!!!!!!!  yeah I know.. cute


----------



## Pitboss (Sep 27, 2002)

I'm so through with women!!!!!  I hate them, I hate them. I swear they are only here to bring men grief and to constantly pick on us for everything we do right or wrong. Hell I'm not even interested in sex with women right now. 

So this morning we still couldn't sleep in, it wasn't the painters as they are gone it was someone else today sawing wood!!!!!! AAAGGGHHHHHH

Amanda suggested we make breakfast.. okay that's fine. So we go at it. I start the bacon and she slices up the cinnamon roll loaf so we can make French toast/cinnamon rolls. If you haven't tried you are missing one hell of a treat.  So bacon is done and  I start getting the eggs ready, scrambled. I crack 6 eggs and put them in a bowl, add some milk and start mixing them. Then Amanda says thats not the right bowl for that. That's more like a souflee (sp) bowl. Here are the mixing bowls. At this point I'm just beating away kind of ignoring her with a shitty grin I guess. I know whats going to happen. I'm getting to used to it. This one comment will turn into a bitter battle all day long.. I'm guessing. 

Then out of no where she says something about how I have taken over the kitchen and I'm doing everything. I always do that. It was supposed to be both of us making breakfast.  

HUH???? I'm so lost at this point. I go outside to drink my coffee and she follows. She asks if I understand what she is talkign about and I reply.. Nope. I have no fucking clue. I'm so fucking lost it isn't funny. 

I get up, go upstairs and head to bed.  She comes in and tries to explain herself.  Then leaves because I'm not talking.  She finishes breakfast and asks me to come down. I reply I'm sleeping, thank you. 

About 20 minutes go by and she comes back up and starts all over again. I get up go downstairs and proceed to take a nap on the couch. 

We didn't talk the rest of the day.  Oh expect for that part about her going out after she gets off work.. whatever. 


I know I'm an asshole. But fuck it. I swear every time she opens her mouth it's to complain about how I do something, or if you did it like this. You're supposed to use a suacepan for that not a frying pan... who fucking cares????? As long as it's cooked I don't give a damn what you use. 

So I left the house. Got the car washed and went and saw the Tuxedo. Not too bad. Good as most Jackie Chan movies.  Now I'm home and thinking, and thinking.  I hate thinking it hurts. 

So now what is poor old Roger and Amanda going to do? At this point I really don't care. Shes pushed oneto manty times and I have said on numerous occasions she needs to think before she speaks and that relationships shouldn't be this much work.  Some yes but dammit not on a daily basis. I can't remember the last time we didn't go back and forth about something so trivial... blah. 

I guess for now we see what tomorrow brings. Then if things don't seem to workout I'll have to figure out how to get her out on her own.  Fuck it I'll give her the cash to get out.  I'm just fed up.


----------



## Pitboss (Sep 27, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_ Hell I'm not even interested in sex with women right now.



Did I actually type that??  Okay let me think about this, maybe sleep on it and see what I have to say in the morning.


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## Pitboss (Sep 28, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> Did I actually type that??  Okay let me think about this, maybe sleep on it and see what I have to say in the morning.



Okay I slept on that..... I woke up horny as hell and thinking about women running their hands and mouths all over my body... so sex with women is cool but that's it. 


Still not talking. She came home didn't say a word and neither did I. I went to the bedroom to get ready for bed and she came in asking if I was just being an asshole or stubborn.  I said I don't feel I did anything wrong. She left. 

Gonna be a long day..... but at least it will be a long day with Carter


----------



## Pitboss (Sep 28, 2002)

Okay so Carter and I went shopping. I needed a new pair of Killer Loop sun glasses.. hey ya got to ready for the sunny winter days ahead  , a couple of t-shirts and I also picked up a hand held recorder. I've always wanted to try to write a book or novels or something but can't seem to ever get whats in my head on paper. But I did find that I can talk to myself about it, almost like telling a story so who knows talk and then type??? Yeah so I talk to myself.. LOL

I also bought Amanda a t-shirt and a cute little necklace. She likes wearing necklaces.. my way of kiss and make up I guess. I came home left them on the bed for her to find. When Carter and I got home I kissed her and said sorry. Later when she found her gifts she came downstairs and said "Thank you" and that was it. Hasn't talked to me since.  Gee so who's being stubborn now, or is that her just being a bitch?  

Oh well. You love and learn I guess.


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## Pitboss (Sep 29, 2002)

Well it's uhm 2:30 am and I'mfucking drunk!!!! I;m etting ,,,,, eting eatinmg damn eating jack inm tyhe box asjum,bo hjac ...... LoL

a jumbo jack with cheese and  taquitos!!!!!! 

Somewhere I lost 2 $100  bills... that's still giving me the chcuckles/ 

Okay I' m donme


----------



## Pitboss (Sep 29, 2002)

OH fuck amanda's gonna be piiseseed,,,,, hmm pissed at me!!!! Guess I;ll just crash on the couch.... 

Oh I had 5 bass ales and 7 or 8, I los tcount Vpdka shots.. hmm Vodka shots.


----------



## Pitboss (Sep 29, 2002)

Oh what a glorious morning.... my whole body hurts and the thought of food doesn't  sit well with my tummy. 

Need to add 3 Sour apples to the list and those Vodka's were all doubles.  

Around 4:am I was being hit with a pillow and a screaming blonde woman. Took me a minute then I realized that was a Amanda hitting me.  Not sure where we are going now.. my guess seperate ways.  

More to follow.


----------



## naturaltan (Sep 30, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> *Around 4:am I was being hit with a pillow and a screaming blonde woman.*  Took me a minute then I realized that was a Amanda hitting me.  Not sure where we are going now.. my guess seperate ways.
> 
> More to follow.



when I started reading this, I was getting ready for a porn-type, then I read the last part of the sentence.  Hope everything works out for the best PB.


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## Pitboss (Sep 30, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by naturaltan *_
> when I started reading this, I was getting ready for a porn-type, then I read the last part of the sentence.  Hope everything works out for the best PB.



We finally sat down yesterday and hashed things out.  So as I said in my message to her last night on my way to work.. "I'm looking forward to tomorrow. It's another day and hopefully a fresh start for us"  

Had good old fashuioned make up sex when I got home.. so that's a good way to start a new day. 

I found my $200.00 

Porterhouser steak with brocholi, salad with ranch. 6 Bass Ales, 10 Double Vodka's, 5 Sour apples.. about 106.00.. then a few rounds for friends... or at least by the end of the night they were my newly found friends. Just wish I knew if they were male or female.. LOL  and a heafty tip for my friend Pete the bartender. 

My body still aches. Stomach still doing flips and getting food down isn't that easy still....... blah


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## naturaltan (Sep 30, 2002)

ahhhh ... nothing like make up sex!!

Sounds like it was quite a night.  Was Amanda working while you were partaking of a few beverages?


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## Pitboss (Sep 30, 2002)

She qwas supposed to be working but got off early.. like 4 hours early.  We weren't on very good talking terms at this point of the day.. or at least I thought we weren't she thought otherwise.


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## ALBOB (Oct 2, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_ Hell I'm not even interested in sex with women right now.



So does that mean you've switched teams?   Kuso's gonna be so happy.


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## Fade (Oct 2, 2002)

Yuck PB. Your a weenie wistler?


----------



## Erilaya (Oct 2, 2002)

PB.. Can I give you a Big ole Hug!!! Nice to know or at least comforting to know that I am not the only one that has a hard time in a relationship.. Hubs and I got into it so bad today I Snapped and went at him and put him to the wall.. punches l swear I have never allowed anyone to get my that riled up since I was 19 yrs old.. I just flipped.. needless to say I realized what I was doing just as quick as I slammed him and  spun around and went intot the bathroom banged up the walls and  screamed for a few minutes.. ( I swear He is Dense and Hurtful when we get into it and I just could not take the  crap that was coming out his mouth.. I say something and then he says something twice as hateful and cuts in twice as deep.. ) 

We did finally hash it out further today and came to some soltuijons for the conflict but we shall see how it goes..... in 2 weeks we will have been together since Oct 12th of '98 .. bet he forgets or doesn't even remember.. shiat!
anyway I did not mean for this to turn into an epic I just wanted to share that you are NOT alone.. 

Its DAMN HARD WORK!!

sigh

I hurt my arm and I have been in tears all day.. IT SUX!! 

So hey anytime you wanna talk just PM me my friend.

be well

But I am so tickled to hear you had wonderful time spent with Carter! 

hugs. I need a nap.. 
Erilay'a


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## Pitboss (Oct 3, 2002)

Dear Diary,

My monitor went out on me. It was only a year old .. anyhow that's why I hadn't been around for about 2 days. So let me catch up on what's been going on. 

So............... and ...............  amazing huh?


----------



## ALBOB (Oct 3, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_So............... and ...............  amazing huh?



*WOW!!!*  YOu had me on the edge of my seat the whole time.


----------



## Pitboss (Oct 3, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Erilaya *_
> Its DAMN HARD WORK!!
> 
> hugs. I need a nap..
> Erilay'a



It's is hard work. Bit honestly it should be that hard. At least that's how I feel.  My 11 year relationship with my ex was never as hard as the last 6 months have been with Amanda.  Kind of makes me have to really wonder why I gave up what I did... I know why but I'm to embarrassed to say...   

Anyhow. We seemed to have worked things out agian.. as always.  each day is a new day and it brings happiness, or anger or just another hum drum day.. LOL 


Thanks for opening up here Eri   and thanks for the support.

XXX
PB


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## Pitboss (Oct 3, 2002)

Dear Diary, part II

First I am totally ignoring the fool that keeps posting in my diary. He has left me sitting by my phone for over 2 months now waiting for a phone call.  I have spent thousands of dollars with the best Witch Doctors I can find on the west coast and they have cast their spell.   Albob will be sent to Saudi Arabia come March 2003. His retirement will be delayed and the Air Force will extend his commitment... I love it when they do that!! 

Hey you wanted to live in desert right? Well I have arranged it.. he he



...........

Well my ex has informed me she can't handle living with her parents any longer. I can't blame her. Her parents, especially her dad can be total assholes. The newest thing that they did that broke the camels back.. did I just call my ex a camel?? LOL  Patty and Carter went and spent the evening wiht her new friend/boy friend/ I haven't a clue... but he is a nice guy and has a 4 year old daughter. Little cutie pie... anyhow she got home around 11pm Satuday night and then Sunday her dad laid into her about her staying out too late, and she's a single mother and needs to show more responsibility.... so a curfew has been enforced??? She's 35 years old!!!  Well that's a latin family for ya. 

So she is moving out. Moving to an area called South Bay. I think from my place to hers it will be about 60-70 miles and with traffic in LA that's a good 2 hour drive. She is going to have to compromise and meet me half way on some days. 

I'm glad she is out of there. She'll be less stressed with them constantly around plus they really, really spoil Carter and then we have to correct their doings... but isn't that what Grand Parents do?


----------



## ALBOB (Oct 3, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_First I am totally ignoring the fool that keeps posting in my diary. He has left me sitting by my phone for over 2 months now waiting for a phone call.  I have spent thousands of dollars with the best Witch Doctors I can find on the west coast and they have cast their spell.   Albob will be sent to Saudi Arabia come March 2003. His retirement will be delayed and the Air Force will extend his commitment... I love it when they do that!!



Yeah, by reading your diary I can tell you spend every waking moment by the phone.  Well, after tomorrow's big event I'll be stuck at home for a month so I'll be able to call you *EVERY FREAKIN' DAY!!!*  

Extend my enlistment?  Delay my retirement?  Send me to Saudi???

*DIE YOU BASTARD SCUM!!!*  

(Did that sound too much like Irontime?)


----------



## Pitboss (Oct 5, 2002)

Found a pic from last year, shoudl be about November 1st. I do believe I was at 178lbs and probably around 12-13% BF. Funny I look at that pic and I swear I looked bigger a year ago than I do now.


----------



## Pitboss (Oct 5, 2002)

and this one gives my arms some justice. Doesn't do a damn thing for my chest..


----------



## Burner02 (Oct 5, 2002)

you got pretty lean back on that challenge. Maybe just the more ripped look is making you think that way?


----------



## Pitboss (Oct 5, 2002)

Okay so good stuff and some stuuf I'm not to comfortable with... 

First off my Ex let me have Carter for an over nighter, this wasn't supposed to happen until he turns 2 in January. It was something we had both agreed on.. no I did not get much sleep. Yes it was a lot of work. I haven't had my son over night since Decemeber of last year and that really didn't count.  Did I enjoy it? Hell yes!!!  He woke up around 1am and wanted to coem into the bed with Amanda and I. I went to get him and he freaked and went straight to Amanda and curled up against her. It was too cute. Amanda commented later about what would you expect from a baby when it's the middle of the night and some big, near naked man is reaching for you.. LOL 

He didn't keep me up much I had a bigger role in that.  

His mother moved out of her parents house into a converted garage, more like a guest house with it's own little yard. That's cool and all but the neighbor hood is, well it's bad. She really must have been desperate to get away from her parents to move to the South Bay. Her neighbor has a low rider with the South Bay logo on the back window. Car parts in the front yard...  maybe I'm just freaking out but damn if something ever happened to her or Carter how could I live with that??  

It's about a 2 hour drive to her place with traffic. On the way back it took a little over an hour, less traffic. I was pretty jealous of Sir Carter in the back seat sleeping the whole ride home.. LOL 

So anyhow. I guess I'm going through a lot of guilt lately. The more I spend with him the guilter I feel. And now with her moving to that area well I feel really guilty. It's all my doing, all of this. It was my choice with this whole divorce thing.  Thank God I get to see Dr. Amy on Monday... actually looking forward to seeing her. It's ncie to be able to just talk without getting flack from others.


----------



## Pitboss (Oct 5, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Burner02 *_
> you got pretty lean back on that challenge. Maybe just the more ripped look is making you think that way?



You remember that huh?  I hated that!!! I went 32 days, dropped 14lbs and felt like crap!! LOL 


Although I was pretty satisfied with my back... 

Here is my post from MM


			
				Pitboss said:
			
		

> *Can't due this diet anymore   Not only is my body completey physically drained my mind is mush. I know I only have 3 day left but I just don't have the desire to go to the gym, have no energy or strength to lift... so I'll take the rest of the week off and maybe the weekend too.
> 
> So end result??? Well after 32  days I lost 13.5 pounds, ended up at 173... ouch. My BF%... a good guess would around 12%. Here's the only pic I'll post. I should have at least tried to get a good pump first but oh well not like I'm gonna have this same look a month from now...
> 
> The pic on the left was taken on Sept 12, 2001 @ 187 lbs. The pic on the right was taken October 16, 2001 @ 173 lbs. Look Mom you can almost start to see abs... *


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## Pitboss (Oct 5, 2002)

I actually started to lean up pretty quick. Here's my back pic after only 16 days of my diet..


----------



## Burner02 (Oct 5, 2002)

well, can you redo a modified diet like that? Just take it a bit more easy on the cutting? 
I meanl, you looked great at teh end, wished I could have looked like that...I'm just weak in the food dicipline area..


----------



## Burner02 (Oct 5, 2002)

good back shot.
Kinda funny, I was doing pull downs a few weeks ago. There is a mirror on the wall in front of me and one on the opposing wall. I had on a tank top that bared a good bit of my back. I wa watching my muscles contract in the mirrors and was like, wow...I've got back muscles! Now all I need to do is get this layer of insulation stipped off.....


----------



## Pitboss (Oct 5, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Burner02 *_
> good back shot.
> Kinda funny, I was doing pull downs a few weeks ago. There is a mirror on the wall in front of me and one on the opposing wall. I had on a tank top that bared a good bit of my back. I wa watching my muscles contract in the mirrors and was like, wow...I've got back muscles! Now all I need to do is get this layer of insulation stipped off.....



Back is the hardest group to work. I wish I had a mirror to watch every move. It so helps to be able to isolate them. 

As far as getting "leaner". Woouldn't take much for me to get there. Add some cardio as I don't do any  and knock out the ice cream and beer...


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## Pitboss (Oct 5, 2002)

So what did Carter do at dads today???

Hmm made a huge mess of the living room...


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## Burner02 (Oct 5, 2002)

"and knock out the ice cream and beer... "

ditto...


I'm under my two month mark before I go back to Mexico....
senioritas and margaritas!
I've got ten pounds to burn off....gotta hit that ellitical!


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## Pitboss (Oct 5, 2002)

then slept it off in my favorite sleeping position... Learned this one from dad himself


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## Burner02 (Oct 5, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> So what did Carter do at dads today???
> 
> Hmm made a huge mess of the living room...



..and I thought the hurricane was in Texas...


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## Pitboss (Oct 5, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Burner02 *_
> "and knock out the ice cream and beer... "
> 
> ditto...
> ...



I hit 3 to 4 times a week, right after my workouts or first thing in the morning.


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## Erilaya (Oct 5, 2002)

O PB is Carter not the sweetest most adorable lil guy!! what a darling!! 

thanks for sharing his pics.. 

and Mr! the things I would do to ya in the Daddy pics.. oh you Hunka man! Very delicious!!

Hugs on the Guilt situation I hope Dr. Amy can help ya out in that dept. 


Hugs from me anyway

Eri'


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## Scorpio Gurl (Oct 7, 2002)

Ohhh man PB ~~ 

Those last 2 pics of Carter are so adorable!! And believe it or not, the last pic of him is how I slept every night when I was a lil' kiddo  lol  ~ It is actually very comfy   lol

Take care Roger, I don't talk with ya much... but do think about ya still.. 

Ciao ~ Steph


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## Sosunni (Nov 1, 2002)

Oh Where or where could my pitboss be... of where or where could he beeeeee 

I know I've been gone for a long time too but I need to get some pee peeeeee


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## ALBOB (Nov 4, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Sosunni *_I know I've been gone for a long time too but I need to get some pee peeeeee



And my invitation is where???


