# what is it like to be a dad?



## Rubes (Aug 1, 2008)

Ok everyone whatâ??????s it like to be a parent  I need to know this kinda thing nowâ???¦.girlfriends 2 months along with twins


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## Arnold (Aug 1, 2008)

at 18 years old? oh boy.


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## Hoglander (Aug 1, 2008)

It's great!! : )  It makes you feel very responsible and needed. You are ready for that???


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## Rubes (Aug 1, 2008)

Prince said:


> at 18 years old? oh boy.



yea i know


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## Rubes (Aug 1, 2008)

Hoglander said:


> It's great it it makes you feel very responsible and needed. You are ready for that???



i was pretty much the dad to my nephew untill my brother inlaw came along...im sure i can handle it.


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## Arnold (Aug 1, 2008)

you will (or hopefully) be growing up very quickly.


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## Rubes (Aug 1, 2008)

i already have a place for us to live and a job


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## vader (Aug 1, 2008)

you no longer live for yourself, however you will find fullfilment in the children and watching them grow and learn new things
Its a long hard road, welcome to adulthood.


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## lucifuge (Aug 1, 2008)

it's tough, but quite honestly the single greatest thing in my life.
you'll love it


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## Doublebase (Aug 1, 2008)

I can't wait to have kids.  We plan on trying Sept. 28th.


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## P-funk (Aug 1, 2008)

Doublebase said:


> I can't wait to have kids.  We plan on trying Sept. 28th.



You marked the date that you are going to lose your virginity...


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## DaMayor (Aug 1, 2008)

18? So what. You're taking on responsibility before others do..no big deal.

Hey Rubes, it doesn't matter what anybody tells you, because being a Dad is already there, its already in ya, buddy.
Being a Dad is more than I can put into words here.....it is something that you will figure out for yourself as time passes, there is no absolute plan beforehand. I suspect you'll feel a little frightened before your children are born, then maybe a little excited....then you'll have a moment of  "Holy shit! I can't do this!!" But *DON'T EVER DOUBT YOURSELF*. Because parental responses are inherent....they are there whether we realize it or not.
And the kicker.....when you have children, your life changes...it is no longer about YOU. Since my son was born, eveything I do is for HIM. The reason I work eighty-plus hours a week is for *HIM*. The reason I go without anything is for *HIM*. I could go on, but you get the idea.

When you create a life, it is your responsibility to guide that life in the best direction possible......whether _your_ direction has been perfect or not.

I thinbk you'll be a great Dad.....just don't freak out.



If you ever need a hand....shoot me a PM.


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## Doublebase (Aug 1, 2008)

P-funk said:


> You marked the date that you are going to lose your virginity...



I think most poeple know the date of their own wedding.


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## BoneCrusher (Aug 1, 2008)

So then at 20 years of age when you're supposed to be doing the twin hotties down the street you will instead being doing twin diaper duty.  Just make sure you keep the lil fireman covered up while on duty or you'll be the one getting the face shot.

Go to college.  Now is good.  With children at home you qualify for mucho financial aid.  Take it all and get the degree in w/e will get you a big happy paycheck.  Robbing banks is also good, but the retirement package is a bummer.

When your kids are 3ish and start to really communicate with you in words ... it is sooo intense.  At 5 when complex conversations take place you get to live in a very unique world of child/adult perspective as you see things their way.  

Of all the things I've done, being a dad is the best.  I like the time I took my son out into the woods when he was 11 and shot him right between the eyes.  He shot me after we refilled our paintball guns from about 8' away, in the back ... sneaky lil dude.  Didn't even hear him coming ...

When he was 13 years old the kid stole my work van and I was called by the police to come get him/it ... that was fun too.  Of course I had the pleasure of paying off the tickets for that one.  Cost him his Summer vacation working with me to pay them off.  Coolest thing is though, we wound up with some serious quality time that we would not have otherwise had.  The art of taking lemons and making lemon aid is a good parenting skill to develop.

So yeah ... being a dad is my most favorite job/accomplishment/experience to date.


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## tucker01 (Aug 2, 2008)

vader said:


> you no longer live for yourself, however you will find fullfilment in the children and watching them grow and learn new things
> Its a long hard road, welcome to adulthood.



Basically this is it.

And twins, oh man.  Reality is going to hit hard.


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## Little Wing (Aug 2, 2008)

very nice thread.


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## KelJu (Aug 2, 2008)

Sounds like a nightmare to me. All I can say is good luck,.


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## KentDog (Aug 2, 2008)

Be a good father. It is going to mean a lot of sacrifice.


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## P-funk (Aug 2, 2008)

Doublebase said:


> I think most poeple know the date of their own wedding.



congrats!


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## P-funk (Aug 2, 2008)

I agree with whom ever said go to college!  Snatch up some financial aid money and get to the local university (or knock out a ton of pre-req's at the community college and then transfer them in).  Even if you just get a BA in general studies....it will get you further along.


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## The Monkey Man (Aug 2, 2008)

Good for you...

Now don't forget to immediately go and get snipped after the kids are born.


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## BoneCrusher (Aug 2, 2008)

P-funk said:


> I agree with whom ever said go to college!  Snatch up some financial aid money and get to the local university (or knock out a ton of pre-req's at the community college and then transfer them in).  Even if you just get a BA in general studies....it will get you further along.


His Funkyness is right.  Add that all the newly united grandparents should be willing to kick in on the familial support fund while you get edumacated.  You are in the very special process of bringing up the next gen of combined familial DNA.


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## Jeeper (Aug 2, 2008)

Being a dad kicks ass,  my third will be here shortly.

From the other side of this, the lawyer that does custody cases, *get something in writing with her now*.  Get a parenting plan, and child support amount should you ever break up and not live together.

Dont be stupid and think that you will be together forever.  The chances of that are slim to none at your age.  You need to take care of this now or you will pay for it later.  Even if you stay with her, there is no harm in planning for it if it doesnt happen.  I see this every day.  The guy comes in after they had a fight and she moved out with the kids and says "She wont let me see the kids"  Now she turns crazy and it takes two months to get into court for anything.  Dont assume that the agreements you have now are bdinging if your break up. 

In many states, until there is a court order, the woman has sole legal custody.  I dont care if you are on the birth certificate or not.  Go get a court order for custody, support and parenting time should you ever break up.  This will also prevent her, in most cases, from being able to leave the state with the kids.  

That or don't listen to me and 3 years down the road you can spend 20K fighting about this with a lawyer like me.  Lawyers make a lot of money off of other's stupidity.


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## Rubes (Aug 2, 2008)

lansing community college is right down the road from where im moving into and michigan state univeristy is as well. and shes going to go to MSU after the twins are here. im going to get a degree in criminal justice shes going for some ultrasound thing


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## Double D (Aug 2, 2008)

Well I got three little girl. Trust me life has definitly changd in the past 6 years! Instead of wanting to go the bar, I'd much rather get some movies and hang out with my 3 little girls for the night. Its what alot of people would call unlucky, I call it a miracle! It was funny I had a buddy who called me and was scared to death once his new one arrived. He said am I really going to love this kid like I should? I told him it all comes in time, don't worry things always fall into place. 6 months later he says he couldnt be happier.


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## vader (Aug 2, 2008)

Rubes said:


> lansing community college is right down the road from where im moving into and michigan state univeristy is as well. and shes going to go to MSU after the twins are here. im going to get a degree in criminal justice shes going for some ultrasound thing



go into nursing


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## Rubes (Aug 2, 2008)

why would i go into nursing when i have connections to get into the police force in michigan?


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## vader (Aug 2, 2008)

$$$$$$$$$


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## Rubes (Aug 2, 2008)

oh dont worry im fine on the money part...


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## Rubes (Aug 2, 2008)

this is the mom.


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## The Monkey Man (Aug 2, 2008)

Rubes said:


> why would i go into nursing when i have connections to get into the police force in michigan?



Beacuse being a cop and dealing with the scum of the earth everyday
turns most good people into assholes? -


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## The Monkey Man (Aug 2, 2008)

Although, you live in BFE so being a kuntry cop might nawt be as bad.

I'd think about doing the DNR thing though...
They have all the same authority as a MI state trooper,
but the job is way different.

DNR - How to Become a Conservation Officer


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## Rubes (Aug 2, 2008)

im already an asshole for the most part unless your someone that i really care about haha. im pretty much already in just need to finish whats left of school.


