# Holiday Gift Ideas For Religious People/Not Safe For Religious Children (NSFRC)



## Paranoid Fitness (Nov 18, 2012)

[SIZE=+3][/SIZE]*[SIZE=+3]I copy/pasted from the web for your enjoyment:[/SIZE]*[SIZE=+3]

Holiday Gift Ideas For Religious   People[/SIZE]

Warning: Not Safe For Religious Children (NSFRC) 

   [SIZE=-1]Compiled by Jim Walker[/SIZE]     [SIZE=-1]Created: 25 Nov. 2005[/SIZE]     [SIZE=-1]Additions: 16 Dec. 2009[/SIZE]      
         Have you ever worried or contemplated about what kind of gift         you should give to a religious friend, especially those who think atheists         and freethinkers will go to Hell? Well not to worry. I have a         few gift ideas below that should work to offend even the best         of your friends or family members.
          Note, you should give these gifts only to those who have unfairly         criticized your religion, atheism, etc. or to those who have         preached to you without your permission. These gift ideas provide         a little Tit-for-Tat that should put these intolerant folks in         their place (at least temporarily). Do not give these to those         loving tolerant Christians that don't or can't understand the         dangers of religion.
          It's all for the sake of humor for the humorless, even if         it's only you that gets the joke.       



 *[SIZE=+1]Christmas[/SIZE]*
          Oh Christmas, that dark and wintery day when Christians celebrate         the birth of the Bastard Virgin Jesus who would later end up         inventing the idea of Eternal Hell and saying bad things to Jews         and unbelievers. Since Christmas is supposed to celebrate the         birth of Jesus, why not give a gift that relates to his life?         Here are a few ideas that should educate your religious opponents         with a little humor to break their intransigence.       


 
*The God Delusion*






        [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][SIZE=-2]Artwork from RichardDawkins.net[/SIZE][/FONT]


 
  If you want a great gift to give to your Christian friends, then you can't            do better than Richard Dawkins best selling book, "The            God Delusion." It's a subtile way of telling your friend that            he or she is deluded too. Read my review here.
 
 
 




 *The God Who Wasn't There DVD*
          What better way to celebrate Christmas than to give an historical         film account of Christianity? Ex-fundamentalist Brian Flemming's         documentary explains the deeply hidden truth about Christianity:         that there exists no evidence for a historical Jesus of the New         Testament! This should liven up your wintery Christmas that will         bring tears to your family members with a heated debate about         the origins of the little baby Jesus.
          For a review of this film, click here.         To see the movie trailer, click here.         To purchase the DVD, click here.      



 




 *Book of The Sayings of the Young Jesus*
          This thoughtful gift will show your respect for their religion.         At least at first.
          The only problem is that the book has nothing but blank pages!
          Of course no one has the slightest idea of what the alleged         Jesus said during his young life and this book makes a point         of illustrating that.
          You can purchase blank books from various book supply stores and         have them embossed with whatever title you like.      

 


 




 *Nativity Egg*
          Christians love to celebrate the birth of the little baby         Jesus. Why not consider giving them a Nativity scene, but not         exactly what they might expect. Get the largest Nativity scene         you can afford (a lawn Nativity scene works best), but instead         of a baby Jesus, replace him with an egg! This will surely puzzle         your Christian target to no end.
          If asked for an explanation, tell them that on the night of         the Holy Conception, Mary saw a white dove descending from heaven         and then she felt it entering her body. The Holy Ghost thought         it would be funny to disguise Himself as a bird. Then the Holy         Ghost bird raped the hell out of her and she became pregnant.         So you thought that it was appropriate to use an egg because         Jesus was probably half bird. Also say that you used an Easter         egg because you thought it would be cool to connect Christmas         with Easter.
          The Nativity Egg gag should produce gales of laughter all         around.       



 




 *Menstruating Mary Statue*
          No doubt you've heard of the blood weeping statues of Mary         (to see an example, click here).         But how many times have you seen her weeping through her immaculate         vagina? I'll bet you never have, have you?
          This miracle wonder should bring throngs of Catholics to the         home of your gift receiving friend. (Angry Catholics, perhaps,         but throngs of them nevertheless.)
          Tell your Catholic target that you had this statue for years         when it started to menstruate as if by a divine miracle. And         since you're not religious, you thought it would be appropriate         as a gift to a Catholic who could appreciate it more than you.         Suggest putting the statue in a booth similar to those used in         porn shops where the voyeur drops in a coin to get a glimpse         of a porn star. A Holy peep show should make your Christian friend         rich beyond his or her wildest prayers.
          You can purchase a plastic "Our Lady of Grace" statue         here.         Simply brush on some fake blood onto the statue and have fun.
          If they complain that the vagina doesn't "weep," just shrug         your shoulders and say, "I guess it's not that time of the         month."




