# I'm coming back...



## hardasnails1973 (Feb 27, 2004)

I'm sure alot of you are aware of what I was going through from improper post cycle protocols that were not followed.  I suffered severe deperssion, lack of motivation, in ability to digest the food i was consuming.  Plainly put I was a mess. Now since getting my hcg, clomid, nolvadex I am making a slow come back. Depression is not as bad and things look like they are leveling out.  The rest of this year is going to be a no joke no holds barred approach to being a top level competitor in 2005 where I will  make my mark.  I'm about 200 lbs flat sloppy and wanting to that yearning back to be where I was.  I have learned about my self during this time both phyiscal as well as mentally.  I will update journal occasionally .  Right now i want to get levels back in check then the fun will start.  J'bo I will see you in july and trust me you will not recongize me...

this is what happened

I finished my last shot of fina and winny 4 weeks before the show to dry out from all drugs. After the contest I wa fine and looking awesome and then about 4 weeks after the contest I started to develop a gut (which I never get), and also I started getting hurt and my strength was dropping each week and this never happens. At the time I was dealing with alot of stress from work and life, then to top it all off the holidays were coming and there was a stressor right there, after thanksgiving I started to slip and get sick and couldn't deuce at all. Doctors thought IBS so i went under colonscopy to ck and nothing so they stuck me on laxatives and paxil and sent me on my way.. Here all alone my esteogen levels where high = low test= high cortiosol- low thyroid=low bp/hr= severe depression. got test back from doctor and test levels were at 234 total and lh and tsh where both low. He wanted to put me on androgel but i told him NO becuase that is not curing the problem and then he is sending me to an endocronologist, but in reality I should be seeing a urologist. Now i am on 50 mgs clomid a day, 6 tribex, 1 mg armidex, and its just a wating game now to see if everything is going to kick in. SO I feel for you and know what you are going thorugh


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## greekblondechic (Feb 27, 2004)

Hey sweetie! Missed you, I am looking forward to following this journal and I am so happy you are starting to feel better 

*hugs* I need to make my comeback too!! Summer is coming!!!


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## hardasnails1973 (Feb 27, 2004)

summer time we will be ready...


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## BabsieGirl (Feb 27, 2004)

HEY SWEETIE,  I HAD NOOOOOOO IDEA!!!!  I'm sorry to hear what happened to you.

Let me know hon if there is anything I can do

Love ya
Babs


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## greekblondechic (Feb 27, 2004)

Details suggestions, sock it to me I need PROGRESS!

but I also need to be ok mentally so I am working on both, but trying not to have too strict a diet

In the summer you have to come down and we can go chill at the beach  Maybe then I will finally see those pics  1 yr later haha!


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## hardasnails1973 (Feb 27, 2004)

read the link I sent you..   I think you need to talk to a may be a psychologist or counselor about self esteem, becuae let me tell you depression almost killed me (NOT JOKING EITHER)


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## greekblondechic (Feb 27, 2004)

ouch, no good sweetie im so sorry 

I am starting therapy soon to help me control my stress!


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## BabsieGirl (Feb 27, 2004)

> _*Originally posted by hardasnails1973 *_
> read the link I sent you..   I think you need to talk to a may be a psychologist or counselor about self esteem, becuae let me tell you depression almost killed me (NOT JOKING EITHER)




This is so true.

I have an appt on the 15th of next month.  I'm so torn from the inside out......hard to explain.


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## greekblondechic (Feb 27, 2004)

**HUGS** babsie, seems like a lot of us are going through tough times but we will get through them together


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## BabsieGirl (Feb 27, 2004)

Thanks Darlin

Have a nice weekend EVERYONE


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## hardasnails1973 (Feb 27, 2004)

its amazing how many of us create such a strong exterior but only to hide the frail and brittle person on the inside.


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## BabsieGirl (Feb 27, 2004)

Isn't it


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## jstar (Feb 27, 2004)

Hi HAN-hun 

I'm sorry for all that you have been through but I have no doubt you will come out on top of all this and realize your dreams.. 

Are you still doing Body Rock? When is it again?