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## min0 lee (Aug 2, 2008)

Doublebase said:


> I can't wait to have kids. We plan on trying Sept. 28th.


Is this when she'll finally let you have sex with her?


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## min0 lee (Aug 2, 2008)

P-funk said:


> You marked the date that you are going to lose your virginity...


Damn, you beat me to it.


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## P-funk (Aug 2, 2008)




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## AKIRA (Aug 2, 2008)

Rubes said:


> this is the mom.



Say goodbye to that body.  Unless she works out....and is DEDICATED.

Like KelJu, it sounds like a nightmare.  And I know you dont want to hear this, but all of a sudden my life just got better.

I have major issues with this sort of shit, so perhaps my negativity belongs else where.


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## Rubes (Aug 2, 2008)

AKIRA said:


> Say goodbye to that body.  Unless she works out....and is DEDICATED.
> 
> Like KelJu, it sounds like a nightmare.  And I know you dont want to hear this, but all of a sudden my life just got better.
> 
> I have major issues with this sort of shit, so perhaps my negativity belongs else where.



she likes to work out she was a D-1 cheerleader.  i dont mind you saying that everyone has their point of view on things like this i dont mind yours at all.


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## Arnold (Aug 3, 2008)

look, I wish you both the best of luck but the fact of the matter is being a mom or dad at 18 is the worst thing that could happen to someone, you just threw your life down the drain (so to speak), you're supposed to graduate high school, go to college, start a career, then in your late twenties or early thirties start a family, it is HIGHLY doubtful that either one of you will go to college, and even if you start college, chances are you will never finish it. I am just being a realist here, *just don't forget it's not too late to get an abortion.* Until you actually have a baby you have no clue what you're about to take on, you're entire life will change 100%.


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## dirtcake1 (Aug 3, 2008)

Speaking from experience, I hope you and your girl love each other and stay together, because missing 15 years of my children's lives is my biggest regret in life. I don't care what anyone says, if your not in their life 24/7 you're not a dad, you're just their father and the two are not the same. Best of luck.


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## Witchblade (Aug 3, 2008)

Prince said:


> look, I wish you both the best of luck but the fact of the matter is being a mom or dad at 18 is the worst thing that could happen to someone, you just threw your life down the drain (so to speak), you're supposed to graduate high school, go to college, start a career, then in your late twenties or early thirties start a family, it is HIGHLY doubtful that either one of you will go to college, and even if you start college, chances are you will never finish it. I am just being a realist here, *just don't forget it's not too late to get an abortion.* Until you actually have a baby you have no clue what you're about to take on, you're entire life will change 100%.


What Prince said.

Whatever your decisions will be, I wish you the best of luck.


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## vader (Aug 3, 2008)

Prince said:


> look, I wish you both the best of luck but the fact of the matter is being a mom or dad at 18 is the worst thing that could happen to someone, you just threw your life down the drain (so to speak), you're supposed to graduate high school, go to college, start a career, then in your late twenties or early thirties start a family, it is HIGHLY doubtful that either one of you will go to college, and even if you start college, chances are you will never finish it. I am just being a realist here, *just don't forget it's not too late to get an abortion.* Until you actually have a baby you have no clue what you're about to take on, you're entire life will change 100%.



don't listen to this garbage


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## dirtcake1 (Aug 3, 2008)

IMO  it's only garbage if both parents are committed to keeping a family together. Otherwise, 4 lives are fucked up for a long time, maybe forever. Some people just aren't fit for parenting, as a matter of fact, I would say most. Even alot of those that think they are dump so much of their emotional baggage on their kids, it takes most of their adult life to recognize and deal with it.


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## AKIRA (Aug 3, 2008)

vader said:


> don't listen to this garbage



Dont listen to THIS garbage.


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## Hench (Aug 3, 2008)

Rubes said:


> this is the mom.



she looks a bit older than you bud, if you dont mind me asking what age is she?


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## soxmuscle (Aug 3, 2008)

vader said:


> don't listen to this garbage



You're an idiot.

Rubes, 

If seeing your posts has taught me anything about you, it's that you are in no way shape or form ready to have a child.

Do yourself, your girlfriend and this child a service and abort it.


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## soxmuscle (Aug 3, 2008)

Rubes said:


> this is the mom.



Yummy mummy.


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## Rubes (Aug 3, 2008)

im a little better then most of you might think with kids. i was the father figure for my oldest nephew for almost a year while his dad sat in jail for being a dipshit.....

the moms also 18


college will happen somehow we'll figure it out. if it means im stuck not going for a few years then so be it ill let her finish.


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## Arnold (Aug 3, 2008)

vader said:


> don't listen to this garbage



I know what I posted sounded a bit harsh, but it's reality...no teenager should be a parent, hell I don't think most people are ready to be parents until their around 30. Kids are supposed to go to college, get a career going, etc., then once they are mature enough themselves and have a solid foundation in life, financially and emotionally, then they are ready to raise kids, until then they are just kids themselves. Teens having kids just pisses me off, I think its irresponsible and unfair to both the teen parents and the baby they bring into this world.

Now, here is a true story that I don't often tell...I got my high school girlfriend pregnant, we were both 17 years old (yes we were being irresponsible). I told my mother who did NOT believe in abortion and my mom said she's getting an abortion and I am going to help you both do it! Why? Because she believed exactly what I said above...and I thank her for facilitating that abortion, having a baby at 17 would have been the worst mistake for both of us.

Either way, it's just my opinion and I don't think its "garbage", you can disagree if you wish.


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## P-funk (Aug 3, 2008)

I agree with prince.  this is not a great situation to be.

Rubes.....don't go in the mentality of *"college will happen somehow we'll figure it out. if it means im stuck not going for a few years then so be it ill let her finish."*


Seriously, you have to MAKE it happen.  If you are serious about having this kid at your age, don't fuck around with putting college off.  You need to provide for this kid and that starts with getting and education and a job that pays you enough to support a family!


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## Rubes (Aug 3, 2008)

i can get into college thru my job they will pay for college while im still working for them so mine is taken care of. hers will have to come thru grants and stuff like that i think


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## soxmuscle (Aug 3, 2008)

Can I ask why you're so set on having this child?

Are you one of those crazy people who doesn't believe in abortion?


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## Rubes (Aug 3, 2008)

no im not one of those crazy people. but i believe that everything happens for a reason so if the kid(s) arnt suposed to be then something will happn and they wont be born.


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## JailHouse (Aug 3, 2008)

You might wanna think about the military.  Pick a good job with them so that when your time is up you can still use your new skills in the civilian world.  They well take care of you, your baby mama (if you marry her ) and your baby.  Good luck bro.


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## AKIRA (Aug 3, 2008)

Rubes said:


> no im not one of those crazy people. but i believe that everything happens for a reason so if the kid(s) arnt suposed to be then something will happn and they wont be born.



So you believe in fate/karma/bullshit.

Thats my opinion of course (bullshit), but I find it as "unhealthy thinking."  People say those lines to cope with bad news and though it helps, its just a bunch of words.

You arent going to die from this and its not the end of the world, but your hopes and dreams now seem impossible.  Hell, my hopes and dreams are damn near impossible and I have NO kids and NO wife.  

Life isnt easy.  There are reasons us 'elders' are saying these things.


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## Rubes (Aug 3, 2008)

i gave up on my dream of playing nfl football well over a year ago...i faced the facts and i chose what i wanted to do. im going to college to become a cop.


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## vader (Aug 3, 2008)

soxmuscle said:


> You're an idiot.
> 
> Rubes,
> 
> ...



you are an idiot as well as a complete ass.
How would you do the child a service by killing it?


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## DaMayor (Aug 3, 2008)

Not directed to you Rubes....just a general question from one of those *crazy people*.

Um, what's wrong with adoption, fellahs?


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## Witchblade (Aug 3, 2008)

DaMayor said:


> Not directed to you Rubes....just a general question from one of those *crazy people*.
> 
> Um, what's wrong with adoption, fellahs?


Giving birth to a child only to give it away. I don't even feel the need to elaborate on why this is ludicrous...


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## Rubes (Aug 3, 2008)

now way would i give them up for adoption and the mom would never do that either...