 




 *The Sounds of Saint Mary*


         Give your friend a CD of the Sounds of St. Mary, but don't         explain the contents until they hear it. After they unwrap their         present, hand them a CD player and ask them to play it. The first         track they'll hear is of a woman screaming and repeating the         words, "Oh God, NO, NO!" <the music of "Silent         Night" is playing in the background>. The entire CD is         filled with pain, suffering and orgasmic pleasure sounds.
          The CD come with a liner note card with the sound tracks:       



 *[SIZE=-1]Sound Tracks:[/SIZE]*​
[SIZE=-1]1. Mary's Rape (The horrendous sounds of             Mary being raped by God) [10:15][/SIZE]                          
[SIZE=-1]2. Mary's Birth Agony (The sounds of Mary             screaming in pain while giving birth to the baby Jesus) [14:58][/SIZE]                          
[SIZE=-1]3. Mary's immaculate orgasm (Mary having             an orgasm with Joseph. Lots of "Oh God" sounds) [10:24][/SIZE]                          
[SIZE=-1]4. Mary at the Crucifixion (Mary screaming             and crying as her Son is being crucified. Jesus in the background             is screaming too) [16:32][/SIZE]                          
[SIZE=-1]5. Mary in mourning (Mary wailing at the             death of her Son. The disciples in the background are sobbing             like little girls) [12:12][/SIZE]           
 


You can't actually buy this CD so you'll have         to make one yourself. Fortunately, with the ease of CD recording         software on the market, this is easy to do. Record the screaming         sounds from a horror movie and the orgasmic sounds from one of         your favorite porn movies (or get a girl friend to act out the         sounds), and simply burn it onto a recordable CD. What fun!

 




 *Mother Mary* *with the Holy Child Jesus Christ*                   Oil and canvas by Adolf Hitler, 1913       

 
         What better gift could you possibly give to celebrate the         birth of Jesus than a picture of Mary with the baby Jesus? This         beautiful painting was done by a fellow Christian, Adolf Hitler,         in 1913.
          Download the enlarged picture here         (9.16" x 6.38" at 72 pixels per inch) and print it         out on a photo quality printer and frame it.
          For added fun, don't tell them who the artist was until after         they have hung it on their wall for awhile. Oh the hilarity that         will ensue!       


 




*Faith Test Bottle of Poison *
         Here is a wonderful and practical gift to test the faith of any Christian. According to the Bible, Jesus says in Mark 16:18:
       "if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them."
       That's right. Those who are baptized and believe will not get sick or die even if they drink a deadly poison.
       This bottle is actually filled with a poison that will kill a  human  within minutes (unless Jesus is right and you are a believer). 
       Imagine if every Christian took this test, we could separate  all the True Christians from the false ones. Surely all True Christians  would be happy to take this test. If they refuse the test, then you can  be pretty sure that they have no real faith, and then you can welcome  them to the world of unbelievers.
       As a bonus, tell them that if they drink this poison and are not harmed, then you will abandon atheism and become a Christian.


  




 *Lump of Coal*
          This is an old traditional Christmas standby but it still         makes a great holiday gift for those who deserve it.
          Actually the product at the right is called "Chocolate         Lump of Coal" from Maramor, but instead of giving your         friend candy, replace the chocolate with real coal lumps and         paint over the word "chocolate" on the box as I did         on the illustration.
          To make the point even stronger, especially for those who         wanted a diamond ring, just put a single lump of coal in a brown         paper bag and write, in pencil, "A diamond in the rough,         Merry Christmas" on the bag. Tell them they'll have to wait         awhile before it turns to diamond.       


 *[SIZE=+1]Blessing Certificate[/SIZE]*

[SIZE=+1]
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




[/SIZE]







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         If you're a cheapskate but at the same time you want to give         the most valuable gift possible, then consider giving a blessing         certificate. Every Christian knows that the love of money is         the root of all evil, so instead, give your blessing which is         far more valuable than money or any material object, right?
          For further explanation and printouts, go here.      



