# mtv's I was on Adderall ~ Real Life



## chiquita6683 (Aug 15, 2004)

If you saw that show and if you know my story..........well im a special situation.
   A few months ago, before everything happened, I was taking  40mgs of adderall XR which is for attention AND 100mg of provigil which makes you alert/wakes you up, that dose in the morning, and again at lunch. Plus I was bodybuilding, (so I thought). Plus I was going for these hyperbaricoxygen treatments(HBOT).

   So think about it, I had alot on my plate! Grocery Shopping, Cooking, Medicine, and I tried to make a journal like it was nothing, and I wrote nothing of it. Plus I had to take a cab to and from the gym......my goal was to be as independent as possible. I didnt want any help. I was such a bitch to everyone with the diet I was on. No1 was allowed in the kitchen while I was cooking. It was sick!  Oh, and I vaccumed ALL the time.

 Okay so now I can tell my story.......
12/28/00, I was hit on the passenger side @50mph (my xboyfriend was driving,there was no drinking, we were actually going into a Bailey's gym). He only had a concusion, I however was left w several broken bones, was ina coma over a month, numerous other injuries, but the worst of the injuries was a Traumatic Brain Injury, which I'll have the rest of my life. I went through 2yrs of therapy of all kinds. 

Then on 9/13/02, my mother was driving me to school and was hit on her side, she passed away a week later, but of other health complications. I sustained a 2nd brain injury, both TBIs were on the frontal lobe of my brain. I was put back into therapy, still going through some. The right side of my body is weaker/slower and I have MANY cognitive deficiets and my speech is greatly affected. Thats why this goal will be such a challenge.

My new goal is to compete in a bodybuilding competition, naturally, not to win, but to come back from this and be the best I can be. I see the patients(that have similar injuries) when I go to therapy, and I realize how lucky I am. That is 1 of my reasons I want to compete. All of your support is greatly appreciated. 

 Yeah, im not not so sure about that last paragraph anymore. A competition would be like years from now. Im just happy to be alive.

I had a nervous breakdown, did some really inapropriate things, said some things on this board that Im ashamed of.   

  When I was tons of adderall and bodybuilding and everything it was like I was on Speed or something, I felt Invincible! I was hardly sleeping, I had to take something to put me to sleep, but only for a few  restless hours! 

 So now Im back, and its scary.


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## gwcaton (Aug 15, 2004)

Hi Maria  

Good to have you back ! 
I have no real concept of what you are going through but I do know that you have come a long way. Congrats on your accomplishments and I wish you continued success.


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 15, 2004)

Oh yeah! I forgot to say I following the nervous breakdown I spent in a week in a phych ward and then I was sent to www.finr.org where I spent 2 months. that made me realize ALOT. I'll post my experices here. 
 Thank you Gary.


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## sara (Aug 15, 2004)

You can do it  
You'r very strong.. you can accomplish you'r goals
It may be scary at first, but just take it step by step


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 15, 2004)

*are there rules on this?*

like does every journal Have to be about bb or diet or training? I just want somewhere where I can go and vent. I'm sure no1 on here want to here about my problems. Is there anywhere? No1 understanstands!!!!!!


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## gwcaton (Aug 15, 2004)

chiquita6683 said:
			
		

> like does every journal Have to be about bb or diet or training? I just want somewhere where I can go and vent. I'm sure no1 on here want to here about my problems. Is there anywhere? No1 understanstands!!!!!!


Hi Maria , 
If you are looking for others who are survivors like you and people who have friends and family who are survivors of TBI I'm sure you can find some online support groups just by doing a Google or Yahoo search.

But I like you being here. Whether you are weight training or not you are still a motivating and inspiring person.


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## atherjen (Aug 15, 2004)

Welcome back MAria  Glad to hear that your back and feeling better! Stay strong, you can do ANYTHING in life


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 15, 2004)

gwcaton said:
			
		

> Hi Maria ,
> If you are looking for others who are survivors like you and people who have friends and family who are survivors of TBI I'm sure you can find some online support groups just by doing a Google or Yahoo search.
> 
> But I like you being here. Whether you are weight training or not you are still a motivating and inspiring person.



I need to here more of this because I really dont feel welcome here at all. Besides you and just a few others Ive touched...........I feel as though as I'd be annoying or like bb is such a positive thing and what happened to me is so negative, that its like i dont know!

No! I'm already a member of aTBI support group locally, and gotten 'Survivor of the Year' award 03 even before I started working out and everything. Its like yeah we're all the same ina way..........but were "different". I'm not like them. I care about how I look!

The other day, I was in my doctors office and he was joking around with me in the hall bc he happened to see me bc I was there working on some computer program that suppose to help the brain train new unused cells so i can i dont know become really smart or something because theres like alot of damage there.  But well anyway, he was being stupid and I just broke into tears
I remember he made the analogy "that your so high functioning, you're like a Meredes-Benz,   and it just takes time to tweek the right medication for you, but it will get better." comparing me to his other patients
 Down In FINR they took me off all my meds, redid everything he was doing from before, I've had good experiences and Bad 1s. So the other day, when he made that great analogy, he wrote me a prescription for 10mg once a day. we are slowly doing things, but right now, I'm just "blah"


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## gwcaton (Aug 15, 2004)

Maria ,

Trust me , you are welcome here.  Those who might think your journal is inappropriate will just simply not read it .

I 'd say you are a mercedes benz !  And yes they can be difficult to fine tune but when they are tuned right they are incredible !  You are incredible as you are and once the doc gets you fine tuned imagine what that will be like !


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## fantasma62 (Aug 15, 2004)

Hey Chiquita,

You may not know me as well as the rest of the wonderful people in this group.  I have only been here for about a month, but I assure you, everyone here is always willing to give a helping hand.  I know I am....
GDub stole my thunder, and I agree with him, if anyone feels annoyed by anything you need to say, then he/she won't read.  Don't worry about that.  Worry about yourself.  I have always thought that the best medicine sometimes is to write your thoughts.  That's what I do.  I don't necessarily write everything related to weight training.  As part of my "Lifestyle change", I see fit to write about things that make me happy or sad or "freaking pissed".  Here you can vent and let out steam.  There is a journal here about a young lady named Jamie Leigh.  Have a look see, it'll show you that you don't necessarily need to write about BB and weights and diets.  I believe that for her this is therapy...
I wish you nothing but the best in your "goal".  I'll be here if you need me...


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## oaktownboy (Aug 15, 2004)

wait what? u were on mtv?


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 15, 2004)

Gary, its so hard sometimes! but I know its going to be okay now and Ive matured. but sometimes i just sit and cry for no reason, i miss feeling invincible and being on top of the world and always gogogogo sometimes bc it seemed like i was happy well at least i had a smile on my face, but now......... im never smiling or confident.
 i lost my confidence too. i went from being super woman to not being able to order my own food at a restraunt.
 My 1st weekend @FINR, it was like a step away from being in jail. cept I had to "earn my independence" the 1st weekend there, a staff had to be 3ft away from me at all times, then the next week i was "visual"-20ft away. Then usually "clients" are "visual" for however long. Then you gotta work on the impossible...........earning your PCs.    Okay, ill explain more later. But Im tellin you this place traumatized me!


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 15, 2004)

Thank you Tony  

haha No oaktown. Iwasnt on mtv, but i saw that show and it freaked me out bc i knew exactly how they were feeling. i mean they were using it in different ways but I related!


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## Monolith (Aug 15, 2004)

Welcome back Chiq!  I missed reading your posts.