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## HialeahChico305 (Aug 3, 2008)

KelJu said:


> Sounds like a nightmare to me. All I can say is good luck,.




Ditto


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## DaMayor (Aug 4, 2008)

Witchblade said:


> Giving birth to a child only to give it away. I don't even feel the need to elaborate on why this is ludicrous...



So it makes more sense to kill the child?


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## Little Wing (Aug 4, 2008)

Rubes said:


> i can get into college thru my job they will pay for college while im still working for them so mine is taken care of. hers will have to come thru grants and stuff like that i think



i worked in the day care on campus when i was in college. don't put it off you can both go and people like me will take good care of your babies while you are in class. working there was what finally made me decide i did want kids.


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## Little Wing (Aug 4, 2008)

back when family was something people valued more than a fancy car or all the oh i just have to have it bullshit of the modern world's money grubbing ways it used to be the standard for couples to have kids at a younger age than 18 and many of them were great parents. 

it's a hard job but nothing will ever be as rewarding in the end of your days as having loved and been loved by your children. it's not an optimal situation, but even though it's not easy it can be done well with dedication and determination. 

you notice all the people for abortion have been born already?  i wonder what their opinion would be in utero with a teenage mom?


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## NeilPearson (Aug 4, 2008)

Rubes said:


> im a little better then most of you might think with kids. i was the father figure for my oldest nephew for almost a year while his dad sat in jail for being a dipshit.....
> 
> the moms also 18
> 
> ...



That pretty much means it won't ever happen... but that is good, I need people to bag my groceries and change my oil


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## DaMayor (Aug 4, 2008)

NeilPearson said:


> That pretty much means it won't ever happen... but that is good, I need people to bag my groceries and change my oil



Way to encourage the guy!

So what's the deal, fellahs? Have all of you guys lead the perfect life, or what?

There seem to be a lot of harsh repsonses from a lot of folks who've never been in or even _near_ this guy's situation. So what if he wants to give this a shot, eh? Last time I checked, such behavior was called *being responsible for one's actions.*

You guys are starting to sound like a bunch of dead-beat Dads..


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## NeilPearson (Aug 4, 2008)

DaMayor said:


> Way to encourage the guy!
> 
> So what's the deal, fellahs? Have all of you guys lead the perfect life, or what?
> 
> ...



No being responsible is not knocking up your 18 year old girlfriend not digging yourself further into the hole after you screw up.

We will see how he feels in 6 years when they have both matured, she has put on 50 pounds and their interests have both changed and no longer have anything in common.  Top it off with the fact that they will be struggling trying to make ends meet, working tons of hours, going to school and therefore the only time they will end up spending together will revolve around looking after twins....

It's a train wreck waiting to happen.  I have seen these scenario play out many, many times.  Every time people think they will be different and guess what... they never are.


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## AKIRA (Aug 4, 2008)

DaMayor said:


> Way to encourage the guy!
> 
> So what's the deal, fellahs? Have all of you guys lead the perfect life, or what?
> 
> ...



  What a surprising answer.

If he aborts this child, he IS taking responsibility.  Telling her to go fuck herself and leaving her to tend for it all by herself is not taking responsibility.

Anyone seen Juno?  I havent, but I know the story.  And never once have I met a girl in real life that harbored a baby just to give it up for adoption.  I wish it was a more common option, but it just isnt.  Seems like the best for the bleeding hearts out there that call this shit "murder."


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## DaMayor (Aug 4, 2008)

NeilPearson said:


> No being responsible is not knocking up your 18 year old girlfriend not digging yourself further into the hole after you screw up.  *I was talking about acting responsibly AFTER the mistake was made. No sense in crying over what has already happened.*
> 
> It's a train wreck waiting to happen.  *Well, this is Rube's train.....if he wants to make an attempt to do the right thing, who are we to judge him for it?*






AKIRA said:


> And never once have I met a girl in real life that harbored a baby just to give it up for adoption.  *I Have.*
> 
> I wish it was a more common option, but it just isnt.  *Completely wrong.* Adoption has become more and more common.



AKIRA, when arguing a point of any kind, there is this little thing called *credibility*......in this case, you have none. Zero.


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## tomuchgear (Aug 4, 2008)

i really have no interest in responding to alot that has been said. for you rubes i will give you the advice my adopted father gave me. there are only two ways to be a father. either you are all in or you are not in at all. dont screw your kid up by saying i want to be a dad then sticking around for a while then bailing. if you walk stick to that decision, and pay your child support. as for colledge my shit got put on hold, and so did my wife. a few years down the road we are both done with school. so if you want it bad enough  it will happen. that is why there is a diffrence from a dream, and a goal.


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## DaMayor (Aug 4, 2008)

tomuchgear said:


> i really have no interest in responding to alot that has been said. for you rubes i will give you the advice my adopted father gave me. there are only two ways to be a father. either you are all in or you are not in at all. dont screw your kid up by saying i want to be a dad then sticking around for a while then bailing. if you walk stick to that decision, and pay your child support. as for colledge my shit got put on hold, and so did my wife. a few years down the road we are both done with school. so if you want it bad enough  it will happen. that is why there is a diffrence from a dream, and a goal.


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## soxmuscle (Aug 4, 2008)

NeilPearson said:


> That pretty much means it won't ever happen... but that is good, *I need people to bag my groceries and change my oil*





Neil, you've been spot on throughout this thread.


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## AKIRA (Aug 4, 2008)

DaMayor said:


> AKIRA, when arguing a point of any kind, there is this little thing called *credibility*......in this case, you have none. Zero.



Oh what, cuz YOU say I have none, that means I have none?

Hi.  I am Earth.  Have we met?


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## Witchblade (Aug 4, 2008)

DaMayor said:


> So it makes more sense to kill the child?


I see you're one of those people that doesn't see the difference between an embryo and a child. Do you also consider wearing a condom murder?


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## brogers (Aug 4, 2008)

Witchblade said:


> I see you're one of those people that doesn't see the difference between an embryo and a child. Do you also consider wearing a condom murder?



Are you unable to see the difference between a human, alive, with its own unique DNA at a stage we all started at and a sperm that will never become anything more alone?  This is simple biology.

Rubes, I'm not a father, but I certainly wish you the best.  It may not always be easy, but I think for most people the difficulties are insignificant when compared with the satisfaction of raising your children and seeing them grow up.


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## tomuchgear (Aug 4, 2008)

quick thing to add here bro. you can do alot of schooling online these days. for you get the stuff done when the kids are young and need there mother for food and such. then when they are older if she cant do some or all of her stuff online you can take a step back. with kids you make changes not sacrifices. you just alter your life to make there lives better. for any one that says its a nightmare i feel truly sorry for you. the first time your child looks up at you is the most amazing feeling. the first time they tell you they love is a feeling you will never lose. there are so many joys of being a parent. even when my kids are being bad i never have said god i wish i was not a father. watch them grow watch them learn its awesome.


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## tomuchgear (Aug 4, 2008)

one thing though after there born give up on any picture were you dont look like a moron. curse of being a parent in family pics you will always have a goofy look, its alot of fun. definetly congrats bro.


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## clemson357 (Aug 4, 2008)

Prince said:


> look, I wish you both the best of luck but the fact of the matter is being a mom or dad at 18 is the worst thing that could happen to someone, you just threw your life down the drain (so to speak), you're supposed to graduate high school, go to college, start a career, then in your late twenties or early thirties start a family, it is HIGHLY doubtful that either one of you will go to college, and even if you start college, chances are you will never finish it. I am just being a realist here, *just don't forget it's not too late to get an abortion.* Until you actually have a baby you have no clue what you're about to take on, you're entire life will change 100%.



Lol.  Suggesting an abortion to someone who hasn't brought it up when you have no personal interest in the situation is pretty fucking low class.


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## KelJu (Aug 4, 2008)

vader said:


> don't listen to this garbage



This isn't the time for ideologies. Unless you want to help him take care of the kid or help out financially, then by all means.


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## KelJu (Aug 4, 2008)

Rubes said:


> no im not one of those crazy people. but i believe that everything happens for a reason so if the kid(s) arnt suposed to be then something will happn and they wont be born.



The *ONLY* reason things happen is because we make them happen. Your GF is not pregnant for any other reason than because the two of you wanted to fucked. There is nothing wrong with that, but the situation is 100% your responsibility. If you believe in god and all that, great, btu God doesn't make girlfriend's pregant. Gusy do. 

