# Hard Habits to Break -  BROKEN!!!!!!



## fantasma62 (Jan 6, 2005)

That is one of my favorite Chicago songs (Hard Habit to Break), so I used it as the title of this journal but changed a letter to it. Instead of habit, it's habits, because...well, you'll read. It makes sense because in the past couple of months I have acquired some very bad eating habits and didn't really want to do much more than just lift, so I sat there letting all the work that I did for almost two months go to shit...
For those who may not have read my other journals, my name is Tony and I am trying to lose the flab and retain muscle mass, while gaining more later. I have 2 kids and a wife whom I love terribly. I am 35 years old, but will be 36 at the end of March and look forward to seeing my kids grow up as I get old. I don't want to die young as a few people like me that I have known have. I don't want to leave my family, ever..... I have a dog for whom I don't care too much about right now (she did potty inside the house last night after I took her out). I am a fatty, and I have a lot of work ahead of me...

I had a great start in august, I was doing everything I was supposed to...well, not everything, but a whole lot and was happy training. Then the hurricanes came, then my kids both got sick (I didn't know pre-school was so rough), my mother contracted breast cancer and I almost tore my rotator cuff. All this from September to October...I spent the better part of October and November in a really dark place, while putting out a phacade that all was good.  Not easy being the strong one.  All is good, my mother will be fine (God willing) and things have changed....
Anyway, before I hurt the shoulder I was trying my best to keep up. I was working out strong, I was eating well and suddenly, I was doing flyes and I felt something pop in my right shoulder. I finished the set but was in intense pain (I could only imagine what my have happened if I had really torn the rotator cuff) for a while.
Went to the doctor and was diagnosed with severe tendinitis. The doctor said had I continued, it would have been worse, the therapist agreed as she said that I may have done some extensive damage (tear) to the rotator cuff but that strengthening and exercises would do the trick. It has helped a lot and I have been cleared for working out. Nope, it's not completely done as I am told that injuries like this one take a while to heal, but that they do heal correctly.
Anyway, back to today. I am starting this new journal because I need to get off my stagnant ass. My other journal was not what I wanted anymore and I needed a fresh start, clean devoid of all of what happened last year and my thoughts from last year. The only thing that I have taken from that last journal is all the helpful information supplied by all of the good people from this community and specially all of the workouts supplied by the beautiful Cyndi (Sapphire). All else, my struggles, my good and bad times, and my random thoughts will stay there and die there. I need to start anew and this is the best way to go.
This has been of an introduction/explanation of who I am and what I am about, more to follow...


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## gwcaton (Jan 6, 2005)

Go Tony !  Good luck


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## fantasma62 (Jan 6, 2005)

What is my plan? Well, I was thinking of doing something like Rep Range only, where I work out with very little rest in between sets, but then Rock and du510 showed me some info about HIT and I am reading about it. It seems exactly what I was looking for, but upon further reading, I reserve the right to not choose yet.

My meals? I will go back to what I was doing right before I turned stupid (40/40/20 split as suggested by Jodi) and I will go and study Jodi's sticky along with a thread I started full of questions....

That's all for now, wish me luck....


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## P-funk (Jan 6, 2005)

> That is one of my favorite Chicago songs (Hard Habit to Break),




hahahhahah, fuckin' a!!  I saw this title and that is the first thing I thought of. I love that song.  hahahaa


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## dj_diablo54 (Jan 6, 2005)

Good Luck bro   Glad to see you see that you need to do it yourself that is half the battle. I will be around to see how you are progressing.


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## P-funk (Jan 6, 2005)

good luck......lets go man.  2005 is your year!!


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## fantasma62 (Jan 6, 2005)

Gdub, DJ and Patrick:


Thanks for your comments, I am gearing up to embark in something that I never thought I'd go into.  HIT.  High intensity and I have never been good partners.  I am pretty low key individual.  I'm reading and learning though....

Good night


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## Luke9583 (Jan 6, 2005)

Nite Tony.


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## fantasma62 (Jan 7, 2005)

Missed therapy today.  Decided to stay in school a little longer hanging out with the other parents....who would have told me 15 years ago that I'd be doing this.

Good morning folks.....
Hey Luke....


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## Rocco32 (Jan 7, 2005)

Hey Tony, good luck and let us know how we can help! We are all here for you.