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## Fade (Nov 4, 2002)

Dude, where are you????


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## ALBOB (Nov 4, 2002)

At work. 




Oh, you meant Pitboss.  Sorry, don't know.


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## Fade (Nov 4, 2002)

Duh


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## ALBOB (Nov 4, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Fade99 *_
> Duh



I see you've been working on that vocabulary.


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## Fade (Nov 4, 2002)

Every day do I.


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## Pitboss (Dec 14, 2002)

Just a quickie to say "Hi" and that I miss you all.. well except for Kuso  

I'll try to give you all an update real soon. 

PB


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## ZECH (Dec 14, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> .. well except for Kuso
> 
> PB


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## Burner02 (Dec 14, 2002)

it...is...alive......


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## butterfly (Dec 15, 2002)

PB!  Honey!  Do cum back soon and let us know what's been going on!!!

We Miss YOU!!!!


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## naturaltan (Dec 16, 2002)

WTF??  He is still around ...  

We're looking forward to hearing what you've been up to the past 4, 5, X months.


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## Pitboss (Dec 22, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by butterfly *_
> We Miss YOU!!!!



Ditto  


Well this may be my last post for sometime and figured I'd just give evryone an update. 

First my computer took a dump and I really don't have the funds to fix it.  That's mostly the reason for not being around. However I'm at a point where I can't afford the luxury of paying for online service anymore and that's why I doubt I'll be around much anyhow. 

I'm still working at the bar. I also work for UPS now but it's only part time from 4am to 9am and only at $8.50 per hour. The holiday hours were more like 3am to 9am and tomorrow I have to go in at 1:30.. yeah.  I haven't found anything else. I have filled out application after application and nothing.. well I do have an interview tomorrow for ..... ugh pizza delivery. 

What else?  Next month I start giving my ex $600.00 a month for Carter's support.  The kid renting my spare room is moving out Jan 15... so there goes $600.00 a month until I find someone else to move in.  Amanda??? Yeah we are still together, barely. All she does is bitch about me not making time for her. Shit I sleep all day and work all nioght now.  This past week for example I woke up at 5pm on Wednesday, work at the bar until 2am, UPS from 2:30am to 9:30am, then back to the bar from 2pm to 8pm (Holiday Party), took a 3 hour nap and back to UPS (it's friday morning now) from 2:30 to 9am and the back to the other bar for the second Xmas party. This party I pulled a double from 12pm until 3am!  It was worth it. Friday I made $470.00   oh and then to bed at 4am and up at 7am to pick Carter up for the weekend. I just dropped him off and stopped by my moms and that's where I am right now. 

So since I started working for UPS, almost 2 months now, I have lost 15lbs. Been to the gym I think 3 or 4 times. I average about 5 hours of sleep a day. I have sex maybe once a month with Amanda.....    Well I can't help it. If I'm not too tired she opens her mouth and pisses me off. I want to hit her not fuk her!! 

Anyhow. I'm this close to ????  Selling my house and ?? I have no clue what to do. I can't find any real work (9 to 5 stuff) I haven't a clue how I'm going to find the $$ to pay out over $3200 a month in bills, mortgage, child support, etc.  No I'm not a happy camper right now that's for sure. 

Well no worries all I'm taking it a day at a time and still smiling when I can. When things get bad I just toss in a porn and relax... he he. Oh speaking of porn that is an option  Could make 2 to 3 hundred per hour  LOL

I miss you all  and think of many of you on a daily basis, some of you I just think about when I'm having sex with Amanda.. LOL 

Hope to be back on my feet soon, back in the gym and most of all back here with you all!!!!

XXXOOOXXX

Roger


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## ALBOB (Dec 23, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_ some of you I just think about when I'm having sex with Amanda



I told you, you're not my type!!!


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## Sosunni (Dec 23, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> Ditto
> 
> and think of many of you on a daily basis, some of you I just think about when I'm having sex with Amanda.. LOL



Why do I think this means ME?! 

Hey Babe... glad to know your not in a 'bad' place... been a little concerned I'm sure like everyone else.

Try and get it up (your head.... no, the one with your eye holes in it) above water every so often and let us know what's up.

Miss you babe.

Suzq


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## ALBOB (Dec 23, 2002)

> _*Originally posted by Sosunni *_Try and get it up (your head.... no, the one with your eye hole*S*   in it)



Notice she said hole"S" PB not just the head with the one good eye.


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## Pitboss (Feb 2, 2003)

Hi all!!!!!!!!


Well I'm finally up and running again, well sort of. I pulled out my old P133 and pieced some of this and that together. So far the only thing giving me problems is my video card, my screen is a little on the pink side but no biggie I do like pink 

I kind of got a promotion at the strip club, I am now a day manager and still occassionally work the door at nights. But between my UPS job (4am to 9am) and the day bar job (11:30am - 7:00pm) it doesn't give me much time to sleep, eat or workout. I have been trying and so far so good. 

Other than that I'm going day by day. Hope everyone else is doing great!!!  

XOXO 
PB


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## lean_n_76er (Feb 2, 2003)

Welcome back PB!  Glad things are going well, but are they keeping you out of trouble???


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## Pitboss (Feb 3, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by lean_n_76er *_
> Welcome back PB!  Glad things are going well, but are they keeping you out of trouble???



Thanks Leaner... yeah pretty much out of trouble, well except for maybe where my other head leads me  

Well it's 2:48am and I'm off to work. Won't be back into bed until about 9pm tonight and then upat 2:30am to do it all again... yawn.  

Talk soon


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## Burner02 (Feb 3, 2003)

wow...hey, welcome back!
Glad to hear things are going well for you, busy, but well!


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## naturaltan (Feb 3, 2003)

PB!  Welcome back ...


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## ALBOB (Feb 3, 2003)

Yo' PB, how's things?  Nice to have you back even if it's for a little while.  SWEEEET avatar.  

On a side note, I heard it through the grapevine (Your ex-Marine buddy from Performance Products.) that you should be looking at the SEMA web site.  He says you're still elligable to go there and he also says you might have some seriously good luck landing a sweet job.  Give me a buzz if there's anything I can do.


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## Tank316 (Feb 3, 2003)

nice to see ya PB!!!!!!!


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## Pitboss (Feb 7, 2003)

Heys guys!!! How ya all been???  

He's two pics I wanted to post.  The first one is Amanda and I catching a sunset in Malibu. The picture was taken by some actress, Monica something, She's on general Hospital, married to Brian something something from 90120 .. 91021 .. shit it's not my zip.. LOL


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## Pitboss (Feb 7, 2003)

This pic is from Carter's birthday. He turned 2 on 01/18/03. Here Dad's showing him the proper way to open presents.... lots of hand strength and you got to use those forearms!!!


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## ALBOB (Feb 7, 2003)

Hey, you checked any of these places? 

SEMA Classifieds


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## Pitboss (Feb 7, 2003)

Hey thanks!!  But for now I'm gonna stick with what I got.  I'm now taking home around $700 a week from the club and about $150 a week at UPS. However in time.. okay a long time I could go full time at UPS and start at $18-22 ph as a driver. 

But I will save this link just in case!!!!!!

Thanks Al, Robert.. whatever..lol


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## ALBOB (Feb 7, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_Thanks Robert..



Ya' know, one of these days I'm gonna kick your ass for that shit.


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## butterfly (Feb 7, 2003)

Carter is SUCH a cutie pie!!!  Hope he had a great b-day!!!


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## Burner02 (Feb 7, 2003)

he's TWO already?????
damn...how long have we been here????


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## butterfly (Feb 7, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by Burner02 *_
> he's TWO already?????
> damn...how long have we been here????



No doubt!!!


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## Burner02 (Feb 7, 2003)

damn, B! Now that I can't be my ol' post whore self...you've way past me in count...
(I AM getting high speed access at the house next week.....I am SO gonna catch up and  pass you...again!)


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## Burner02 (Feb 7, 2003)

of course...being behind you...is such a sweet site...


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## Pitboss (Feb 7, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by Burner02 *_
> of course...being behind you...is such a sweet site...



Hey no flirting with the ladies in my diary!!!! 


So uh Butterfly notice I'm behind you... and I plan on staying there for quite some time! 


He had a great B-day. Too bad I didn't use my digital camera. We used Amanda's and took a couple rolls. He was a blast!


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## Pitboss (Mar 4, 2003)

Well here we go again.

Dear Diary, 

It's been a wild month so far, it's what the 4th already???  So here's what drama follows me in the short span of a thing we call life. 

I refinanced my place hoping to knock another $100.00 of the payment. The interest rate went back up the day we filed so I made a huge $34.00 difference.  While I was able to take advantage of not making my March 1 payment I instead got slammed by a property reassesment.. I owe $1700.00 in property tax.. great. I have no money, no savings, no credit, nothing to sell other than my body and so far I have had 70 something bar fly offer her SS check... whoo hooo.  

Went to do my taxes thinking I might get something back.. yeah well wishful thinking. No one told me that if you sell a house that you have owned for less than 2 years you must pay the capital gains on it. There just added another $27,000 to my 2002 income.. oh the joys of paying taxes!!

Amanda and I have, no make that I have called it quits. We get a long then we don't. It's stupid trivial stuff but I am not one that deals with confrontation very well, she on the other hand lives for it I think. After a few days of avoiding her and finally talking a little last night she told me she is fine with it. She isn't hurt but her heart is a little broke, she is scared of the future, etc....  We decided to be friends... maybe friends with a little extra on the side  but will keep in touch when we move our seperate ways.  

Works been slow and the money has been a little short which goes along with problem A not having money.  So I have decided to sell my place. I hate to do it but I can't continue living day by day wonmdering if I can put enough in the bank to make neds barely meet. Not to mention gas is now costing me $2.17-2.25 a gallon and I fill up every 2.5 days. 


Okay so the positive side to all of this.  

After agreeing to split last night Amanda sneeks into my bed around midnight and we had great sex.. we always do. She has been and probably will be the best lover I have ever had. 
We plan on seeing each other still. Go out for dinner and stuff. I told her I don't want her to think that I'm going to be around just for sex when she or I need it. I want to think that's true but if she wants to use me and abuse me who am I to argue... okay I'm kidding. I hold her friendship dear. She will always have a special place with me and who knows down the road things may change.  

When I sell my place I will walk away with enough cash to put some in the bank for next years taxes. Some in Carters' savings, enough to pay off all my credit cards aqnd enough to move into an apartment closer to both my jobs. This will allow me to actually have spending/saving money every month. Less gas, less mileage on my lease, I already have nearly 30,000 miles on it and it's not even a year old yet!!! Living closer to work also allows me more time for sleep. So now maybe I will get 6 hours instead of 4.5 per day.. yeah!!!

Taxes?? Well I made a list of improvements I did and some I didn't do, but I wanted to do them. This will bring what I owe way down. If needed in the future I can get receipts.. just hoping if won't be. 

My life has been so overwhelming these past few weeks. I'm almost starting to think that I have a [problem with depression. It's been almost a year since my little episode and I can'[t help but think about it as it nears and as times keep getting tougher.  Sometimes the only thing that keeps me together is looking forward to my 2 days with Carter. He doeswn't care where I live, or what $$ I make or any of that. And when I'm with him I don't care either. 

I'm starting fresh. Out of debt, or nearly. On my own. Single and on the prowl. My time is my time and I don't have to think of anyone but me and where I am going or what I am doing.  I'm going to be happy dammit!!!! 

That is all. 

Thanks Diary and thanks IM peeps....


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## naturaltan (Mar 4, 2003)

ummm ... I'm speechless.  I think you've now taken on our bad times as well ... wow!  

I think your last statement is where you can now build on.  Mostly debt free ... living and thinking for yourself!  And the most important, Carter doesn't care what you drive, where you live, what you do for a living ... as long as Dad's around, life is GRAND!  That is the most important thing to remember!


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## Pitboss (Mar 4, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by naturaltan *_
> ummm ... I'm speechless.  I think you've now taken on our bad times as well ... wow!
> 
> I think your last statement is where you can now build on.  Mostly debt free ... living and thinking for yourself!  And the most important, Carter doesn't care what you drive, where you live, what you do for a living ... as long as Dad's around, life is GRAND!  That is the most important thing to remember!



Yes I totally agree. Well that and being single , working at a tittie bar, etc, etc.....


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## ALBOB (Mar 4, 2003)

Yeeowch........So.....ummmm.......is that a big ole' Pitboss way of saying you're not taking me out to lunch???


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## naturaltan (Mar 4, 2003)

he he ... the Mrs is talking about doing the tittie bar thing after her op.  She has now made another appointment (only 2 years since the first) to see the doc again.  Then I'll be able to hang out and watch the guys drool over her!    Hoping, wishing, praying she'll come home with them.  WTF ... they do that now!


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## Pitboss (Mar 4, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by ALBOB *_
> Yeeowch........So.....ummmm.......is that a big ole' Pitboss way of saying you're not taking me out to lunch???



Where in this journal did I ever say I was taking you out to lunch???  I must have missed that part about me wanting to be gay... 



And NT you know who have the hottest Misses around!!!!


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## ALBOB (Mar 4, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_Hey ALBOB, I found this great steak house that has a gigantic filet mignon that's smothered in mushrooms.  Don't worry about the $$$, I've got it covered.



And you don't even have to worry about your gayness.  It'd take a hell of a lot more than lunch to turn me.


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## naturaltan (Mar 4, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> And NT you know who have the hottest Misses around!!!!



and she's taking it to the next level ... whoo hoo!!


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## Burner02 (Mar 4, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by naturaltan *_
> and she's taking it to the next level ... whoo hoo!!


so..the next level after is hottest is...
smokin?

Molten?

can I have her cloned?


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## lina (Mar 4, 2003)

Sheesh! You do have lots to deal with!

Well NT couldn't have said it better...

Good luck and sounds like a fresh start from here!


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## buff_tat2d_chic (Mar 4, 2003)

Hi PB...thought I would pop in and see how you were doing. 

Hope all is well.


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## Pitboss (Mar 6, 2003)

Just as I try to get a little positive outlook going life just keeps kicking me around. 

I found out yesterday a good friend of mine that comes to the bar blew his brains out 2 weeks ago.  I never saw it coming, had no idea how depressed he was. It sucks. 

Found out yesterday my divorce was final on Tuesday.. joy, joy.. just a reminder of something else in my life I failed at. 

Then to add to evrything I am so confued about my relationship. One side of me says run while you can and the other wants to stick it out... dammit if I could only have the best of both worlds!!

Oh and on my way to work I got a speeding ticket.. that would be my 3rd in 6 months. I think one more and I could lose my license. Oh well would make plenty of sense the way my lifes been going over the past year or more. 


Oh and hi Lina 

and Hi tat2d babe!!!  ll thow the tats don't do much for me. The peircings well they do!!!!


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## naturaltan (Mar 6, 2003)

It may be tough to find positive in life, but it takes 2 to make a marriage work - trust me, we work hard at it!  

oh, btw, Mrs. NT has a new piercing that .... well, looks great for those that get to see it!


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## Burner02 (Mar 7, 2003)

Hey PB_
SOrry to hear about your friend. That has to be rough. My friend's ex-wife shot herself last year. I feel bad for the daughter, but she is too young to know what happened. They just told her that her mom was sick...

I too am haivng probs...just waiting for my bad day when I get pulled over....luckily it is still too cold out and my bike's battery is dead..or I have no doubts I'd be right there with you...

'morning, NT!


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## Pitboss (Jun 19, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> Just as I try to get a little positive outlook going life just keeps kicking me around.
> 
> I found out yesterday a good friend of mine that comes to the bar blew his brains out 2 weeks ago.  I never saw it coming, had no idea how depressed he was. It sucks.
> ...



Wow this was my last post? Pretty depressing one at that.  But it brings back some memories of Carlos. I miss him very much. Everytime we pour a pitcher of Heineken I think of him, so yeah he's in my thoughts on a daily basis. 

He's a weird story to go along with Carlos.  One day this guy Fierce (nickname I hope) comes into the bar and tells me Nick is coming in. Nick was Carlos' best friend and they always come into the bar together. So anyhow Fierce is the first customer of the day. He asked for a Heffenweisen (sp) and my barmaid accidenttaly (sp) pours a Heineken. No biggy he says and proceeds to drink it. The next five customers that come into the bar all order Heineken, pitcher or bottle. Then Nick comes into the bar and then it hit me what just happened. It was weird. I got goosebumps just writing about it. 

Okay so where am I? Well lets start with this:
I sold my townhouse. Had to pay the state of California over $7,000 for taxes due to me not owning the property for more than 2 years and making a profit on it.  I walked away with enough to pay off a credit card and dump a good amount on a 2003 Harley Davidson Softail Standard. I love this bike!!!  I'll post some pics really soon of the bike and me on it.. and how I look generally when I ride.. hey got to have the look right? 

Moved into a duplex. The front half of the house is a two bedroom and mine, the back half is a one bedroom. It has a fenced in yard and Carter loves it!!  I am also 3 doors down from my Grandmothers/Mom's house so the grandma's get to see Carter every other week!! Grandma, my mom, watches Carter on Saturdays when I go to work. So that really wroks for me. 

This past week Amanda and I called it quits. Or I called it quits and she went along with it.  We basically split in April. But tried to stay in touch and keep a friendship going. She spent the last 3 Fridays with Carter and I and we all had a blast. I loved her on those days.   But after sometime I couldn't handle the negative comments about me finding another girlfriend, or who did you sleep with this week from the bar, or other stuff. I also realized that when she finds someone else there will not be room for me and Carter. So why bother prolonging it. Right? I wish that wasn't so because I do miss her verry much. We do have some great times together, as long as we aren't together.... yeah okay it's over just let it go.  But it sucks because she loves Carter so much and he loves her. Heck he see's her before he noitices me... hmm she is a woman so maybe that why.. LOL

Well that's about it I guess. Just working 6 days a week, trying to get back to the gym... oh the gym!! I bailed out for about 2 months and have been struggling to get back into it. I get so frustrated and depressed when I workout because my w8's are so pitifull. My bench is 50 less and even my DB presses are 20 lbs lighter a side.. I hate it!!!!!

