# Real and Raw!  A different type of journal!



## Gena Marie (Jul 30, 2012)

I know most all the journals here are about diet and nutrition, but I need to do a different type of journal.  I hope you don't mind.

Hi, my name is Gena and I am an alcoholic.  Not just an alcoholic, but a severe one.  

I quit corporate America almost 2 years ago to help Rob (Prince) run our companies.  I drank before, but I have completely self destructed since.  Why, because I can.  I have no where to be or no one to report too.  I can roll out of bed hung over and it's not that big of deal.  thanks to Advanced Cycle Support, I can drink even more, and not feel all that bad in the morning.  

Over the years, I have lost many friends due to my reckless actions.  I have no real friends any more except a few, and those I keep at arms length because I am afraid they too will leave me.  My closet friend, Mrs. H, you know who you are    I call or text her only when I am drunk because I fear like other people in my life, they will not like me sober.  I am afraid to be sober and I don't know why.  I don't know how to live that life style. 

Most every night I black out then pass out.  Most nights Rob can get me to bed, others he can't.

Those that have met me, know this about me, it is very obvious.  I don't want to post pic of my self, because my face is so red and puffy.  I have managed to keep my weight at a reasonable level because I don't eat that much.  I get calories from beer.  

It's to the point where Rob can't handle my drinking anymore.  I do not blame him.  I put him through hell and he deserves better.  Coming home from the USA's yesterday was a nightmare.  I started at the pool drinking, why cuz it's Vegas.  Yes an excuse.  I have tons of them.  I don't remember going back to the room, packing if I even helped or getting to the airport.  We needed to be there by 2 pm.  When I finally came to, Rob was so pissed at me, I am not sure why he didn't just leave me there.  Based on my actions, he was afraid they wouldn't let my drunk ass on the plane.  What a way to make an impression at out first national show.  

I am posting this here to get it in the open so I can better myself.  My 19 year old son was crying with me on the phone at the airport is afraid I will die alone and soon.  WOW! That is pretty powerful words for a mom to hear.  

Around the beginning of the year, in a blacked out state of mind, yes I needed another beer.  Walked in to kitchen, fell and hit my head on our granite counter top.  One of the most amazing people on the planet came and rushed me to the ER.  A gash to the bone down my face with 20+ stitches later and I still blackout to this day.  









Yup, this is me.  I was blessed to have it heal well... thank you so deeply to Rob and all his loving care.  

Rob I love you 

Thank you for listening.  One day at a time!


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## Miss Springsteen (Jul 30, 2012)

Wow Gena i am sure it was hard for you to share this information with us. I know some people feel a little bit better to write their feelings down and throw everything out there for others to see. I hope it was somewhat of a relief for you to do this and i know there are people on this board that will stand by you and help get you through this. I, for one have seen people close to me go through the same exact thing, i stood by them the whole way and watched them go through hell..but now they have changed for the better but of course it takes time. I know you are strong but you have to stay strong! You have a great and loving husband by your side and i can tell you that some people arent that lucky to have that. I am confident you will get through this. Not sure how much help i can be but i sure as hell will do whatever i can to help you. Keep your head up Gena!


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## omerta2010 (Jul 30, 2012)

Hey, it's like they say you have to want to do it before your going accept help in any way. 

I for one will be watching and obviously since I'm posting will throw my $.02 in whenever I see fit. 

Just take it day by day, hour by hour, right now minute by minute. 

You have a strong support system filled with people who love and care about you and I bet will do whatever it takes to help you through this, but you need to hold yourself accountable as your the one who makes the final decisions each and every time.


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## REDDOG309 (Jul 30, 2012)

Well Gena they say admitting you have a problem is the first step towards recovery. And you obviously see that you have a problem. Now comes the hard part. Getting clean and staying clean. I wish you all the luck in the world. But as someone said in a thread eariler, This forum got them thru some really tough times in their life and I spend a lot of time here myself because this forum did the same thing for me. We definitly need to see and hear from you on here more often to know that you are heading in the right direction. The support you can get here from basically complete strangers is one of the things I love about this place. Use this place as a shoulder to lean on. Their seems to be a lot of people here that have fought the same demons that you are facing and maybe can help guide you. Also you may want to look into AA to get started in the right direction. Be strong and good luck.


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## Gena Marie (Jul 30, 2012)

Everyone, thank you for your kind words and support.  I have been to AA, more then once.  there are programs more geared to my beliefs of lack of them.  I need to use that as 1 of my tools.  I really feel ready, and I will do whatever it takes everyday to be the best person, mom, wife and friend I can be to everyone. This place is amazing.  I love the hearts we have here.


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## KILLEROFSAINTS (Jul 30, 2012)

i couldnt imagine the agony of seeing my wifes face look like that


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## Curt James (Jul 30, 2012)

Miss Springsteen said:


> Wow Gena i am sure it was hard for you to share this information with us. I know some people feel a little bit better to write their feelings down and throw everything out there for others to see. I hope it was somewhat of a relief for you to do this and i know there are people on this board that will stand by you and help get you through this. I, for one have seen people close to me go through the same exact thing, i stood by them the whole way and watched them go through hell..but now they have changed for the better but of course it takes time. I know you are strong but you have to stay strong! You have a great and loving husband by your side and i can tell you that some people arent that lucky to have that. I am confident you will get through this. Not sure how much help i can be but i sure as hell will do whatever i can to help you. Keep your head up Gena!