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## gwcaton (Aug 15, 2004)

chiquita6683 said:
			
		

> Gary, its so hard sometimes! but I know its going to be okay now and Ive matured. but sometimes i just sit and cry for no reason, i miss feeling invincible and being on top of the world and always gogogogo sometimes bc it seemed like i was happy well at least i had a smile on my face, but now......... im never smiling or confident.
> i lost my confidence too. i went from being super woman to not being able to order my own food at a restraunt.
> My 1st weekend @FINR, it was like a step away from being in jail. cept I had to "earn my independence" the 1st weekend there, a staff had to be 3ft away from me at all times, then the next week i was "visual"-20ft away. Then usually "clients" are "visual" for however long. Then you gotta work on the impossible...........earning your PCs.  Okay, ill explain more later. But Im tellin you this place traumatized me!


Yes I know. I read your other journal/posts. I have read everything you have ever posted here.  By the way you may not be SuperWoman but you are a super woman


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 15, 2004)

oh wow thanx Gary! and Monolith, u do enjoy reading my posts? i've lost a huge amount of confidence in that place so I need every1 to encourage me to keep posting in my journal. In fact, in my other journals most of the time I was probly just   

ok.......me and my sister, went shopping @ super target this afternoon, and she died hair my cinnamon! it looks great (in our opinion)  
then we made dinner for us and her boyfriend. it was really nice


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## Monolith (Aug 15, 2004)

chiquita6683 said:
			
		

> oMonolith, u do enjoy reading my posts? i've lost a huge amount of confidence in that place so I need every1 to encourage me to keep posting in my journal. In fact, in my other journals most of the time I was probly just


 hell yeah i enjoy reading your posts!  its a nice break from all the other posts of "i ate chicken today" and "i pushed weight around today."  you kind of remind me of myself in some ways, too.


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 15, 2004)

Monolith said:
			
		

> hell yeah i enjoy reading your posts!  its a nice break from all the other posts of "i ate chicken today" and "i pushed weight around today."  you kind of remind me of myself in some ways, too.



that was very good to hear! how do i remind you of you?


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## gwcaton (Aug 15, 2004)

chiquita6683 said:
			
		

> oh wow thanx Gary! and Monolith, u do enjoy reading my posts? i've lost a huge amount of confidence in that place so I need every1 to encourage me to keep posting in my journal. In fact, in my other journals most of the time I was probly just
> 
> ok.......me and my sister, went shopping @ super target this afternoon, and she died hair my cinnamon! it looks great (in our opinion)
> then we made dinner for us and her boyfriend. it was really nice


I see you put a pic or 2 back in your gallery. Good deal ! Post a pic of your new hair color. never heard of cinnimon hair color but i bet it looks good on you


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## Monolith (Aug 15, 2004)

Well... just some of the emotional stuff youre going through.  It's obviously not as pronounced as your injuries, but i can definitely relate.


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 16, 2004)

i had my first chest workout this morning  since ive been back, it felt really good. ive gotten really weak though, but my trainer said muscle memory is a great thing. thats another point, in all my other journals i never made reference to my trainer bc i wanted to kinda atherjen whom i really admire. bc she can be a bb, and is really sweet, just like my trainer, http://www.ftvideo.com/genex/profiles04/kris.htm , i admire them bc they are single, strong and independent in every sense. i tried a little too hard to be like that and it led to a nervous breakdown. 

 but u know what, im like a comletely different person now.............Really.
yesterday in the car on the way to Supertaget, i was talking w my sister and i was like............kathy i want people to know im not the spoiled brat\stuck up bitch i was, i even had a tshirt that said 'its all about me' and im so not like that anymore. bodybuilding made me that way, adderall made me that way, i was so self absorbed.  gawd, im 21, and my best friends are my dad and sister and doctors. i never go on dates. im not suppose to be hanging out w my sister, im suppose to be caught up in some silly drama like greekblondechick she has all the fun(im jealous) oh yea shes blonde


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## Monolith (Aug 16, 2004)

Whoa, your trainer is huge!!  26 inch quads! 

 And Chiq, dont worry about trying to be someone else.  You're not "supposed" to be doing anything - you do what makes you the happiest.  Thats what life is all about, after all... not living for some cliche ideal, but for what can make you feel the happiest or most fullfilled in the short amount of time you have on earth.  In a while, you might prefer the challenge of dating again... but dont feel you need to rush into anything just because thats what other people are doing.  Work for yourself before you work for someone else.


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## Mudge (Aug 16, 2004)

Good luck on your journey Maria, dont give up! When you need a break just take a step back and relax from things.


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 16, 2004)

thank you mudge, and good luck to you in whatever your doing


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## fantasma62 (Aug 16, 2004)

Hi Chiquita, I guess I didn't get to meet you when you say you were "spoiled, etc."

I can tell without knowing you that you have lots of character.  You found out your mistakes, you recognized that they were in fact your mistakes and you are taking steps to correct them.  I admire that in a person, you are true to yourself and that should only lead to success....


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## Dale Mabry (Aug 16, 2004)

I would say it is your journal, do whatever the hell you want with it.  If peeps don't want to read, they don't have to come into it.


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 16, 2004)

Tony- I really appreaciate that.  

Dale! stop by more often man.


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## fantasma62 (Aug 16, 2004)

Sometimes I sound like a fortune cookie.... 

I do mean what I say, though.....Always


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## rule62 (Aug 16, 2004)

I believe a lot of people will be very interested in your journal - I will read it for sure. If you are worried about wether it is appropriate or not, just go a read a few threads out in "Open Chat"!

I like your tag line, I have read a lot of St Francis de Sales - he is awesome. I imagine he would tell you that all you are going through will draw you closer to God. That is the great irony of life, it is only after we know we are not invincible that we learn the truth.


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## Var (Aug 16, 2004)

Good luck, Chiquita!!!  I'll be following your journal.


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 16, 2004)

thanx guys! geez, i guess im so worried about being inappropriate because like before all this happened, i was very inaprappropriate, and back when i was "invincible" i was a member @a gold's (a gym w boys in it ! ) and i think i made a post in monoliths journal telling him about going up to a random guy in the gym and slapping him on the ass and telling him he was hot. lol, yeah i had no fear then........omg i will never show my face in there ever again. and during my nervous breakdown, i was @therapy@my drs office and i mooned him and drug him around the office in a headlock and broke his friends phone who was trying to help, and i had to be baker acted and i spent a whole week in a phsych ward, then was sent to FINR where i spent 2 months that i will never forget.


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## gwcaton (Aug 16, 2004)

WoW , Maria !  
look at all the people who read your journal !  And there are probaly lots of others that just don't post !


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## fantasma62 (Aug 16, 2004)

Yes Chiquita, those are things that you will never forget.  Any time something traumatic occurs to you, you should learn from it and use it to help you overcome the problem should it show it's ugly face again.

Some tell you to try to forget, I tell you to keep it in back of your mind somewhere just in case things get ugly again.  At least then you'll be able to know what to do


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## PreMier (Aug 16, 2004)

gwcaton said:
			
		

> WoW , Maria !
> look at all the people who read your journal !  And there are probaly lots of others that just don't post !