 
 *[SIZE=+1]Easter/Christmas[/SIZE]*
          Oh Good Friday, that happy time of year when Christians celebrate         the slow painful blood spurting slaughter of Jesus nailed to         two pieces of lumber. Of course Crucifixes and Crosses make a         wonderful gift to commemorate the blood fest but how boring and         unoriginal. I have a few other ideas.
          Although these gifts work better around Good Friday and Easter         because they celebrate the suicidal death of Jesus and his escape,         you can also give them as Christmas presents. After all, they're         about Jesus so what the hell.       


 




 *[SIZE=+1]Thigh Bone of Jesus[/SIZE]*
          In Medieval times, Churches used to promote their religion         by displaying the bones of saints, a piece of wood from the "true"         cross of Jesus, etc. This was quite an industry back then and         it brought in a lot of people into their churches. In fact, it's still in practice today (see: The Family Jewels). Why not "find" a Christian relic of your own?
          Here's what you do. Get a pig or cow thigh bone from your         local butcher shop and strip all the meat from it. Then put it         in a glass case and make a metal label engraved with: "Thigh         Bone of Jesus, circa 33 A.D."  If they ask you why it's so small, tell         them that Jesus was a midget.
          Note, a baseball         glass case works great for a bone enclosure.      



 




 *[SIZE=+1]Jesus Juice[/SIZE]*
          It had to happen. Entrepreneurs from Los Angeles are seeking         to market wine with a "Jesus Juice" label.
          The label shown here is not the actual one they propose but         you can read all about it here.
          But wouldn't it make a wonderful holiday gift? If the LA marketing         campaign fails, not to worry. Purchase a small bottle of wine         and tear the label off. Replace it with the label on the right         (just print out the label and glue it to the bottle.)       



 
 *Bottle of Jesus' Divine Blood*




         This one is extreme compared to the Jesus Juice above. Instead         of wine, this is a bottle of _actual_ Lamb's blood transubstantiated         by priests. It's better than wine because it tastes more like         the real thing.
          What you do is purchase wine encased in a box that looks canonical         (something like the wine in a wooden box shown here). Then you         empty the wine (into your stomach, of course) and replace it         with lambs blood. I suggest using lambs blood because it has         religious significance; Jesus was the sacrificial lamb, you see.
          The easy part is getting lamb's blood from a butcher. The         hard part is getting a priest to consecrate the blood. Not because         blood is difficult to consecrate, mind you, but because not many         priests will be willing to do this for "moral" reasons         (ha-ha-ha). (Actually transubstantiated blood should be easier         to consecrate than wine because it's already blood, right?).         If you can't get a priest to do this, surely one of those molester         priests would be willing to consecrate it for you. No doubt they         need money for their defense lawyers. Make sure you get a signed         affidavit stating that they actually performed the offertorium         (the ritual of transubstantiation).
          If you can't get the transubstantiation, what the hell, just         tell your friend that it's transubstantiated. They won't be able         to tell the difference.
          Of course your friend will think you're joking but when they         actually taste it, you'll be in tears of laughter as they find         out you weren't joking.       



 *[SIZE=+1]The Passion of the Christ DVD with Eucharist   Snacks[/SIZE]*





         This snuff film is perhaps the most violent film ever made.         Almost the entire movie is about torture, pain, suffering, and         death, just the kind of thing Christians _love_.
          The DVD is a popular gift but why stop there? Along with the         DVD give something to eat while enjoying the blood fest.
          Most movie goers eat popcorn, cola and Jujubees but they are         unhealthy, sinful and pagan. Instead, why not eat the flesh and         blood of Christ while watching Jesus being tortured and crucified?         After all, that's what its all about. According to the New Testament,         Jesus _wants_ you to eat him. You _should_ enjoy yourself         at His expense. After all, He died for you, right? What could         be better than that?
          You can purchase Eucharist bread (Jesus flesh) and wine (Jesus         blood) at your local church supply store, but this can get expensive.         Instead just purchase some wine (or Jesus Juice) and crackers         from the grocery store. No one will notice the difference and,         not only is more nourishing, it tastes better too.