Now if you choose to have the kid, I respect you for it. But realize that you  end up working way more than you want to in order to pay for this kid. In the process you will change. You will not be the same. You might even start to resent how you lost the best years of your life. That resentment might come out in how you treat your wife and child 10 years from now. I know you are a good kid and all, but what I am saying happens to a lot of people. 

Even worse you will not be able to provide the things you wished you could and the stress will rip you apart. Your GF might even decide to hit the road. you don't know. You might even end up paying every extra cent you have on a kid you don't get to see. I have seen this happen to at least 5 or 6 friends of mine. There life is over and now they are sad lonely people. 

There are a lot of factors here that are simply out of your control. Money is freedom. Money is power. you will have neither, because you will not be able to devote your resources to bettering yourself. All your resources will go to your GF and kid. 

I'm not telling you what you should do. I'm simply saying be realistic. What happens is a direct result of your decisions. Leaving the course of your life and your potential child's life to some belief in destiny absurd. 

Please think long and hard about this. Good luck dude.




clemson357 said:


> Lol.  Suggesting an abortion to someone who hasn't brought it up when you have no personal interest in the situation is pretty fucking low class.



What the fuck do you know about class? Prince's advice is the best advice this kid could possibly hear.


----------



## Arnold (Aug 4, 2008)

clemson357 said:


> Suggesting an abortion to someone who hasn't brought it up when you have no personal interest in the situation is pretty fucking low class.



why do I have to have a personal interest? he is the one that came here and posted his personal life for us to comment on.

an abortion is a legal option that is exorcised every day by people that realize having a baby at 18 is huge mistake.


----------



## tucker01 (Aug 5, 2008)

tomuchgear said:


> i really have no interest in responding to alot that has been said. for you rubes i will give you the advice my adopted father gave me. there are only two ways to be a father. either you are all in or you are not in at all. dont screw your kid up by saying i want to be a dad then sticking around for a while then bailing. if you walk stick to that decision, and pay your child support. as for colledge my shit got put on hold, and so did my wife. a few years down the road we are both done with school. so if you want it bad enough  it will happen. that is why there is a diffrence from a dream, and a goal.





Unfortunately... you will be getting a rude awakening, especially at 18.  Kids are a shit ton of work, especially Twins.  Very satisfying, but very demanding and exhausting.  It will take a lot to persevere, you need to go in with that mindset.


----------



## FishOrCutBait (Aug 5, 2008)

Witchblade said:


> Giving birth to a child only to give it away. I don't even feel the need to elaborate on why this is ludicrous...



so you figure you should murder it?

that sounds ludicrous to me. abortion in and of itself is ludicrous.

life ends with the cessation of the heartbeat and certain brainwaves, therefor it must begin with those. 

and at this point his children have those.

if he doesnt want them, or cannot care for them the only moral thing to do would be give them up for adoption. not erase them like some poorly written line in a notebook.

though I scarcely believe that raising these kids is in your best interest, or theirs, (i have seen what 18 year old parents turn into) if you feel you want to do that, I am nobody to tell you not to.

but let me tell you, the transition between living with your parents to living on your own is definitely an adjustment in and of itself. you learn how to manage your finances, and you learn what it means to be frugal, because if you dont pay your bills, you are homeless, or hungry, or otherwise without.

and with two infants and a woman to care for, I strongly doubt you have the income to cover that, friend.


----------



## DaMayor (Aug 5, 2008)

AKIRA said:


> Oh what, cuz YOU say I have none, that means I have none?



Pretty much, yeah.

Now run along and go push girls around, big man.


----------



## Arnold (Aug 5, 2008)

FishOrCutBait said:


> life ends with the cessation of the heartbeat and certain brainwaves, therefor it must begin with those.
> 
> and at this point his children have those.



it's a philosophical argument that goes *much deeper* than that dude.


----------



## DaMayor (Aug 5, 2008)

Prince said:


> it's a philosophical argument that goes *much deeper* than that dude.



Maybe in addition to the proposed Political and Religious Forums you could open a Philosophical Forum.


----------



## FishOrCutBait (Aug 5, 2008)

Prince said:


> it's a philosophical argument that goes *much deeper* than that dude.



does it really? im speaking purely medically. life is measured to end with the cessation of the heartbeat and certain brainwaves.

where do we draw the line for it beginning? at the crowning? they do partial birth abortions in china, and have for quite some time. if the baby hasnt fully crowned, it is perfectly legal and acceptable for the doctor to jam a needle full of formaldehyde into the baby's brain.

how about at baby's first words? if i suddenly dont like the fact that I have to clean up after my kid, but he hasnt said "dada" yet, is it cool if I smash his head on the pavement?

"Nah man, it was humane! He never even felt it. besides, he never said his first words!"

how about lets back up some. from the moment previous to the moment that the baby is capable of living outside of the womb is the last acceptable time for abortion.

well guess what, in america, it is perfectly legal to abort a baby that is capable of surviving outside of the womb.

so where is a reasonable place to draw the line? I wont put my own moral convictions on this argument, so Ill say the moment that the baby has a heartbeat and measurable brainwaves is the moment that it is alive. and if you have any other definition, id love to hear it.

im sick of people defining things like that by convenience and comfort.


----------



## Little Wing (Aug 5, 2008)

if something is alive and you make it not alive you killed it. it really is that simple. all the philosophical bullshit surrounding abortion is simply people trying to justify deciding to kill their child. 

all Rubes asked was what was it like to be a dad not should he opt out of it.


----------



## BulkMeUp (Aug 5, 2008)

Weather you find taking care of your kids turns out to be satisfying or not will remain to be seen. But to get there it will be tremendous amount of work. Like the saying goes 'it takes village to raise a child'.


Rubes said:


> im a little better then most of you might think with kids. i was the father figure for my oldest nephew for almost a year while his dad sat in jail for being a dipshit.....


Could you explain a bit more on that? did the kid live with you for the whole year? did you feed, clothe and look after it by yourself?

Not to be negative, but just to illustrate the level of effort that you will face...


> Early Marriage
> 
> Couples who tie the knot early are much more likely to get divorced. Studies show that nearly half the people who marry under age 18 will have failed marriages, and 40 percent of those who marry under age 20 will end up divorced. In contrast, only 24 percent of people who marry after age 25 will get divorced. Half of all marriages in which the bride is under age 18 will end in divorce within ten years.
> 
> ...


source: ï¿½Til Divorce Do Us Part: What's the real status of marriage in America?


----------



## AKIRA (Aug 5, 2008)

DaMayor said:


> Pretty much, yeah.
> 
> Now run along and go push girls around, big man.



How many times are you going to play that card?  Youre pretty witty.  Come up with some more material, eh?  For instance, how about the subject at hand?

Thread hijackers need not apply.




Little Wing said:


> if something is alive and you make it not alive you killed it. it really is that simple. all the philosophical bullshit surrounding abortion is simply people trying to justify deciding to kill their child.



There are many ways to deal with such hard decisions.  I may be considered a murderer by paying for a friend's abortion.  However, I dont care.  Neither did my other friend who paid the other half of it...and the girl, the girl didnt care either.

It all depends on how you look at things.  Take religion for example.  Some religious people think its immoral to eat pork, while the rest of us shrug our shoulder and say "see you in hell."

If you dont let things affect you, you become impervious.


----------



## AKIRA (Aug 5, 2008)

Rubes, I told this story to my girlfriend and she wanted to know if youve considered abortion.  I told her that I didnt read much out of it from you.

Have you considered it?  Has she?


----------



## DaMayor (Aug 5, 2008)

AKIRA said:


> How many times are you going to play that card?  Youre pretty witty.  Come up with some more material, eh?  For instance, how about the subject at hand?



Listen boy, you of all people need not offer advice to anyone on this board. The majority of your posts involve nothing more than a *pitiful* solicitation for attention.
From your, "I pushed the bitch down" nonsense, to your childish verbal attack on a 17 year old member, to your "I have a tummy ache" bullshit. Oh, and then there's the "I need to talk to my anger management therapist" crap.

Dude, you've got _serious_ issues. You're a poor sport, a hot head, and basically a psychologically screwed individual who appears to suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder.....