Yup 

BTW Maria, I would love it if a girl that looked like you came and slapped my ass


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## P-funk (Aug 16, 2004)

chiquita6683 said:
			
		

> If you saw that show and if you know my story..........well im a special situation.
> A few months ago, before everything happened, I was taking  40mgs of adderall XR which is for attention AND 100mg of provigil which makes you alert/wakes you up, that dose in the morning, and again at lunch. Plus I was bodybuilding, (so I thought). Plus I was going for these hyperbaricoxygen treatments(HBOT).
> 
> So think about it, I had alot on my plate! Grocery Shopping, Cooking, Medicine, and I tried to make a journal like it was nothing, and I wrote nothing of it. Plus I had to take a cab to and from the gym......my goal was to be as independent as possible. I didnt want any help. I was such a bitch to everyone with the diet I was on. No1 was allowed in the kitchen while I was cooking. It was sick!  Oh, and I vaccumed ALL the time.
> ...




your story is amazing and inspiring.  I sincerly hope that someday you see your goal of competiting in a bodybuilding competition through.  congratulations on your comeback, you have been through a lot.  I wish you the best of luck.


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 16, 2004)

haha wsup PreMier! thanx man


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 16, 2004)

Thank You Pfunk! i greatly appreciate that


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## Monolith (Aug 16, 2004)

chiquita6683 said:
			
		

> thanx guys! geez, i guess im so worried about being inappropriate because like before all this happened, i was very inaprappropriate, and back when i was "invincible" i was a member @a gold's (a gym w boys in it ! ) and i think i made a post in monoliths journal telling him about going up to a random guy in the gym and slapping him on the ass and telling him he was hot. lol, yeah i had no fear then........omg i will never show my face in there ever again. and during my nervous breakdown, i was @therapy@my drs office and i mooned him and drug him around the office in a headlock and broke his friends phone who was trying to help, and i had to be baker acted and i spent a whole week in a phsych ward, then was sent to FINR where i spent 2 months that i will never forget.


  LOL

  I would have loved to see you with your doctor in a headlock.   You're obviously still pretty strong if you beat up 2 men. 

  I've actually wanted to do that to my doctor a few times... dumbass doesnt know squat about current drug research.


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 17, 2004)

Monolith said:
			
		

> LOL
> 
> I would have loved to see you with your doctor in a headlock.   You're obviously still pretty strong if you beat up 2 men.
> 
> I've actually wanted to do that to my doctor a few times... dumbass doesnt know squat about current drug research.


 
he makes fun of me now about it, hes so cute and little, hes like the size .......... i dont know ill just post a picture maybe, whatd ur dr try to tell u about current drug reseach? have u been doing drugs?


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 17, 2004)

ok soooo.........i cant just make posts in my journal, i dont think i have anything to report, i mean i dont have any confidence, i dont know how to start a post 
 but i mean i was just in the shower, and i thought of all this great stuff to write about how yesterday @acupunture, the front desk girl goes open the window and goes "oh hey, are you here for hyperbaric?" and my dad couldnt think of the word acupuncture, so he goes "no...for chee chai.......and then we're gonna work  on the computer some."
 and i guess you have to be in my shoes to think that was cute and thought that needed to be shared, my journal always seems to be so negative well not yet, i havent really gotten started...........but i thought of other posts id make in the shower too, ill probly forgetem. *wait ima write these lil notes.

culture shock
Asia
containments 
Tasha
Staff
Dream
Woodshop


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 17, 2004)

oh can some1 plz answer my question in the competition forumn?


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## BoneCrusher (Aug 17, 2004)

I hope you meet your own Adam Sandler ... good luck Chiquita!


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 17, 2004)

*gasp*..............like omg!!!!! 50 first dates is my favorite movie!!!!
   i watch whenever im feeling really down and out of place. 

 me and my roomate were watching it @FINR (my sister sent it and a portable dvd player) and the part where they go to callahan institute and she walks in and sees all those sad people working on art.........she goes "thats where we're at." well she really said it when they drove up to the institution.
 but yeah on the subject of my roomate, that place was also a big culture shock. she had gotten her brain injury from somebody hit her (i dont know the word for it, like a small motorcycle) while she was escaping a house she was robbing. the girl was so ghetto. she was only 18, she had done all kinds of drugs, lost a 2 kids, been in juvee, she was a stripper from DC. she blared her rap music and oh yeah she was a lesbian too. im not the shy type to cover up around any1 either, i dont care, i used to be a swimmer in hs, we did all sorts of weird things.
  yes, id say im a humbled brat w a very open mind now.


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## BoneCrusher (Aug 17, 2004)

I've dated quite a few brats, but never a _humbl_e one.  That would be a very interesting personality combination.  Perky, demanding, yet understanding.  Someone is going to be lucky to get you into his life girl.


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 18, 2004)

*turns and blushes* aww gee thanx bonecrusher, thats hard to imagine right now though. yesterday, i went out in public for the first time w out my family and it was like omg! so weird. my friend kind of well ill make another post, i g2g now.


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 18, 2004)

so yesterday my bestfriend growing up, (shes been thru everything w me) whos studying to be... not a dr, and not a nurse , but like a really big nurse ,that helps that helps a dr., (cant thinka the word) anyways......

so we're leading different lives now and growing up but she still calls and checks on me every now n then cause i dunno, shes good like that, n i love her to death. but we went to this like side of town and went to eat and the 1st thing i said when we walked in the restraunt was like whoa im out in public w/out my family outside of FINR! and she kind of giggled. and we just walked and sat down and caught up, ect, ect. she looked great, she had lost 15 lbs since the last time i had seen her. she told me of her dramas w her ex boyfriend and how he wont leave her alone. and she told me i should be an advice columnist or something, i was thinking,....."no bitch, i get tired of the same drama over and over, just in other words" then we went in this one shop, and the guy in the store........................................im really tired my attentions gone, i need more adderall again. i was on none. now im on 10mgs in the AM. i was gonna tell u about my workout n stuff and what i did for my trainer but now i feel like crashing. i have acupunture @4. and Monday when i had it he was suppose to give me more energy. man that acupunture doesnt last, but it makes me feel awesome when he does it, uh, blah!


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 18, 2004)

a P.A.!


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 18, 2004)

so today during training, i warmed up and we were about to get started and Kris,my trainer, goes "You remember Pina, from Golds dont you?".........pina looks at me w a huge smile and goes " hey how are/howve u been/ love ur new hair color!...." Iwas like     "um...........uh.......yea....i was on alot of adderall then" just remembering all the stupid things, i said/did in that gym, making a fool out of myself.
..........whatever im so over this , i dont even want to think about it again to have to write in my journal.. but Pina was another trainer @ golds, n it freaked me out to see her there, but kris said she took her under her wing. and she watched us train legs, and my chest is really really sore


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## gwcaton (Aug 18, 2004)

Sounds like you had a great wo Maria !     one day at a time !


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 18, 2004)

omg gary u made me look/sound/feel like such a prissy dramatic little girl. lol, i was on the leg extension machine, and i would do a set n it was good but then id start tellin her bout how the place traumatized me n wanna cry n then get all serious for another set. gurr!
 then we did squats for the 1st time time since i been back and she put 25s on each end, then we did double lunges across the gym, i got really fatigued on that. she xplained to pina that my right side is weaker, i guess i was visibly doing something off a lil.
lol yea, thats y making a journal used to intimidate me, a real bb can list there weight/sets/reps everything + diet for the day. 
me on the other hand, can give a round about of what we did,
hey gary do you remeber that picture i posted of me and Kris like a yr ago when i first came to the forum? it was doing a bicep pose and i had on a superman tshirt


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## PreMier (Aug 18, 2004)

I remember that pic.  I told you I had a superman shirt just like it, and still do


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## gwcaton (Aug 18, 2004)

Maria, 

Yes I remember the pic , I have a Superman shirt too  I also noticed in one of your pics it looked like yuo has a superman necklace ! 

The pic of you and Kris was one of my favorites !