 *[SIZE=+1]Jesus Christ Porn Star DVD[/SIZE] *





[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]

This is a great gift to give to your homophobic Christian friends. [/FONT]
         [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]What an epiphany!  Who knew that Jesus was into kinky gay sex? Actually it shouldn't really  surprise anyone considering that Jesus hung around with twelve  men,  wore a long flowing linen gown,  and then there's that gay naked play  described in Mark 14:51-52. [/FONT]
         [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]This film gives a  whole new meaning to the phrase, "Jesus loves you." Passio, directed by  Matthias Von Fistenberg, shows extreme anal sex, bondage &  discipline, and a feast-of-flesh during the Last Supper. Let's not  forget that during the Supper, Jesus said to his disciples, "Eat Me."  (John 6:53-55) [/FONT]
         [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]This film will  surely cause Christians to come out of the closet and kneel  before the  crucified Jesus with a love  stronger than they've ever known before (of  course the clergy has known that Jesus was gay  for a long time). [/FONT]
         [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]You can purchase this  gift of love here. [/FONT]


 
 *[SIZE=+1]Crucify Christ Kit[/SIZE]*





Now here's a thoughtful gift for Good Friday. Viewing Mel          Gibson's Passion of the Christ is one thing but you can only _watch_          the torture of Christ. What if you could actually act out the Passion          yourself? Well, here's the solution. The Crucify Christ Kit comes with          all the necessary items needed to simulate the crucifixion of Jesus on          the cross. Note, the robe of Jesus comes off, revealing a naked Christ          with a very small penis (so as not to offend the religious folk). Assemble          the crown-o-thorns onto Jesus' head and pretend he's carrying the cross          to his death. Then drag the naked Jesus onto the wooden cross and hammer          him with a realistic looking Roman tack stakes (the kit comes with hammer          and extra tacks). The kit even comes with fake blood so you can splatter          the body of Jesus with his own blood. Then as a _coup-de-grace_,          stab Jesus in his side with a spear (just as it's described in the Bible).          Oh what religiously gruesome fun for the kids.

 




*Jesuswitch (Jesus Light Switch) *
         This gives a whole new interpreation to Jesus' saying, "Suffer the little children to come unto me." 
         As every priestly pedophile knows, Jesus has a hard-on for   children. What better way to express your love for Jesus than to turn  him on?
       That's right, every time you turn on your bedroom light, you  can turn on Jesus with a flick of your finger. The switch will remain in  an upward erect state until you turn him off again. 
       (Source: Gismodo) 

 

 


*Jesus Hates You T-shirt *
           [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Have you noticed  that Jesus never answers your prayers? Well, that's because he hates  you, especially if you're a conservative Christian. Why does he hate  Christians so much? Because Jesus is _Jewish_ and they keep  pretending he's a damned Christian. He's also a liberal and he's  especially pissed off at people wearing those damn crosses that remind  him of his torture. [/FONT]
           [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Give your Christian friend this T-shirt so that they'll understand that Jesus hates them too. [/FONT]
           [SIZE=-2](Source: Cafe Press) [/SIZE]


 
 
 *Self-flagellation whip*




          In the middle ages self-flagellation served as a discipline         as a measure of mortification and penance for monks. St. Dominic         Loricatus and St. Peter Damian, for example, flogged themselves         in public. The Flagellants movement created much excitement among         the religious populace. Why not bring back this exhilarating         religious tradition back into the world of Christianity? Flogging         for Christ, what a catchy idea!
          A self-flagellation whip would make a wonder holiday gift         for a priest or minister. If they don't know what to do with         it, offer to demonstrate the device on their bare back. Tell         them that this is going to hurt you more than it hurts them.         Whip them until they begin to bleed. Then hand them the whip and say, "Now         you try it."       



 




 *Knee Pads for Praying*
          This is a great gift for your religious friends who kneel         and pray a lot.
          It's best to get the bulkiest and ugliest knee pads you can         find. Then paint a cross on the front side. Tell them these pads         are similar to the one's that St. Peter wore.       


 




 *Chastity Belt for Priests*
          This gift is for pedophile Priests. Give them something that           shows you care.           
          The chastity belt comes with a lock and key. This helps prevent           your priest from molesting a child, thus preventing anyone from           accusing your priestly friend of child sex abuse.                

 




 *[SIZE=+1]Gruesome Crucifix Necklace[/SIZE]*
          Why in the world do women think that cross necklaces look         good on them? Don't they realize a cross represents an instrument         of torture and execution? Whenever I see a woman wearing a cross,         it automatically turns me cold. Either they are ignorant, in         favor of suffering, or they are actually dumb enough to think         it's attractive. It's not.
          Women, listen: if you want to look more attractive, _take         off that damn cross_. Your attractiveness index will improve         by at least two points. If you wish to advertise your Christianity,         wear a dove or fish symbol, instead.
          But if your target insists on wearing a cross, why not emphasize         the idea by giving them a more realistic one?
          This gruesome crucifix is based on a painting by Mathias Grunewald         in the 16th century (when they really enjoyed torture and pain).         It's perhaps the most horrifying depiction of a crucifixion ever         made (until Mel Gibson's movie, of course). To see the horrific         details of the painting, click here.