In regards to Rube's situation, any advice I choose to offer would be well beyond anything your idiotic 28 year old ass could even remotely comprehend. Secondly, other than general comments, I wouldn't just offer the guy B.S. advice just for the sake of offering it....the guy's is a bad spot, he doesn't need to be badgered....

the argument over abortion is one that has no place in this thread, because Rube's doesn't seem to have any interest in the option, so get off of the guy's back, jackass.


----------



## BulkMeUp (Aug 5, 2008)




----------



## soxmuscle (Aug 5, 2008)

For the record:

DaMayor, you come off like a complete homo in this thread and I have not once laughed at one thing you've said ever.

That is all.


----------



## KelJu (Aug 5, 2008)




----------



## NeilPearson (Aug 5, 2008)

KelJu said:


>



+1


----------



## Little Wing (Aug 5, 2008)

soxmuscle said:


> For the record:
> 
> DaMayor, you come off like a complete homo in this thread and I have not once laughed at one thing you've said ever.
> 
> That is all.



no he doesn't, he comes off as a guy that places a high value on being a good father who is offering advice to a guy that asked for it.

the guys who are saying abort it come off like boys who want to fuck n then run away screaming when their lack of birth control _and self control_ bites them in the ass. a real man steps up; little boys cry "fix it for me mommy"


----------



## BoneCrusher (Aug 5, 2008)

soxmuscle said:


> For the record:
> 
> DaMayor, you come off like a complete homo in this thread and I have not once laughed at one thing you've said ever.
> 
> That is all.


See, we have to members named soxmuscle.  One is not a bad guy generally.  Athletic, a little wild man ... but on okay guy.  Then there is that other guy that drinks and turns into a ... well .. a member as in a dick.

Ya just never know which one will show up in his posts.


----------



## soxmuscle (Aug 5, 2008)

Little Wing said:


> no he doesn't, he comes off as a guy that places a high value on being a good father who is offering advice to a guy that asked for it.
> 
> the guys who are saying abort it come off like boys who want to fuck n then run away screaming when their lack of birth control _and self control_ bites them in the ass. a real man steps up; little boys cry "fix it for me mommy"



I disagree with his advice but that's not what I'm knocking him for.  Every thread that Akira posts in he rags on him with the same stupid/unfunny remarks.  It's beyond annoying.

IMO a real man is somebody who steps up and makes a decision that is best for all parties involved.  In this case, having a child at 18 years old isn't the best decision.


----------



## BoneCrusher (Aug 5, 2008)

soxmuscle said:


> I disagree with his advice but that's not what I'm knocking him for.  Every thread that Akira posts in he rags on him with the same stupid/unfunny remarks.  It's beyond annoying.
> 
> IMO a real man is somebody who steps up and makes a decision that is best for all parties involved.  In this case, having a child at 18 years old isn't the best decision.



I've kinda noticed something like that.  Not really sure wtf the deal is there since I've been gone for a few


----------



## soxmuscle (Aug 5, 2008)

BoneCrusher said:


> See, we have to members named soxmuscle.  One is not a bad guy generally.  Athletic, a little wild man ... but on okay guy.  Then there is that other guy that drinks and turns into a ... well .. a member as in a dick.
> 
> Ya just never know which one will show up in his posts.



Girlfriends 21st was last night.

Sulking at my desk with a pounding head ache this morning.

Reading DaMayor's stupid snarks over and over.

The constant bickering initiated by DaMayor.

Somebody needed to say something, I chose to be that somebody.

Are you really going to hold being a blacked out fool a couple of times in High School against me?


----------



## BoneCrusher (Aug 5, 2008)

soxmuscle said:


> Girlfriends 21st was last night.
> 
> Sulking at my desk with a pounding head ache this morning.
> 
> ...


Nope.  You da man soxmuscle.  But you is da man with a wii bit of a history.  Not like you went postal at the local church on account of their liberal stance in society, but you have been a lil rowdy from time to time.


----------



## soxmuscle (Aug 5, 2008)

I'm far from "da man," but I'm generally a nice person (if I like you) who means well.

Not everybody is going to like you.

Oh well...


----------



## DaMayor (Aug 5, 2008)

soxmuscle said:


> The constant bickering initiated by DaMayor.
> 
> Somebody needed to say something, I chose to be that somebody.



Well you straightened me right out. I promise to behave from now on, Chester.

Oh, by the way, who has the most life experience, you or the one you protect and serve? How many children do you have, Sox? 

I'm waiting to hear something wise and meaningful from you as well. What have you learned in your, what?.. 20 year existence on earth? 

This isn't a flame war...it is about who can back up what they say and who's full of meaningless garble.

Garble on, buddy.


----------



## tucker01 (Aug 5, 2008)

soxmuscle said:


> I'm far from "da man," but I'm generally a nice person (if I like you) who means well.
> 
> Not everybody is going to like you.
> 
> Oh well...



I like you.... are you gonna make me wear a condom next time I fuck you so you don't get preggo


----------



## NeilPearson (Aug 5, 2008)

IainDaniel said:


> I like you.... are you gonna make me wear a condom next time I fuck you so you don't get preggo



I am sure he prefers the term "make love"


----------



## soxmuscle (Aug 5, 2008)

IainDaniel said:


> I like you.... are you gonna make me wear a condom next time I fuck you so you don't get preggo





I don't even think I'd be jailbait with how hairy, poopy, smelly and gross my anus is.

I'm sure that description brings up memories of what your dick looks like after "playing" with your kids.


----------



## AKIRA (Aug 5, 2008)

DaMayor said:


> Listen boy, you of all people need not offer advice to anyone on this board. The majority of your posts involve nothing more than a *pitiful* solicitation for attention.
> From your, "I pushed the bitch down" nonsense, to your childish verbal attack on a 17 year old member, to your "I have a tummy ache" bullshit. Oh, and then there's the "I need to talk to my anger management therapist" crap.
> 
> Dude, you've got _serious_ issues. You're a poor sport, a hot head, and basically a psychologically screwed individual who appears to suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder.....
> ...





As you can see here, Ladies and Gentlemen, is a member who began life here as a man who had repeated failures at comedy.  A member steps in and asks "why?"  When no answer is received, the question is asked again.  So what does the receiving member do?  Fire back and move on.  

However, the failed comedian as turned into a raged lunatic and continues his cry for attention.

Carry on.  

"a hot head"   If it wasnt for your LONG post here, I wouldnt love it so much!


----------



## soxmuscle (Aug 5, 2008)

DaMayor said:


> Well you straightened me right out. I promise to behave from now on, Chester.
> 
> Oh, by the way, who has the most life experience, you or the one you protect and serve? How many children do you have, Sox?
> 
> ...



How old am I?..  How the fuck old are you?  Just because you're an old coot it gives you the right to act like a two year old and instigate pissing matches in multiple threads every week?

I'm not telling you to "behave" or to stop doing what you're doing.  I'm simply telling you that you're coming off as a douchebag which I'm pretty sure everybody who isn't buddies with your butt agrees with.

You aren't funny.  You aren't witty.  You aren't creative.

Get a life.

End of story.


----------



## AKIRA (Aug 5, 2008)

DaMayor said:


> Oh, by the way, who has the most life experience, you or the one you protect and serve? How many children do you have, Sox?
> 
> I'm waiting to hear something wise and meaningful from you as well. What have you learned in your, what?.. 20 year existence on earth?
> 
> ...



Oh now I see, youre a father and thats why you have SO much more insight.   Well, you do.  As being a father.  Rubes is a father to be, which isnt the same as you, but I know you WOULD HAVE BEEN that, so ok, some advice is fine. 

However...

Considering the other options is no greater coming from you, in fact, theyre worse because youd be considered biased.  The same could be said for me too!  I have helped abort a child and have dated only girls who believe in Pro-Choice.  I dont see as to how this makes me an "expert" so perhaps I am not biased.  Then...that would make my arguments...  Valid!

Rubes can have a kid and life can be ok.  However, its a lot harder, which as a father you can agree with, but to say that aborting a child is NOT taking responsibility is just pissing in the wind.  It is what it is and you know it.

Aborting or having a kid is taking responsibility.  
Running out on her is not taking responsibility.


----------



## DaMayor (Aug 5, 2008)

And still, neither one of you have made one valid reponse to the original question.

Have a nice day, boys.