Okay this stupid diary is depressing me gotta put some cheer in here... 

I got my nipples and my tongue pierced. Did I mention my Harley   lol

Okay reality my only real cheer in my life is my son.  When I feel depressed, alone or just a little out of it I think of him and the things he says and the things he does. The head butts we give each other. He has done that since he was 6 months old and he still does it!!!  Oh great I'm gonna cry. I swear my hormones are fucked up....


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## J'Bo (Jun 19, 2003)

PB...i am so glad that you brought the madman journal back. I always loved reading it. You have to try to concnetrate on the positives though or you will fall into a rut. Your a healthy man with a wonderful son that needs a happy father. I know what you mean about missing someone and how little ones always cheer you up. My brother is 4 years old and is such a joy. They seem to be so happy about the little things in life and i think that should tell us to do the same....smile cause the sun is out....laugh because people love you....and cry because you have a shoulder to cry on and a hug is just around the corner :hug for pb:

NOW you must make 2 positive posts before you go all negative and sad again. k.


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## Pitboss (Jun 19, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by J'Bo *_
> NOW you must make 2 positive posts before you go all negative and sad again. k.


Uh..... I'm not gay and I have a big dick


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## Pitboss (Jun 19, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by J'Bo *_
> PB...i am so glad that you brought the madman journal back. I always loved reading it. You have to try to concnetrate on the positives though or you will fall into a rut. Your a healthy man with a wonderful son that needs a happy father. I know what you mean about missing someone and how little ones always cheer you up. My brother is 4 years old and is such a joy. They seem to be so happy about the little things in life and i think that should tell us to do the same....smile cause the sun is out....laugh because people love you....and cry because you have a shoulder to cry on and a hug is just around the corner :hug for pb:
> 
> NOW you must make 2 positive posts before you go all negative and sad again. k.


Thank you J'bo!!!  I love your posts!!!  I really wanted to post something positive. But I can't think of anything that I could count as that. 

I have great friends here and loving family everywhere. I have people all around me every day that love me, like me, or just want to get into my pants... okay maybe not like me but still 

I guess I have reached a crossroads in my life and am finally understand who and what I am. I am having a little trouble with it. I understand it and why but trying to grasp it and live with it is a little hard.  Everyone says change, but I really don't think it's possible to change one's self, or personality.  Maybe it is but I just see having the will do to that. Maybe .............. okay it's getting negative again.  Dammit. 

You know what? I am happy! I have a great attitude. I have a great son who loves me unconditionally!!  I have great friends all over the world and I don't have to rely on anyone to support me and my needs or wants! No I don't have excess of anything but I have never needed that.  I am coming to grips with who I am and well I'm pretty happy with that guy too. He can be an ass, and and stubbor and selfish but it's his life and he.. I mean I am going to live my life.  

Okay that didn't help. I need my son!!!!!  I'll have him tomorrow. 

In the mean time I'm going for a ride.. a know a topless bar where the girls are hot and I feel like dropping some cash!! Oh and I guess I'm on the hunt tonight too!!! LOL


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## J'Bo (Jun 20, 2003)

> I guess I have reached a crossroads in my life and am finally understand who and what I am. I am having a little trouble with it. I understand it and why but trying to grasp it and live with it is a little hard. Everyone says change, but I really don't think it's possible to change one's self, or personality. Maybe it is but I just see having the will do to that. Maybe .............. okay it's getting negative again. Dammit.



The only reason why you cant think of anything positive to write at the moment is because this is a place that you turn to when you need to express yourself and let the worries come out...so keep this journal but make one that is for the good times only...
My take on life is that alot of people store their problems and inner conflicts away instead of dealing with them as they arise...until their closets get full and they are forced to deal with evrything at once....these times can be overwelming but once you get through them you only understand yourself more...everyone comes into your life for a reason and everyone can learn somthing from one another....if you dont take/see what they are trying to teach you, you will encounter the same situation over and over until you learn what life is dealing you. For example say you want to find a woman who is strong independent and beautiful....however you keep meeting these women who are weak, dependent and have issues....you need to look at why you are attracting these types of women...perhaps you feel that you NEED a women to make your life complete rather than completing your own life....etc etc. When a women says "all men are jerks".........well thats a whole other story. 
After being single for the first time since i was 16 (11 years) i am discovering who i am and although you may not like who you see...there is always an opportunity to change your views and personality....the question is; do you like who you are? and do you really know who you are? if you are happy with the PB then there is no reason to change....who would you be changing for? why would you be changing? these are all questions you have to ask yourself. 
K i am done blabbering....this is the only serious thread i have ever seen on the site regarding life....so i had to jibber jabber for a while..lol. 

xxx
Jenny


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## Pitboss (Jun 21, 2003)

Thanks Jenny!!  I never really thought about the contents of my journal but I guess you are right. Majority of my posts are me bickering about my problems going on in my life and not so much all the good stuff. I mean there is good stuff too but more of the bitching in my weird sense of humor way.  I don't want to start another journal but I will try to add a little more happiness to this one  

I had a great day yesterday with Carter!!! We started our day with Nemo!! His second time seeing it my first. I give it     Great humor and  he loves it!!  We went shopping for a table for his new room. His mom moved into a two bedroom apartment and he now has his very own room and he actually sleeps there!!  

Then we came home for a bit. Daddy napped and Carter watched the Disney channel. He was supposed to be napping too! 

Then we went shopping again but this time for some clothes and stuff. After that we headed off to dinner. I took him to Outback, I love that place and I know most of the people that work there so I had to show my son off. As expected he flirted with every single girl he could. Usually beating me to the punch.   By the time we got home it was near 8pm and we were zonked.  

Carter let me sleep in today.. 8:30!! He wakes mommy up at 5 or 6 but always lets dad sleep in... ha ha!! Then he spent the rest of the day with Grandma. I love her for being able to that for me. If not I'd be stuck putting him some day care so I could work. Wish I didn't but I do have to work. 

Amanda dropped of a scrapbook she put together of our day at the zoo. She did an awesome job and I really appreciate the time she put into it. 

That was about the only depressing thing that happened that day, and the fact that Carter kept asking for her.  I didn't realize how much she has become a part of his life.  Well hopefully in time we will be able to talk again and be able to spend time together without the mixed emotions. I would like that a lot and Carter would love that and I know she would love to be able to be around him. 

So any way I'm off to a new goal. I'm going to try celebacy. I know it's a shocker but I think it's best.  I'm shooting for a year. From Father's day to next Fathers day.  I'm looking at it like this. If I can do it, as long as possible, I hope that I can better judge my emotions when it comes to being with someone. To really figure out what I want and maybe who I want it with.  Maybe I'm not making much sense but I'll figure it out.. LOL 

Almost 7 days and counting!!!  

Okay none of that made any sense.. LOL  I'm justing going to worry about me for a while.  Let the things that happen happen and just kick back and enjoy life.  The only person I want to feel responsible for right now are myself and Carter. I don't want to "have to call" someone to tell them where I am going to be or what I want to do. I don't have to worry about making plans for Friday only to cancel them for someone else.... in case you haven't noticed I have control issues, issues with control of my life and my time. Silly but I do. Good that I know it and can explain it to someone when needed. Hey I'm an honest person and try my very best to be open right from the start. 

Okay enough today. 

I'm a happy camper and I'm heading out for some dinner!! I think a 22 ounce porterhouse is the reward for a great two days!!

Later!


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## buff_tat2d_chic (Jun 21, 2003)

Sounds like you had an awesome day!!...well couple of days. Good to hear!

...hmmmmm "celebacy"...good luck!  

Take care.


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## Pitboss (Jun 23, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by buff_tat2d_chick *_
> ...hmmmmm "celebacy"...good luck!



Day 9 and counting. Although it was quite hard the past 2 days.. the tempatation was hard!!

Well Carter is grwoing up. He's finally starting to get to that age where he cries when I leave him   At least he waited until I was gone and then cried to his mom that he wanted daddy. I would have been bawling all the way home if I saw that.  He also had a fit with Mom because he wanted Daddy to give him a bath and not Mommy.   I kind of get warm fuzzies when Carter adds a little extra frustration to the Ex's day!!! 

He keeps asking about Amanda and now the ex made a comment. I told her we are through and then I got to hear a 20 minute lecture on how stupid I am, what an idioit I am, blah, blah, blah.  I hate women. They are always so right!!

Oh a high note. I got a extra job to help things out. I' working a security job at a night club. They have live bands 3 days a week. Some pretty cool bands for us older folks like Foreigner, Pat Benatar, Foghat, um and more.  I start next month, only 6 days which is all I want, 2 nights a week tops. But the bands I'll be working with... Pennywise, Hoobastank, and a 2 day gig for the Doobie brothers!!  Cool  

Well that's it for now. I'm off to bed. Haven't been sleeping to well and need a good nights rest so I can hit the gym in the morning.  

Night all!!!!

XXX

PB


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## lean_n_76er (Jun 23, 2003)

Nice Job there PB!  Good luck with it and the ... with-holding thing?  I think you'll need more help there than anything!


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## buff_tat2d_chic (Jun 23, 2003)

Hey!! You didn't get to bed yet...wuz up??? Congrats on the job...sound like a lot of fun. YOU SUCK lmfao!!! Be sure to tell us about it once you get started!

Give Carter a kiss from the IM ladies!!


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## Pitboss (Jun 24, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by buff_tat2d_chick *_
> Give Carter a kiss from the IM ladies!!


He already gets enough kisses!!  What about me?????????

Okay I'm not sure about this celebacy thing. I mean it works for trying to avoid confrontation with women but it's playing hell on my mornings. I end up staying up way too late flipping channels and watching Playboy...  which means I end up rubbing one or two out!  Heck I spent almost 2 hours jacking off last night. I haven't fgured out how that's possible... well I kind of know. It's the prolong effect. You stop every time you get too close. Then start up again. Hey if it's all about the orgasm then dammit it better be a good one!!

Hmmm that may have been TMI.. oh well like that never happens here with me. 

So I need to stop watching TV, keep the masturbation down to a 20 minutie time frame and be in bed asleep no later than... 11pm. That will give me 8 hours of sleep and no reason not to get up to go to the gym.  

The ex.. the ex gf, Amanda is making small attempts to talk to me. We chatted breifly yesterday and then this morning she called and left a message. I feel so guilty about not talking to her but I know that she and I just need to get on with our lives. If we could be friends and hang out and well you know.. that would be great. But I know that isn't right and she will always be thinking I'll come around and it will be back to the way it was. I miss her. But I don't want to hurt her anymore than I have already.  Some people can be friends with bennies, she is not one of those people.  I know this. I know what's best for her and as much as it hurts me I have to avoid her.  Feels like losing your best friend though   damn I hate love and relationships and crap!!


I had something funny to post but I forgot.....  damn old age kicking in!!

Oh well.


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## J'Bo (Jun 24, 2003)

hey pb....we need to talk...i am down too  ....gonna pm yah


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## buff_tat2d_chic (Jun 24, 2003)

Not much to say...just wanted you to know I enjoy reading your journal...I guess because it feels real. Hope your day gets better babe!!


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## butterfly (Jun 24, 2003)

Hang in there sweetie!!!  You know we ladies at IM love ya!!!


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## buff_tat2d_chic (Jun 24, 2003)

ditto what butterfly said


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## butterfly (Jun 24, 2003)

Hey Buff... why don't you and the hubby come to Vegas too???

You know it'd be a hella lot of fun!!!  Esp w/ NT & Mrs!!!


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## buff_tat2d_chic (Jun 24, 2003)

I am SOOOO try'in talk him into it!!! I've still got time to work on him!!

I bet it will be lots of fun!!


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## Burner02 (Jun 24, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> Heck I spent almost 2 hours jacking off last night. I haven't fgured out how that's possible... well I kind of know. It's the prolong effect. You stop every time you get too close. Then start up again.


hey j'bo!
see? and you were asking me  how I was breaking a sweat....PB answered for me!


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## buff_tat2d_chic (Jun 24, 2003)

You guys are freak'n hilarious!


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## Pitboss (Jun 24, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by J'Bo *_
> hey pb....we need to talk...i am down too  ....gonna pm yah


Well I'm still waiting for that PM?????  


I'm not down.. well maybe a little. I'm more in a weird celebate state of mind.  That and I am fighting an emotional battle with one of my own favorite sayings "don't confuse loneliness with love"  After being with someone whenever you want it's tough being alone.  Even with all the people around me at work I still feel alone. Plus it doesn't help when my barmaid grabs my package and starts rubbing herself against me!!! I so wanted to bury my face.... well you know. I think I need to talk to her about this on Sunday.  I just can't handle the "teasing" when I know there will be no "pleasing"  

I'm glad so many can read my diary and enjoy it. I'm sure there is plenty to laugh about and maybe for some plenty to learn about. 

Here ya go Burner. That little stop and go technique can also be used with a partner. I don't know about most men but I know with me that only certain positions or certain speeds hit me just right and will make me cum.  If I'm satified that she is satisified then I'll stay in that position. If we are far from done then I either make sure to stay away from those positions or move to another before it's too late.  I never really clock watch but I have remembered starting before midnight and rolling over to check my alarm and seeing it's close to 1:30 or 2:00. Of course now a days my stamina is shot.. need cardio in a bad, bad way!! 

Oh I like this one best. Ask her to let you know when she is getting close to an orgasm and stop!!!  Let it calm down a little.. sometimes you may get slapped but it's worth it!!  Then change psitions and start again. Try this to or three times and then when she does finally climax she will thanking you over and over again!!!

Okay I'm done with sex talk. Damn I'm horny. Hmmm off to the gym I think.

I'll be back later after the gym and food.. got some laundry going


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## Pitboss (Jun 26, 2003)

Hmmm no comments about my techniques?? Fine no more PB sex secrets!!!! LOL

Not much to say really. Okay maybe. 

First I have been so sucking at going to the gym. I just can't get up in the morning and it really is too late for me to go at night, I never used to need 8 hours of sleep but now it's like I live for 9 to 10!!!!  Got to find some inner motivation!!!

So I have been leaving my cell phone at home and leaving it off even when I am home. No one really calls me so why take it with me everywhere??  Yesterday I got 3 calls from Amanda. The first one was nothing really but the next two... well made me pretty dwon for the day. Made me feel guilty. Made me feel bad. Made me feel that maybe we should keep trying to work things out.  I knew that if I called her I'd brreeak down and give in to satisfy her. That's what I always do. I did that for 1o years with my Ex. I've done that half a dozen times with Amanda.  

I suck at communicating my feelings and emotions. I just can't put what I need to say into words. Because of that I can't get her to understand why I can't be in a relationship, not now, not in the near future and maybe never.  Heck I can't even put it down on paper to make me understand it. I mean I know why, I see the words in my head but that's it....  ggggrrrr

So what did I do? I left my phone off and that's it. I resorted to ignoring her.  I keep waiting for her to come knocking on my door or worse showing up at work and making a big scene. 

I know that wasn't right. But I can't talk to her. I just can't 

I hate being alone, but I hate even more the feeling of not being in control of one's life. I feel that everything I do has nothing to do with me but it's all about her. I can't make plans without checking with her.. ( this applies to anyone I'm in a relationship with) and if I don't check first and she has already made plans then I've lost total control of my life.  Does any of this make sense??  

I hate trying to explain stuff. I suck at it!! 

So the end result here I guess is that I lose a good friend, a caring, and loving girlfriend and someone who is just so awesome with my kid.  Hmmm so that's two women in two years that really loved me. Some people would kill for that. But me.. oh no I have to run and hide. Weird. I got issues....  


Okay enough putting myself down for the day!!!  It's gorgeous out. Gonna be close 100!!  hmmmm  that's all the good I can come up with today, damn!!

Days like today really make me envy Carter. No worries other than needing more juice. Love the little guy  at least anytime of the day or week I'm feeling a little down or out of it all I have to do is look at his picture and I'm a happy camper


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## CourtQueen (Jun 26, 2003)

Oh where the hell is Dr. Phil?!?!  

Pb - first off I can so understand the run and hide thing.  But this is what you said about her "a good friend, a caring, and loving girlfriend and someone who is just so awesome with my kid"..... and she is probably thinking that you are out horndogging other women or not being honest with her.

The toughest thing to do, telling her the truth as best you can (even if it is just simply saying to her that you need some alone time) so you can give her the chance to at least respect your route.  She deserves to not be ignored and at least told straight that you need that alone time.  Whether she handles it well or not depends on what kind of a person she is but ignoring someone is probably the absolute worst thing in the world.  You are too old for that game.  How you treat your women in bed is one thing, how you treat them on a day to day level is another.  If you respect her as a person you won't simply ignore her.

Gosh I hope this makes sense.


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## Pitboss (Jun 26, 2003)

Yes it makes sense. I know............  I wish I had a stunt double to deal with these things. Blah!


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## Pitboss (Jun 26, 2003)

Well as I kind of expected she showed up at my place right after I got  offline. And just like always she talked I listened. I nodded, I opened my mouth but couldn't find words. I wish at least I was a dumb mute, instead of just dumb then at least I would have an excuse....  

End result she left me feeling guilty, trapped, confused, lost, and depressed, probably a few other feelings that I'm missing out on. 

Then at 8:30 she calls and text messages me asking if she could come spend the night. What did I do? Call her? You have got to be kidding! No I sent her a text message and probably not a good answer though. I said "I don't think that would make things any better. Do you?"    Not very thoughful huh?  I'm such a Dumas! (dumbass for those that have never seen the commercial) 

That's it I just can't do it anymore. From here on out no more relationships period. If that means I leave this world alone so be it. I deserve it. 