        This crucifix pendent is larger than most, just big enough to         make it awkward and obvious. Unfortunately you can't purchase         this crucifix, as it's only a PhotoShop representation. (Jewelers,         get busy!)       


 




*Mother's Cross (Mutterkreuz) *
       This symbol of Christ would be a great Mother's day gift or to your mom on any Christian holiday. 
       This is an original Nazi Mother's Christian cross given by  Hitler as an award to women who gave birth to Aryan children during his  campaign to  abolition   abortions. A mother could be awarded a bronze,  silver, or gold cross depending on the number of children she bore.  There was even a Golden cross encrusted with diamonds that was awarded  to a small number of women who bore 12 or more children. 
       Imagine the look of your mom as you give her this metal to honor her and her large family. Have her wear it to church! 
       You can purchase a Nazi Mother's Cross as various WWII regalia outlets. [example] 

 
 *Dildos for Jesus*






          "_Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me._"         (Psalm 23:1-6) Give a dildo for Jesus this holiday. What a thoughtful         gift idea for your sexually uptight loved ones. What better way         to celebrate Christ than by enacting out a sexual experience         with Him. Imagine it as the Penis of Christ as it thrusts into         your immaculate vagina (or Jesus raping your bum, if you're into         that sort of thing). You can purchase these marvelous religious         utensils from Divine         Interventions.      



 




*Ball Gag for Christian women *
           The Bible teaches that women should learn silence with all  subjection (see 1 Tim. 2:11-14). Women should also keep silent in  churches. It is not permitted for them to speak. In fact they are _commanded_ to be under obedience. (see 1 Cor. 14:34). Naturally, some women will complain, so a ball gag will aid in their subjection.
           Imagine how proud the husband will feel walking his  speechless ball-gagged wife into Church  as his fellow parishioners look  at him with envy. 
           Ball gags are also useful during forced sex. Never let a  woman say 'no' while raping a female captive as allowed in Deut.  21:10-14.
       You can purchase a ball gag from any Christian S&M shop. 

 

 




*Ball Gag for the Noisy Christian Child* 
           Not to leave out the children, give your screaming  kid a baby ball gag for Christmas.

        Christians throughout history have taught that children should  be seen but not heard. Now the parents can enforce this rule by shoving  this Godly baby ball gag down their 'charming' little throats.
           Get your Baby Ball Gag here. 

 

 




 *Black Jesus Religious Card*
          This is a great card gift idea for your more racist religious         friends or family members.
          The frontside depicts a Black Jesus Christ as a slave. The         inside reveals the Lord's prayer translated into Ebonics.
          You can't purchase this card but you can make one easily.
          Print out the Big Daddy's Rap onto the rightside of a white         hard stock paper cut to the size of a card, and fold in the middle.
          Then scale to fit and printout this         picture and paste it onto the frontside of the card.








 *Christmas Baby Card*
          If one of your religious friends has one of those foul little         feces making machines (some people call them "babies"),         especially the ones who cry a lot, consider giving them this         thoughtful Christmas card.
          Copy and print out this picture         and make a card out of it.
          As an added bonus, include a large rock along with the card.         Aren't blessings wonderful?

          [Note, the Bible verse actually appears in the Bible.]




 




 *Stained Glass Sin*
          There's something deeply disturbing about these two stained         glass windows, but I'll leave it up to you to figure them out.
          Nevertheless, these would make great images to put on Christmas         cards, wouldn't they?       



 


*Sarah Palin's Faith-Based Birth Control Pills*
         Sarah Palin's Faith-Based Birth Control Pills are perfect for  those who would rather pray and abstain than deal with Reality. No  pills to swallow: The only thing you have to swallow is that Faith-Based  bullshit!         
       The Bottle is filled with a guilt sheet featuring a picture of  Jesus with the reminder: "Remember, Jesus is watching you have sex. Pray  for forgiveness." It's sure to work as well as the birth control method  Sarah's daughter was on when she got pregnant. Order several and pass  them out to your friends.
       [Source]

 
 




*Magic Mormon Underwear*
         For your Mormon friends, these fashionalbe  underwear items  will protect them from harm. I kid you not. According to Latter Day  Saints (Mormons), these religious undergarments are sacred and God will  protect Mormons who wear them. 
         Note, you can give this gift to non-Mormons (even atheists) because they will provide the _exact_ same level of protection as they do for Mormons. How could this be? Because _they don't work_.
        (Watch Magic Mormon Underwear)