This.

Powerful words, Gena Marie. Wishing you the very best. *<3*

Thank you for sharing.


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## REDDOG309 (Jul 30, 2012)

Gena, I hope you keep a detailed account of your daily struggles. If you fall off the wagon ( and I pray that you don't) we will be here to help you back up. Not tear you down further. You know we all love and respect you and the big guy here and hope for the best for you and your family.


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## Arnold (Jul 30, 2012)

I too am very surprised that Gena shared this info, I will love and support her, and do whatever I can to help her get through this.


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## Gena Marie (Jul 30, 2012)

All the love and support here making me cry tears of so much love and support.  Rob shared more with me today about yesterday.  WOW!  I put him and our dear friend through some hell.  Gives me even more reason to fix myself.


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## heavyiron (Jul 30, 2012)

We love you no matter what. We want to see you healthy and happy but our love for you has no conditions. We are always here for you. Hope to see you soon!


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## Vibrant (Jul 30, 2012)

Gena, sharing this shows that you have strength to overcome this. It's not going to be easy but I wish you luck. We'll be here to support you.


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## NVRBDR (Jul 30, 2012)

I wish you and your family the very very best, stay strong Gena Marie, you CAN do this


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## Gena Marie (Jul 31, 2012)

Well today is Tuesday.  Mondays really aren't that hard for me only because I spend ALL day Sunday drinking, usually starting around 10 to 11am until either I run out our pass out.  So Mondays are usually my recovery day.  rob was shocked last Monday when i worked out.  That hasn't happened on a Monday for months.  I think I will take with week off from working out so I can detox.  This way I can hit the gym feeling like a whole new person.  The way an athlete should feel.  Tuesdays is usually when i start up again.  Yes, I give myself one whole day off from killing my liver and relationships, some weeks anyway.  
last night was a great night.  Rob and I actually connected for the 1st time in a very long time.  He has been telling me, but I have not listened, how my drinking affects him. For what I have learned, an addicts addictions seem to come 1st above every thing, sadly.  We refuse to see how we hurt those around us regardless how much they tell us this.  
Rob still needs some education, I have recommended alanon several times,(not really his thing, even though I think it would make the world of difference, even just 1 meeting) but he is so cute.  He want's to reward me once I hit my 1 month mark.  His heart is all there.  Gosh is it ever.  I let him know I need daily rewards.  A kudos and a loving hug is all it takes, maybe a nice kiss or two wouldn't hurt  
Thank you again for all the support.  One minute at a time.  
Must get back to work now before the man beats me, lol


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## REDDOG309 (Jul 31, 2012)




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## SVT03DAL (Jul 31, 2012)

Best of luck to you on your road to recovery!


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## Aaron Singerman (Jul 31, 2012)

Gena-

I'm so sorry about the injury, but sometimes something like that is what we need to literally knock the sense into us. As you know, I was addicted to heroin for many years. I was able to beat it when I finally decided with all nt being that I didn't want to do it anymore. You have made the first step here, with this journal, but the real first leap will be 100% legitimate internal decision to quit and never drink again.

I'd be glad to talk to you about it anytime you want. You have my number.

Darielle and I love you, and are there for you,

Aaron


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## omerta2010 (Jul 31, 2012)

This came across my twitter thought it sort of fit at the moment. 

Nice one down, many more to come.


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## Arnold (Aug 1, 2012)

I am proud to say Gena is on *day 3* of her sobriety!


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## IslandGirl (Aug 1, 2012)

omg!  You have me in tears.  

Admitting you are an Alcoholic was the first and hardest step of your journey to recovery.  Cameron and I will do all that we can to help you.  You know that I care for you deeply and I'm so excited to see you excited to getting back to being the "*best person, mom, wife and friend."

*Love you!


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## REDDOG309 (Aug 1, 2012)

Prince said:


> I am proud to say Gena is on *day 3* of her sobriety!



This is awesome news.


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## omerta2010 (Aug 1, 2012)

Prince said:


> I am proud to say Gena is on *day 3* of her sobriety!


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## JerseyDevil (Aug 1, 2012)

Hang in there Gena.... you can do this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## NVRBDR (Aug 1, 2012)

wooo hooo day 3

every day sober is proof you CAN do this!


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## flynike (Aug 1, 2012)

Gena, I am here for you love! anything you need, anytime you need to talk please please contact me! you are a very STRONG woman for sharing this on IM! So proud of you! You are beautiful person inside and outside!
Stay strong! it's not easy but you know your doing the right thing and you will not regret the outcome!