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 18, 2004)

well i was so pumped up w the idea when i wanted to become a bb and i made yahoo group and put my story there, so i had all these members like here. well 1 of the members was a website designer, and i had posted it there too!


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## fantasma62 (Aug 18, 2004)

Hey Chiquita.....I hope you've had a great day.  Keep on keeping on..... 


Good night


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## BoneCrusher (Aug 18, 2004)

Hello again Chiquita.  I hope your day is just the way you want it to be ... and then some!!


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 19, 2004)

Morning guys! hey Tony, u made my morning yesterday bonecrusher   anyways lastnite i was short w that post bc my meds were knockin me out, but anyway what i was trying to say, that picture got her a connection, and shes going out to LA in 2 weeks for a photo shoot for free, and that genex thing i showed u she got payed for,...............bc of ME........she says im bouncing back really fast,


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## gwcaton (Aug 19, 2004)

Morning Maria ,

Thats a great story   One day it could be you in a photo shoot


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 19, 2004)

haha yeah rrright!


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## fantasma62 (Aug 19, 2004)

chiquita6683 said:
			
		

> Morning guys! hey Tony, u made my morning yesterday bonecrusher  anyways lastnite i was short w that post bc my meds were knockin me out, but anyway what i was trying to say, that picture got her a connection, and shes going out to LA in 2 weeks for a photo shoot for free, and that genex thing i showed u she got payed for,...............bc of ME........she says im bouncing back really fast,


You sounded very upbeat this morning and that is great to see.  Keep it up...You are doing great....


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 19, 2004)

fantasma62 said:
			
		

> You sounded very upbeat this morning and that is great to see.  Keep it up...You are doing great....



actually my dads alarm clock woke me up @500 and couldnt go back to sleep, but i barely ate and laid in bed most the day, then 15mins be4 i had to be @therapy i got in the shower......i have swim practice tonite @7 so thatll be good. hmm i dunno


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 19, 2004)

swim practice sucked! i got out early, i even moved down 2 slower lanes n they were even kicking my ass, im usually lapping them! the lane i started out in had a new girl in it n this fat girl that i usually beat, so i figure i spose to be leading this lane they lap me, it was her 1st nite 2  so i move down 2 lanes and uh!    what a shitty day!
 its so hard to stay postitive, sometimes..........

oh my dr gave me new meds i think

soo.......thats my life pretty much right now, working out w a trainer, swimming, therapy/dr.'s office, going out w my family, or the rare friend


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## gwcaton (Aug 20, 2004)

Morning Maria ! 

Hope you have a great day !


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 20, 2004)

gwcaton said:
			
		

> Morning Maria !
> 
> Hope you have a great day !



i feel good so far, im on the way to train w Kris, i think my doc added in provigil to make me more alert, we'll see, its a brand new day!


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## BoneCrusher (Aug 20, 2004)

Have a good day there Chiquita ...


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 20, 2004)

woohoo its goin great! i had my very 1st back day, and i had the same lifts at 168 really out of shape, as i did at 140 really really in shape. ah yes im fat n happy   im 5'8
 i hope i didnt freak my trainer out, bc i rubbed her arm and said 'wow', she didnt do/say anything, she just walked away, and im always like checking her out, but i mean i seem to be the only 1 doing it, maybe bc its bc im the only 1 that appreciates muscle, every1else in that gym is like all fat n stuff (its an all womens gym) but it is like pretty inspiring just like what i see every day @ the drs office.


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## Var (Aug 20, 2004)

Nice job Chiquita!


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## fantasma62 (Aug 20, 2004)

chiquita6683 said:
			
		

> woohoo its goin great! i had my very 1st back day, and i had the same lifts at 168 really out of shape, as i did at 140 really really in shape. ah yes im fat n happy  im 5'8
> i hope i didnt freak my trainer out, bc i rubbed her arm and said 'wow', she didnt do/say anything, she just walked away, and im always like checking her out, but i mean i seem to be the only 1 doing it, maybe bc its bc im the only 1 that appreciates muscle, every1else in that gym is like all fat n stuff (its an all womens gym) but it is like pretty inspiring just like what i see every day @ the drs office.


Hey Chiquita (Banana), sorry I just couldn't help myself.  I hope you don't mind... 
I am happy to hear that you are having a great day.  I am about to start my own workout now, so I just wanted to stop by to say hi and to wish you the very best the rest of the day....


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 21, 2004)

P-funk said:
			
		

> P- Yeah, I know I can pull way more weight.  But it is not about just pulling heavy weight.  I want really clean form.  I can pull it up sloppy but I want to get my form smoothed out becasue that means whatever I can do sloppy I wil blow out of the water.  Form first weight second with everything in my book.


 After everything, I think Im ready to go heavy. It help's me phsycologicaly, like when Im in a session w Kris, and I told her about the other day when I laid in bed all day and it was a shitty day bc of it, and I got all mad right before I did the set and was like "Gurr!" (she knew to put the weight heavier)
she was like "i wish i could have shitty days like that",  
 Its a shitty day when ur trying to be high functioning again!  
so shes been teaching me the right form, i just wish i could do it on my own. like in btwn sets ill forget wheather or not i pulled to the front or the back (fridays back wo) n ill forget stupid little things like that, but i dont socialize in there, or have any friends and my dads trying to teach me the importance of saving money but I really want Kris to get me to my 1st competition and after that ill think ill have alot more confidence in myself.


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 21, 2004)

yes i also recommend swimming to the 1s that are cardiovascularly Fit, it feels so good when your sore, especially legs, pushing off the wall, ull notice, and the different strokes works all the different muscles. u really notice what u worked! like right now im building my big muscle groups, chest/ back/legs.

my coach'll give us kick set to do, and i'll start building up some lactic acid, it feels really good, burns.

butterfly kick- both feet together at same works lower abs and hamstrings
freestyle/backstroke " - quads, qlutes, hams, core?
breaststroke"- cant thinka the name 4 the muscle, innerthigh?, glutes, its like  the froggy kick

just think i do that for an hr1/2, 3 times a week! great cardio, im an athlete, not a bb..........yet.  i dont know what i want


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## sftwrngnr (Aug 22, 2004)

Hi Chiq,
I read your journal, and I have to say that you are a true inspiration!  You have been through so much!  My only comment would be that you need to be patient with yourself.  I have no doubt that you WILL achieve your goals.  My other comment would be that if you are having a little difficulty remembering what exercises you did, you might want to bring a little book to write it down.  I found myself forgetting what exercises I did, and what weights, so I bought a little notebook so I could keep track of my workouts.  

My final comments would be this: When you started your journal, you wondered if it was ok to rant.  I would say definitely.  Some days are just crappy, and writing about it can be a good release.  I would also say that you ARE an athlete, and should be commended for having the focus that you do, in spite of what you have been through.  You clearly have an inner strength and drive that few possess.  You go girl!

-Dan


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 22, 2004)

muy gracias Dan   
i appreciated ur comments! stop by anytime


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## P-funk (Aug 22, 2004)

chiquita6683 said:
			
		

> After everything, I think Im ready to go heavy. It help's me phsycologicaly, like when Im in a session w Kris, and I told her about the other day when I laid in bed all day and it was a shitty day bc of it, and I got all mad right before I did the set and was like "Gurr!" (she knew to put the weight heavier)
> she was like "i wish i could have shitty days like that",
> Its a shitty day when ur trying to be high functioning again!
> so shes been teaching me the right form, i just wish i could do it on my own. like in btwn sets ill forget wheather or not i pulled to the front or the back (fridays back wo) n ill forget stupid little things like that, but i dont socialize in there, or have any friends and my dads trying to teach me the importance of saving money but I really want Kris to get me to my 1st competition and after that ill think ill have alot more confidence in myself.