----------



## AKIRA (Aug 5, 2008)

By the way, Id still like to hear it from Rubes about why this hasnt been an option.  Perhaps it has but it just hasnt come on in here.

As previously stated at the top of this page.


----------



## soxmuscle (Aug 5, 2008)

DaMayor said:


> And still, neither one of you have made one valid reponse to the original question.
> 
> Have a nice day, boys.





soxmuscle said:


> IMO a real man is somebody who steps up and makes a decision that is best for all parties involved.  In this case, having a child at 18 years old isn't the best decision.



Just because you disagree with my opinion, doesn't mean it isn't valid.

Oh and please let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.


----------



## soxmuscle (Aug 5, 2008)

AKIRA said:


> By the way, Id still like to hear it from Rubes about why this hasnt been an option. Perhaps it has but it just hasnt come on in here.
> 
> As previously stated at the top of this page.



I'm interested in this as well.


----------



## tomuchgear (Aug 5, 2008)

soxmuscle said:


> I don't even think I'd be jailbait with how hairy, poopy, smelly and gross my anus is.
> 
> I'm sure that description brings up memories of what your dick looks like after "playing" with your kids.



out of line sox. way freaking out of line.


----------



## AKIRA (Aug 5, 2008)

DaMayor said:


> And still, neither one of you have made one valid reponse to the original question.
> 
> Have a nice day, boys.



Ohhhhhh, the title's question.  I get it.  This, THIS is where your expertise lies.  And no other options should be discussed?  

Wow.  Ok, Forum Nazi.


From here on out: *Let There Be No Tangent Made Off Topic Unless It Is From DaMayor.*


----------



## BoneCrusher (Aug 5, 2008)

AKIRA said:


> Oh now I see, youre a father and thats why you have SO much more insight.   Well, you do.  As being a father.  Rubes is a father to be, which isnt the same as you, but I know you WOULD HAVE BEEN that, so ok, some advice is fine.
> 
> However...
> 
> ...


I   knocked up my childhood sweetie at the age of 18.  Her momma was not so hot on the idea of her lil angel having a baby and had the pregnancy aborted.  I was without input on the matter.  I have always regretted it, though in hindsight I was not qualified to raise a kid and I have no idea whatsoever what happened to my childhood sweetie.  We parted ways 3 decades ago.  

I could not imagine having a kid at that age.  

At 27 it was all different.  I was married for 5 years and wanted a child.  It was a planned pregnancy and I was one elatedly happy expecting daddy.  I've loved *almost* every minute of being a dad.

I could not imagine not having the experience of being a dad.

I guess timing is everything ...


----------



## soxmuscle (Aug 5, 2008)

tomuchgear said:


> out of line sox. way freaking out of line.



It's Iain.

The only thing below the belt in our little feud is his head when I'm skull fucking him.

P.S: I love you, Iain


----------



## DaMayor (Aug 5, 2008)

AKIRA said:


> Considering the other options is no greater coming from you, in fact, theyre worse because youd be considered biased.  The same could be said for me too!  I have helped abort a child and have dated only girls who believe in Pro-Choice.  I dont see as to how this makes me an "expert" so perhaps I am not biased.  Then...that would make my arguments...  Valid!
> 
> Rubes can have a kid and life can be ok.  However, its a lot harder, which as a father you can agree with...



Okay, I'll give you that....retract 50% of my last comment.

I'll say this much....I've been on both sides of this issue. 

A.) Keep in mind that I never said anything about any of this situation being easy....What Rubes wants to do will be *hard*, to say the very least. It will be incredibly difficult if he and his girlfriend don't have a damn-near perfect support system. But, it is still very much POSSIBLE. 
B.) Opinion: Abortion when used as a _as a convenient option _to get one's ass out of trouble is a cop-out. So you made a mistake? Live with it. Make it work. 
The issue isn't abortion, really. It is about being a man, and owning up to one's actions.
C.)Rubes posted this issue for *advice*, not an argument over ethics. I think we should all help the guy out...period.

With this said, I'm going to back off of this one.


----------



## soxmuscle (Aug 5, 2008)

Ethics come into play here because in my opinion (and the opinion of many others in this thread) the best advice Rubes could get is to abort this child immediately.

That's our version of "helping him out."


----------



## AKIRA (Aug 5, 2008)

What stumped me once is when a girlfriend of mine insinuated that my other girlfriend was using abortion as a "form of birth control."  Obviously, it has to do with HER history, but it was an interesting insult nonetheless.


----------



## min0 lee (Aug 5, 2008)




----------



## Arnold (Aug 5, 2008)

soxmuscle said:


> Ethics come into play here because in my opinion (and the opinion of many others in this thread) the best advice Rubes could get is to abort this child immediately.
> 
> That's our version of "helping him out."


----------



## lucifuge (Aug 5, 2008)

damn, this thread took a serious turn for the worse...


----------



## AKIRA (Aug 5, 2008)

It did?


----------



## lucifuge (Aug 5, 2008)

yeah, it did... I guess I shouldn't be surprised.


----------



## AKIRA (Aug 5, 2008)

I thought it calmed down.


----------



## Doublebase (Aug 5, 2008)

min0 lee said:


> Is this when she'll finally let you have sex with her?



You obviously missed my reply in on the first page.  Pay attention.


----------



## KelJu (Aug 5, 2008)

Rubes, I hope the best for you, you seem like a good kid.
I hope you consider your options and makes the best decision. I don't know what the decision is because it is different for each person. 

All of you pro lifers claiming that recommending abortion to Rubes as an option is a cop out or weak character can blow me. You don't know anything about me or anyone else for that matter. Your religious views and your philosophical views of when life starts is not relevant to this discussion. You don't know why we came to that conclusion and the abortion debate is something for another thread anyway. I didn't judge any of you for your advice so don't judge ours.


----------



## Doublebase (Aug 5, 2008)

NeilPearson said:


> No being responsible is not knocking up your 18 year old girlfriend not digging yourself further into the hole after you screw up.
> 
> We will see how he feels in 6 years when they have both matured, she has put on 50 pounds and their interests have both changed and no longer have anything in common.  Top it off with the fact that they will be struggling trying to make ends meet, working tons of hours, going to school and therefore the only time they will end up spending together will revolve around looking after twins....
> 
> It's a train wreck waiting to happen.  I have seen these scenario play out many, many times.  Every time people think they will be different and guess what... they never are.



Rant of a bitter old divorced man.  No wonder you weren't happy.  You have a horrible attitude.


----------



## lucifuge (Aug 5, 2008)

AKIRA said:


> I thought it calmed down.



I was referring to how it became anti vs pro abortion....
silly really.
as KelJu stated, it's very much up to the individuals involved, and they're reasoning really is no one else's business.

Personally, I applaud rubes for his decision to step up and make whatever sacrifices he has to make for his family...


----------



## min0 lee (Aug 5, 2008)

Doublebase said:


> Rant of a bitter old divorced man. No wonder you weren't happy. You have a horrible attitude.


 
It could just be experience talking.

You also don't want the child to grow up in an unhappy marriage, this I know from experience.


----------



## min0 lee (Aug 5, 2008)

lucifuge said:


> as KelJu stated, it's very much up to the individuals involved, and they're reasoning really is no one else's business.
> 
> *Your damn right about that.*
> 
> ...


 
Wish you and your new family the best.


----------



## min0 lee (Aug 5, 2008)

Doublebase said:


> You obviously missed my reply in on the first page. Pay attention.


I'm sorry, it won't ever happen again.


----------



## KelJu (Aug 5, 2008)

min0 lee said:


> It could just be experience talking.
> 
> *You also don't want the child to grow up in an unhappy marriage, this I know from experience.*




This is 99% of the reason I suggested what I did. My parents were the most miserable marriage ever. I never saw them affectionately embrace one another once in my entire life. I never saw them kiss once. I never once heard either of them tell the other they loved them. They slept in different rooms. They hated each other's guts. 

They stayed married for religious reasons.


----------



## min0 lee (Aug 5, 2008)

KelJu said:


> They stayed married for religious reasons.


My parents separated when I was 9....back then I really wish I was aborted.

Mother cheated on dad, Dad started gambling and drinking.
Mom would beat up Dad, dad would have no money and lost 3 businesses.

Divorce can happen to anyone but the pressure a kid that age may be a bit too much......
How long has he been with her?