On a good note though I did make a move on a girl at work and she told me to call her   aaaaaagggghhh what am I doing?? I just said no more. Okay got to come up with rules. Yeah rules... rules are meant to be broken though. Oh shiat I'm screwed either way. 


Okay why do I feel like I'm talking to myself? Hello diary?? Ya there ole friend? 

Oh well there's always tomorrow


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## Pitboss (Jun 27, 2003)

Well it's tomorrow and I really can't such much has changed. I haven't eaten since.. hmmm oh around 3pm yesterday. I slept 12 hours and I'm not here wasting my only day off. It's at least 100 out and clear skies. I keep looking at my bike and think I should at lest wash it and go for a ride to the beach.. my original plans I had been planning. 

My phone keeps ringing and who could it be. She did leave a message about going riding that way we wouldn't have to talk. Yeah but we would have to stop eventually to get something to eat or drink and that would end that fun. 

I wish I had Carter this weekend. It's so easy to forget the little things that bug ya when he is around.  

Maybe I'll go see a movie. There are some good one's out now right? LOL I have no idea what's even out and what's even good. 

I hate feeling guilty!!  I refuse to let he "push" me back into it. I did that for way to long. Too guilty for hurting that I figured it would be okay, it would work itself out and everything will be fine. Never works. I'm the one that ends up miserable. Funny I guess I ended that way anyways. Blah. 

J'bo was right. This thread is nothing but me being depressed. There is nothing ever good here. Maybe I should just close this thread and find others means of expression .... it's a thought.


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## J'Bo (Jun 27, 2003)

K PB you have no reason to be down....you and i are in the same situation only i have the "swimmers itch" and feel like i have a million squeeter bites everywhere and then when i scratch it multiplies....however i am still going partying this weekend. So get off your ass and do what ever makes you happy...spend some time with friends (NOT EXES) and go workout...simply enjoy the fact that things are alot better for you now then a couple of months ago and thing will only continue to get better.  come on lets kiss  you feel better now? here how about this :j'bo sits on pb's lap and gives him a hug smilie:


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## Burner02 (Jun 27, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> Hmmm no comments about my techniques?? Fine no more PB sex secrets!!!! LOL



**Actually, bud-been off the past couple days...do not have time to get on-line when not here

Actally, I have no problem with techniques...No need to stop...I actually..have a problem on the other end...kind of embarassing...dude..I am like the energizer bunny....I keep going and going....sometimes can't finish....
I had been able to occasionally use the excuse that I am on supplements and that may be inhibiting me....it sucks...'cause the girl...oh, she gets hers...that's not the problem..but then she gets a complex as to why I can't finish...she thinks there is something wrong with her....
It is annoying to have to explain that it's me, not her..yada yada..
So....whenever I say I can wear a woman out....I 'aint kidding!'




> First I have been so sucking at going to the gym.


Man, this has been my past week...I made it once so far this week..and it's OVER! And THAT workout..SUCKED! I might be leaving here a couple hours early, go home, take a nap, then go to the gym, then go to the club to work..then repeat tomorow...

My food? Wont even talk about that....


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## Pitboss (Jun 27, 2003)

Yo Burner I can completely understand!! I am in the same boat. I have lost several relationships due to that problem.  Hey some men aren't as senstive as others. Some men cum on contact.. poor bastards.  Me I need a lot of ..uhm what???  Friction? Yeah friction. That's why with the few past girls I have found the right position to get me off. If it's not that position pretty much forget it. It's either we both run out of steam or she runs dry. 

It's tough explaining to your girl why it didn't happen. Regardless what you tell a women these are her thoughts..

A) He doesn't like me. 
* which is silly because I have freaking hard on!! See???*

B) He cheating on me
* yeah try to get out of that one. Every women I have broken up with thinks it's because I'm cheating. Such a simple solution.. 


Hey I've tried to cum so hard that sometimes I find that I end up holding my breath. The rush of blood to my head eventually causes a loss of blood in other parts of one's body... not a recommended techinque!!!*


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## Pitboss (Jun 27, 2003)

Jenny you are absolutley the most beautiful person I know!!! Thank you!!!

I got off my ass. Went home tossed down an 900 calorie shake, went to the gym and had a pretty decent back workout, considering the amount of cals I had over the past 24 hours it was okay.. eventually ran out of steam. 

Then I went and did laundry next door to my bar. Had a few brews.. Bass of course. Got a Tuna on whole wheat to go. Which I will be eating shortly.

Came home talked to Amanda. A friendly call. We made plans to take Carter up to see her, her roomate and her roomates kid for the 4th of July. We have a whole day planned for him.. or us  
I'm staying positve on this. I know she needs a friend right now more than anything, and maybe I do to. So hopefully we can do that for each other. 

I washed my bike... finally!! It's a bitch to dry so I wiped it down and then jumped on line while the rest of it dries. Then I'll finish waxing and polishing all that chrome!! 

After that I'm rubbing one out.. no, no that's not it. I'm jumping in the shower and heading out to Hollywood. I need to find some new rings. Rings? Oh I'll post a picture of the rings I wear at work. You will all get a real laugh out them. 

After that I'm heading to the bar to exchange a few words with one of the girls who has been wanting to hook up. I can't stand this celebacy thing anymore and need some good ole sex to finish the day!  She's about a 6, maybe a 7 on my scale but at this point I don't care, I'm horny!!!

Oh and NT thanks for the phone call. I had to listen to it about 3 times before I figured out who it was.  LOL  not at all what I expected. Canadians... LOL  Next time can you at least put the Misses on line.. love to hear her purr!!! 

Guess who's back? Back again? Pb's back.. warn your girl friends!!


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## J'Bo (Jun 28, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by Burner02 *_
> **Actually, bud-been off the past couple days...do not have time to get on-line when not here
> 
> Actally, I have no problem with techniques...No need to stop...I actually..have a problem on the other end...kind of embarassing...dude..I am like the energizer bunny....I keep going and going....sometimes can't finish....
> ...



burner.......it amazes me how you can turn everyones thread into a burner journal 

PB....my opinion.....drop the day planned with Amanda period.....we all know that it is not a friendly day and that it will only cause you more pain....cut free my love cut free....she has other friends and so do you that can help you both through this time....getting over eachother by being with eachother just doesnt happen 

Dont make me come down there and beat both of your asses 

 Jenny


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## naturaltan (Jun 28, 2003)

My random 'hello' call.   I'll try again next week and see if you're around.  You know us Canadians rock ... and we'll show ya how we do it right in Vegas my friend - fear the Natural Canadian.  

Hey, do ya have a pic of this gal at the bar?


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## Burner02 (Jun 28, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by J'Bo *_
> burner.......it amazes me how you can turn everyones thread into a burner journal


Hey! Don't be silly..on;y one post..in response to my amigo's post!
I only whore in my journal..or a select few....




> Dont make me come down there and beat both of your asses


is this a promise?


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## Burner02 (Jun 28, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> It's tough explaining to your girl why it didn't happen. Regardless what you tell a women these are her thoughts..
> 
> A) He doesn't like me.
> ...


PB! You are SO right!
I've dealt with that...I actually got mad @ the last g/f...and just told her...It's not you..it's MY problem.....

...and my being a bouncer isn't the greatest thing for her, I ma sure...of course, that is the other place she knows me from....
but....if it looks like my new real estate career is about to launch, I will quit that job and be doen with it...end of that problem.


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## Pitboss (Jun 28, 2003)

Okay not much time so I have to make this a quikie... 

J'bo you are probably right... however I really am all that Amanda has out here. She's not one to have close friends or friends she feels she can confide in...  Plus I just want a fun day for everyone. ....  oh and she is coming over tonight .. oops. 

Last night I uhm ended my celebacy with a girl I hadn't really intended on calling but I did. No NT it wasn't the girl I though I was going to see. This girl I met last week. She just started at the bar, she used to work there a couple of years back, before my time. She told me she decided to come back to work because of me. She came into the bar to see some friends and saw me and wnet "yummy" hey I'm just quoting her!!!   So I called her. Went over and well end of story. Oh the tongue works, not sure if any better but again to quote her.. "how can you improve on perfection? Oh my God!!!"  I was rather pleased and had a big head the rest of the night.... LOL


Okay got a go 

XXX

PB


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## Pitboss (Jun 30, 2003)

Dear Diary, 

How's it been? Hope your weekend was as good as mine  

So Saturday Amanda came over and we watch a movie, cuddle some, kissed some, and then she left.  I was so wanting her!!! I couldn't keep my hands off her. But she did the right thing, the best thing I suppose.  I really think just being friends can and will happen. It's just a matter of time and hopefully she will find someone else to take care of her needs. I can live without the sex, and the rest of that. I think 

Sunday just me, myself and I. Which was cool I needed the sleep. 

Okay here is something that might surprise some of you. I am a nice guy. No really I have always been that "nice guy" for as long as I can remember. I was the guy that was always there for the girl to talk to, to have a shoulder to cry on.  You know the guy. The one that has a huge crush for the girl but she has no interest in him.  That's me. I have found that if I don't make any moves within the first few weeks then forget it. I automatically am that friend instead of that lover. I hate it but am used to it.  I don't want to accept it but I am trying.  Last Sunday though it hit me pretty hard.. being the nice guy.  He's the story. 

We hired this barmaid back in Febuary. As soon as I saw her I uhm wanted her.. badly!!  I was my normal self and was moving along pretty smoothly.  She had a BF at the time.. he plays for I think Boston's pro soccer team. Within the first 2 weeks we were hitting it off pretty good. The contact was there, eyes, smiles, touching, etc. The communication was there... her letting me know that "he's never around" comment set that for me, and it was the way she said it that confirmed my intentions. 

Unfortunaltey I didn't move quick enough   time went by and I somehow fell into the friend category. I have been there for her three times that I can remember to offer that shoulder to cry on. Maybe that's what did it? Being to sensitive.. anyhow last Sunday she confirmed that "friend" thing to me by mentioning one of our new bouncers was rubbing her feet after work and how much she liked him and he does this and he does that, and he's been there, and been here, and blah, blah, blah!!!!!  Dammit I want to rub her feet.. hell she has the best feet I have ever seen!!  I uhm well  no need to blurt out my fetishes...   but when she was talking about this guy I just felt like my heart was broken. Didn't she realize how much I liked her? How could she miss it?  How did all those women in my life miss it???  I knew so many guys that played the asshole part and always got the girls?? Is rude and obnoxious being confused for confidence??  

Anyhow some of you may know this girl or at least have seen her.  Her name is Ashley Clark and she is the phone sex girl in Adam Sandlers movie Punch Drunk Love. 

She has the most awesome legs and ass!!! OMG. The best personality any guy could ask for. She's smart. She's driving me nuts!!!!!!!!!   Oh well that the story of my life. 


Talked to Carter yesterday and he was rather talkative. Didn't catch it all but got some. Disneyland, garage, my car, motor, Disneyland. LOL  yes he was going to disneyland but first hat to go to the garage to get "his" car. Everything is his!!!  The motor part I found out refers to motorcycle. When he says motor he also throughs in Roger daddy.. I'm Roger Daddy because he gets confused with my ex's BF Tim Daddy,. Tim has a 5 year old little girl.  I don't mind as long as the daddy part is included.  So the motorcycle keeps coming up and my ex doesn't know I bought the Harley... oops. 

Well it's about that time, gotta go  but I get to work with Ashley today. I just hope she doesn't change in front of me again wearing that thong!! I had to sit down for some time before I could stand up last time. What a f#$@ing ass the girl has!!!!!!!

LOL  have a great day!!!!!!

XXX

PB


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## butterfly (Jun 30, 2003)

If you want her you owe it to yourself to at least say something to her!!!

Don't be such a chicken shit man, just ask her out!!!

And I agree with Jenny... drop Amanda!


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## Pitboss (Jun 30, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by butterfly *_
> If you want her you owe it to yourself to at least say something to her!!!
> 
> Don't be such a chicken shit man, just ask her out!!!
> ...



I'm going to ignore that last sentence for now. I'm sure someday Ill come back with some story and you both can give me the "I told you so"

I did ask her out and again she had somewhere to go. Which is fine but normally I would expect a not tonight but I am available such and such days!!!  

So I asked this other girl who called me this morning.. and she said yes, but not tonight how about Thursday or whenever.  So there!!  

Okay I don't know why I'm all like high and mighty here. I want Ashley!! I just don't know why!!  

Oh well. It was hell at work today. Besides having to work around Ashley all day and I guess feel like I had to hide my emotions... dammit why do I like her so much. This is pissing me off. Even when I left work I was so pissed at myself... gggrrrr

anyhow I had that and then I had 3 girls call in that they couldnt make their shifts, that left me with 3 dancers until 4:30. One of the 3 was a mess. He BF broke up with her on Saturday over the phone, from Mexico with another girl in his bed. Pretty shitty but I just don't understand women when it comes to these things. If it was man he would have just said "fuck that bitch" and end of story.  So I had her crying all day. Then one of the girls that called off called me back and asked if she could still work. Sure I said I need you!! She shows up and guess what? She left her husband this morning!!! Great now I have two crying girls out of four. My boss was there all day and kept nagging me to keep the girls on stage, they dance on one stage fro 2 songs and then cross over to another stage for 2 songs.  I just couldn't get him to understand what was going on and I sure wasn't going to be sitting there handing out Kleenex all day!!! 

Okay I'm done bitching. I'm mentally exhausted. My heart has a small black hole from being turned down.. LOL and I'm hungry!!!

Night all!!!

XXX

PB


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## butterfly (Jun 30, 2003)

Too bad Tina couldn't have helped you out today... you would have forgotten all about Ashley! 

s*WE*e*T* Dreams


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## Pitboss (Jul 1, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by butterfly *_
> Too bad Tina couldn't have helped you out today... you would have forgotten all about Ashley!
> 
> s*WE*e*T* Dreams



Hmmm the Tina and Ashley show!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




> s*WE*e*T* Dreams


There is a message here I know it!!!


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## Pitboss (Jul 2, 2003)

What a beautiful day!!! It 's my favorite day of the week too. Hump day of cours!! LOL

It's a miserable 100 degree day but that's okay cause I work indoors!  Only two moe days until I get Carter and I plan on taking a ton of pics. I'll post some of the good ones. Maybe even a couple of my ugly mug. 

So hit the gym for the 3rd day in a row.. sweet   had a good back work out. I have decided to only work on back, chest, shoulders and legs. Skipping arms for a little bit. Seems they are the only other body part on me that likes to grow and I don't want to look like Popeye! I squint too much as it is. 

Gonna be an intersting day at work I think.  I have 2 girls working with me that I have had uhm relations with. I don't they they know about that though. I mean they know we had sex but not if they know I had sex with the other.  Could be fun... LOL keep dreaming. It's all just drama. 

Tonight Amanda i s coming over for a ride on my bike and some dinner. As bad as I want her... even after a year she still turns me on like no other woman..  I will not give in. I will use the last drop of will power to make sure it doesn't happen.  As much as J'bo and Butterfly and I'm sure others think I should just be done with her I can't help but want her in my life. She makes me smile. most of  the time and I make her happy most of the time and Carter, well I think Carter would rather spend the whole day with her than with anyone else.  So yeah it's for him too. Maybe I'm wrong about all this and maybe it the long term it will make things worse but I hope not.  I mean it can't hurt to try right? What if it does work out as a great friendship? If I had given up now that would never had happened.


Well hope you all have a great day!!!! 

XXX

PB


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## Pitboss (Jul 3, 2003)

Took a couple of quick pics yesterday... of course I'm not happy with me in the picture but oh well. 

My bike


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## Burner02 (Jul 3, 2003)

hey...it's all shiny and stuff..
looking good....for a non-sport bike..


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## Pitboss (Jul 3, 2003)

Thanks Burner. I was going to PM ya so you could see but nevermind. 

Here I will ruin it now... from looking good to "God why did you have to put your ugly ass mug in the picture???"

Uhm I'm looking a little bloated here....


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## Pitboss (Jul 3, 2003)

and again


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## Pitboss (Jul 3, 2003)

then these pics I posted in another thread. My work clothes and my uhm friends


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## Burner02 (Jul 3, 2003)

hey...your 'friends..look pretty capable of helping you in a jam..
have you had to use them?

I would look into getting some...but I think my days as a bouncer are about to end...


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## Pitboss (Jul 3, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by Burner02 *_
> hey...your 'friends..look pretty capable of helping you in a jam..
> have you had to use them?
> 
> I would look into getting some...but I think my days as a bouncer are about to end...



Haven't as of yet. Generally the people that I'm paying attention, problem people, I make it a point to see that they notice them. Kind of a deterrant.. deterant.... hmmm damn illiterate bastard!!


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## Pitboss (Jul 3, 2003)

Almost forgot. 

So yesterday was great. It was extremely busy for a change at the bar. I got my daily allowance of attention from the girls which I loved!!! 

Last night Amanda met me at my place had a steak dinner waiting and then we went for a ride out to Malibu for a quick drink. It was really nice. Although taking the canyon to get there was a bit different. Pitch black, 2 lane, extremely curvey road.  I'm a good rider but at night in those conditions it makes it rather scary. In a car I fly through that canyon. But it was still fun. 

We had our drink and headed home where we said our goodnights. Yeah we held hands, we kissed alot.  I was hot and horny as usual. But again we stopped.  I'm not sure how long that'll last. We both want to.. badly!!  But if we can keep passing it up I think it'll work out in the long run. I hope. 

I'm still not sure what to say when she asks if I have been with anyone else. Well actually she asks am I seeing anyone else and my reply is always "I'm not looking for anyone else" implying that I am not looking for someone else to be in a relationship with. I know it's way too soon to let her know that I have slept with someone... okay we really didn't sleep. In fact it was more like a 3 hour visit... LOL  well if I say anyhting now it would be the worst thing to do. But eventually I guess she will find out, ya think?  

anyhow. Tomorrow I get Carter and we are going to see a parade, and take a nap, and have a BBQ and watch the fireworks and play with Amanda and it's gonna be great!!!!  
So I'm gonna have a great 4th of July and I wish you all the same!!!