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## Luke9583 (Jan 7, 2005)

Mornin' Tony.  I just realized we joined no the same month


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## fantasma62 (Jan 8, 2005)

Hey *Rock*: See? I didn't skip over you this time.....Thanks for the comments and support, I am sure I'll be needing a lot of that...

*Luke*: funny ah? I had been in here reading and learning. In fact, I was unlearning, as Arthur Jones used to say, everything that I thought I knew and opened my mind to new things, then I just upped and joined in the fun...


On thursday I bought Darden's HIT book. I had no idea that he was involved with Arthur Jones (the father of Nautilus) or Casey Viator....Really interesting stuff.
I am not really planning on putting on "bodybuilder muscle", in the competition sense of the name, but I am planning to build my body so that I feel better about myself and as I always say, grow old with my children.
I find HIT so very interesting and I am going give it a shot and see what happens. I will begin not this monday, but the following monday because I want to read the whole book and make a plan before going at it blindly....

L8tr folks....


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## JerseyDevil (Jan 8, 2005)

Good luck Tony!  A word from an old fart who has been doing this for awhile.  The program you choose to follow is NOTHING compared to just being dedicated, focused and consistent.  Pick a decent routine and stick with it.


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## greekblondechic (Jan 9, 2005)

Best of luck to the sweetest internet Tio in the world


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## fantasma62 (Jan 10, 2005)

*JD*: Mr. Old Fart, as you call yourself, you are as old as you feel and you my friend seem to feel like a 20 year old. Thanks, as usual, for your wisdom (no I am not making fun, I am very serious). I appreciate it when someone that has been where I am can take some time to guide me on the right path. Funny, I wasn't like that before. I used to say "sure, I'll do it" and then I would just not do a thing.

I am looking at HIT for the weights and Max-OT Cardio for, well, cardio.
I want to burn off fat in layers and are planning a meal plan that will work for me. You are right. If I don't stick with it, I will never know if it'll be successful or not, and since I can't yet do P/RR/S, I'll stick to this. Heck, if it works out for me, I may not even make any changes...

*Viv*: Well, I am flattered. I appreciate you coming by here and saying hi. It always brightens my day.....


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## dianas05 (Jan 10, 2005)

Hi Tony,

You have similar goals as I do so I will keep an eye on your progress, as long as you will keep an eye on mine. The best of luck to you!


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## fantasma62 (Jan 10, 2005)

dianas05 said:
			
		

> Hi Tony,
> 
> You have similar goals as I do so I will keep an eye on your progress, as long as you will keep an eye on mine. The best of luck to you!


I promise....


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## SpinQueen (Jan 10, 2005)

Another SoFla supporter here. I'm also trying to lose the nasty body fat. We can do it.


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## dianas05 (Jan 10, 2005)

fantasma62 said:
			
		

> I promise....



GREAT!


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## fantasma62 (Jan 10, 2005)

Well, just to tell you what my weekend was like.....
On the 6th was Anthony's b-day and we celebrated it yesterday at a park. It was 80 degrees Farenheit, breezy and sunny. It was perfect.
I am not going to write too much because I am very tired, but to summarize it, I am very behind on my sleep. I slept 2 1/2 hours saturday to sunday cooking for the party and slept 5 hours sunday to monday (the after-party pick-up)....
Anyway, I want to thank you all for coming by and offering words of encouragement and wisdom that I surely need to hear. I wrote in Diana's journal that I was in a dark place after I hurt my shoulder, but the reality was that I simply quit on me. Sad but true...I don't think I went thru a lot last year. I know families who lost a parent, I know people that were sick and I am still here healthy, so I had no reason to quit, other than just being weak minded.  There were no catastrophes in my llife, but when things got rough, Tony hid in a corner....   
Again, thanks for the encouragement, I will try my best not to let me or ya'll down....

G-night...