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## Gena Marie (Aug 1, 2012)

Thank you all again for the loving support.  
So far, so good.  No real craving yet.  The past couple of nights, the night sweats have been a bitch.  A couple more nights, and I think I should be fine.  I hope.  
I had lunch with an amazing friend today.  She brought a ton of insight into my life.  It's funny how people see you different then you see yourself.  Today was a big eye opener for me.  now all I need to do it take the info I gained and use it.  There is a lot of work to be done, but I know over time and with a ton of effort, things will get better.  
I have been some sort of addict starting at such an early age.  I need to find the root cause of this.  I know, they, who ever they are, say some of us our born addicts, heredity or what have you.  But there has to be a reason to escape.  Maybe not always, but for me, I think that is the case.  I have a base line to work with, a small one, but at least it is something to start with.  I need to look inside myself and see what is so wrong with living in reality.  
No, I will never become one of those self righteous people.  We all have a vise in life.  we all need some sort of "life" time out, for me, I just need to find a much more healthy time out.  I need to get back to the things in life, aside from alcohol that make me happy, and start doing them again.  I have given up most things because of my addiction.  
I have noticed an increase in my appetite.  Funny how that works.  I am not craving that much sugar, so that is a blessing.  I just hope it stays that way.
well, thanks for reading and cheering me on.  I love you my IML family


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## Arnold (Aug 3, 2012)

I am so proud of you!!!

5 full days/nights without any beer/alcohol!


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## REDDOG309 (Aug 3, 2012)

Prince said:


> I am so proud of you!!!
> 
> 5 full days/nights without any beer/alcohol!



This is awesome news.. The weekend starts tonight. Keep her busy in a non drinking activity. Movies mini golf, whatever, just keep her mind busy.
Oh and good luck. Cograts Gena.


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## Miss Springsteen (Aug 3, 2012)

5 days? That is great Gena!!! You got this! I seriously have so much faith in you and have been praying for you every night. 
Stay strong and focused!


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## omerta2010 (Aug 3, 2012)

That's a great start.

Thanks for the update Prince, great job supporting her as well.


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## Gena Marie (Aug 3, 2012)

Thanks guys.
Well yesterday was a real test.  We attend the Adams County fair every year, Rob's niece and nephew are in 4-H and show various things.  We go to support the family and to get smashed.  This place is a huge trigger for me.  We almost didn't go for that reason, but I am stronger then my addiction, I hope.  The fair is less then 5 miles from our house, so naturally we can get drunk and drive.  Sad right!?  It got so bad, last year Rob left me there, not because I was making a scene, but because he was ready to go, and when I drink, I am a social butterfly even more.  I was just talking to his family, so I didn't see what the big deal was, but when he wants to go, he wants to go. Period!  I started walking home in the dark, with wedges on, yes in farm ville, not a good idea.  Lucky for me, our son had a car and Rob sent him to pick up his drunk ass mom.  Poor kid!  Well we were at the fair last night and I really did not have any desire to drink.  Weird.  We walked by my favorite beer tent, where we spend most of our time, and nothing.  I felt really good about that.  We usually drop easy $100 on beer alone.  This year I actually ate some nasty fair food,   Our brother in law offered us free beer and that was easy to turn down.  What is happening to me?  

As many of you may have seen, Metha Drol is back in stock.  What does that have to do with anything?  Well, when under pressure, like most people, Rob is/was being a huge asshole today.  Nothing I could do was right.  We have been at each other all day.  HUGE trigger.  I was thinking as soon as he leaves for the gym, I am going to get drunk.  Fuck it.  
As I sit here writing this, I am thinking I am better then that.  I will not allow him to push be back into my old patterns of how I usually cope with him when he is being this way.  Sure it is easier, but in order for me to be a better, stronger me, I have to either find a different escape or beat the shit out of him.  KIDDING!  Any takers for me  
This is the weekend and my favorite time to get wasted.  Well any day for that matter, but weekends, I love to start drinking noonish.  Aside from the USA's, I have spent all weekend inside, smashed.  If we have dinner plans, I can usually hold off until 3ish, but have had close to a six pack by the time we meet up.  Remember, they like me more when I am buzzed.  It's funny that I say that.  My dear friend told me the other day "the lies we tell our selves over and over, and believe them"  How true is that?   
5 days sober today and counting.  One minute at a time.  I feel amazing.  No more night sweats.  Thank goodness.  Ewww.  My face is not as red, but I still have a ways to go.  I lost a lb and 1/2 and that excites me.  I am starting to see some of my leanness.  I have some vascularity without the help of alcohol.  Strange how that happens.  
Well that is my story for today.  I have exciting accounting to do.  Yup that should keep me sober.   my IML family!


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## omerta2010 (Aug 3, 2012)

Gena Marie said:


> As many of you may have seen, Metha Drol is back in stock.  What does that have to do with anything?  Well, when under pressure, like most people, Rob is/was being a huge asshole today.  Nothing I could do was right.  We have been at each other all day.  HUGE trigger.  I was thinking as soon as he leaves for the gym, I am going to get drunk.  Fuck it.
> As I sit here writing this, I am thinking I am better then that.  I will not allow him to push be back into my old patterns of how I usually cope with him when he is being this way.  Sure it is easier, but in order for me to be a better, stronger me, I have to either find a different escape or beat the shit out of him.  KIDDING!  Any takers for me



Hit the gym and take it out on the weights. But even being on here is a much better choice. Piece of advice: get a hobby for you, something that you can enjoy that doesn't require anybody else to do for times you need/want an escape. Or when you would normally be drinking.  Just don't make the hobby "wine making or beer brewing"  



Gena Marie said:


> Remember, they like me more when I am buzzed.  It's funny that I say that.  My dear friend told me the other day "the lies we tell our selves over and over, and believe them"  How true is that?