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 22, 2004)

oh wow! hey Patrick! thanx for stoppin by


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## fantasma62 (Aug 22, 2004)

Hi Chiquita, I hope all is going well today...I am sore, but not too bad.

I am doing P/RR/S and it is truly kicking my tail.  This week I am going "into shock".... 
I hope you have a great day and keep on going, you are going to be great


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 22, 2004)

aww *blush* such kind words. im doing really great today! i got up, folded laundry, vaccumed the house, shaved my legs, made my bed, read the comics of the regular newspaper! i never ever read the paper that new medicine must be doin its job!


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 22, 2004)

I just posted the picture the picture of what I changed my desktop to. I also have alot of inspiring sayings all around my room. My frigde is full of those quoteable magnets u know, n i sit n read em whenever im eating. i have a like a 10million pairs of superman underwear from target and  superman tennisshoes from payless and those i can do it! tshirts. but still........sometimes i just dont know like i surround myself w all these positive things, and im doing these positive things for myself and other people and maybe somethings are going to happen?????????
when? when is it my turn? im trying!!!!!!! people keep telling me that their really proud of me..........but i gotta keep goin!  ya know, SHIT!!!!!
 gawd damnit!!!! FAWKKK-ING AHE!!!!   damn i could push some weight right now! GURH!


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## BritChick (Aug 22, 2004)

Hi chiquita,
I just put a post in your gallery regarding the pic and your description that you posted along with it.
Let me tell you lady, you're inspiring ME!
Rest assured your turn WILL come, stay focused and keep believing in yourself.
Now I have found your journal I'll be coming back often.


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 22, 2004)

yea thanx britchick


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 22, 2004)

aww i just read it!


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 22, 2004)

i posted on ur pictures to nice quarter turns! and very nice abs btw!


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## sftwrngnr (Aug 22, 2004)

Chiq,
For what its worth, the fact that you are alive, after all that you have been through is amazing in and of itself.  Take a step back, and think about it.  You could have been a quadriplegic, vegetable, or worse still, dead.  The FACT that you are pursuing a competition, speaks for itself.  I'm sure you will have your tough moments, or even days.  We all do.  My only advise to you, is to take a look at what you've been through, and where you're going.  You've come a long ways... it may take a little longer than you expected to reach your destination, but you WILL reach it.

-Dan


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 22, 2004)

oh yeah so tomorrow me and my dad are gonna stay at our friend's condo on cresent bch in st. augustine, fl. my sister'll spend monday afternoon w us. wednesday my aunt is coming from DC to spend the rest of week w us. + so theyll play lots of golf. and ill just be a bum on the beach or something. but i dunno, then when i get back class starts! omg, around people! i just got home


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## gwcaton (Aug 22, 2004)

I think the only thing you are short on Maria is patience .  Other than that you have all you need to meet your goals.  Just my 2 cents !


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## BritChick (Aug 22, 2004)

chiquita6683 said:
			
		

> i posted on ur pictures to nice quarter turns! and very nice abs btw!



Cheers!


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 23, 2004)

sftwrngnr said:
			
		

> Chiq,
> For what its worth, the fact that you are alive, after all that you have been through is amazing in and of itself.  Take a step back, and think about it.  You could have been a quadriplegic, vegetable, or worse still, dead.  The FACT that you are pursuing a competition, speaks for itself.  I'm sure you will have your tough moments, or even days.  We all do.  My only advise to you, is to take a look at what you've been through, and where you're going.  You've come a long ways... it may take a little longer than you expected to reach your destination, but you WILL reach it.
> 
> -Dan


You are so right Dan, and thank you for reminding of that! I went to a support group meeting this weekend and omg those people are so sad. and i just got out of that institution, and i came back to where i have to go to the dr.s office 4 days a week and see people where I could be. my caretaker will sit w their caretaker just to pass the time and the story gets passed along, its so depressing. My dad is so overprotective of me sometimes, but like 1 time my dr. tried to explain to me how bringing me home and i took a test for college and so the 1st thing he asks me when i get in the car was "were there alot of phsychological questions on there?" NO DAD! its college! not FINR! not Brooks! im finally out of that stage of my life! i didnt say that i laughed at him, and said no, explained paiteintly, calmly.

im workin on the patience thing gary


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## fantasma62 (Aug 23, 2004)

Hey Chiquita,


No B.S. here, speaking from the heart, so hear me out....
I wish that I had 1/100,000,000 of the internal fortitude that you have. I learned to respect all women from watching first my sister in law and then my wife during their pregnancies. Don't get me wrong, I never disrespected women. I have a mom and a sister, along with a daughter, so no that's not it. What I mean is that sometimes, men take women for granted. Not as a woman, but as, well, not strong...Boy was I wrong...Your story also teaches men respect. You have been through so much and I am not sure if I would be able to handle it the way you have. YOU ARE HERE, YOU ARE ALIVE, you see? IT IS YOUR TURN, don't you see? Don't give up, you are a success story...
You have to understand that you motivate people. What you have gone through and the steps that have gotten you to where you are at today are truly worthy of respect. 
Seize the moment now, because it is your moment. Someone up there has given you another chance, and you need to do the best with it. Keep it up, you make me proud to know you and I am sure that you make others around here proud too....   Keep on keeping on!!!!


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## fantasma62 (Aug 23, 2004)

By the way, when I said: "No B.S."  I didn't mean that when I post I am always B.S'ing you.  I just thought that maybe what I wrote to you would have sounded like B.S. and I didn't want you to take it as that.....


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## sftwrngnr (Aug 23, 2004)

Hi again Chiq,
As a dad to 3 (yeppers, 3!) daughters, I can tell you that we are ALWAYS overprotective of our baby girls. LOL.  It is super difficult for me to accept that my girls want to spread their wings and be their own person, whatever that may ultimately be.  It is often difficult for us to let go of the urge to protect "our baby", and realize that she is now a young woman, young lady, or woman.

I hope you have a great time on your vacation.  You'll do fine in school! New friends, new experiences.  You've got your whole life ahead of you kiddo!

-Dan


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## gwcaton (Aug 24, 2004)

Morning Maria  

Whats on your agenda today ?  Hope you have a great day !


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## BoneCrusher (Aug 24, 2004)

Hello Chiquita. As you emerge from the troubles of your past, remember that getting to your destination is half the fun. Enjoy these days as you move towards new ones because this is the now. You live here. Please take the time to enjoy the here and now.   

As you move through your day you will see people that do not have the courage to overcome their demons. Instead they get stuck in their troubles and stand on street corners with those I'll work for food signs or something. You have already beaten your demons by taking that first step in your journey to a better life. You took that step a long time ago and have not givin up. You are strong of soul, smart of mind, brave of heart, and as shining an example of the human spirit as any of the hero's in the press including Lance Armstrong.

I consider my self lucky to be able to peek in on your journey ...


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## fantasma62 (Aug 24, 2004)

Hey buddy, how are you today?  I hope all is well with you...


Have a great day


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## fantasma62 (Aug 25, 2004)

Hi Chiquita, just saying hi again....I hope you are having a good day....


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## BoneCrusher (Aug 25, 2004)

Hope your day is going well Chiquita ...


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## gwcaton (Aug 26, 2004)

Where has our little Maria gone to ?
Hope you are doing ok .