 

 
 

 *Selling Crap to Christians*
          Religious leaders have been selling their crap to us for  centuries. Now you, too, can profit from the gullible masses. Denny O.  Theeves tells you how in his revealing new book. It's fun and people  will think you are a prophet when you are really raking in a profit (get  it?).
         This book may not exist, but then, neither does god. But that shouldn't stop you from selling crap to Christians.
         (Source: The Sacred Sandwich) 




 *Jewish Marriage sheet with hole*





          I haven't forgotten the Jews. Most Jewish folks don't force         their religion on others like the Christians, but a few can be         pretty intimidating. This one makes a great Passover gift (Passover         is the celebration of God killing all the firstborns of Egypt         as He "passed over" the chosen ones.)
          Did you know that orthodox Jews are so strict about marital         sex that they have sex through a hole in a sheet? Why not give         this gift of love to your best uptight Jewish friend?
          Actually there's no truth to the "hole-in-sheet"         rumor at all, but that won't stop you from pretending that it's         true. If they argue about its authenticity, explain to them that         the hole-in-sheet idea is secretly hidden in the Torah and only         Kabbalah interpretation can reveal it.
          This belief apparently started with the1992 film _Como agua         para chocolate_ (Like Water For Chocolate), which is set in         the late 1800s. Following the wedding of a young Mexican couple,         a scene from their wedding night shows the new wife nervously         arranging a sheet with a hole, over herself. The hole-in-sheet         also appeared in a "Curb Your Enthusiasm" episode on         HBO.
          For a nice touch, include a condom along with this gift.       

 

 *Handmade Burka*






       Be the first on your block to give your Islamic friend a genuine Afgan Islamic Burka. When they try it on, tell them they look _much_ better. 
       [Source]

 
 *Islam T-shirt *






         What better gift could you possibly give to a Muslim than a  t-shirt with an Islamic theme? If they get angry and tell you that it's  against Islam to portray any image of the prophet Muhammad, just tell  them it's not Muhammad, but  an image that looks _exactly_ like a New York city taxi cab driver. 


 
 *The Joy of Painting Muhammed* 
 




               Imagine the joy on your friend's Islamic face as they recieve this thoughtful gift. Who could possibly object to Bob Ross's artful teachings? 

 




 * Miscelanous Gifts: Good for any religious person* 





 *George Bush Voodoo Doll*
         You'll get chuckles and guffaws when you present this Bush  Voodoo doll to your Pro-Bush Christian friend. It's also funny because  giving a pagan gift to a Christian goes so contrary to their beliefs. If  you present this gift to someone at a company holiday party, it should  produce interesting comments (as well as forcing new job opportunities  for you).
         Yes, I know, I know: the penis is _way_ too large for  Bush, but at least the testicles are a good representation. (You can  always cut off the penis to its proper size. Ouch!).
         The doll comes complete with pins & instructions. Now _they_ can torture Bush just the way he allowed torture in his military.
         The Bush face doesn't come with the doll, but simply cut out a  picture of Bush from a magazine and simply paste it to the doll. Of  course you can also paste a face of any other Republican criminal like  Cheney, Rumsfeld, or Karl Rove, etc., but Bush was the  Criminal-In-Chief.
         You can purchase authentic voodoo dolls from the Voodoo Shop.


 
 




 *Dog Poop Calendar*
          Here's a gift for any asshole, religious or not. Every month you get            a new picture of dog poo at various scenic locations. A great gift for            Christmas or New Year's day.
          What better way to tell your "loved" one that they're         full of crap.
          To see the monthly photos, or to order the calendar, click         here.



 


*A Hand in the Bush: The Fine Art of Vaginal Fisting*
         This book describes the art of vaginal fisting, an intimate form of            sex that involves inserting the entire hand into the vagina. It's been            long practiced by lesbians, bisexuals and heterosexuals alike. Faithful            people of religion probably never heard of such a thing. Now you can            enlighten their sex lives with this thoughtful gift. Now they too can            reach for God into the Holiest of Holies.

  




*A GIft for Atheists and non-believers *
       Jesus commands to "give every man that asketh of thee" (see Luke 6:30). 
       Well, as a non-believer and one who accepts this thoughtful  gesture by Jesus, I hearby ask every Chrisitan who reads this to give me  all your money.


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## coolhandjames (Nov 18, 2012)

^^^ Thread saved.


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## heckler7 (Nov 18, 2012)




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## coolhandjames (Nov 18, 2012)

^^^ Nice cawk


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