 What we really are when drunk/drinking is free entertainment for them to laugh *at* (not with) because they never know what we're going to say or do when drunk.  

If they can't be your friend when your sober are they really your friend?

Have a great weekend.


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## flynike (Aug 3, 2012)

oh no wait!!


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## flynike (Aug 3, 2012)

Gena, you are doing an amazing job! going to the fair and being offered drinks and you had no desire!!!  Awesomeness!


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## JerseyDevil (Aug 3, 2012)

You are doing great Gena.  Keep doing these updates.  I have to believe they help, like when you felt like saying screw it, and getting drunk because you were mad at Rob.  But writing it out, made you see the big picture and then you realized that would be a big mistake.


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## IslandGirl (Aug 4, 2012)

omg!  I hope you realize that is HUGE to turn down drinks when offered to you!  I am so f'en proud of you woman!!!  Keep it up!

And...I'm wondering when we are ever going to train together?  Ya' know with our cute IML workout tops!  Let's go kill some iron!


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## Arnold (Aug 5, 2012)

*7 full days/nights* without any beer or alcohol.


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## hypo_glycemic (Aug 5, 2012)

It takes guts to come out and tell your story. I commend you on the honesty and wanting to make changes.. 

My father was an alcoholic and was so for many many years.. I know what's it's like being on the other end--trust me!

Gena, you can do this. I kicked a long battle with prescription pain killers--which was killing my wife and kids--so to speak.

Addiction is a life long battle and will be a uphill battle for the remainder of the rest of your life.

It takes support groups, sponsors, etc..

I hope and pray for YOU to move past this and come out on top. 

You can do it! It's one step at a time and one day at a time..

Good luck and DO THIS!


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## NVRBDR (Aug 5, 2012)

How exciting, way to goit's all down hill from here baby!


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## Gena Marie (Aug 6, 2012)

Well I made it through the weekend.  It doesn't seem like a big deal, but for me, it is.  Like I said before, I spend ALL day Sunday drinking.  Not good.  I actually got through almost half of a book and remembered what I read.  Fifty Shades Darker, great read :btw:
Weekends are the most tough for me, but I did great, better then I thought I would.  I tried detox back in September.  Yeah, that lasted 14 days.  Anyway, I went to my doctor after getting out and asked to be put on an-abuse because I know my self all to well, and at that time I don't think I was ready to give up my best friend, alcohol.  Instead she prescribed me Campral, it is suppose to help with cravings.  I have taken it on and over over the months, but it is useless as I continued to drink.  Well it may be mind over matter, hard to say, but the prescription really  helped me through the weekend.  When I would start to get cravings, mainly closer to the evening, I could take two and I was good.  It says to take 4 to 8 per day, but so far, 2 has done the trick.  It is a very expensive prescription, but based on what I was spending on alcohol, the cost doesn't even compare.  2 weeks ago Rob went over his credit card statement, and for the month, I had spent over $500 in alcohol.  That is not counting my personal credit card or what we spend when we go out to eat.  Gran it I was not the only one drinking this, but, I know I can out drink Rob and he has close to 70 lbs on me.  
I just noticed something this weekend, 1st, I can see my cheek bones, , sorry, it has been awhile, 2nd, a good friend of ours asked if I was craving sugar.  I didn't think I was, I told him no, but yesterday I realized how much more pop I was drinking.  Almost double from what I usually drink.  So I guess the answer to that question is yes.  I hadn't even thought about it.  I don't eat a lot of candy, so I didn't even consider the sugar cravings. My friend thank you for bringing that to my attention.  I need to be more cautious of that.  
We did the county fair again this weekend and Rob was a doll.  We meet our super amazing friends there.  Friends we have had a drink or two with.  They were having a beer, no biggie, and Rob didn't.  He said he wanted to support me.  I wanted to cry.  All good tears of course.  I encouraged him.  Told him not to make my problems his, but he is being so supportive and strong for me.  WOW!  He is a keeper no matter how mad I get at him at times.   
Well that is all I have to say for now.  Thank you for taking the time to read this.  I  you all for your love and support.


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## Miss Springsteen (Aug 6, 2012)

Ah i am sooo proud of you for getting through this week! Now lets get another week down..then another..then another lol! Keep it up Gena..one step at a time.


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## Lil Sexy (Aug 6, 2012)

Gena, I saw you and talked you for just a bit at the USA's.  I had no idea of your situation.  From experience I can say this real and raw road you will travel will not be easy for you or for Rob.  Support support and more support and that internal true desire to make it a reality.   Know that you can say no more to drinking and there will be plenty of people that will love you and like you sober.  
I can't wait to meet YOU again!