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 29, 2004)

hey everyone!!!
 i had a great time! it was so nice to see another 4 walls for a whole week  and no gym w no worries and great food w my family! i kept a journal with paper and pen that i wrote down my thoughts thoughout the day, so ill be typing it in word for a while. its good to be back, gotta get ready for my week now


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## P-funk (Aug 29, 2004)

wecome backl chiq


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## BritChick (Aug 29, 2004)

Welcome back, glad you had a great time.  Looking forward to reading your journal entries when you get a chance to add them.


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## sftwrngnr (Aug 29, 2004)

*Hey Kid, welcome back!*

Hi Chiq,
Glad to hear you had a great time with your fam!  Good job on journaling even while you were away.  I look forward to reading it.  I bet you are excited for school and everything that entails.  Maybe a little scared, but you're gonna do great!
-Dan


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## gwcaton (Aug 29, 2004)

Hi Maria  

Glad you are back !  Missed ya !


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## fantasma62 (Aug 29, 2004)

chiquita6683 said:
			
		

> hey everyone!!!
> i had a great time! it was so nice to see another 4 walls for a whole week  and no gym w no worries and great food w my family! i kept a journal with paper and pen that i wrote down my thoughts thoughout the day, so ill be typing it in word for a while. its good to be back, gotta get ready for my week now


I am glad you are back Chiq, I missed reading your journal and hearing from you


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 29, 2004)

*My Vacation*

i just wrote random thoughts that i got thoughout the week, no phones, no computers, no gyms, no doctors, just an empty beach with my father and aunt
8-23-04
I???m so indecicisive! I don???t know how I want my body to be, muscular and bulky but really really fit or sleek, toned feminine and ???society???s ideal???. I want to be a bodybuilder bc they exude the confidence that I don???t have. I believe weather or not I compete figure or bb???. Or I compete at all, working out has been a positive influence on my life. That influence gives me the drive to want the most out of life and to be the very best I can be.

But I am really a lady who acts prim and proper ???.most of the time, like I never cuss for real and this is a journal and I was just venting in that 1 post, you know? And my trainer had me do rows with a wide grip and it was like 80lbs which is heavy for me, and my left hand(stronger hand)/grip slipped, I was like ???aw Fuck!??? like not even that loud, and she said ???HEY!??? and shot me a dirty look. I immediately apologized. She hates it when I???m unladylike.


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 29, 2004)

8-24-04

So here I am jotting down different thoughts, about every time I look in the mirror, I get a thought. Hopefully, so does every1else. Does every1else? A whole wall in the condo is a mirror so I have to walk past it to go past it, a lot of the time in a bikini + towel, so I???m tidbit self conscious. But I mean consider this; I???m a young girl that wants her body a way it can???t be right now or for many years. Okay I didn???t write all this down this week, but its flowing out of me now, well the last 2-3 sentences did anyways


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## gwcaton (Aug 29, 2004)

Pretty deep thoughts there Maria !


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 29, 2004)

8-25-04
I start a class next week, I???m pretty nervous. Don???t know what to expect, but it???ll be good to get around other people???..probably looser guys. I don???t know.

So since I am very high functioning given my situation, @FINR I didn???t really need like physical or speech therapy and so after they did their evaluation, I had to decide on a voc (vocational) site. There was a greenhouse, a woodshop, a room where you sat and did nothing but had a fancy name for but I forgot it, and a classroom to help people get their GED


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## BritChick (Aug 29, 2004)

Great journalling, enjoying reading it.


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 29, 2004)

8-26-04

I picked the woodshop. I made a beautiful table from raw lumber and learned how to use the big saws and a nail gun and picked out my own stain and everything!  I made a gate leg table that can seat 2-6 people and I followed instructions/a plan w the help of a vocationalist.  but I???m really proud of it!
So now I???m home. I did enjoy making the table, it kept me busy. I???ve signed up for a general carpentry course, but I???m not exactly going to get the carpentry certificate thing, it???ll just introduce me to tools and lumber I hope. Because I think I came up with another crazy dream. I???m still working on the other crazy dream, which is to become a bodybuilder. But this crazy dream is to have my very own business (like have my own web site n all!)   building really nice wood furniture! It???ll take some time and money to start??????.for the first time, I think I can do it! I dunno, maybe I???m just in a good mood right now. Maybe cause I???m on vacation, maybe cause me n my aunt had a great conversation this morning.

*** I choose bodybuilding bc it gives me personally a sense of independence and acheivement


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 29, 2004)

Ok, I just back after gallivanting around this afternoon. Me n my aunt talked my dad into getting a pedicure for the very first time! I???m positive it was a very good experience for him and I hope he???ll become a regular at it. I was joking w him afterwards, ???you should tell your podiatrist, that you probably won???t need him anymore, that your daughter finally introduced you to pedicures,??? He always has had the grossest feet! When the nail tech took the scraper to his heels, it was just years and years worth of skin, so gross! When the nail tech was done she had cleaned his cuticles on his toes, trimmed his toenails, and put lotion on and massaged his calves and feet. 
So notice here, I???m encouraging guys to go get a pedicure. Now I???m not saying become a high maintenance bitch-boy but u want ur girl to have cute feet too right?
It must be actuated where I live in florida bc I live in flip flops 

But u sit in these chairs that vibrate/massage u and u have ur feet in this this tub of water like a mini hot-tub and they even cut ur toenails! Which I know is something u forget to do, I know I do  when I go w/out getting 1 for along time. Take care of urself guys(other than working out), go n get 1! I want to see a thread on here somewhere about guys commenting on their first pedicure!


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 29, 2004)

I really really want to train hard to where I???m starving and come home to something I prepared before hand. (I miss that so much!) My lifestyle right now as well as my dad/aunt ect???.. just eat food to get by on, munchies, carbs, barley any protein


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 29, 2004)

Although, I have to say I am very proud my aunt! She???s a recently retired social worker from Washington D.C. Last time she was here I introduced her to the gym and Bodybuilding.com and she came down months later w a whole new attitude and at least 15lbs lighter. She tells me all about her new gym membership and loves it! Spends hours there! My whole family absolutely loves fitness. My father has a regime, he wakes @5:00 almost everyday and swims 1000 yds. While training for a marathon, my sister injured her knee so she now does Pilates/yoga on DVD.  My brother was the captain of his golf team when he was in high school and he now works very hard at his job.


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 29, 2004)

8-27-04

So lastnite @dinner I told my dad that I want to start going heavy and transform my body. I also explained that bodybuilding is an outlet of independence and achievement. He said wait a minute, a few weeks ago you said you wanted to do figure, which I did, I???m really indecisive but I miss training hard and cooking he said I could do it but not like before. We have separate lifestyles, so back before I had my breakdown I was training 5 days a week and cooking 6 meals a day and none of the meals were protein shakes either. All whole foods, and oh yeah I couldn???t just drive to the gym I had to take a cab. And I don???t live in a place like New York either where I dunno it???s like how it is in the movies n stuff. So back in the day, I was in shape, I felt invincible, I did inappropriate things all the time, but I was stressed as all get out and would never admit to it. But I want it so bad I cant stop thinking/writing about it, and I???m on vacation!


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## P-funk (Aug 29, 2004)

Wow, intense stuff.


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 30, 2004)

*8-24-04*

"T-Marie?"(my family nick name since i was little) She said as my aunt kissed me on the cheek. I groaned and rolled over, she giggled. "Me and your dad are gonna go for our morning run", she said as she lazily pulled on a sports bra and running shorts.


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 30, 2004)

You know, its been really nice here this week. Away from all the drs/therapies/phone calls/appoitments and yes the gym too, and being here with my family. I think it was sort of needed.