I'm looking forward to seeing you get back into this!


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## hardasnails1973 (Feb 27, 2004)

body rock is in july. one week prior j'bos contest...
i have game plan for once body is back on track figure by april 
gh 4 ius a day straight through t-3- 25 mcgs

Diet for first 6 weeks will be same as GP had me do before
4500 caloires  45%p 30% f 25% carbs  


week 1-6
750 mgs sus
400 mgs eq
1 anadrol a day - first 4 weeks
hcg 500 ius 2 times a week
1 mg armidex a day

week 7-12
100 mgs fina/ 100 mgs prop EOD
50 mg winny a day
1 armidex a day
500 HCG 2 times a week

week 13-15 
40 mgs nolvedex a day
15-17
clomid 100 mgs/day


did you think I was kidding around ?  LOL


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## PreMier (Feb 27, 2004)

> _*Originally posted by hardasnails1973 *_
> its amazing how many of us create such a strong exterior but only to hide the frail and brittle person on the inside.



Im stealing this...


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## hardasnails1973 (Feb 27, 2004)

just take a look at majority of fitness and bodybuilder competiitors, they got into weight training for improving self esteem, but really they where just masking it the whole time.  People only look at the phyiscal appeanace of the sport , but do they ever analysis the mental side of the sport as thorughly


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## PreMier (Feb 27, 2004)

Your absolutely correct.  I for one can attest to this.


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## hardasnails1973 (Feb 27, 2004)

i can attest to this too andnt afraid to admit i got into weight training for all the wrong reason and it ended up being an obsession rather then a passion.  I came to a coonclusion that if what we do seems to be more like a job its time to take a step back and take a good look at our selves and reexamine situtation


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## greekblondechic (Feb 27, 2004)

this is why i am almost reluctantly letting myself eat things i didnt before and trying not to be too uptight, i got too obsessed and it got me nowhere except fat, yet if i was happy i mightve hit goal already... damn i wanna hit up some thermos tho!!!!


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## hardasnails1973 (Feb 29, 2004)

Just have to geet thorugh the rest of this depression and i will be home free and on my way to full recovery 

leg workout
hamstring curls
rack x6x3
standing one legged leg curls
90 lbsx6x3
stiff legged dead lifts off bench
115 x 10 x 3 

leg extensions
200 x6x3
leg presses
1350 x6x3 (CAKE)
sqauts 
405 x6x 3 (YUCK )


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## greekblondechic (Feb 29, 2004)

hi sweetie, stay strong, your time is coming  ***HUGS***


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## J'Bo (Mar 1, 2004)

> _*Originally posted by hardasnails1973 *_
> just take a look at majority of fitness and bodybuilder competiitors, they got into weight training for improving self esteem, but really they where just masking it the whole time.  People only look at the phyiscal appeanace of the sport , but do they ever analysis the mental side of the sport as thorughly



I am glad that you said the Majority here HAN. I have to disagree with you if you believe everyone is. Some are just humble and dont like to brag about their accomplishments.


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## hardasnails1973 (Mar 2, 2004)

Well one young lady taught me well to watch things I say so I don;t stick foot in my mouth 


I am going to see a chinse dr to see if they can heklp with my problem


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## BabsieGirl (Mar 2, 2004)

Hey hon,

Wanted to stop in to see how you're doing.  So?


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## nikegurl (Mar 2, 2004)

i hope you'll be feeling your best ever - mentally, physically and spiritually before long.


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## hardasnails1973 (Mar 2, 2004)

Just when you think things are all better it comes back again.  I talked to the chinese lady and she said I should be cleared up very fast becuase its only been a few months..So that eased my conscious


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## BabsieGirl (Mar 2, 2004)

Aww sweetie, I'm sorry.  She's right, it'll clear up very fast!!  You'll be back in no time flat hon.

Hang in there.  We're here darlin.