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## heavyiron (Aug 8, 2012)

Thinking about you girl. Hope all is well.


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## SVT03DAL (Aug 8, 2012)

Prince said:


> *7 full days/nights* without any beer or alcohol.



That's freekin' AWESOME!  Keep it going!


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## Arnold (Aug 8, 2012)

Today is *10 full days* of not drinking!


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## hypo_glycemic (Aug 8, 2012)

Go gena!!!!!


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## omerta2010 (Aug 8, 2012)

Now that's a great start.


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## JerseyDevil (Aug 8, 2012)

That is great news


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## oufinny (Aug 8, 2012)

Gena you are doing great and I'm sure Rob being there for you is making it that much easier. Stay strong!!! Don't be afraid to hit a meeting from time to time when you need people to talk to. You know we have your back 110%!


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## NVRBDR (Aug 8, 2012)

10 days! the Gena Marie sobriety train is full steam ahead


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## ebfitness (Aug 9, 2012)

Wow, Gena, thanks for letting me know about the journal; sorry I'm getting here so late. That's a big step you took coming out about it. Very often I have to scale back my drinking, not because I screw up, just because I spend so much money. Then I tell my gf, "I'll just drink on vacation." Guess where our vacations are....the fitness shows/expos! I'm forever the only one drinking! I then picture my mother who literally drank herself to death, and my father who can't go to sleep unless he's polished off a bottle of vodka (and I've often mimicked his nightly actions). It's a tough road your on. Like others have mentioned, try finding healthy things to do in place of drinking. Nights are the worst for my cravings. I've actually found drinking decaf coffee helps me get through the evenings. Just gotta find what works for you. Best of luck; and we're all here for you!


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## Gena Marie (Aug 9, 2012)

I can't say thank you enough for all you support and encouraging words.  Also, thank you for sharing your stories.  I know I am not alone, but it makes me feel a little better knowing that I am not alone.  We all have our struggles.  

11 day and going strong!  

I feel amazing, well tired for from working so hard   I feel like a new person.  I look like a different person.  My license expires next month, Yup, I'm that old.  i have been putting off getting it renewed based on my appearance.  How sad is that?  In two more weeks, I think I will be happy with my appearance.  I am surprised how little I am craving alcohol.  Like I said, my pop intake has increased.  I think maybe like smokers, I feel like I need to have something in my hands.  I have noticed my sugar in take increasing.  I went to the grocery store yesterday and the amount of candy I bought is so unlike me.  We do keep sugar items in the house, but not like this.  Lucky for me, I know moderation, well aside from my beer consumption.
I started back in the gym.  I was working out at home, pull ups, lunges, abs, that sort of thing, but now I am back at it and hitting it hard.  It is amazing how much more motivated I feel.  I didn't want to go to the gym before, because that would delay my drinking time.  Before I could drink a beer and do a set of pullups, or walking lunges.  The perfect combo.  This past week I have hit the gym and felt amazing.  My body is starting to feel better.  I think all the drinking pro longed my injuries, something I would never admit before, even with Rob asking the question.  How could that possible be?  I am going to work on  getting my competition body back, not to compete, but to show myself that I can do it.  Maybe do a photo shoot for my 40th coming up next month.  I won't be quiet there, but give me another month or so after that, and we will see.  
We had lunch with our son last weekend.  I talked to him, then he wanted to talk to Rob before we meet up with him.  He asked Rob if I was really sober, even after I told him I was.  That hurt, but I understand.  I never lied to him about my drinking, or even tried to hide it from him.  I guess he is just so use to me saying that I am going to slow down or stop, only to come over and either find me hammered or passed out.  He is no angel, but I need to set a good example for him.  He has pulled me out of the car passed out and put me to bed far to many times.  Nothing a child should have to do.  WOW, for years I used his adolescence as an excuse to drink, yes another excuse.  He has been arrested and in and out of jail more times then I can count, so of course the way to cope was to drink.  Night after night rob and I would sit in our favorite watering hole and I would cry over my beers.  Poor Rob, I am sure most of the people around us thought we were fighting, nope, just me having a pity party for something I could not control.  Here Rob is, years later, right by my side.  Ladies don't ever give up, there are still some good/great guys out there.  
I love you IML family.  Must get to work now.  Thank you for taking the time to read about me


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## flynike (Aug 9, 2012)

First and for most!  I can't say how happy I am for you xoxo 

Have you tried replacing the regular coke with diet ? or you don't like the diet flavor?


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## 200+ (Aug 9, 2012)

The fact that you took the incredible leap to share this tells me you have the strength to fight your addition.  You seem to know yourself well enough to know the triggers too.  Just remember that it's more pain to drink than not to drink.  I work with a guy that had a similar story and he won't touch a drop of alcohol now and he is better for it. There is something powerful about sharing your struggles with strangers too, such as this forum. I, and a lot of others, will send you the strength to get though this and on to a better life.  Kudos to Rob too.