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 30, 2004)

Every story has an end, but in life every ending is a new beginning


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 30, 2004)

My trainer is competeing tonite. I wish her the best but Im so glad i didnt go to any shows this year


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 30, 2004)

Im so youn and have so much to learn and still to experience. I need guidance and am open to any suggestions


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## sftwrngnr (Aug 30, 2004)

MariA,
Excellent job on journaling.  There is nothing wrong with giving your feelings, hopes, dreams an outlet.  Part of achieving your goals is writing them down.  I don't know that you need to figure out EXACTLY what you are doing in terms of your training.  Certainly I'm an advocate of going heavy, but thats just me .  It may be too early to decide right now... I don't know.  I do know, that you will do whatever you set your mind to, and will be successful at it.  If you feel that bodybuilding helps to establish your independence, then go for it girl .

I look forward to following your progress.

Dan


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 30, 2004)

NO no no my name is Mari-Ah! MARIA MARIA MARIA of the westside story.... u know...  

yeah i was thinking about it.....u know how im always deep in thought........and i was like screw that!what was i thinking! i cant do that! im too young! you know i need to just be happy with myself and whats going on around me Right Now!


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## sftwrngnr (Aug 30, 2004)

MariA,
I wasn't saying you are too young at all (how old RU anyway?).  All I was trying to say, was that you need to do what makes you happy.  If you want to go for bodybuilding, DO IT.  Don't let ANYONE tell you otherwise.  You are a strong young lady, and I have no doubt you will be successful in whatever you endeavor to do.
-Dan


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 30, 2004)

sftwrngnr said:
			
		

> MariA,
> I wasn't saying you are too young at all (how old RU anyway?).  All I was trying to say, was that you need to do what makes you happy.  If you want to go for bodybuilding, DO IT.  Don't let ANYONE tell you otherwise.  You are a strong young lady, and I have no doubt you will be successful in whatever you endeavor to do.
> -Dan



oh im 21 but thats besides the point. i dont know what i want right now, im eating abunch of carbs and staying out of the gym  not by choice, and so what if i never go back? i think im putting too much pressure on myself..............but of course i cant wait to back


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## sftwrngnr (Aug 30, 2004)

Maria,
You are right, what if you never go back (I'd miss your journals though).  Carbs aren't necessarily the enemy, so don't worry about that .  Just from reading your journal, I have no doubt that you will go back .  I believe you put too much pressure on yourself because you are attempting to demand instant results.  Think about how long the "pro" bodybuilders train... years and years!  I am not trying to discourage you in any way... all I am saying, is make some attainable goals, and have fun along the way!

-Dan


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 30, 2004)

sftwrngnr said:
			
		

> Maria,
> You are right, what if you never go back (I'd miss your journals though).  Carbs aren't necessarily the enemy, so don't worry about that .  Just from reading your journal, I have no doubt that you will go back .  I believe you put too much pressure on yourself because you are attempting to demand instant results.  Think about how long the "pro" bodybuilders train... years and years!  I am not trying to discourage you in any way... all I am saying, is make some attainable goals, and have fun along the way!
> 
> -Dan


Thank you, I think I needed to hear that from someone else. I have no aspiration to become a "pro" bodybuider anyways  
 but im just gonna get on w my life, ill still go to swim practice, n ill finish out my sessions w Kris and my membership thru december then ill rejoin the Y on my side of town probably. (i changed my life around for fitness and it got a lil out of hand)  may start another journal in the future,


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## BritChick (Aug 30, 2004)

Hey Maria,
Just a couple of thoughts for you, I think you want the destination a little too much... I can relate to that, I am always impatient for results but I really believe the key to success is to enjoy the journey too, enjoy the process, enjoy each little success along the way.  
As far as whether you want to do bb or figure... you don't have to decide right now!!!
I know girls who have competed in figure and are now switching to bb and vice versa... a lot of the winners at this years Canadian Figure Nationals were ex bodybuilders, so if you decide on one thing and then change your mind that's okay too.
Maybe you could set yourself some small incremental goals for yourself instead of just focusing on the all or nothing approach... just something to think about.
I wish you all the best x


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## PreMier (Aug 30, 2004)

Welcome back.  You have an interesting compilation of thoughts.


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 31, 2004)

my carpentry class is intresting to say the least. so the tools class is spose to be from 8-10, roofing I 10-12, roofing II 1-230. but im only taking the tools class, im not gonna be a roofer/carpenter. 
and since im the only 1 taking only tools, the instructor asked if i could stay till 12, which i said i could and im learning a lil bit about building a house along with everything. So today they were talking about stuff that was Way over my head! i wasnt paying attention anyways  it was like all this stuff about a story he repaired somebodys roof w/out a contracters license and it got back to him, and she was fine and it s so important, and i dunno, roofing stuff i didnt care about.  
and i dont have a damn notetaker yet!  the school is suppose to take care of my needs as a person with a disability! oh well, it is only the second day.
oh yeah! and check this out! i am intimidated being the only girl in the class of about 20 guys(black/white/ghetto/country/young/old/spanish/wide variety). so last semester they built something w paneling thats like 2 walls.......so every1 took some tools and had to take it apart w hammers and crow bars, they peiced it apart neatly. i took a sledge hammer, said "every1 stand back" and took out some aggression. i didnt have to help, but i broke a sweat in the heat. then they had to take the nails out of the boards. i figured id be smart about it and go in the shade at least, and got frustrated w it cause the damn nail wouldnt come outa the board.
 so i got up and said "yall mothafuckas crazy!" i went in the air conditioned class room and checked my email while every1 cleaned up. The teacher said i didnt have to do any of that, i can participate in as much as i want to though. my teachers really cool, no1 really messes w me, they all just check me out
 being @ school is alot more fun than being @home. i ate lunch there and watched all the people that is so much fun to me. a few guys tried to talk to me, i ignored them or said a few words and went on my way.
i have swim practice tonite  
.


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## fantasma62 (Aug 31, 2004)

Hola Chiquita....


I am so happy that you are enjoying yourself so much.  You deserve this.  
You see, it is your turn...I told you  

Keep on behaving and continue being good to yourself, you won't be sorry...

Many hugs....


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## P-funk (Aug 31, 2004)

sounds like an exciting day!


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## sftwrngnr (Aug 31, 2004)

Hey Chiq,
Glad you got to take out some of that agression  that is always a good thing (people watching is fun too).  Keep up the great attitude, and hard work!
-Dan


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## chiquita6683 (Aug 31, 2004)

woohoo! thanx guys! it was a fun day


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## gwcaton (Aug 31, 2004)

Hi Maria   

Glad you had a fun day !!!!


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## chiquita6683 (Sep 1, 2004)

hmm im like really concerned about my diet, but not really just bored and really bummed 
 yesterday we got our syllabus(the roofers-i dont have to do all this), and it said what we'll need for class.... which was a nail apron, steeltoes shoes, pencils, calculators, glasses, and he kept sayin "get ur own tape" well i felt stupid bc i was the only 1 that asked what kinda tape? duct tape? i had to get a 25-30ft tape measure   Would you have known what he was talkin about? 
so Today i show up with a nail apron bc over the summer i went shopping in home depot for something and we had to go, and it was like a buck ninetynine so i grabbed it last minute and was like "oh gotta have it!" and i had plastic glasses on my head i looked so cute! i was all ready to go and everything, i even had on my brown doc martens that usta wear w my uniform @school(they arent steeltoe though) but i was all xcited.......... and i thru the building door to see 5 guys in my class walking towards me, "Class is CANCELED"


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## sftwrngnr (Sep 1, 2004)

*Chin up kiddo *

Hi Maria,
First off, the fact that you went out and got everything you needed for class and was prepared today shows that you are serious about learning, and clearly desire to actively participate.  Don't worry about not knowing what kind of tape you needed... its "trade jargon," and no, I wouldn't have known what he was talking about, and I have a degree in computer science and math.  You aren't stupid!  If you are in a particular field, you know what certain phrases mean... if you aren't in that field, you have to learn what they mean.