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## fantasma62 (Jan 11, 2005)

Man, I am still exhausted as I have been up since  4:00 am.  My daughter slept in our bed yesterday and was of course right next to me, pushing me off the bed.  Then my son decided that he wanted to do the same so I went to my recliner thinking that I would fall asleep.  I ended up watching the Chronicles of Riddick (I am sure that Rock would get a kick out of that....)
Getting set to start Max Ot cardio, but I need to get my bearings first and get some sleep.  Still reading Darden's book on HIT and liking what I am seeing....
Be back l8tr


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## fantasma62 (Jan 11, 2005)

*Random Thought...*

I was trying to make a workout cd with all my mp3's and suddenly I began laughing because I noticed that the music that I was listening to (that I love working out with) is 80's metal, which my father called noise.  Why was I laughing?  Because I was listening the other day to a rock band and I thought that it really sucked and sounded like crappy noise......Boy, I am turning into my father....


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## sara (Jan 11, 2005)

fantasma. Had to stop by and tell you that your kids are soooooooooooooo cute!!!!! especially in your new avi


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## BritChick (Jan 11, 2005)

Hi Tony, just caught up on you journal, good luck with all your goals for this year and here's to not hiding in corners!


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## dianas05 (Jan 11, 2005)

This year is a fresh start for you. I won't allow you to give up on something you can have, if only you put some time and effort in. As Kerry said, no more hiding in the corners!    :bounce:


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## fantasma62 (Jan 12, 2005)

*Sara*:  thanks, I love looking at them so I put them in my AVI.  I thought of maybe having one with my wife and children....

*Kerry*:  thanks for shooting by.  Believe me, no more corners or dark places.  It's been hard, but I survived, right?  Great web page, by the way....

*Diana*:  yup, this is a new year.  I am not making any more excuses and going full tilt with this.


I just came back from my therapy session and the improvement is amazing.  I have recovered a lot of my range of motion and strength in my inner shoulder.
I spoke with my therapist about my training plan and cardio plan and she thought that I should go ahead and start.  Before I decided on my workout, I wanted to hear from her that it would be Ok....and it is  
As of now I am not going to post my workouts because things could change from now to tomorrow, so what I'll do is give you a glance of what my schedule will be like.  So here goes:

Monday, Wednesday, Friday:  HIT Training
Tuesday and Thursday:  Max-OT Cardio
Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday:  Shoulder strengthening exercises.....

Again, this is very general because I am not sure what HIT routines I'll do, but the schedule in this form is not going to change.  Only the exercises will.


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## Rocco32 (Jan 12, 2005)

That looks good Tony. Your going to do different muscle groups on Mon, Wed, Fri?


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## fantasma62 (Jan 12, 2005)

rock4832 said:
			
		

> That looks good Tony. Your going to do different muscle groups on Mon, Wed, Fri?


Believe it or not, I am not doing different muscle groups per day.  I am going to loosely follow what Casey Viator used to do, which was, lower body, mid section, upper body, and go from there.
I have learned that the heart of HIT is to do a full body workout every workout. I am looking forward to the day after the workout more than anything else. This is a short workout (around 25 minutes), but my goodness, it's intense, just like Max-OT cardio....
I am going to start off with 8 routines the first couple of weeks and I'll add more to them before the first 6 weeks end. According to what I understand, I am not supposed to go to failure the first couple of weeks, but then, I have to go past failure in every routine I do, without rest.......OMG, I am dead....


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## naturaltan (Jan 12, 2005)

fantasma62 said:
			
		

> I was trying to make a workout cd with all my mp3's and suddenly I began laughing because I noticed that the music that I was listening to (that I love working out with) is 80's metal, which my father called noise.  Why was I laughing?  Because I was listening the other day to a rock band and I thought that it really sucked and sounded like crappy noise......Boy, I am turning into my father....



yep you are 

Another sign is when you start making comments about the way the young kids dress these days.  I have a few friends who do both ... I just laugh.  It's quite amusing.  They would say "turn the music down, or preferably off"


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## fantasma62 (Jan 12, 2005)

naturaltan said:
			
		

> yep you are
> 
> Another sign is when you start making comments about the way the young kids dress these days. I have a few friends who do both ... I just laugh. It's quite amusing. They would say "turn the music down, or preferably off"


 Actually I kinda' feel worse.  My kids listen to Barney (crap, noise), The Wiggles (more crap, noise) and Dora the Explorer (even more crap, noise).  My wife is the one that listens to the newer music, so all I say is:  "please turn that shit off, we don't listen to that in my car"
That's where the points system works so well for me.  I can get away with that and used my banked points to back me up....


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## dianas05 (Jan 12, 2005)

Hey Tony...nice plan you have going there.