Thank you for sharing.  Now make it happen


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## omerta2010 (Aug 9, 2012)

This is pretty deep but a good listen/watch:
Phil Anselmo Interview Loyola University New Orleans Housecore Radio Complete - YouTube


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## Arnold (Aug 11, 2012)

13 days/nights of sobriety.


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## flynike (Aug 11, 2012)




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## Gena Marie (Aug 12, 2012)

flynike said:


> First and for most!  I can't say how happy I am for you xoxo
> 
> Have you tried replacing the regular coke with diet ? or you don't like the diet flavor?



Lucky for me I don't drink regular pop.  Years ago, rob started weening me off.  I would do have regular and half diet until I got use to the diet.  Now a regular pop is nasty to me.  I have started drinking a ton more pop.  again, I need to get a handle on that.  I guess iI just want something cold in my hand.


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## Gena Marie (Aug 12, 2012)

Good morning my IML family.  Well I am on day *14*.  It is Sunday, so I would usually be a beer or two in by now.  Not this week.  Not going to happen.  It is amazing how look and feel.  We had lunch with Rob's mom Friday for her birthday and the lovely woman wouldn't stop telling me how pretty I look and how she can see the bones in my face.  I held back the tears.  
It's funny the things one notices when you are not drinking.  I use to blame caffeine on my hands shaking.  Well, I drink a ton more caffeine, and no shakes.  Strange!    There was a point where I would make use I put my eye makeup on just as soon as I got up because the tremors were so bad.  On the weekends if we were going out to dinner with friends and I didn't shower 1st thing, I would have to have a few drinks in order to get ready, my hand shook that bad.  Writing out checks or signing cards was a disaster.  At x-mas, I got our name pre printed on the cards so I wouldn't have to sign them.  
I remember getting so frustrated running customer credit cards because you have to type in all the info and my hands shook so much, it was a feat for me.  I would get so pissed at Rob for making me do "my job", not realizing what was causing me the inability to do it my self.  It's those little things that I took for garnet, and now that I am sober, I realize that.
Rob and I noticed something the other day.  Our son is 19. He has used most every drug out there.  I don't think he has ever injected himself.  He fears needles like me, strange that I want another tattoo right?  Anyway, every time we see him now, he has either a beer or a drink of some sort in his hand. He came over this past Friday with a beer, then made himself a mixed drink.  Yes we do have alcohol in the house.  Mistake, I know, but once I put my mind to something, I am strong.  If it were beer, I might have an issue, but I can resist hard alcohol.  It just scares us, because our son comes from a long line of alcoholics and he knows it.  He has had a very close family member die at the old age of 44 of serous  of the liver.  Drunk and drinking combo, but mostly drinking.  You can't tell 19 year olds anything because they know it all, but you would think with all he has seen me do, he would just stick to his weed.  
Part of my sobriety, I am happy to say, I am having PJ Braun whip my ass back into shape.  Another beer lie, I thought I looked better then I do.  I took before pics on Thursday in my comp suit and was mortified at what I was.  I am not fat, but I do not look nearly as good as the beer told me I did.  I hated sending off the pic, but I know it is necessary.  I guess when you drink a keg a beer a week, it is going to catch up to you eventually.  Yes, we also have a kegarator.  Even that didn't keep me from drinking and driving.  SAD!  I need to count me blessings that I never hurt anyone.  
So anyway, my diet starts today.  I am doing a green apple cleanse.  Oh yummy.  That is all I can eat today.  At the end of the day, to polish off this wonderful food intake, I will drink olive oil with lemon juice and a 1/2 can of real coke.  I will try my best to sleep well.  Rob will be staying clear of me   He might want to stay in the guest room.  I am super excited, the plan I am on is intense and fierce unlike anything I have ever done before.  Shit, Rob just might want to move into the guest room.  I will keep my progress posted as well as my sobriety.  
I love you guys.  Thank you for all your thoughts and encouraging words.


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## BFHammer (Aug 12, 2012)

That is pretty awesome!  Keep it up.   I'd recommend The Amen Clinics, even to the point of getting the brain scans done.  After reading his books and quitting smoking and other bad things I realized each time it was the same part of my brain and the exact same feeling when changing a habit whether smoking, eating, or other obsessive habits.  Vit C was shown by the VA in the 70's to help break withdrawal symptoms better than prescriptions.

The hardest part you've already done, admitting it.  Your going to be doing great, one day at a time!


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## Gena Marie (Aug 16, 2012)

hello IML family, *17* days sober and going strong
It has been awhile since I have been in here.  Work has been insane.  Not a bad thing, but there isn't enough hours in a day.
I have not been sober for 17 full days and night since December of '05.  That is sadly insane.  I am feeling amazing.  I have had a craving or two, but nothing to bad.  I just pop my pills when that happens.  It is amazing how much they work.  I have the most amazing support team, Rob, my friends, family and all you guys.  Thanks for all the positive encouragement.  
With my new workout program in place, being sober this many days in years, my dear husband bought me a treadmill for my morning cardio.  We have an elliptical, but if I MUST do cardio, I would rather use a treadmill.  He really is a wonderful guy, most days   Now that I don't drink, it is amazing the way food tastes.  It is nice to actually eat in the evenings.  Real food, not just bars and junk food.  
I really don't have much to report.  I feel great, I am looking so much better.  It's the little things that count.   
Sorry this is such a boring post, but I am beat.  It has been on hell of a week.  If I could sleep all day tomorrow, I would, but I have that morning cardio to do,  
:Heart: you guys.  Sweet dreams!