XXX
Roger


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## butterfly (Jul 3, 2003)

At this point, I think it would hurt Amanda more if you slept with her since you've been with two other women.  She won't feel special anymore... just used.

Have a great 4th!

BTW, lookin good


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## Pitboss (Jul 3, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by butterfly *_
> At this point, I think it would hurt Amanda more if you slept with her since you've been with two other women.  She won't feel special anymore... just used.
> 
> Have a great 4th!
> ...



Okay. So what if I said "NO" and she just used me??? Hey it could happen.... I think..... ????????

Thank you BF. I need a haircut, about 2o more pounds and about 4 more inches, and couple more inches in height too!! Oh and bigger feet and hands. Less gray. Smaller nose might help, but then need the ears a little smaller too to match the nose. Oh blue eyes would be cool. Yeah that'll about do it


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## Burner02 (Jul 3, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> 
> Thank you BF. I need a haircut, about 2o more pounds and about 4 more inches, and couple more inches in height too!! Oh and bigger feet and hands. Less gray. Smaller nose might help, but then need the ears a little smaller too to match the nose. Oh blue eyes would be cool. Yeah that'll about do it



you..yeah...you DO live in LA? the plastic surgury capital of the world? Where your new you is only a scalpel away?


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## butterfly (Jul 3, 2003)

Don't be silly man... you have character... why would you want to look like everyone else?  You have smilie eyes and a great smile!


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## buff_tat2d_chic (Jul 3, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by butterfly *_
> Don't be silly man... you have character... why would you want to look like everyone else?  You have smilie eyes and a great smile!



I have to agree with butterfly...don't change a thing!


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## buff_tat2d_chic (Jul 3, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_




Now when I saw the name of this pic...not that I don't know what a HD softtail is....but....I thought of PB and a girl with a "softtail" lmao  Must be your rep PB


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## naturaltan (Jul 3, 2003)

PB ... you gotta think more along my lines ... that you're the king of the world.    In my world, I rock!  If someone doesn't agree, I banish them forever.    And this is all without any stimulants.


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## buff_tat2d_chic (Jul 3, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by naturaltan *_
> And this is all without any stimulants.




  You crack me up, man!!! Good advice, though.


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## naturaltan (Jul 3, 2003)

on certain days anyways ...


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## Pitboss (Jul 3, 2003)

Thanks everyone for your supportive comments. But uhm you have to remember who you are making them to. Butterfly said it best "character"   Think about it. I may not like myself in pictures but who else is silly enough to post a picture of himself in boxer briefs and a towel wrapped around his neck and then call himself Super PB?????  Only I!!!!  

Sure I'd love to change a few things but I'm pretty happy with who I am. Just improving me a little bit at a time


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## buff_tat2d_chic (Jul 3, 2003)

We are just posting from a ladies point of view. From our point of view...you are fine....quite yummy IMO!!


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## Pitboss (Jul 3, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by buff_tat2d_chick *_
> We are just posting from a ladies point of view. From our point of view...you are fine....quite yummy IMO!!



Thank you   now stop making me blush!!  How about a hug?? A kiss? A lick?????   okay, okay I'm just excited you think I'm yummy. Want a bite????


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## butterfly (Jul 3, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> Want a bite????


OK!!!


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## Pitboss (Jul 4, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by butterfly *_
> OK!!!


Tease!!!!



Okay found a problem with my tongue ring. Seems I can't kiss like I used to and I like to kiss!! I love kissing!! I'd almost rather sit and makeout for an hour than have sex....almost!!  Not sure if it's worth it or not to have it now.  Well if I ever get to use it on Amanda at least then I can get an answer as to the before and after. LOL


Have a great 4th!! On my way to get the little stud muffin...  LOL


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## naturaltan (Jul 4, 2003)

Interesting .... never heard anyone say that they couldn't kiss as well as they did after getting a tongue ring.


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## Pitboss (Jul 5, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by naturaltan *_
> Interesting .... never heard anyone say that they couldn't kiss as well as they did after getting a tongue ring.



Well I have been told I was a great kisser...  seems the ring interferes with my style of kissing. I am not one of those "shove your tongue down the other persons throat kind of kisser"  I am more of the running the tip of the tongue across the lips, along the teeth, tip of tongue to tip of tongue and of course a little lip bitting never hurts..


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## Pitboss (Jul 5, 2003)

Here is a couple of pics from my 4th of July. 

A group pic. Carter, Amanda, Amanda's roommates daughter Carly and myself. 

We had a great day. We did the parade in blistering heat!! I lost at least a pound or two in water weight.  Went back to Amanda's and took a nap, then a BBQ. Then we had front row seats to the fireworks. Of course Carter thought they were his fireworks. In fact Carter thinks everything is his, his house, his car, his whatever!! LOL

Okay I'm having issues here with the pic size and server timing out!! Pics will come later....


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## Pitboss (Jul 5, 2003)

So this morning Amanda comes over to watch Carter for a couple of hours after I  go to work. We ended up getting a bit carried away and one thing led to another. But I ran into a bit of a problem. Just as I was about to get "busy" I lost it!!  I don't know why but I did. I guess it didn't help that someone sent me a text message telling me "not to sleep with her" and I'm sure that was in the back of my mind.  Of course if anyone is familiar with this type of problem it's mental and it's a bitch to get over. 

Last summer I tried a short cycle of steriods.. lost it all but it was a learning experience. I used test and Deca. About a month after I stopped I found that half way through a little sex session I would lose my wood. It happened more times than I care to discuss but after the first couple it became a mental nightmare. All I have to do is think about losing it and I'll lose it.  It so sucks!!!  It hasn't happened in a long time but it's starting again.  

I'll keep you all up to date on my limp dick .... LOL  

PB can't get it up!!!  Oh what is the world cumming to???


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## Pitboss (Jul 5, 2003)

What did I just post??? I must be crazy.  Oh well... got to laugh at life or just quit living


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## Pitboss (Jul 5, 2003)

try this again....

group photo


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## Pitboss (Jul 5, 2003)

I swear it was less than 5 minutes after Carter woke from his nap and Amanda had him working for his dinner!!!!


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## Pitboss (Jul 5, 2003)

he's about to give up though. Her cooking isn't that good!!  LOL actually she is a great cook!!


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## Pitboss (Jul 7, 2003)

Ah what a great Monday   well it's a great Monday because I had a great weekend. Except for that part I mentioned above it was excellent!!! 

Saturday night/Sunday morning at 1:30am I feel something in my hand, Carter's sippy cup and then a "more juice please"  OMG I was rolling. Normally he'll just yell from his bed but either I was dead asleep or this was his new way of communicatiing LOL. 

Ever see or hear of Thomas the Train? Well I guess one of the characters is named Percy. Imagine what the name Percy sounds like when a 2 year old says it??? LOL or Clock. Yeah two words I'm afraid he'll say in public. 

Anyhow I miss him already  two more weeks before we get our weekend together again.  Doesn't help much that when I dropped him of at his Grandparents house he started crying when he knew I was leaving him. I hate this age when it comes to that 


Well hope you all have a great week!!!  


PB


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## J'Bo (Jul 7, 2003)

is that amanda in the pic pb?
is that your little girl too?
those are (to be completely honest) the cutest/most beautiful kids i have even seen.
PB you give off some good genes.
If i am not hooked up in 5 years....would yoiu mind being a donator


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## naturaltan (Jul 7, 2003)

Amanda is a looker for sure ... maybe she wants to come to Vegas??


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## Fade (Jul 7, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> 
> Anyhow I miss him already  two more weeks before we get our weekend together again.  Doesn't help much that when I dropped him of at his Grandparents house he started crying when he knew I was leaving him. I hate this age when it comes to that


I know what your dealing with. I went through the crying part when Tyler was younger.

He went back to his moms last night after being here for two weeks. I'll get him again on the 17th for another two weeks.


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## Pitboss (Jul 7, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by J'Bo *_
> is that amanda in the pic pb?
> is that your little girl too?
> those are (to be completely honest) the cutest/most beautiful kids i have even seen.
> ...




Yes that is Amanda.
No that is not my little girl. That  is Amanda's roommates daughter. Although they could pass for bro and sis.
Thank you. 
It's all in the "jeans" baby!!!

Deal. But why wait five years?? It  took 5 years for me to get Carter. Lots and lots of practice!!


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## Pitboss (Jul 7, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by naturaltan *_
> Amanda is a looker for sure ... maybe she wants to come to Vegas??



Thanks. 

Uhm no thanks!!! Hmmm maybe. No maybe not. I don't know. LOL oh wait no. She has decided not to participate in any PB games. So your misses would be striking out LOL


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## J'Bo (Jul 7, 2003)

is that an offer to share pb?


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## Pitboss (Jul 7, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by Fade *_
> I know what your dealing with. I went through the crying part when Tyler was younger.
> 
> He went back to his moms last night after being here for two weeks. I'll get him again on the 17th for another two weeks.



I'd love to be able to have Carter for two weeks!! In fact his mom is in Cancun right now so I could have had him for the entire week but a) I can't afford to take off work right now. b) My mom can only watch him on Fri, Sat and Sun so that would leave me in a bit of a bind on Mon thru Thurs.


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## Pitboss (Jul 7, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by J'Bo *_
> is that an offer to share pb?



What's mine is yours


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## J'Bo (Jul 7, 2003)

i can take care of carter while you are at work pb.
then when you get home we can play in the sand box


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## butterfly (Jul 7, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> Tease!!!!


A tease is someone who would NOT follow through


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## Pitboss (Jul 8, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by J'Bo *_
> i can take care of carter while you are at work pb.
> then when you get home we can play in the sand box



Who's gonna watch him while we are playing in the sand box??


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## Pitboss (Jul 8, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by butterfly *_
> A tease is someone who would NOT follow through




I have no idea why I called you a tease but I'm sure you wouldn't follow through so.. TEASE!!!!!!


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## Pitboss (Jul 8, 2003)

Oh I forgot to post this...   talk about weird.  For those that have kids or even little bro/sis  you can understand this one. 

You know when your kid does something and you remember doing the same thing. You get a really nice feeling inside, like a little bit more connected? 

Sunday monring Carter woke up at 6:30. Daddy wasn't ready to get up so he asked Carter if it was okay for daddy to go back to bed and Carter can watch TV. "okay" he said.  I put the TV on the Disney Channel, this is really the only channel I want him to watch, other than Sesame Street.  About 10 minutes go by and I just started to fall asleep when I hear a weird voice on the TV. I look up and he's changed it to the Cartoon Network and it's the year "1974" They were doing a flashback hour I guess and here is Carter watching the same cartoons I used to watch on Saturday monrings.  I don't remember the names of the cartoons but one was with a bunch of these cars that talked and made some pretty obnoxoius noises.. LOL and then the next one was "Kung Fu ..... Henry? or something. It's this dog that works as Janitor. He has to jump into the filing cabinet to change into his costume. He has a cat for a sidekick. Anyhow just a weird feeling watching him. It was like watching myself.

Unconditional love.. ya just can't beat that.


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## Jodi (Jul 8, 2003)

Wow PB!!  Its been a while since I've read your journal.  It took me an hour to play catch up here.!
'
As usually Carter is looking absolutely adorable and your looking good yourself !

Now maybe I can follow along a little better


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## J'Bo (Jul 8, 2003)

i am with you on the sesame street thing pb.
although did you know that they are teaching them spanish too.
i never learnt spanish from ss.
i did learn that chocolate cookies are good in my tummy though


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## butterfly (Jul 8, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> I have no idea why I called you a tease but I'm sure you wouldn't follow through so.. TEASE!!!!!!


Are you being serious or is that a challenge???


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## Pitboss (Jul 8, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by Jodi *_
> Wow PB!!  Its been a while since I've read your journal.  It took me an hour to play catch up here.!
> '
> As usually Carter is looking absolutely adorable and your looking good yourself !
> ...



Welcome back to my hell!!!! LOL

Oh and I do love the short hair on you!!!  But then again there's nothing I can think on you that I don't love 

He's growing so fast.. mentally. He's still a short.....  a short little bugger though. But hey I'm not tall and his mom isn't either. Guess the 6'2", 240lb linebacker has been changed to the 5'9" 190lb short stop


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## Pitboss (Jul 8, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by J'Bo *_
> i am with you on the sesame street thing pb.
> although did you know that they are teaching them spanish too.
> i never learnt spanish from ss.
> i did learn that chocolate cookies are good in my tummy though



I actually like Elmo videos. I think I watch them more than he does though.  

His mom and grandparents speak fluent Spanish and he will to. Which is cool here in California as that is the primary language


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## Pitboss (Jul 8, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by butterfly *_
> Are you being serious or is that a challenge???



Challenge!!!!!!! Of course I still don't know what the comment was regarding but it's only a challenge if you need Fade's approval first!!!


Oh what fun. A truth or dare thread!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## Burner02 (Jul 8, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> to the 5'9" 190lb short stop


hey...what's wrong with 5'9", 190?
I personally think that is a perfectly good size..


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## Pitboss (Jul 8, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by Burner02 *_
> hey...what's wrong with 5'9", 190?
> I personally think that is a perfectly good size..



That's where I'm at too. But I would give anything to be 6'2 plus and 240!!


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## Burner02 (Jul 8, 2003)

you do have a point...it would be kind of nice to look over the crowd..instead of trying to on your toes...


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## Burner02 (Jul 8, 2003)

you're 190 too? Damn, I am a fat bastard!


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## buff_tat2d_chic (Jul 8, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by Burner02 *_
> you do have a point...it would be kind of nice to look over the crowd..instead of trying to on your toes...



Hey...you should try being 5'3"


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## Jodi (Jul 8, 2003)

Hey don't forget us short women out there.  We want shorter guys.  Any guy over 5'11" is too tall for me.  They only make boots so tall you know.


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## J'Bo (Jul 8, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by Burner02 *_
> you're 190 too? Damn, I am a fat bastard!



well you know why your a so called fat bastard....pb and ritz master and master gym leaver


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## butterfly (Jul 8, 2003)

I love being 5'8


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## Burner02 (Jul 8, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by J'Bo *_
> well you know why your a so called fat bastard....pb and ritz master and master gym leaver


(oops...shhhh..she's on to me!)

Hiya j'bo!
No more pb....none for about a month now!
massive withdrawls, too!


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## Pitboss (Jul 9, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by Burner02 *_
> (oops...shhhh..she's on to me!)
> 
> Hiya j'bo!
> ...



your scaring me here Burner!!!!!

Oh pb as in peanut butter!!! Whew that was weird!!


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## butterfly (Jul 9, 2003)

Good Morning PB!!!

You're up early!


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## Pitboss (Jul 9, 2003)

Hey I love being with a woman that is short than I. I guess it looks more natural in a sense. 

But when a woman is taller than me, with or without heels all I can think about is her being in control, wearing black thigh high leather boots and tying me up.


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## Pitboss (Jul 9, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by butterfly *_
> Good Morning PB!!!
> 
> You're up early!



What ya mean?? It's 8:30???  

Good morning Butterfly!


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## butterfly (Jul 9, 2003)

I had a 9am mtg otherwise I'd just be getting in to work now... so tired!


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## Pitboss (Jul 9, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by butterfly *_
> I had a 9am mtg otherwise I'd just be getting in to work now... so tired!



I know how much you hate mornings so a big :hug: for you!

:hug: is that a smilie thing??? Oh well guess I'll find out soon enough 

I woke up at 7:30, decided to take the day off from the gym and spend a few hours with all my friends here instead.


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## Pitboss (Jul 9, 2003)

:hug: nope... oh well.

Hey J'bo look two posts in a row that weren't sexual!!!!!!!!!!  Wooo hoooo I'm on a roll!!!!


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## J'Bo (Jul 9, 2003)

doesnt count pb cause you made sexual posts all over the place 


and let me geuss you saw amanda last night right?


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## Pitboss (Jul 9, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by J'Bo *_
> doesnt count pb cause you made sexual posts all over the place
> 
> 
> and let me geuss you saw amanda last night right?



Uh yeh  

But hey it went very well. We went for a ride, had dinner, rode home and she left. We hugged each other goodbye and that was pretty much it. 

I know not good enough.


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## J'Bo (Jul 9, 2003)

it shows that you were satisfied and then when you get lonely again you start posting sexual thoughts. amanda is purely a part time cure for the lonely heart. you willing to settle for that?


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## Pitboss (Jul 9, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by J'Bo *_
> it shows that you were satisfied and then when you get lonely again you start posting sexual thoughts. amanda is purely a part time cure for the lonely heart. you willing to settle for that?



I guess that should be Amanda and three others are my cure for a lonely heart.... 


Hey wait a minute. I don't have a lonely heart.. well maybe but still. 

Oh I don't like this pyscho anilitical.. analitical.. damn bull... LOL


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## J'Bo (Jul 9, 2003)

your the one that tells the story pb....i just reword it


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## butterfly (Jul 9, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> I guess that should be Amanda and three others are my cure for a lonely heart....


THREE others???

I would call you a player but I know you too well


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## J'Bo (Jul 9, 2003)

PLAYER sounds like he is getting played


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## butterfly (Jul 9, 2003)

I hear ya... she's only sticking around cause he is too a nice guy... hoping she can find a way to snag him back for good!

Even though Carter likes her alot if she left his life now he'd forget soon enough and there'd be no real impact on him.  The longer she sticks around the higher the chance that baby will get hurt when she finally does leave for good.


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## Pitboss (Jul 9, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by J'Bo *_
> it shows that you were satisfied and then when you get lonely again you start posting sexual thoughts. amanda is purely a part time cure for the lonely heart. you willing to settle for that?