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## fantasma62 (Jan 12, 2005)

Tomorrow will be a really tough day for my family. My mother is going to undergo a double masectomy. Thanks to stupid chemicals my mother was prescribed, she contracted breast cancer. I can't begin to tell you how relieved I was when I found out that it was contained and would not spread. However, just in case, they will remove both breasts.

I have been carrying this inside me for over 3 months since she was first diagnosed. I have been a rock to my family and I am proud of that because I have been steady as a rock. But when I'm alone I just want to scream. I want to break something, beat down someone (namely the doctor who prescribed a hormone that causes this), I want to cry from frustration. I feel hatred and at the same time I feel helpless, as if I can do nothing more than pray that all goes well.
As of tomorrow, I will need all the strength that I don't have because my family, no, my mother needs me and I can't show how much I am really hurting inside. My eyes need to be dry when she cries and that will show that everything is going to be Ok, that there is nothing but optimism. But I will also know how much pain she's going to go thru. Mental and physical. She will undergo 4-6 chemo cycles. She will be weak and will be sick. She will not be herself until around November. This is eating me inside. I am fooling everyone. My wife doesn't know how I feel, my family is oblivious to this. How long can I last like this? This sucks and I am tired of feeling like this because all I can think of is that I wish it was not her. I wish it was me. I am strong enough, I am pure power, I am unbreakable, and I am not scared of jack shit. The only thing that I am afraid of now, is when my mother looks at herself after surgery and that she will cry. No my fear is not her crying, my fear is that I will also cry...


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## gwcaton (Jan 12, 2005)

Tony ,
sorry to hear about your mom .  but don't worry about crying big guy   If you don't cry , that would be unusual .


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## dianas05 (Jan 13, 2005)

Good morning Tony,

I'm very sorry to hear about your mom, but if your she stays positive about this whole procedure, she WILL beat this because of her strength to do so. My thoughts and prayers are with the both of you. Please, if this is the only way to express your feelings, don't be afraid of writing in your journal. Everyone is here to support you.

Now think happy thoughts!


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## fantasma62 (Jan 13, 2005)

Thanks Gdub and Diana. 

I needed that as a release since I don't actually have a punching bag at home to beat down and I would never take it out on my family, not even an option.
I slept better last night after I wrote this.  It does help to write and let out....


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## Rocco32 (Jan 13, 2005)

Sorry to hear about all this Tony. My thoughts and prayers will be with you and your Mother.


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## fantasma62 (Jan 13, 2005)

Just came back from the hospital.  The surgery had to be postponed until the 25th because she had a cut in her hand and the doctors were afraid that it may get infected.  I am not sure why, but that's a bad thing if you have no lymph nodes, which will be taken out with the surgery.

Thanks, Rock for your concern and your thoughts.


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## Rocco32 (Jan 13, 2005)

fantasma62 said:
			
		

> Just came back from the hospital.  The surgery had to be postponed until the 25th because she had a cut in her hand and the doctors were afraid that it may get infected.  I am not sure why, but that's a bad thing if you have no lymph nodes, which will be taken out with the surgery.
> 
> Thanks, Rock for your concern and your thoughts.


The lymph nodes act as kinda a flushing system for the body. Anything found in the blood that's not supposed to be there get's flushed out through the lymph nodes or something like that. Pretty important.


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## fantasma62 (Jan 13, 2005)

rock4832 said:
			
		

> The lymph nodes act as kinda a flushing system for the body. Anything found in the blood that's not supposed to be there get's flushed out through the lymph nodes or something like that. Pretty important.


Holy Shit!!!! No wonder....thanks for the explanation...


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## fantasma62 (Jan 13, 2005)

Folks, just one thing that I want to say before I go on with my day today.