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## hypo_glycemic (Aug 16, 2012)

Awesome Gena!!!


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## oufinny (Aug 16, 2012)

Stay strong Gena!!!!  Doing great.


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## tallguy34 (Aug 16, 2012)

Wow! So I'm a little late to this, not sure how I missed it with as much as I'm on the forums. Lol. 

Anyways, Gena, your doing an amazing job! 17 days is no joke when you go from trashed every day to instant sobriety. It takes a lot of courage and internal strength to put something like this out in the open and that just goes to show how dedicated you are and how bad you want this. I have no doubts at all that you can overcome any cravings or urges that creep up. 

On a side note, you have inspired me. I am not an alcoholic nor do I have any addictions, but I do have an issue that I seriously need to deal with. You know, it's funny how so many people close to you can point something out and you just blow it off, but a total stranger over the internet who pours her heart and soul out about something this serious can snap you in to focus. Gena, thank you!

I will be following this journal closely! If you couldn't tell, we are all here for you! There's nothing but love and support in this thread! Stay strong!

TG


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## REDDOG309 (Aug 17, 2012)

An idle mind is a dangerous thing so being very busy with work is a good thing. Kill that treadmill and good luck, stay strong!!


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## flynike (Aug 17, 2012)

REDDOG309 said:


> An idle mind is a dangerous thing so being very busy with work is a good thing. Kill that treadmill and good luck, stay strong!!


You read my mind!


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## omerta2010 (Aug 17, 2012)

Congrats on how far you've gotten in such a short time on your own. Keep it up your doing great.


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## Gena Marie (Aug 20, 2012)

Well it's day* 21*

I fell off the wagon today.  Go me!  I feel like a failure, but it is what it is.  Tomorrow is a new day.


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## hypo_glycemic (Aug 20, 2012)

^ Powerful! 

Keep up the fight Gena.. Shit happens, it's how we bounce back after being knocked down. Get up and keep fighting!!!


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## Curt James (Aug 20, 2012)

Gena Marie said:


> Well it's day* 21*
> 
> I fell off the wagon today.  Go me!  I feel like a failure, but it is what it is.  *Tomorrow is a new day.*


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## PJ BRAUN (Aug 20, 2012)

Get back on the wagon Gena!!


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## Gena Marie (Aug 21, 2012)

Well it looks like ADMIN edited the majority of my post.  I guess only one's imperfections are allowed here.  Funny!
Thank you for the support and not beating me up.  I got fired from my job yesterday and handled it very poorly.  I am not going to let one bad night change my path.  Today is a new day.


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## Arnold (Aug 21, 2012)

Gena Marie said:


> *Well it looks like ADMIN edited the majority of my post.*  I guess only one's imperfections are allowed here.  Funny!
> Thank you for the support and not beating me up.  I got fired from my job yesterday and handled it very poorly.  I am not going to let one bad night change my path.  Today is a new day.



trust me I did u a favor.


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## REDDOG309 (Aug 21, 2012)

Gena, the fact that you now admit to having a problem makes it easier to get back up on the wagon. So you made 21 days and fell off the wagon, now you know what you have to do this time to get further. Its a battle girl and not an easy one. You have a lot of support in the real world and the cyber world, use them big shoulders to lean on. We all want to see you do well and support your efforts, Good Luck, be strong and chill out on the people in your real life, they are only trying to help.


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## Chrisotpherm (Aug 21, 2012)

Gena your an amazing lady and have strong backing here from all of us and most importantly your family.  I too had a real bad drinking problem in 2007 where I was drinking out of control.  Lost my wife and son for 4mths and through the grace of God and a loving wife and son got my real life back.  There will be many up and down days, maybe some stumbling here and there, but why and what you are doing this for will always take you pass any mistakes.  My prayers go out to you and your family and know you can do this as we are all trying to be better people and heroes to the ones that love us so much!!!


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## heavyiron (Aug 22, 2012)

Keep at it girl! Everyone stumbles but not everyone gets back up.

Love you!


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## SVT03DAL (Aug 22, 2012)

Stay the course...


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## Chrisotpherm (Aug 22, 2012)

Keep going you got this.


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## ebfitness (Aug 22, 2012)

Stay strong!


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## Tina Elias (Aug 22, 2012)

Gena, I know I'm new around here, but look how many people care about and love you.  So many people have such wonderful and sweet things to say about you, and you have been nothing but a doll to me.  We are all here to help you in support of you in any way we can!


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## Lil Sexy (Aug 24, 2012)

Gena, sometimes what others do to help us may not be realized how helpful it is until the fog is lifted.  Now I really dont know what was editted but like you said its a new day and tackle it better than the day before!  We all are here to support you in any way possible.