I'm not sure how the sexual comments, posts, etc play a part in everything. I'm sure there is something to them other than me just being my flirtatious self. 

But as far "needing" someone to fill my loneliness?? I can't say that's the case at all. I've spent most of my life alone and I am used to it and pretty much accept it.  I spent 11 years in a relationship and marriage before I was actually able to call it quits. 11 years of lying to myself saying I will get over whatever issues I am having. 11 years of trying to make sure she was happy regardless at what expense it took on me. Her happiness came first. It didn't matter if I wasn't happy. 11 years of wanting out but not "man" enough or having "the balls" to break her heart for my happiness. 

I did it again with Amanda. Maybe I'm still doing it in a different way. Although I am happy, for the most part. I guess as long as I'm happy and I'm able to keep her a little happy then I'm fine with that.  She knows that I am not going to get back with her in a real relationship. She knows she is available, but it's up to her to make herself available.  I'm not a bastard, player that can just toss her aside like she doesn't mean shit to me. I can't do that to any woman. Yes it would be best in the long run if we, if I said it's over get a life, move on, go get laid or whatever. But that's not me. It's not in me.  read the crap my ex put me through last year with our divorce. Look where it took me. Look how I treated her during and after and how I still treat hurt.  I have only been guilty of breaking hearts. The hearts of women who I believe truly loved me for who I am. With all my flaws, my attitudes and my strange personality. I'm guilty of this. I have to live with this. This is part of me and who I am.


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## buff_tat2d_chic (Jul 9, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> your scaring me here Burner!!!!!
> 
> Oh pb as in peanut butter!!! Whew that was weird!!


  I had to think about it for a minute, too!! lol


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## J'Bo (Jul 9, 2003)

i have no comment pb..........maybe you should reread your own journal cause apprently you have a bad case of DENIAL


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## Pitboss (Jul 9, 2003)

Guess I'm just one fucked up individual. Oh well life goes on.


----------



## J'Bo (Jul 9, 2003)

no not fucked up.... just human.... we all do it....its just easier to call someone else on it then realize that its happening to you.

love yah and just trying to look out for my babe  

just wait til i get there....everything will be just fine....


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## Pitboss (Jul 10, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> Well here is my veiw on that subject.
> 
> After years with someone it does get old, it does lose it's spice. You can only do so much, between the two of you, to add spice and change into the bedroom.
> ...



Been reading through my journal. Was amused at much of the stuff I had written. Surprised at some and in awe of some of the past that keeps repeating itself. 

I was extemely surprised at this post. I can't believe I wrote it actually. Well the last sentence I can....


----------



## Pitboss (Jul 10, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> are you going to at least call first?? I can't have you just showing up when ever... he he   Los Angeles area.  And the thing about the lesbian was true!!!
> 
> NB, J'bo, Butterfly and everyone else I appreciate your comments and have really taken all of your words with some serious thought.
> ...



Yes I made the wrong decision............


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## Pitboss (Jul 10, 2003)

Okay I can't read anymore of this journal. It's all about Amanda and I being on and off again. I know what I need to do and I need to do it fast. Not a phone call I want to make but I need to. 

Yes it will be best for her in the long run. It will be best for Carter too. And it will probably make me feel less stressed and more comfortable in the things that I do on a day to day basis.


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## naturaltan (Jul 10, 2003)

taking a path on the beaten path ... Mrs. NT was quite intrigued that you manager a strip club.


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## butterfly (Jul 10, 2003)

It's tough doing the right thing sometimes... but you'll be happier in the long run!


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## Pitboss (Jul 10, 2003)

Made tha call  

I don't want to go into details.

The book: Amanda and Roger
Written by: A madman

The end.


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## Pitboss (Jul 10, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by naturaltan *_
> taking a path on the beaten path ... Mrs. NT was quite intrigued that you manager a strip club.



I figured as much


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## butterfly (Jul 10, 2003)

*BIG HUG* 

for you sweetie!!!


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## Pitboss (Jul 10, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by butterfly *_
> *BIG HUG*
> 
> for you sweetie!!!



Thanks I need it right now. 


Okay I wasn't going to post anyhting about the ordeal but fuck she pissed me off!!!!!!!!!!!

Here she is telling me she is fine with it and that maybe I'm the one having issues with the freindship thing. Then she just starts rambling about how great she was for me, how she has always been by my side and then she totally pushes the limits. Friend? Yeah right so far from it. 

She wouldn't want me for a BF anymore anyhow because I live to close to my "mommy" and my "mommy" does my laundry, I borrow money from my "mommy"....  Hey I live 3 doors away. I did it because it was a great deal, close to grandma's when Carter is around, etc. So what?  Then she starts with all kinds of crap how I don't have my own house anymore, I work at a strip club, I have no real goals, etc. Just totally putting me down!! The fucking bitch works two waitress jobs, going to be 39 in another month and has to rent a room out because she can't afford to live on her own. Her family doesn't want her to move back home. She has now where to go. ........   okay I don't need to go to that level.  I know where I am in life. I know what I have given up and maybe I'm still finding myself but I'm happy doing it. I have a pretty damn stress free life.. minus her of course.  

A friend? yeah friends do that. They bring you down. Bitch!!!

Okay I'm off to work and I'm going to have a great day!!!!!!


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## Pitboss (Jul 10, 2003)

Okay so my day wasn't so great.  I feel like shiat. All I want to do is get totally inibreated... hmmm drunk!! 

The worst thing about all of this is that I feel so lonely right now. I almost want to call someone to see if they want company but then guilt sets in for wanting to use that person for my own needs.  Gee now I know why call girls exsist. Can't afford it or I would... I think.  Just want someone to cuddle up with I guess.. yeah wierd, that's me.


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## J'Bo (Jul 11, 2003)

pb....i am proud of you.
now do you want to know why she said the things she said? 
remember that all negative acts are a result of someone feeling pain...she is just hurting because you let her go (which is the best decision).

she wanted to make you feel bad for letting her go...thus she put you down to make herself feel better...people tend to do that sometimes...really it was her pain and insecurity showing through...and she was mad that you had to guts to end it...of course now that that aprroach did not work for her and you are still not together....WATCH OUT....she will reevaluate the situation and try another approach to get into your life somehow...TRUST me it willl happen.....either she will pretend that she has some unfinished business to deal with or she will pretend to be able to handle the situation and be "friends...just friends".....let me tell you that is not her intentions and that she is simply acting like that in hopes that you will change your monda again.....know that is what she is doing.....playing the game of cat and mouse until she gets what she wants....

believe me on this...cause i just finished playing this game and its not fun.....best thing to do is to cut her off completely....for your sake baby....i am not saying that its going to be easy...but it will be the best thing to do  

 you babe.


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## Pitboss (Jul 11, 2003)

yeah I know. I'm back where I was a couple of weeks ago. Phone is off. So the only way she will be able to communicate is come see me....  which had a bad effect on me.  You women are such cruel creatures!!!! Damn I wish I was gay............  oh I did not say that LOL


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## naturaltan (Jul 11, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> Damn I wish I was gay............  oh I did not say that LOL



 ... you're in need of a Vegas vacation!


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## Pitboss (Jul 11, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by naturaltan *_
> ... you're in need of a Vegas vacation!



Don't you mean San Francisco???


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## Pitboss (Jul 11, 2003)

Where is everyone today??? It's Friday but not a holiday. My only day off and I want to spend it with my IM friends... okay let me clarify on that.. I want to spend it with the IM Hotties!!  

I guess I'm just going to have to go to the gym, tan a little, and maybe go for a ride. It's overcast today... that nasty marine layer that won't go away until late afternoon by the beaches. I might make a phone call or two and see if I can get a "riding" partner for the day...  


Hey J'bo are you going to let me take you for a ride? Or are we gonna be stuck driving around in my Jetta with the baby seat in the back?  Hey you pervs.. I meant a ride on my bike. You people are bad, bad people. So uh ya wanna take me.. I me take a ride on me... I mean with me. Hmmm?


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## J'Bo (Jul 11, 2003)

geuss what guys?

i am going to Vegas...cause my raise is alot more than i thought


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## naturaltan (Jul 11, 2003)

... now just bring it JBo ...  ... whips, chains and everything else you can fit into your suitcase.


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## Pitboss (Jul 11, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by naturaltan *_
> ... now just bring it JBo ...  ... whips, chains and everything else you can fit into your suitcase.


----------



## Pitboss (Jul 11, 2003)

Some intersting thoughts that have been bugging me...

I used to be considered a catch.. why? Great in bed  no not that.  I had my own house, new car, great paying job, and a father.  Not that i wanted to be caught but I had all that going for me if needed. 

Now? well I make average money, don't own a house, still in debt up to "here" Not that any of that really matters right now because regardless of what I have or have had I content with what I have... hmm or who I am I guess. But then again I have to wonder sometimes who I am. I mean what 36 year old goes out and buys a new bike, gets his nipples and tongue peirced?? Yea I know one that is searching for his youth.  I don't want to give it up, I mean who does right? 

But I came to a realization that what I had versus what I have makes a difference in what you can get. I mean get as in the quality of companionship.  If I was looking for that special someone in my life right now I have a pretty good idea of what I wouldn't get. She wouldn't be high maintenance. She wouldn't have her own house. I'm pretty sure she would be about equal to what I make and have.  

I'm starting to think I've put myself in the position to attract biker babes, strippers and lifetime waitresses.....  

Funny men are always questioning how important is it to have money when it comes to women. I think the answer is so much more complex than a simple yes or no.  It's more of does money matter when it comes to the quality of ones choosing his significant other? That answer has to be yes. I think.

I haven't a foggiest idea of what I'm trying to say... I think I'm saying I need to get back up the social ladder a little. Get a better pick of the litter when the time comes that i am ready to settle back down. 

Hmmm already got two jobs, sort of. Well I guess I could always turn to porn for a little extra cash......  hey just trying to expand my choice here people... strippers, biker babes, waitresses, and porn stars


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## Burner02 (Jul 11, 2003)

hmm...a biker porn star......
as you said, if it makes you happy, then go for it.


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## Pitboss (Jul 11, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by Burner02 *_
> hmm...a biker porn star......
> as you said, if it makes you happy, then go for it.



What really sucks about that is that it is so possible!!   

There is this guy named Joey, I think his "porn" name is Joey Ray. Just your average white boy. Nothing really to look at.. I mean if I was a woman of course.  But he comes into the bar a few times a week and I know he could get me in. 

Fuqer showed up yesterday in a brand new Cadillac Escalade. Fully loaded and has 24 inch rims!!!! He paid cash!! I mean how tempting is that I ask?? 

For a woman to do it people seem to be a bit down on that. But for a guy to do it??? I don't know what is the concensus???


----------



## Burner02 (Jul 11, 2003)

well, buddy-
IO just got an '01 supercrew f-150..(by the way...SUCKS gas like Monica Lewinski..)
I went in to the dealership to get something taken care of, my sales man told me of a 26 year old kid who just picked up another car from him. He saud that this kid owns a Ferrarri, Prorsche, Mercedes,  nice house...he was a realtor in California.
10 years your junior, my friend. 
Something to think about


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## Pitboss (Jul 11, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by Burner02 *_
> well, buddy-
> IO just got an '01 supercrew f-150..(by the way...SUCKS gas like Monica Lewinski..)
> I went in to the dealership to get something taken care of, my sales man told me of a 26 year old kid who just picked up another car from him. He saud that this kid owns a Ferrarri, Prorsche, Mercedes,  nice house...he was a realtor in California.
> ...



Everyone and their mother has a realtor license in this state!! It's a booming market but not that good of a market! That kind was doing alot more than selling houses!!


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## naturaltan (Jul 11, 2003)

I'm not one to answer that question because as long as one isn't hurting themselves or anyone else, who the hell cares.  If someone makes an informed decision to becoming a pornstar, so be it.  Unlike a drug dealer who is hurting others and making serious cash, a pornstar creates porn, enjoys themselves and gives others enjoyment and makes serious cash.  

The social ladder ... hhhmmm ... interesting.  Not sure I want to be on that social ladder where how much I make or what I drive or where I live determines who my spouse would be.  For me, it's more important to be happy (yep, pretty idealist answer) but it's true.  I make ok money where I am, the job certainly isn't taxing by any means, but I'm not happy.  I'd actually take a pay cut to do something more enjoyable for sure.


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## Pitboss (Jul 11, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by naturaltan *_
> The social ladder ... hhhmmm ... interesting.  Not sure I want to be on that social ladder where how much I make or what I drive or where I live determines who my spouse would be.  For me, it's more important to be happy (yep, pretty idealist answer) but it's true.  I make ok money where I am, the job certainly isn't taxing by any means, but I'm not happy.  I'd actually take a pay cut to do something more enjoyable for sure.



Ah but there is a difference in the social ladder when you are twenty something and dating. Most of the time people are equal in the sense they have not made it in the world of business yet, or they are still in school. What seperates them down the road is usually one seeking "more", while the other is content. 

Being older most of us should have aleady reach or be in the middle of our business goals. Striving to be better and make more.  Most of us don't want to be pushing brooms for the next 40 years till we retire. Most spouses I think don't want that either.  I think.


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## naturaltan (Jul 11, 2003)

I will agree that in our 20's we all pretty much equal and as we get older, some do excel in the financial department.  And yes most do try and make more and more and more.  And in the process, they forget how to have fun, enjoy life.  Sure they have fancy cars and big houses in which they throw big gatherings, but I think that all comes at a cost.  I believe their work days to be stressed, hectic and long - leaving little time to enjoy everyday wonders, kids, family and friends.  I have a friend who is a brilliant man.  He decided to become a doctor and now heads the local medical community on this and that board.  We have tried many times to get together but it almost seems impossible because he's either on-call or working.  When we do get together, you can see how unhappy his wife is.  She enjoys the nice house and all that comes with it, but wishes her husband was home more.  Not for me thanks.


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## Pitboss (Jul 11, 2003)

It's not so much about the money and having all the stuff. I guess it comes down having drive and ambition.


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## Burner02 (Jul 11, 2003)

Hey NT_
I JUST started reading a book called: Self Matters...it starts off the same way you just described!
Seems to be a good read.


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## naturaltan (Jul 11, 2003)

drive and ambition for what though ... more money, better status? 

Burner ... let me know how it goes.   I'm not a big book reader.


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## Pitboss (Jul 11, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by naturaltan *_
> drive and ambition for what though ... more money, better status?
> 
> Burner ... let me know how it goes.   I'm not a big book reader.



I guess you have to put yourself into the single mindframe.. especially from a woman's point of veiw. Not many women would stick around with a guy that has neither of those qualities. Majority ofus want more out of life than just the day to day, hum drum life we have. To acheive those you must have some ambitions....


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## Burner02 (Jul 11, 2003)

yeah, but you do, don't ya? I mean, you do have multiple jobs...as do I..


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## J'Bo (Jul 11, 2003)

i am not going to comment here cause you may all hate me when i tell you my point of view....in short money does matter.


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## Pitboss (Jul 11, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by Burner02 *_
> yeah, but you do, don't ya? I mean, you do have multiple jobs...as do I..



Yes I do. I do it because I need to. The money is always nice to have but I also need something to keep me busy or I pretty much self destruct... LOL


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## Pitboss (Jul 11, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by J'Bo *_
> i am not going to comment here cause you may all hate me when i tell you my point of view....in short money does matter.



I think it matters. Especially to begin a relationship. Who wants to be stuck at home every night because you cant afford to go out? Who wants to be stuck driving around on a date in a 15 year old car that has broken air conditioning and the drivers window won't roll down?  

There is a point where it does matter. Ther is also a point where it is excessive.


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## J'Bo (Jul 11, 2003)

i agree pb.

have you ever heard someone that has money say that money doesnt matter? the only people that think that way don't have $

in todays society whether we like it or not....the amount of money or equity one has is a reflection of how accomplished in certain areas they are....its just life


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## Burner02 (Jul 11, 2003)

I agree w/ j-
money does matter..to a point. 
I want to be able to afford to do nice things for us. Take her places, go to a restaraunt and not have to worry about it.
Take off for the weekend.
Take her shopping for no reason, etc.
I have heard that money is a key reason for fights among married couples.
I know what you mean about the having to do things...I am wondering how I will be as I am able to quit 2 of the three jobs I am working and actually have free time....


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## Burner02 (Jul 11, 2003)

hey...I just noticed...J'bos...lovely tushie is right above me!
yeah!
it is good being me!


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## Pitboss (Jul 11, 2003)

Yeah well I got her on the bottom of me!!!  


Well you all have a great day. It's noon or almost noon and I'm going for a ride.  Time to clear my head and relax.


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## Burner02 (Jul 11, 2003)

good ride, bro-


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## Pitboss (Jul 11, 2003)

I will. Down the coast.  Beach air in my face. Find a nice little spot to have a bite to eat. 

Butt before I go I have to do this.... just something to get me going through each and every day!!!!


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## naturaltan (Jul 11, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by J'Bo *_
> have you ever heard someone that has money say that money doesnt matter? the only people that think that way don't have $


that would be me ... I'd love to have more money, but that would mean sacrificing the little free time I have now.  More meetings, more work ... more of everything except free time.  I can't do it.  It's just a personal choice.   I see guys driving their new cars, working from the large offices and wonder how happy are they really?  Some, I bet they live for it ... others hate what they do but hope that by making the bigger income it will make them happier.  If someone offered me a manager positon here today and the income was in the 6 digits, I'd turn them down.    I have no desire to wear the suits, do the endless/mindless meetings and all that goes along with that.


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## shortstuff (Jul 11, 2003)

PB You love these asses don't you, I think we should make them a wallpaper


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## Jodi (Jul 11, 2003)

OMG PB!!!  Making a collage?


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## naturaltan (Jul 11, 2003)

nice work!