Earlier today Mr. NT read a post that I made regarding marital cheating.  Please understand that I have never taken the Sex forum seriously and that I do not nor will I ever condone cheating.  I have had people close to me cheated on and it is a very destructive thing to do.  I have also had friends who have helped the women cheat on their husbands/boyfriends and I have seen the destruction that they have caused to families.
I don't have that example in my home from anyone in my family.  My parents are married, my grandparents are married, my aunts and uncles are married and even my older cousins are married with no cheating known about them.
NT, please don't ever take a post I make in the Sex forums seriously.  The way I am feeling lately, I need something to make me laugh a little bit and post irreverent shit in there....
I do take seriously the acquaintances that I have made here and do have an image to uphold as a father, husband, friend, fantasma62


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## fantasma62 (Jan 14, 2005)

Hi folks,

My next post in this journal will include my first workout (hopefully).  I will be doing HIT and Max OT cardio this week.  Well the jury is still out on the cardio part.  I understand that HIT is so intense, that I may not have enough energy left during the week for cardio.
We'll see.....

L8tr


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## gwcaton (Jan 14, 2005)

fantasma62 said:
			
		

> Hi folks,
> 
> My next post in this journal will include my first workout (hopefully). I will be doing HIT and Max OT cardio this week. Well the jury is still out on the cardio part. I understand that HIT is so intense, that I may not have enough energy left during the week for cardio.
> We'll see.....
> ...


Go Tony


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## fantasma62 (Jan 17, 2005)

Weight: 270 pounds.....270 freaking pounds

Need to get to work....
Today as I said, I will begin with HIT.  It should be quick and PAINFUL...
Either way, I lied, I said that my next post would be my workout, but that won't happen 'till tonight....
Oh boy, this is going to hurt quite a bit....je je


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## gwcaton (Jan 17, 2005)

I'll drink an extra serving of Cytomax in honor of your impending soreness


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## fantasma62 (Jan 17, 2005)

GW:  What's Cytomax?  If it takes away soreness, let me know, because I was drinking ICE but it tastes like pure crap...


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## fantasma62 (Jan 17, 2005)

I just finished taking my first photos and OH THE HUMANITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What the hell happened to me? I have put on 18 pounds since I hurt my shoulder. It's so annoying, but oh well, what am I going to do. More work than I thought I would have to do but it's got to be done.
Anyway, I will post this photos when the time is right.  It is really embarrasing. I can't believe that I have walked around like that at the beach


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## fantasma62 (Jan 17, 2005)

This got reposted.....


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## fantasma62 (Jan 17, 2005)

Today was very uneventful.  I did not work out because I had forgotten that my therapist told me to strengthen the shoulder the days I wasn't working out and my day with her is wednesday, so I have to do this on tuesdays, thursdays and sats, until my therapy sessions are done and over with.  I'll probably make a change later....

For the time being, I am following Dr. Darden's diet from his HIT book.  We'll see how that goes....


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## gwcaton (Jan 17, 2005)

fantasma62 said:
			
		

> GW: What's Cytomax? If it takes away soreness, let me know, because I was drinking ICE but it tastes like pure crap...


Tony,

ICE is about the same has a few extra things I think .

http://www.cytosport.com/products/cytomax.html  helps to reduce lactic acid build up . Works for me . Just starting up again like you are it won't totally eliminate it but it will sure reduce it . Then after you are back in the swing of things it will help to the point where you don't notice the soreness anymore after your workouts ( At least from the lactic acid )  Works for me . I love the stuff . I use the tropical flavor tastes good !


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## fantasma62 (Jan 18, 2005)

gwcaton said:
			
		

> Tony,
> 
> ICE is about the same has a few extra things I think .
> 
> http://www.cytosport.com/products/cytomax.html helps to reduce lactic acid build up . Works for me . Just starting up again like you are it won't totally eliminate it but it will sure reduce it . Then after you are back in the swing of things it will help to the point where you don't notice the soreness anymore after your workouts ( At least from the lactic acid ) Works for me . I love the stuff . I use the tropical flavor tastes good !


Great, thanks a bunch Gdub....

On another front, I am a little skeptical about the diet to follow in Dr. Darden's HIT book and website. I can't get on it (register) to ask questions, so I am going to hold off on the diet until I get a better idea. His idea is a 1500 calories, high carb, low fat and protein diet. What I don't understand is how a high carb diet can help me. I've read many people for whom this has worked. The question that I have is whether this is something that will become a long term weight loss and maintenance or just an immediate loss...
Anyone that has worked on Dr. Darden's HIT please respond.....