----------



## Doublebase (Aug 5, 2008)

KelJu said:


> This is 99% of the reason I suggested what I did. My parents were the most miserable marriage ever. I never saw them affectionately embrace one another once in my entire life. I never saw them kiss once. I never once heard either of them tell the other they loved them. They slept in different rooms. They hated each other's guts.
> 
> They stayed married for religious reasons.



Yes but why are we assuming that Rubes children will grow up in an unhappy environment?  Just because he is young?  My parents were 19 when they were married and had my sister at 20.  They are still happily married and same with my fiancee's parents.  I know its harder these days but isn't impossible.  Stop being such negative nancy's.


----------



## KelJu (Aug 5, 2008)

min0 lee said:


> My parents separated when I was 9....back then I really wish I was aborted.
> 
> Mother cheated on dad, Dad started gambling and drinking.
> Mom would beat up Dad, dad would have no money and lost 3 businesses.
> ...



Long time. I don't really know. Neither would talk to me about when and how they got married. Dad knocked up mom. Mom and dad went to DMV to get married. I learned this from my brother who did investigating. Basically, dad worked and drank, and nothing else. My mom was depressed and slept a lot. It hurt me really bad to watch my mom hurt. I told her to divorce and leave. I told her I would take care of her. I told her to live her life. 

She told me she couldn't leave because even as sad and depressing as it is, there home was the only home she knew. She also said she had to be there for me in case I ever needed her. I resented myself for having even been born for a lot of years. I resented God for allowing me to be born. I resented my dad for his denial and his poor treatment of my mom. 

There is a lot more, but I am done airing my dirty laundry. I just want Rubes to see a glimpse of what I have seen and what can happen.


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## min0 lee (Aug 5, 2008)

Doublebase said:


> Yes but why are we assuming that Rubes children will grow up in an unhappy environment? Just because he is young? My parents were 19 when they were married and had my sister at 20. They are still happily married and same with my fiancee's parents. I know its harder these days but isn't impossible. Stop being such negative nancy's.


And look at the way you came out, this world isn't ready for more Doublebases.


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## min0 lee (Aug 5, 2008)

KelJu said:


> Long time...


That type of pain is worse than any physical beating a person can take.


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## Doublebase (Aug 5, 2008)

min0 lee said:


> And look at the way you came out, this world isn't ready for more Doublebases.



The world would be a much better place.


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## FishOrCutBait (Aug 5, 2008)

KelJu said:


> Rubes, I hope the best for you, you seem like a good kid.
> I hope you consider your options and makes the best decision. I don't know what the decision is because it is different for each person.
> 
> All of you pro lifers claiming that recommending abortion to Rubes as an option is a cop out or weak character can blow me. You don't know anything about me or anyone else for that matter. Your religious views and your philosophical views of when life starts is not relevant to this discussion. You don't know why we came to that conclusion and the abortion debate is something for another thread anyway. I didn't judge any of you for your advice so don't judge ours.



hope this isnt directed at me, though I cannot see how it wouldnt be, you gave the best advice you could figure to give. Im not attempting to judge you at all, you genuinely seem like a centered, moral individual. 

I was making a comment on the institution of abortion as a whole.

I should apologize for furthering the digression of the thread from its original topic.

In short, I suggest putting the kid up for adoption. Mannnnyyyy states have a no-questions asked place in the hospital to drop the kid off and you never have to fill any paperwork out or anything.

bam. done deal. give the kid a shot at life.

better than (potentially) ruining all three of your lives.

better in my opinion than killing the kid.


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## reka20 (Aug 6, 2008)

You need to be responsible and you need to be patience. Don't ever go out with your friends now because you have family now.


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## I Are Baboon (Aug 6, 2008)

Boy, what a clusterf*ck...both this thread and this 18 year old's life.

<-- Glad to be in a DINK marriage.  I couldn't tell you what it's like to be a dad because I am not one and never plan to be. 

PLANNING.  What a novel concept.


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## BulkMeUp (Aug 6, 2008)

KelJu said:


> All of you pro lifers claiming that recommending abortion to Rubes as an option is a cop out or weak character can blow me.




it is rubes decision and he is the one who will have to live with and take care of the kids.

To all the prolifers, how many of you have bothered to put in some time and effort into an unfortunate kid who dosent have parents for whatever reason? or do you just beat your drum from your soap box and once you get off the soap box all is forgotten and you go back to your blissful lives with nary a thought or effort for those children? or is your attitude 'they are not my kids so why should i care'?


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## BulkMeUp (Aug 6, 2008)

Doublebase said:


> Yes but why are we assuming that Rubes children will grow up in an unhappy environment?  Just because he is young?


Because, IMO, the odds are stacked against him (see my earlier post to him).


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## DaMayor (Aug 6, 2008)

BulkMeUp said:


> To all the prolifers, how many of you have bothered to put in some time and effort into an unfortunate kid who dosent have parents for whatever reason?



I have. 

And if I were in a financial position to do so, I would adopt twenty more.


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## soxmuscle (Aug 6, 2008)

DaMayor said:


> I have.
> 
> And if I were in a financial position to do so, I would adopt twenty more.



I applaud anybody who adopts, but not everybody has that mentality.

Even if you could afford to adopt 20 children, what about the 21st, 22nd and 23rd child who's life is seemingly over before it starts?


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## BulkMeUp (Aug 6, 2008)

DaMayor said:


> I have.
> 
> And if I were in a financial position to do so, I would adopt twenty more.


Thats great. But, at the risk of sounding negative, i'd say that you are in the minority.


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## soxmuscle (Aug 6, 2008)

BulkMeUp said:


> Thats great. But, at the risk of sounding negative, i'd say that *you are in the minority.*



Fact.


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## Witchblade (Aug 6, 2008)

lol @ the conservatives in this thread. Almost as funny as the religious nuts.

This article gives a decent perspective on abortion.


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## BoneCrusher (Aug 6, 2008)

soxmuscle said:


> I applaud anybody who adopts, but not everybody has that mentality.
> 
> Even if you could afford to adopt 20 children, what about the 21st, 22nd and 23rd child who's life is seemingly over before it starts?




Those are the ones that should have been aborted ... right?  Save them the hassle and just squish their lil heads before all the pain even starts.  Cheaper too.  Right?

Since this thread has already been hijacked by the flow of thoughts the posters have shared, I'm just gonna go with it.

For clarity, my stance on abortion is only within the first 80 days.  After that?  Too bad.  Extreme cases of medical risk to mother or child ... certainly, but other than that deal with it.  Post 80 days the lil baby will get adopted out and not aborted.  During the 2nd term a fetus has been seen to cry and die _outside the womb_ after an abortion has been performed.  That would seem to me to be murder.


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## MCx2 (Aug 6, 2008)

Witchblade said:


> lol @ the conservatives in this thread. Almost as funny as the religious nuts.
> 
> This article gives a decent perspective on abortion.



Good read. 

[FONT=arial,helv][/FONT]





> But that doesn't stop religious fanatics from dumping their judgements and their anger on top of women who choose to exercise the right to control their bodies. It's the ultimate irony that people who claim to represent a loving God resort to scare tactics and fear to support their mistaken beliefs.




[FONT=arial,helv][/FONT]


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## NeilPearson (Aug 6, 2008)

Doublebase said:


> Rant of a bitter old divorced man.  No wonder you weren't happy.  You have a horrible attitude.



You make a lot of assumptions.

Who ever said I wasn't happy?  I think I had a great marriage.  We got along and never fought.  I am not bitter about anything.  In fact we are still good friends.

I have a realistic attitude... wtf do you think happens when two 18 year olds have twins - most of the time exactly what I posted happens.  To think otherwise shows that you are inexperienced and niave.  Of course there are exceptions but they are few and far between.


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## NeilPearson (Aug 6, 2008)

KelJu said:


> This is 99% of the reason I suggested what I did. My parents were the most miserable marriage ever. I never saw them affectionately embrace one another once in my entire life. I never saw them kiss once. I never once heard either of them tell the other they loved them. They slept in different rooms. They hated each other's guts.
> 
> They stayed married for religious reasons.



This is quite common.  And to think, they are including in the stats for the 50% of successful marriages 

So 50% of marriages end in divorce.  The other 50%, there aren't accurate stats on whether or not the couple can even stand each other.