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## Pitboss (Jul 11, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by shortstuff *_
> PB You love these asses don't you, I think we should make them a wallpaper



I love a fine body.. from top to bottom!! You ladies fit that description to a "T".  Too bad once you change your avatar my collage will be gone...


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## Pitboss (Jul 11, 2003)

Oh and welcome to my Diary Shortstuff!!!!!!!!!


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## shortstuff (Jul 11, 2003)

Oh so sad, maybe we could have a diff bodypart sometime later


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## shortstuff (Jul 11, 2003)

he he thanks, was trying to catch up on tyhe convo but too many people talking at once. hard to keep up  LOL  There goes the blonde thing again.  Wish I had something more to say  LOL


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## Pitboss (Jul 11, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by shortstuff *_
> Oh so sad, maybe we could have a diff bodypart sometime later



We tried that.... had backs, legs. But no go on the ones I wanted. Even tried feet... LOL


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## Burner02 (Jul 11, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> I will. Down the coast.  Beach air in my face. Find a nice little spot to have a bite to eat.
> 
> Butt before I go I have to do this.... just something to get me going through each and every day!!!!


damn...that's just too much input  for any mortal man at one time....I think I need to lie down....


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## Pitboss (Jul 11, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by shortstuff *_
> he he thanks, was trying to catch up on tyhe convo but too many people talking at once. hard to keep up  LOL  There goes the blonde thing again.  Wish I had something more to say  LOL



Lots to read here. But most of it;s the same thing over and over. Kind of like a monthly cycle, but more like 3 month cycle for me. 

Hey speaking of cycle I'm out of here... nice and sunny and I need to ride.


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## J'Bo (Jul 11, 2003)

as long as we dont move on to boobies i am fine 

nt...i hear you...however i did not say that money made people happy.


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## shortstuff (Jul 11, 2003)

Hey at least yours isn't a mess and painful  LOL


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## Burner02 (Jul 11, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by J'Bo *_
> as long as we dont move on to boobies i am fine
> 
> nt...i hear you...however i did not say that money made people happy.


hey hun-
don't be silly...you look fine as you are!
You are total package...if you will.


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## Pitboss (Jul 11, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by J'Bo *_
> as long as we dont move on to boobies i am fine
> 
> nt...i hear you...however i did not say that money made people happy.



How about show us your ankles?? Got to be in high heels though!!!  

I"m sorry but the ankle does it for me. It's like the starting line for me. You start there and work your way up!


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## Jodi (Jul 11, 2003)

Legs or back  

I'm with you J'Bo, my little A Cups or umm B with the Victoria Secret Bra


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## Pitboss (Jul 11, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by shortstuff *_
> Hey at least yours isn't a mess and painful  LOL



Uhm what's a mess and painful??? Oh my cycle? Uhm yes it is but in a totally different way!!

I'm almost willing to trade my past year with a year of menstraul.. menstral.. hmm that's a word men never spell... trade a year of cramps for!!


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## naturaltan (Jul 11, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by J'Bo *_
> nt...i hear you...however i did not say that money made people happy.



okie dokie ... I'm not the best person to discuss that kind of stuff ... I'm way to easy going to care about where I may lie on the social status.  Like me for who I am, not what I got or where I live.  And if you can't like me for who I am ... your lose.  

I think you and I are on the same page, just that when I try and speak about mine, it comes out in Russian.  

PB ... you said you were going an hour ago ... get out of here man!


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## Pitboss (Jul 11, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by naturaltan *_
> okie dokie ... I'm not the best person to discuss that kind of stuff ... I'm way to easy going to care about where I may lie on the social status.  Like me for who I am, not what I got or where I live.  And if you can't like me for who I am ... your lose.
> 
> I think you and I are on the same page, just that when I try and speak about mine, it comes out in Russian.
> ...



I'm trying to but everyone here is keeping company as opposed to riding alone


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## Burner02 (Jul 11, 2003)

dude...if I still hade my scooter..and lived where you do..or hell where I do now...I'd been LONG gone!
Especially w/ the ocean off to one side!


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## butterfly (Jul 11, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> We tried that.... had backs, legs. But no go on the ones I wanted. Even tried feet... LOL


We did do boobs... don't you remember???


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## Burner02 (Jul 11, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by butterfly *_
> We did do boobs... don't you remember???


wow!
remind me to ask you to tie my shoes sometime...


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## shortstuff (Jul 11, 2003)

man, do you know how muchpadding I would have to use to get that????


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## Burner02 (Jul 11, 2003)

no, but do tell..


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## shortstuff (Jul 11, 2003)

I am right now a 32A, very very sad and to think as i lose more fat, they will get smaller and smaller, but plans are in two years to have what BF has, and then i will have a pic like BF


----------



## Pitboss (Jul 11, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by shortstuff *_
> I am right now a 32A, very very sad and to think as i lose more fat, they will get smaller and smaller, but plans are in two years to have what BF has, and then i will have a pic like BF



No don't do it!!! The boobs don't make a person and from what I can tell you are more than outgoing enough and more confidence than most!!! 

Besides fake boobs well they look fake!!!!!!


----------



## Pitboss (Jul 11, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by butterfly *_
> We did do boobs... don't you remember???



Hmm no I don't remember that. Maybe you should email me some pics to refresh my memory


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## shortstuff (Jul 11, 2003)

oh i just think they would be great, be able to wear low cut and swim suits and have fun with them


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## Pitboss (Jul 11, 2003)

Okay didn't really go for a ride. I took a shower.. laid down under the a/c unit and when I stopped sweating I tried to get dressed. Eventually I left and went to the gym. Had  a great shoulder workout. Went and got something to eat at the other bar I never work at. And then.....................   I talked to Tanya Daniel. She is one of the dancers who works in the adult industry. She is going to call me next week and give me her agents information. I mean it can't hurt to look into it right?? I'm just looking. 

Fuck it's hot!! I use my mom's computer which happens to in the garage... it's got to be a 110 in here. If you like your men sweaty then I'm that man baby!!!!!!!!! LOL

Time for another shower and then off to work the concert tonight. Should be packed. I think Hoobastank (sp) is playing tonight. Hopefully no rowdy thugs!! Hmm wear my rings or don't wear my rings????


----------



## Pitboss (Jul 11, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by shortstuff *_
> oh i just think they would be great, be able to wear low cut and swim suits and have fun with them



Okay talked me into it. I'll get mine done too!!!!!!!!! Hey I get to play with them right!!!


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## shortstuff (Jul 11, 2003)

of course, share and share alike


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## Pitboss (Jul 11, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by shortstuff *_
> of course, share and share alike


Forgive but PB reads everything pornal... 

I read that as "you play with mine. I play with yours"


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## shortstuff (Jul 11, 2003)

see you are quick to catch on  LOL


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## Pitboss (Jul 11, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by shortstuff *_
> see you are quick to catch on  LOL



Careful Oregon is only a days drive away!!!!!!!!!


----------



## shortstuff (Jul 11, 2003)

well, where were you when i as california huh?????


----------



## Pitboss (Jul 11, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by shortstuff *_
> well, where were you when i as california huh?????


I was 4 hours away. Why didn't you tell me you were coming to California???


----------



## shortstuff (Jul 11, 2003)

i go down like every three to four weeks, but unfortunately not for the next couple months am staying put in this state to get ready and focus


----------



## Pitboss (Jul 11, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by shortstuff *_
> i go down like every three to four weeks, but unfortunately not for the next couple months am staying put in this state to get ready and focus


Well then next time you come down let me know and I should have no excuse not to come see ya and get you all wet... in the river.


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## shortstuff (Jul 11, 2003)

LOL will do


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## Pitboss (Jul 11, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by shortstuff *_
> LOL will do


Sweet! Love to get ya wet.  he he


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## shortstuff (Jul 11, 2003)

ok now i am the one reading pornal, wet...............LOL


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## Pitboss (Jul 11, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by shortstuff *_
> ok now i am the one reading pornal, wet...............LOL



Not reading. It was!!! LOL


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## shortstuff (Jul 11, 2003)

Oh yeah, we know where both our heads are  LOL


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## J'Bo (Jul 12, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by Burner02 *_
> hey hun-
> don't be silly...you look fine as you are!
> You are total package...if you will.



B....that is very sweet...thanks. 

ss + jodi= well i am afraid that my little baby A cups have gone down even more....as president of the itty bitty titty comitty i send you two an application for enrollment in our community

well my fake bobbies arent going to look too fake cause i am only going to an B cup.


----------



## Pitboss (Jul 12, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by J'Bo *_
> B....that is very sweet...thanks.
> 
> ss + jodi= well i am afraid that my little baby A cups have gone down even more....as president of the itty bitty titty comitty i send you two an application for enrollment in our community
> ...



uh huh. That's  how it starts... first one cup larger. Then they go to D cups and before you know it GG!!!!

I see too many real ones and fakes ones and well I'm in love with the real ones, all shapes and sizes.


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## Pitboss (Jul 12, 2003)

So last night I had to work at that other gig I picked up. I thought the band playing tonight was Hoobastank... NOT!!!! It was The Little River Band.... yawn. Talk about a mellow crowd.  I thought I was the one looking for my youth, not anymore!!!  The people amazed me. All these 45 plus women and men dressed nearly like teens.  I saw more cleavage that I didn't want to see!!!!!!!

My excitement for the night... I met Mary Jo Buttafucco.. butt a whatever!! Nice woman. 

Oh and a phone number... NO!! not someone my mothers age but a cutie twenty something that got dragged there by some friends. 

Tonight is Joan Osbourne.... yawn again. Tuesday is Hoobastank. That's the one I'm looking forward too!!  


Oh and Amanda the Ex called and left me a message. She apoligized for the things she said. She was hurt and angry and wishes she never said those things.. blah, blah, blah..... whatever!!

All she proved is that she isn't over me. She isn't ready to commit to just being friends and she would totally freak if she knew I have been with others of late.  Friends don't fuk friends.. and that means verbally too.


----------



## Burner02 (Jul 12, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> Okay didn't really go for a ride. I took a shower.. laid down under the a/c unit and when I stopped sweating I tried to get dressed. Eventually I left and went to the gym. Had  a great shoulder workout. Went and got something to eat at the other bar I never work at. And then.....................   I talked to Tanya Daniel. She is one of the dancers who works in the adult industry. She is going to call me next week and give me her agents information. I mean it can't hurt to look into it right?? I'm just looking.
> 
> Fuck it's hot!! I use my mom's computer which happens to in the garage... it's got to be a 110 in here. If you like your men sweaty then I'm that man baby!!!!!!!!! LOL
> ...



you didn't go riding? Dude!
You were supposed to! (Of course..living where you do...and every day is relatively the same as the next...all year..you can just go another day....I only had that three month window to knock out as much riding as possible..

So...this adult entertainer friend of yours....did you ask if you and her could...get together to go thru some possible scenarios..


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## Pitboss (Jul 12, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by Burner02 *_
> you didn't go riding? Dude!
> You were supposed to! (Of course..living where you do...and every day is relatively the same as the next...all year..you can just go another day....I only had that three month window to knock out as much riding as possible..
> 
> So...this adult entertainer friend of yours....did you ask if you and her could...get together to go thru some possible scenarios..



Went for a little ride on the way to work 

Oh I'd love to get a piece of her but that ain't gonna happen. I think she is married or Bf.. but she only does girl/girl scenes and bondage stuff oh and other kinky movies about fetishes. None that appeal to me... try "Enima Nurses".... no thanks!!!


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## Burner02 (Jul 12, 2003)

um...ewww..


It really sucks..sitting at starbucks..pre- workout..and watching a dozen or so riders of all types cruise by....
I just gave away the last of my little gear to a friend...
(tie down straps, clear vior to my helmet, spider bungee net, etc...

I still have my leathers...need to get rid of them....


----------



## Pitboss (Jul 12, 2003)

I had to steal this..... sorry ladies if you find it offensive. It reminds of home made bread and I love home made bread!!


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## Burner02 (Jul 12, 2003)

she sure is making SOMETHING rise....


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## Pitboss (Jul 12, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by Burner02 *_
> um...ewww..
> 
> 
> ...



What happened to your bike??????

I know how you feel. Sundays here is bike day. There are two places in Malibu and one in Calabassas they cruise to. It's 95% Harleys. Alot of these guys come to my bar, usually 5 to 20 at time and all I can do is sit there and pout when they leave


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## Pitboss (Jul 12, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by Burner02 *_
> she sure is making SOMETHING rise....



I like her hands. Long fingers and a french manicure. Just thinking about her hand wrapp.......   yah I like her hands


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## Burner02 (Jul 12, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> What happened to your bike??????
> 
> I know how you feel. Sundays here is bike day. There are two places in Malibu and one in Calabassas they cruise to. It's 95% Harleys. Alot of these guys come to my bar, usually 5 to 20 at time and all I can do is sit there and pout when they leave



yeah...I had to dump her...I needed the money to cover costs to get my real estate going...will get another one someday..maybe next year if get all other stuff paid off...like the truck I just bought..and am wanting an ATV to go camping with...


My girls' best friend's husband just rode up from Nebraska on a new Honday VTX 1600...damn...nice bike...supposed to be able to outru any sportbike 600 in straight line....
like to see that.....


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## Pitboss (Jul 12, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by Burner02 *_
> yeah...I had to dump her...I needed the money to cover costs to get my real estate going...will get another one someday..maybe next year if get all other stuff paid off...like the truck I just bought..and am wanting an ATV to go camping with...
> 
> 
> ...



Okay you bought a truck and you want to be a Realtor?? What are you selling farm land? 

I just can't see buying anything but a Harley. They hold there value so well.  Before I bought mine I looked at some used ones, one to two years old w/5 to 10,000 miles. Some added stuff. Basically the same things I did to mine and they wanted 15 to 18 for it. I paid 18 out the door for mine. Didn't make any sense!!!


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## Burner02 (Jul 12, 2003)

I got a f-150 super crew. It hads four separate doors. Plus 4X4 for ever do any mountain property..and if whenever snows here.

Harleys are ok..but I am a sport biker.....there are very few Harelys I like. Some of them are just down right ugly.
Harleys might be cooler..but you know there reliability sucks compared to the imports..still...


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## Pitboss (Jul 12, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by Burner02 *_
> I got a f-150 super crew. It hads four separate doors. Plus 4X4 for ever do any mountain property..and if whenever snows here.
> 
> Harleys are ok..but I am a sport biker.....there are very few Harelys I like. Some of them are just down right ugly.
> Harleys might be cooler..but you know there reliability sucks compared to the imports..still...



Okay you are in the Rockies so a truck makes some sense. 

I miss my sport bikes sometimes. But truthfully just cruising and relaxing is som much better than riding hard on the throttle out of every turn. Smelling the brakes at the bottom of the hill..... hmmm okay I want a sport bike again!! 

The new Harleys, 2001 and newer are so relaiable. The Twin Cam motors are solid. I have only heard on one bad incident wear the cam wore down. That was weird but it happens.


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## Burner02 (Jul 12, 2003)

I was thinking of getting the ZX-9 or a Hayabusa...for more sport cruising...that 600 was great, but didn't much care for passengers.
Of course, the girl and I are having debate issues on her wearing a helmet. She wants to not wear so she can fell the air thru her hair....
I told her I only ride w/ a helmet...and so will she....
I took a bug @ 90mph flying up some pass a couple seasons ago...it snapped my head back...can only imagine what would have happened if not wearing a helmet...of course, would not have been going that fast....


----------



## Pitboss (Jul 12, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by Burner02 *_
> I was thinking of getting the ZX-9 or a Hayabusa...for more sport cruising...that 600 was great, but didn't much care for passengers.
> Of course, the girl and I are having debate issues on her wearing a helmet. She wants to not wear so she can fell the air thru her hair....
> I told her I only ride w/ a helmet...and so will she....
> I took a bug @ 90mph flying up some pass a couple seasons ago...it snapped my head back...can only imagine what would have happened if not wearing a helmet...of course, would not have been going that fast....



I have great eyesight at night and great reflexes. With that said I can see the bugs at night if it's dark enough and react to move out of there way. I did this couple of times with Amanda on the back. Needless to say I had to stop being a wuss and take the hits in the face. It was either  that or a foot in the crotch next time she got a bug in her face... LOL


ZX-9!!!!! yeah baby!!!


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## Burner02 (Jul 12, 2003)

that's funny!
Man, spring time here...is 'miller season'..
moths...
I used to live out East of town...so alot of open land...moths everywhere..my helmet would be palstered w/ them...couldn't understand how someone would ride w/out a helmet for that purpose alone...
Pus the road rocks and such that get kicked up....can't feel good..
I'm ugly enough as is..no need to add pits to the face as well!


----------



## Burner02 (Jul 12, 2003)

so...was looking thru the harley site to see if anyu bikes caught my eye.
this one wasn't too bad...I liked the blue one in the gallery:
http://www.harley-davidson.com/PR/M...&family=Dyna&model=FXDWG&modelSection=styling


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## Pitboss (Jul 13, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by Burner02 *_
> so...was looking thru the harley site to see if anyu bikes caught my eye.
> this one wasn't too bad...I liked the blue one in the gallery:
> http://www.harley-davidson.com/PR/M...&family=Dyna&model=FXDWG&modelSection=styling



If ya get a Dyna get the wide glide. The Dyna actually handle pretty good, alot better than mine.


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## Burner02 (Jul 13, 2003)

that's what the link was for, wasn't it? a wide glide? That blue one looked nice...


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## Pitboss (Jul 13, 2003)

Dear Diary, 

Wow what a long day yesterday was. I was up at 8:30, at work at 11:30 until 7:30, at the other job at 8:00 and home at 2:00am. Doing the same thing today too.  I guess over all it's worth it.. around $220 for the day, cash...for about 12 hours of work. Almost 19 and hour "before" taxes. 