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## fantasma62 (Jan 18, 2005)

I was reading a little more about the 1500 calorie, carb based diet and it literally scared me.  See, it looked like it worked for everyone that tried it, however, after you lose the weight, you have to buy another book to see the type of diet you want to use.  I like Dr. Darden's HIT routines, but I am not a big fan of his diet style, I'd much rather go with the bread and butter (not literally) 40/40/20 as per Jodi's advice.  I won't lose the fat as fast, but I am sure not to gain it, as I start tweaking the caloric intake little by little....
We'll see.  No workout today thanks to my kids making me sick now.  I got their cold and I have absolutely no energy...This sucks.  I was really looking forward to starting HIT.  As soon as this cold gets better, I am hitting the gym hard.  Tomorrow's therapy session will be cancelled, thanks to the cold.  I don't want to give it to anyone else.  I'll move it to friday...


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## fantasma62 (Jan 19, 2005)

Man, Murphy is still hanging around....He must really like my cooking... 

As we thought we were done with my mother's cancer problem, or at least knew that it could be solved, something else pops up.  Now they have found a rare type of skin cancer on her right hand.  According to the Doctor, this is an aggressive type of cancer.  Isn't this wonderful freaking news?  Well, they think they got it as it was small like a mosquito bite, in fact, this is the famous mosquito bite that suspended the surgery.  It turns out, it was no mosquito.  Now she's having the full mastectomy on the 25th along with the removal of all lymph nodes in her right arm.  Things have been tough lately and I haven't been around as much as I thought I would, but I guess I'll do my best by writing here.  Those who want to know what's up, just read up....
I'll be back....


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## gwcaton (Jan 20, 2005)

Damn Tony ,

Hang in there Buddy !


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## dianas05 (Jan 20, 2005)

I hope things will get better for your mom, Tony. Just hang in there.


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## fantasma62 (Jan 20, 2005)

Thanks Gary and Diana.


Well, today I worked from home.  Those who know me also know how much I hate to not be at my desk in my office.  I don't like to waste time.
Well, since I have a cold, again, I can't get near my parents because they can't get sick.  My mother gets a cold and there are major troubles, as she is going to be hit with chemo after the surgery and her defenses will be low.  So now, I have to stay away.  This is a very "SUCK" situation because my family is very close.  I mean, close as in we all see each other all the time (aunts, uncles, cousins, parents), or at least those who live here in the US.  Now this.....
Oh well, at least I am getting better and stronger, since the cold zapped the energy out of me and I want to start working hard as soon as possible, I however, make no promises....

Have a great night ya'll


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## fantasma62 (Jan 25, 2005)

Well folks, my mother's surgery was a success today.

The bad, both breasts were removed. The good is that the surgery went as it should have gone and as of right now, she's got no cancer now.  So now we've got to wait to see how the radiation/chemotherapy work out.
On another post, today my wife's grandmother was diagnosed with colon cancer.  The good news is that it's not the aggressive type, so we hope all will be well....

Take care folks....


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## sftwrngnr (Jan 26, 2005)

Tony,
I am so sorry to hear that your mom and grandmother are going through a rough patch.  The good news (if there is any), is that the procedure should have gotten all of the cancer, and she CAN have reconstructive surgery.  I sincerely believe that true beauty comes from within.  Your mom is still your mom, irrespective of what may be going on with her body.  Hang in there!  You are a very strong person.

On another note, don't worry about the weight.  It will come off.  Focus on getting back to your working out regimen.  You were doing great before, and I fully expect to see great things with you again. [And I can relate only too well, to being horrified... I was trying to get down to 220 by this week (powerlifting meet this weekend)... anyway, it just didn't f'n happen, so I have to lift at 242 weight class, which means I won't even be remotely competitive.... oh well, life happens!]
-Dan


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## fantasma62 (Jan 26, 2005)

Hey Dan, thanks for your words.  They do mean a lot.

It's sad that I have been using what I thougth would be a strictly training journal for bitching and complaining.
I can only imagine what the rest of the folks are thinking.  Believe me, I think it too:  "Again?  another problem?  What a whiner...."

I am going to give it my best to stick to HIT as soon as I recover.  The doctor finally gave me antibiotics.  The amazing thing, this is the same cold that I caught in November of last year.......LOL


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## fantasma62 (Feb 1, 2005)

I am closing this, my most unsuccessful journal.

I have opened a new one in the IM Competition Forum.
I have begun training and will be "journalizing" in my new journal....


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