I think of all the married couples I know and a lot of them are together because of kids or religious reasons.  The ones that seem truly happy you never really know about either.  Everyone I knew thought I had the perfect marriage before I left... everyone was shocked.  And by the way, for reasons that I won't get into here, we are still married and have not filed yet so we also make up the stats for the 50% of successful marriages.


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## FishOrCutBait (Aug 6, 2008)

BulkMeUp said:


> it is rubes decision and he is the one who will have to live with and take care of the kids.
> 
> To all the prolifers, how many of you have bothered to put in some time and effort into an unfortunate kid who dosent have parents for whatever reason? or do you just beat your drum from your soap box and once you get off the soap box all is forgotten and you go back to your blissful lives with nary a thought or effort for those children? or is your attitude 'they are not my kids so why should i care'?



I have, and I wish I could do something outside of what I can at this point, but being nineteen years old and a college student puts a damper on it.

although id agree that people that do care to follow through on that are in the minority.



Witchblade said:


> lol @ the conservatives in this thread. Almost as funny as the religious nuts.
> 
> This article gives a decent perspective on abortion.



Very good read, pretty solid overall.

However it comes back to opinion. Common opinion vs. minority opinion, granted, but opinion no less.

And also, why is the advice to give the kid up for adoption any less valid than abortion? She was already going to carry the child to term, and they were already going to try to raise it. I commend him for his resolve and sense of responsibility, but why would you scoff at that advice?


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## brogers (Aug 6, 2008)

BoneCrusher said:


> Those are the ones that should have been aborted ... right?  Save them the hassle and just squish their lil heads before all the pain even starts.  Cheaper too.  Right?
> 
> Since this thread has already been hijacked by the flow of thoughts the posters have shared, I'm just gonna go with it.
> 
> For clarity, my stance on abortion is only within the first 80 days.  After that?  Too bad.  Extreme cases of medical risk to mother or child ... certainly, but other than that deal with it.  Post 80 days the lil baby will get adopted out and not aborted.  During the 2nd term a fetus has been seen to cry and die _outside the womb_ after an abortion has been performed.  That would seem to me to be murder.



To continue the detour...

I find serious issues with the legal/illegal @ "X" number of days or weeks thing.  So on day 79 11.59 pm, it's okay, but 1 minute later on day 80 12.00 am, it's now not okay, because the baby has reached an arbitrary milestone?  I can appreciate your opinion though as it isn't the typical "OH, JACKING OFF IS MURDER THEN!" most people say, demonstrating a clear misunderstanding of fundamental biology, at least its clear you've thought it out.

I think abortion should be outlawed unless the mother's life is threatened, cases of which are so rare it doesn't really even need to be mentioned.  It makes me sick when I hear that people should "be able to choose whatever they want to do with their bodies" because who is asking the unborn what their choice is?  Responsibility starts with 1) not having sex when you're not read to have a kid 2) given reality, wrapping it up if you're having sex  but not ready to have a kid.  There is the opportunity for "choice" in those situations.  You're welcome to do whatever you want with your body and no one can legally interfere.  Once another human life is created it isn't just your body anymore.  Your own decisions have led to the creation of that life.  Irresponsibility or selfishness are not valid reasons to terminate a child before it's even had a chance to take its first breath.  If someone really can't handle it, put it up for adoption.


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## DaMayor (Aug 6, 2008)




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## NeilPearson (Aug 6, 2008)

Personally I don't really remember anything before I was about 3-4 years old so my memory obviously wasn't developed yet.  I think you should be able to abort kids up until this age... okay, lets make it two years old, just to be safe.


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## KelJu (Aug 6, 2008)

Yay, lets turn this into a fucking abortion debate. That will be real constructive. Everyone with an opinion on abortion, fire away. Your opinion matters!


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## Double D (Aug 17, 2008)

Honestly look into yourself and her and you 2 decide. Dont let some dumb ass discussion board sway you one way or another. Personally I couldnt ever do it, but I am not in your situation. Best of luck.


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## MCx2 (Aug 17, 2008)

Where is Rubes anyway?


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## AKIRA (Aug 17, 2008)

Double D said:


> Honestly look into yourself and her and you 2 decide. Dont let some dumb ass discussion board sway you one way or another. Personally I couldnt ever do it, but I am not in your situation. Best of luck.



I thought you did do it?  Or were you married first..


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## Double D (Aug 17, 2008)

AKIRA said:


> I thought you did do it?  Or were you married first..



You thought I did what?


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## Jeeper (Aug 17, 2008)

ReproMan said:


> Where is Rubes anyway?



Down applying for free healthcare and foodstamps.  That is where this will end up.


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## Zaphod (Aug 18, 2008)

Rubes said:


> Ok everyone whatâ??????s it like to be a parent  I need to know this kinda thing nowâ???¦.girlfriends 2 months along with twins



Greatest thing on the planet.  A lot of hard work, frustration and sleepless nights.  Kids are a complete joy.  Hearing them laugh for the first time.  Seeing them smile.  Teaching them how to walk.  Hearing them call you "daddy" for the first time.  Teaching them to be good people.  Explaining how things work a millions times over and watching them work it out in their head.  When a baby falls asleep in your arms and starts snoring is awesome.  You know you need to put them to bed but you don't want to because you just want to hold them.  As they get older they'll still want to sit on your lap, cuddle and just hang out watching tv with you.  Teaching them that farting and burping is funny, just don't let mom know.  

I could go on and on.


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## maniclion (Aug 18, 2008)

If the dude from Knocked Up can be a dad anyone can....


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## BoneCrusher (Aug 18, 2008)

maniclion said:


> If the dude from Knocked Up can be a dad anyone can....


Yeah ... but he did read three baby books.


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## Rubes11 (Sep 3, 2008)

ReproMan said:


> Where is Rubes anyway?



uhh i moved got a job and some odd things and im not going to be a dad car wreck no more prego and then i found out she cheated on me.....stupid bitch


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## MCx2 (Sep 3, 2008)

Rubes11 said:


> uhh i moved got a job and some odd things and im not going to be a dad car wreck no more prego and then i found out she cheated on me.....stupid bitch



And why exactly did you create a new account to say this?


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## Rubes11 (Sep 3, 2008)

couldnt remember my password or the email that i used to sign up here....


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## Arnold (Sep 3, 2008)

I could of helped you with that.


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## Rubes11 (Sep 3, 2008)

lil late for that one now...


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## KelJu (Sep 3, 2008)

Rubes11 said:


> uhh i moved got a job and some odd things and im not going to be a dad car wreck no more prego and then i found out she cheated on me.....stupid bitch



I am sorry to hear that bro, really I am. One of my best friends had that happen to him, and the emotional roller coaster it provided almost did him in. At least you found out sooner than my friend. The kid was 6 months old when he found out the kid wasn't his.

Take it has a lesson, and be more careful in that department. You are off the hook dude, live it up!


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## Rubes11 (Sep 3, 2008)

KelJu said:


> I am sorry to hear that bro, really I am. One of my best friends had that happen to him, and the emotional roller coaster it provided almost did him in. At least you found out sooner than my friend. The kid was 6 months old when he found out the kid wasn't his.
> 
> Take it has a lesson, and be more careful in that department. You are off the hook dude, live it up!



im going to im going to start going to a new school on monday because i just moved to a new town im going to go out and have some fun and start lifting again.


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## BulkMeUp (Sep 4, 2008)

Rubes11 said:


> im going to im going to start going to a new school on monday because i just moved to a new town im going *to go out and have some fun* and start lifting again.


From now on, bag it if you snag it!


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## MCx2 (Sep 4, 2008)

KelJu said:


> I am sorry to hear that bro, really I am.



Yeah me too man. I thought some asshole just made an acct with your name in it and was saying bad shit. I hope everything works out for ya Rubes.


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## Rubes11 (Sep 4, 2008)

i went and talked to the football coach and the football team first thing all the guys asked me is if i party lol.


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## TBAR (Sep 5, 2008)

Not to get back to the title, but being a dad is unexplainable until you actually are one.  At least for me, it's far superior to anything I've EVER experianced.  Get home from a shitty day at work, walk in the door, and he comes running cause he's so happy I'm home.  Even when he was 3 months or so old, and couldn't walk yet, he would start shaking because he was so excited I was there.  Now he's 15 months and I wouldn't give him up for anything, and wouldn't even question giving my life for him.


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