Yesterday at the bar I worked with this new girl. She came in about a month ago and I have called her couple of times to get her to come work for us. She finally did. Gorgeous girl, really sweet, has a 3 yr old girl. I likes her   so she was just totally bumming yesterday. I tried everything I could to get her to smile. I even "acted" professional and tried to talk to her one on one... you know to let her know I noticed and care. Actually I do that a lot with my girls. I like to keep them as happy as possible.  Usually I can get them out of there slump of a day. The best tactic so far is when we are done talking I offer my "additional" services at a discounted rate.. $75.00 for the first half hour, $50 for every half hour afterwards.  That gets a good laugh.....  

Last night was... boring!! Joan Osborne is okay. But after the first hour there I needed some repellant... to keep the old ladies off me!!  I think my arms are bruised from being squeezed so much. I ain't Charmin biatch!!! LOL

Of course the best part of the night is leaving. There are 3 of us with Harleys and when we leave it's so fuq'n load!! We live in the same area so it's a nice ride home. 

Oh yeah the Amanda thing. She called yesterday like said. Last night she sent me 6 text messages. Trying to justify why she said what she did. Telling me how much she loves me and knows that we should be together. We are soul mates, etc.  She did start to get to me a little but I didn't reply or call. 

I do wish it was possible for us to be just friends. No sex, no kissing, no holding hands, just friends.  But I don't see that happening any time soon.  

I have almost gotten to the point to tell her that I have been sleeping around just to see what reaction comes from it. But then again I start thinking of John Wayne Bobbett... and I think it best not.


----------



## Burner02 (Jul 13, 2003)

yo, PB-
Bro- we are gonna need to hook up and hang out sometime! 
hmm..cruising S.  Cali on a bike at night...must be great....

Well, fuq ol bobett..she has to get to the bits-n-pieces first, doesn't she?


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## J'Bo (Jul 13, 2003)

good job pb....it is the best thing to do.

remember how i told you that she would change her tactic once she relized that it wasnt working? well she is...now dont let her think that this will work....stay strong babe


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## Pitboss (Jul 15, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by J'Bo *_
> good job pb....it is the best thing to do.
> 
> remember how i told you that she would change her tactic once she relized that it wasnt working? well she is...now dont let her think that this will work....stay strong babe



She called again this morning at 6:30.. I didn't here my phone, but either way I would not have answered. Oh and no message this time.. or should I say no message "yet"

Thanks J'bo


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## Pitboss (Jul 15, 2003)

Well work sucks lately. It's just so slow during the summer days. I'm basically losing nearly $50 a day, $300 a week!!  This ain't getting the bills paid!!  

I hate being late on payments and I hate being broke!!  Oh well not much I can do. I am not looking for another job.. the market out here sucks big time!!

Not much else going on really. Work the night club/concert tonight. That should be fun. That'll make up for what I didn't make at the bar today...  Get Carter this weekend !!!! He loves the zoo so much. Maybe I'll drive up to Santa Barbara and see the zoo up there. It's not big or anything special but at least it's nicer than the LA Zoo.

Oh yesterday i worked with Ashley... have to go back a page or two to read up on her.  I finally came to an understanding with myself. I guess for years I just never put two and two together. Here I am killing myself emotionally for this girl. Trying to get her to go out with me. Everytime I'd touch her or get near her I was going nuts. Not only does she turn me on but I honestly can say personality wise she has it all... and I could no make that would be intersted on a real relationship with her. But as I said I came to an understanding... it takes two!! If she isn't attracted to me then there is nothing I can do or say to change that. Maybe this is why I always got that "your a nice guy but" thing...  So no more trying to chase her down. Treat her just like I would treat someone I wasn't attracted to.  Yeah I know reading this makes me think that I still have the mentality of a 16 year old... ho hum.

Well that's it for now. 

have a great day!!


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## J'Bo (Jul 15, 2003)

anytime babe 

only a matter of time before she tries to think of excuses to see or talk to you...so beware


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## Pepper (Jul 15, 2003)

I hope you know that you women with those back avatars are totally destroying my abilty to work today.


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## Pitboss (Jul 15, 2003)

Hey ladies think dipples are cute on a guy right? So uh are those dimples on my back cute


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## J'Bo (Jul 15, 2003)

i never knew you were a gangster.
does someone have a back fetish?
cause we did butts a couple of days ago.
til i offended some people.


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## Pitboss (Jul 15, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by J'Bo *_
> i never knew you were a gangster.
> does someone have a back fetish?
> cause we did butts a couple of days ago.
> til i offended some people.



I was offended by your butt avi..

Offended that I couldn't reach out and smack it!!


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## Pitboss (Jul 15, 2003)

Oh and Butterfly I decided not to include any comments regarding last night... or what happend yesterday which led up to last night. I think if I keep including sexual comments or situations in my journal everyone is going to think I'm a whore or something.


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## J'Bo (Jul 15, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> I was offended by your butt avi..
> 
> Offended that I couldn't reach out and smack it!!




good one.

you sensored it? what does that mean? if you cant be yourself then why would you be here?


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## butterfly (Jul 15, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by Pitboss *_
> Oh and Butterfly I decided not to include any comments regarding last night... or what happend yesterday which led up to last night. I think if I keep including sexual comments or situations in my journal everyone is going to think I'm a whore or something.


Well you could email me with the details!!! 

BTW, you have email!


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## buff_tat2d_chic (Jul 15, 2003)

I like the details of your journal, PB...it makes you "you"!

Don't keep us in suspense...if it offends someone...then they don't have to come in here. I don't think you are a whore....I want details!!


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## Sosunni (Jul 16, 2003)

Well well well.... if it ain't QME!?! !?!  PB PB PB.... how's my big honey bear!?!?!.  And since we ALL stalk PB's journal... Hi Fade, Fly-girl, Burner (!), Dero, I talked to you do though, Steven... or eh hmmm... NT.. you hussy  Mr. MAN!... and lets not forget BOOBILICIOUS!!!  I know i know.. i forgot some major players.. dvlmn  Tank etc... you're all there... in my heart and I'm well.. still here!!  Think of you all often and my goal is to try and start posting again.  Posted a readers digest version today.. but I'll try and be more consistent.
PB, glad things SEEM to be going well.  Carter's good, that's a great thing... I see you're moving away from Amanda..., How's things with P .. or is that T?   Drop a note and say hi stranger.  Remember, you can always ALWAYS reach me at Sosunni@yahoo.com!


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## Burner02 (Jul 17, 2003)

hiya sue!


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## Pitboss (Jul 30, 2003)

Finally got the laptop back!!!! 

Well hello Sue!!!!!!  Still with Da huh? Too bad for me. wink wink!!!

Things have been good, sometimes great sometimes pretty crappy. It's all a day to day life for me I guess. 

Still dealing with Amanda. Didn't hear from her for almost a week and then wshe broke down. By the end of all her text messages she lost it and left me with a I hate you message.Then she broke down again and asked if she could come over that night, then again last night.  I replied both times with "why?"  Figure she'd reply with she wanted to be "with" me.. actually hoping she would so I could ask her if she wanted to be in the same category as the others I have or will see.. anyway. I broke down yesterday and left her message.  I can't just leave her out of my life. I'm such a wuss!!!!

A few threads back I was talking about this girl I work with, Ashley. I finally asked her yesterday why she won't go out with me? All day she kept talking about the "boys" she has been dating and how worthless they are, etc, etc.  So when I asked her she replied with "you're so nice" uh like that's a reason not to go out with me? "you're so kind and sweet and caring".. and again your point there being??????  Then she tried "I'm not very nice to boys right now" Which I then leaned over and whispered in her ear.. "I'm not a boy!"  

Funny how I say I don't want to be in a relationship, but with Ashley I seriously would. I have not found one thing about this girl that bothers me or I dislike about her. I can say that I have never dated anyone that belongs to AA and NA... addictive personality ya think???? 

So I got my plates ..hmm plate for my bike. I think they are rather fitting considering my perverted personality


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## butterfly (Jul 30, 2003)

Hi PB 

Glad to hear from you!!!

...and stay away from Amanda!!!


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## Burner02 (Jul 30, 2003)

that's funny, PB-
I thought they screened for things like that....
good job!
sounds like Amanda is head trippin ya...just tell you are now involved w/ someone else..she might leave you alone? ANd you can move on...


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## Pitboss (Jul 30, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by butterfly *_
> Hi PB
> 
> Glad to hear from you!!!
> ...



I'm trying, really I am. But she makes me feel like shiat when I ignore her or try to be mean to her... I say try cause me being mean to a women is like me trying to pretend I don't like women.. just doesn't happen. 

Okay off to shower 

XXX
PB


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## J'Bo (Jul 30, 2003)

babe i missed you. i get no email or nothing  your gonna get it  bend over NOW!


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## Pitboss (Jul 30, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by J'Bo *_
> babe i missed you. i get no email or nothing  your gonna get it  bend over NOW!



Promises, promises.................


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## J'Bo (Jul 30, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by butterfly *_
> Hi PB
> 
> Glad to hear from you!!!
> ...




AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH YAH...we have been telling him that for years it seems


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## Pitboss (Jul 30, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by J'Bo *_
> AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH YAH...we have been telling him that for years it seems



No comment. 

Okay just a little update on this old and aging body... blah. 

I hit shoulders really hard about 2 weeks ago. I think I over did it. I could barely get through my chest workout without pain.  So my shoulders are going...  Then for the past three weeks my left upper.. or is that top?? Forearm has been a bit strained. I can get through back work outs but when I do bi's it hurts. Heck it hurts when I shake my shake in the morning.  I think I'm also running into a slight problem with my left bicep...  I'll let you all know if it tears or not....  Damn I'm a mess... LOL  

For Sale: Used 36 year old man. Looks good on the outside but a lot of miles on the inside. Needs hair coloring and some small touch ups. Could use several micro abrasion sessions or cosmetic surgery.  Has bad knees, shoulders and possibly more just haven't found any more broken parts as of yet.  However does have a great working tongue and very functional labido. Will sell for best offer. 1-800-OLD-Fart



and yes BF it was her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I couldn't help it.


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## J'Bo (Jul 31, 2003)

you could help it you just want to torture yourself.


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## Pitboss (Jul 31, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by J'Bo *_
> you could help it you just want to torture yourself.



She showed up. She dropped her pants and showed me these realy cute panties I bought her that said "Sweet and Tasty" and well you know how the rest goes. Sorry but I couldn't resist.  Sex is so awesome with her.  Let's just see how the next few weeks go and see if I made a mistake or not...  I know, I know but lets just see!


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## Pitboss (Jul 31, 2003)

I'm trying to help my Mom out a little. She makes these pretty awesome candle holders. Really glow up in the dark rather nicely. She sells maybe 3 or 4 a month at $50 each. Rather pricey I guess but hey they are hand made with love 

The rose not the cage!!


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## butterfly (Jul 31, 2003)

What is the rose made of?


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## Pitboss (Aug 1, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by butterfly *_
> What is the rose made of?



Not sure. Some kind of clay?? I'll ask.


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## Pitboss (Aug 1, 2003)

Yep clay..


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## Pitboss (Aug 1, 2003)

I'm a bit concerened about something...  I had sex last night with someone other than Amanda and well I really didn't enjoy it too much. Actually the whole night out and having sex kind of turned me off entirely to he idea of dating or just even having sex again.  It was too much work to begin with just to get this girl to go out with me  and then spending have the evening trying to explain why I am not interested in a realationship and why did I have to tell her that as soon as the night started... blah, blah, blah.  When we ame back to my place to get her keys I had no intentions of her staying the night. In fact when she asked if she could I said "nope, don't want you to think I think you are just another piece of meat".. hey she said it early in the night so I was just repeating what she said.  Then we had sex. Hum drum sex. I mean she was good and all but I just wasn't into it. It was like going through the motions. I tried different things to keep me in the mood. I tried to be passionate... nope. I tried to be a little rough.. nope. I gave up eventually and let her ride it out.. LOL

Well I have a different date Saturday night.. maybe it will be different tomorrow. Btter be or I'm just gonna give up women and sex entirely. No, no.. not replacing them with men. That can not be done. Men are hairy, and fart, and smell and sweat... ick. 


Hope you all have a great weekend!!!!!!


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## buff_tat2d_chic (Aug 2, 2003)

Saturday will be better! Don't give up dude!! LMFAO @ the men comment!!


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## J'Bo (Aug 2, 2003)

PB.

I think you brought up the averages in the "how many people have you slept with" thread. Do you ever know a women's first name before you BOINK her? do you think that perhaps you should emotionally connect with someone before physically connecting? i dont think your a sexoholic like you may protest to be...i think that your a lonely man trying to find someone and is going about the wrong way of getting it. Sorry if i sound judgemental here...its cause i am judging you, cause your my friend and i think that what your doing is bad FOR YOU. Sounds like your spinning your wheels in the mud. JMHO


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## katie64 (Aug 3, 2003)

Hey honey, just stopped in to see how you are, I see your doing the same thing to yourself with Amanda, hmmmmmmmmm, not good, well I have stayed away from my X and intend to, plus I hate being used and abused, know what I mean, see ya later sweetie 

Hi J'bo, Butterfly and Buff, I like your journal too, PB, if they don't like all the sex talk then why are they in here to begin with,


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## butterfly (Aug 5, 2003)

Hey Katie!!!  Good to hear from you!!!  Hope all is well!!!

Hi PB


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## Pitboss (Aug 6, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by J'Bo *_
> PB.
> 
> I think you brought up the averages in the "how many people have you slept with" thread. Do you ever know a women's first name before you BOINK her? do you think that perhaps you should emotionally connect with someone before physically connecting? i dont think your a sexoholic like you may protest to be...i think that your a lonely man trying to find someone and is going about the wrong way of getting it. Sorry if i sound judgemental here...its cause i am judging you, cause your my friend and i think that what your doing is bad FOR YOU. Sounds like your spinning your wheels in the mud. JMHO



I always know their first name.. maybe not their last name .. he he

Actually I don't think I have every slept with someone that I didn't know.. you know a real one night stand. I will admit this last one was pretty damn close to that though. I thought I had an idea of what she was like but after a few hours of being one on one I realized I was way off. She was no where near what I thought or who I thought she was. 

J'bo I know you are trying to help and are being a really great supportive friend.. thank you!!!!!   and you are right. 

Ever see the movie American Beauty? There are two movies that I hate.. that one and the other is "What Dreams May Come" with Robin Williams. I actualy love both of these movies but hate them for different reasons. The Robin Williams movie seriously depressed me and in a strange way had an effect on my marriage. It confused me on what I thought "In love" was. It made me question how much I actually loved my wife. I know stupid huh? But in reality or at least in my reality I didn't truly love her. I knew that then and I know that now. 

The movie American Beauty is .. well my life. Not quite the age bracket for mid life crisis but I'm there. As I questioned my marriage I questioned my age. I started working out again. I didn't have some 16 year old Cheerleader I was chasing, but I was flirting and probably looking. I left my good job, forced out by my own hand really. I had a house, the family, the new cars. I had it all really. Heck I was getting ready to put up the white picket fence in the spring.  In the movie he loses his job and works at a fast food resturaunt, I lost mine and work at a strip club... much better than serving burgers . He bought his 78 Trans Am.. I bought a Harley. He was looking for his youth and so am I.  I'm pretty much at the end of the movie now. The only difference is I don't expect the neighbor to come blow my brains out...

So where do that leave me???  I'm trying to enjoy life but fall into these little loop holes. What it's gonna take to really enjoy it? Love. True love. I want that someone to love. Someone who I would be willing to spend the rest of eternity with in hell if needed. 

Now finding that person...  

Enough for today. I'm in a great mood and no way am I going to ruin it today!!!!

I almost got a dog... almost. I really want a Golden Retriever though. I just picture Carter having so much for with her... yes her. Hmmm maybe that's my love of my life.. LOL  But I'll wait. Not ready nor do I have the time to give the love a dog needs. Heck can't even give a woman the love she needs. Ah that's the problem.. not enought time!!! The lottery is over 66 million... tickets to and from, rooms and everything is on me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Later all!!! Miss ya 
and thank you so much for hearing my crap 

XXXOOO

Roger


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## J'Bo (Aug 6, 2003)

can you get me a ticket too? 

i hear you pb.....you will find her i promise.


----------



## Pitboss (Aug 6, 2003)

> _*Originally posted by J'Bo *_
> can you get me a ticket too?
> 
> i hear you pb.....you will find her i promise.



Well I thought "she" was coming out to California in August. Then she declined. Then I thought I might meet her in Vegas... and again she had to back out.


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## naturaltan (Aug 6, 2003)




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## J'Bo (Aug 6, 2003)

not funny. the reason i was coming in August was to drive with a friend of mine...he turned out to be a physco...you still want me to travel with him  and i cant go to Vegas cause i would have no job....and you wont buy me a lottery ticket so i have to work


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## Pitboss (Aug 12, 2003)

Well I'd buy you a lottery ticket but it may not be the winning ticket....  

Life's been life lately. Work, sleep, work, sleep.... but I'm content with that. Nothing new to post really. Well except Amanda went psycho on me. I should have known. That's definately over now. 

Some bad news I guess. I won't be making the Vegas trip. I'm barley making ends meet right now with business being so slow and it's not likely I will be able to save 1/4 of what I need for the trip. Sorry 

Well that's about it I guess. 

Take care.. chat soon


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## naturaltan (Aug 13, 2003)

no Vegas?    WTF is up with life throwing wrenches into the plans


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## Pitboss (Apr 29, 2004)

I do believe this diary is officially closed!!!!!!!!!!!!!  The past is the past and I am so looking forward to the future!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## Jodi (Apr 29, 2004)

PB 

I'm glad to see you back 

Would you like me to close this for you?


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## Pitboss (Apr 29, 2004)

> _*Originally posted by Jodi *_
> PB
> 
> I'm glad to see you back
> ...




Yes please do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## Jodi (Apr 29, 2004)

Done


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