I would suggest that you start food journaling if you are concerned about your diet.  I am just starting to go through the process of changing my diet so that it is more in line with what my goals are... the first step (for me) is to journal what I eat, and then make the appropriate adjustments.  There are lots of people on this board who will help you out.

Have a wonderful day!

-Dan

P.S. You want steel toed boots, even though they aren't very fashionable, so that you don't smash your pretty little toes!


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## chiquita6683 (Sep 1, 2004)

No no no omg!
 i came from a nice vacation to find my bedroom completely TRASHED!  my brother whos an 26 yr old baby w serious sick problems had went in my closet hooked up my vcr, the bottom drawer of my dresser was open, the picture of a muscle girls body w the head folded down had been ripped down from my book case, ashes were in my keyboard, no smoking is allowed in my house, my dad always has gone outside and so has he when he is sober, the whole house smelled like pot/cigar, i feel so dirty like violated now! my curtains I Bought form potterybarn, my pillows, ewww! i cant beleive he smoked in my room, everything like ruined now! gross! he must've hada party in here! and he downloaded some shit on my computer that i cant get off now. now i going to have to this geek come over and fix it, but hes really nice and i know hell do it for me. just the fact that i have to have someone do it bc lastime he was over here, he had it running perfect..........n im gonna hafta xplain the story.......
  so then he came n puta load a clothes in the washer then crashed.......earlier the day be4  i had come home from vacation, and found the house in filth. so i was mad! i took his clean clothes out of the washer and went outside rubbed them into the dirt, it made me feel somewhat better. but i know i was sinking to his level.........well not that low really. so when my dad picked me back up from school hes going to play golf w his gf,  and my aunt. he said he might come by to get some his things, hes FINALLY moving out!


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## sftwrngnr (Sep 1, 2004)

Maria,
I'm so sorry that your brother was a jerk.  Sigh... I don't have any sage words of advice for you.  BTW... be nice to geeks ... I'm one (seriously).

-Dan


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## chiquita6683 (Sep 1, 2004)

i think i really freaked my dad out........i mean im fine.
 this afternoon on the way to acupunture, i thought i heard an alarm or ringing noise.......i asked my dad, "u dont hear that alarm going off?", he said no, i rolled down the car window for a second, we got up on the expressway, i got this intense pain in the middle of my forehead like my head was gonna expload, i was moaning. my dad put his hand on my leg and said "we're almost there." i was able to walk into the office and everything but i had my hand on my head and a bad look on my face, i got my blood pressure taken, 120/82, i never ever get headaches! only got severe 1s after the 2nd accident which i took loritab for. but they only lasted a few months. my dad was scared, he started calling all kinds of people telling them about this, making it out to be some "traumatic event" but it went away in like 15 minutes.
dr.wolfgang the chinese medicine man(not really) thinks on too much medicine. he does the acupunture, when i got there he started needleing me, i took 2 tylenol, the headache slowly went away as my chi was stimulated.

were having a meeting w dr murray tomorrow (the man whoes been treating me for 4 yrs, he's such a great dr!)


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## chiquita6683 (Sep 2, 2004)

oh no long day..........my apt was @2w dr murray, never saw him. had my last treatment of HBOT,didnt get outa the office till 7. he "tweaked" my medicine some more. i had an uncomfortable situation earlier.........i was in a really good mood earlier today in class, so i was like being really sociable, asking every1 their name(not like ill remember em) and u know i took inniative and had every1 write a sentence "This is a carpenty class." so i could pick some1 to be my notetaker. I was trying to xplain how all they have to do is take notes on the paper i give em, and this ol' man in the class speaks up and starts nit picking on every lil thing i was saying and it just got to the point where i was just did the 'smile n nod', then the retard i gave the honor of taking my notes says "its after 10, i cant get paid" when he had just agreed to me n the teacher he would. he gets paid for taking notes....hes gotta be in the class too, and its on the ditto kind of paper. 
so im stressing cause im not getting the notes the first notes on board! oh yeah remember how i usta be really inaprropriate when i was in a good mood, like going around the gym slapping the guys on the ass, mooning people. well ive gotten somewhat better i think.....only like now, im kinda the class sweetheart ina way. but the class was on break and messin around, so i go over to this guy sit on his desk (this is only the 3rd day of shcool, and hes like this really fat kid) and start talking to him. those meds i can remember making him nervous, he just kept looking down at his book and he asked me to sit down next to him, i did, then i felt like a dumbass. i told my dr. what i did while my dad was in the room and my sister was on speaker phone. he said i have really good insight

yeah i so dont care about bb anymore, well its definitly not a priority anymore. i wasnt even gonna make a journal entry tonite but somebody turned on my computer earlier today i guess. im not checking my email.

i feel bad everytime my dad gets frustrated. its not even my fault half the time, he just tries to always be on time, or his insurance company isnt covering my presciption tonight for some reason. we're spose to be hit w a hurricane this weekend


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## chiquita6683 (Sep 3, 2004)

so i dont even know how to make a journal/posts, most of u are probly like what the hell is this girl talking about? i forget to put in major parts of my story i think or explain things i think. but it just feels good to get it out and even better when some1 responds.


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## chiquita6683 (Sep 3, 2004)

*8-03-04 Chest*

Bench Press- on the um machine where the bars not free, forgot what its called?
25lb plates on each side  x was gonna do 15, forgot n did 16  felt good 
add 10lb plate to each side x12
add 10lb plate to  "      "       fatigued after half a halfass rep here..... then i dont what i was thinkin, i do more

Dumbells- 25lbs x 20 my form wasnt too good bc my damn right arm wouldnt get straightened at all, (beleive me its come along way right after my accident it was dead weight)

i havent really been in the gym in like 6 months so im a dumbass for doing my pr my first day going in..........but im like not experienced. i didnt schedule w Kris, i trained on my own. but ill be in painnext week
 today i went to the gym bc everythings closed, a hurricanes coming. 
oh! kris won her weightclass!


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## gwcaton (Sep 3, 2004)

chiquita6683 said:
			
		

> Bench Press- on the um machine where the bars not free, forgot what its called?
> 25lb plates on each side x was gonna do 15, forgot n did 16  felt good
> add 10lb plate to each side x12
> add 10lb plate to " "  fatigued after half a halfass rep here..... then i dont what i was thinkin, i do more
> ...


Hi Maria ! 

That  sounds like some pretty good bench presses  .    Thats good news about your trainer !


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## fantasma62 (Sep 4, 2004)

Hi Maria,


Just passing by to check on you.  I have not been coming by lately because of the whole getting ready for the hurricane thing.  I live in Miami and that thing was headed here.  I am sure that it will do some damage, but I am pretty safe at home.
Anyway, I will catch up with you a bit later, post hurricane.  

Have a great day!!!


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## chiquita6683 (Sep 4, 2004)

we had swim pratice this morning, it was beautiful, but its raining n gettin windy now, we wont get too much of it though, maybe tomorrow. stay safe tony good luck


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## katie64 (Sep 4, 2004)

Hi Maria.......Just seeing what's going on in your life, I miss you and others here, maybe I should start a journal again, hope your safe in FL, my brother lives in Jensen Beach, so I've been watching constantly, take care..........


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