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## NVRBDR (Aug 24, 2012)

each new day, is a new opportunity for "a do over"


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## Gena Marie (Aug 25, 2012)

Day *5* and counting each day for strength and sobriety.  Thank you all for all the love.   
Things are going a ton better.  I let life get the best of me.  Why, I will never know.  I am not beating myself up.  I am human.  The night did turn out pretty shitty.  Thank goodness Rob saved my ass.  I was either going to detox or the physic ward.  YUP, that bad.  Of course I don't remember what I did up until the police arrived, but once they were here, half my brain sobered up.  Too much beer and vodka on an empty stomach.  Sorry PJ, broke diet that day.  I did do my cardio though.  Rob was a doll and had his mom come and take me to her place.  Thank you baby.  His mom is a gem.  She truly is amazing.  
My body is starting to change, so that is another motivator for me.  I have lost over 5 lbs in 2 weeks.  I have maybe 10 to go, I will just have to see the fat to muscle ratio as I continue on.  Here are a couple of before and after pics as of this point.  
8/10/12



upload pictures

8/25/12



upload picture
8/10/12



upload photo
8/25/12



photo upload 

 My on line family. You guys are the best


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## ebfitness (Aug 25, 2012)

Good job! Keep it up!!


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## flynike (Aug 25, 2012)

YES! Gena, Keep it up!! you got it!!!


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## KILLEROFSAINTS (Aug 25, 2012)

i dont know  what triggered the failures but i know that youve got this

you are a woman...and women have the real power...the true strength


you ladies are gods gift to us...the one thing that truly makes the world go round for us

the gas in the fuel tank


be the lioness you really are...dont fail again



corny? i dont care...my thoughts


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## theCaptn' (Aug 25, 2012)




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## tallguy34 (Aug 25, 2012)

KILLEROFSAINTS said:


> i dont know  what triggered the failures but i know that youve got this
> 
> you are a woman...and women have the real power...the true strength
> 
> ...



Definitely have to say I agree with what KOS said here.

Let's go Gena, you got this!


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## Curt James (Aug 25, 2012)

Definitely rooting for you, Gena Marie. *<3*


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## heavyiron (Aug 26, 2012)

Obvious improvement in the pics!

Great work!


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## BBPowder (Aug 26, 2012)

Nice work!


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## Nightowl (Aug 28, 2012)

Gena Marie,

I am so happy to hear this is already on 5, and by the time my post hit it is more.  I can open up on this section of night sweats and say, it was tough to recognize the truth of it being a problem.  I must admit, I got a lot of inner feelings now with holding on to all that is around me. My little one and her life's path being in focus, _I won't wish to waste my time and lose her life's holdings either. Role model or guide is what I have to be, so I too admit I don't want this sort of life style ever again! ( my inner voice of recognizing these demon life suckers)

_  I think, you're heading there with opening your mind's eye to that of relationships and knowing that you are "Truly" loved; you have many reasons to not head back to those days and nights of hell. (I went through night sweats more then a few times, and before I knew it... I was switching vices to suppress the inner addiction to one, but moreover in denial it was a "PROBLEM" ) I remember the shakes, oh what a bitch of a time that was.  I thought, I'll get this to feel better...Nodda! Just a mere coverup for the real me curing itself.

Alanon, was used a few times with another relative and for her needs to be met through her son, he seeked this group out.  I believe in myself and have the strength to do this, and once you have this embedded in you...Nothing can stop you from reaching your sobriety.  I liked the feeling of being on top of my game, against this shite! You're getting already closer to winning this, for you're recognizing importance, and a honey of a man and beautiful young man "your son" to be your new love and your new passion.  They are yours, so embrace and enjoy, Mrs. G.M Dimaggio!

I will be around, in the boards and in the mind's heart.


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## Nok (Sep 5, 2012)

hey i am in recovery also, feel free to message me if you need someone to talk to. i am 24 years old and i just celebrated one year clean from heroin a few days ago


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## tallguy34 (Sep 6, 2012)

Gena, how are things going with your road to recovery?? Haven't heard from you in a while...


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## flynike (Sep 6, 2012)

YES, updates love!


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## Nightowl (Sep 10, 2012)

hey there Gena Marie,

trust all is well and you are indeed gearing up for the Mr. O!  I have been with this swollen toe for too darn long, and the taping doesn't do much good either, in fact it is even more hurting while it on. I have been invited to too many places for that last weekend and really tired of saying I can't, plus would rather of hit the Mr. O to see you and the Mr.

talk soon, let me and the rest know you're all right!


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## Lil Sexy (Sep 12, 2012)

Hey there Lady just stopping by to show some support.


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## Miss Springsteen (Sep 12, 2012)

Wow Gena, your pics are amazing and improvements are obvious! Your legs and back look sick!  Everything about this journal is sooo inspirational and i am so proud of you! I hope all is well with you and your family. I will keep yall in my prayers. Stay positive!


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## Nightowl (Sep 19, 2012)

Gena Marie,

Congratulations on your work and your efforts are indeed showing.  Your legs are something else!  

Talk soon, and so glad to hear progress.


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## flynike (Sep 27, 2012)

Bump! :bounce:


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