PM me if you need a shoulder.
Babs


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## hardasnails1973 (Mar 3, 2004)

My diet is going well.  but my body has backed things up again and I don;t know why.  I am gettting very spacey and very tired ( probably from the toxins that are being released in to my blood stream from not excreting the food I have been eating)  

Diet

1 cup oatmeal
12 egg whites
1 TBSP FLAX
2 sans loaded

6 oz chicken grounded up in a food processer
chicken brooth
1 cup veggies
1 TBSP flax seeds
1 TBSP olive oil
8 oz yam

1.5 can tuna fish 
1/2 cup of kidney beans
green salad 
1 TBSP olive oil

repeat meal 2

pre workout 
30 grams whey isolate
10 glutmeine
5 grams bcaas

post work
50 grams whey
1 scoop glycoload
10 grams glutemine
8 grams BCAAS
2 SANS loaded

with in and hour of working out
12 egg whites
3/4 cup creame of rice

before bed 
6 oz ground turkey
1 TBSP FLAX
1 cup veggies

non training days drop to 6 meals knock out pre/post workout meals


salsa


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## Jill (Mar 3, 2004)

What do you recommend post-workout for someone trying to gain mass?


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## greekblondechic (Mar 3, 2004)

What kind of veggies are you eating hon? May want to just stick to romaine lettuce for a few days to get things going..

Any other veggies give me problems for days!


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## hardasnails1973 (Mar 3, 2004)

depends on LBM and body compostion


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## hardasnails1973 (Mar 3, 2004)

Workout went extremly well tonight
Back and Biceps 60 minutes quick and intense

Diet was on target
people asking if i am juicing again 

Still bloated, took that TRiphala and could feel things starting to rumble I beleive I have a little bit of depression but suffer more from anxiety instead and nerves.  I am taking tommorrow of and doing alot of mediatiaitoin and will take a yoga class as well at night time.  I just feel on edge and I need to calm my self down and then it would be time to grow grow grow.  I see chinese doctor friday and she said she can cure my ailment.


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## P-funk (Mar 4, 2004)

Correct me if I am wrong but I thought that you were competing in natural competitions? (NABBA, right?)


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## Katia7 (Mar 7, 2004)

WOW I'm going through EXACT same thing as you are.  Have you found anything that's helping?  What the Chinese Dr telling you?


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## yellowmoomba (Mar 11, 2004)

Look like things are starting to come back  

Please post what the doc says


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## hardasnails1973 (Mar 11, 2004)

yesterday i spent majority of the day in the ER room suffering from major dehydration ahving all the tests run and things came out perfect.  They told me if I was to get any more dehyrated it could have resulted in a possible heart attack or stroke
 Dr. told me that im was so dehydrated for so long that my body was about to shut down.  Rember back in december the dcotor gave me lactulose (laxative) and I was taking that for 3-4 weeks then they switched me to miralax for another 2-3 weeks.  All those laxatives were just dehydrated more and more and lossing more nutrients. I have an appotinment to see an endo specialist  on march 23 to get straight and get back on track.  The stress was due to the rebouinding of low test coupled with work, holidays.  Like I said everything hit me at once. My body just shut down.  Constipation was result of higher stress levels and extreme anxiety, depression..I have been thorugh hell the past 4 months and just wanted to end today I am going to see the hcinese dr for more accupntucure which really helped relax me as well as mediatation.  Right now I am fighting for my job becuase I haven't been running on all 8 cyninders and it is really affecting my performance at work.  to add more salt to the wound they told me to ship up or ship out in a nice smiling way they do


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## yellowmoomba (Mar 11, 2004)

Damn HAN!!

Keep fighting!!!


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## greekblondechic (Mar 11, 2004)

Stay strong honey!!!!!! U will be ok soon!!!!  

Maybe you can come down sometime to just chill, sometime after I come back from Miami?


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## Rissole (Mar 11, 2004)

Pffft he needs a good Aussie vacation 
Stay strong bro!!


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## naturaltan (Mar 11, 2004)

as easy as it is for us to say, stay strong my friend!!  Keep up the fight!!  Not much I can do but offer an ear to chat to, but if that helps, the option is always available to you ... or anyone.

Stephen


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## PreMier (Mar 11, 2004)

See sig 

I put it there for me, but others should read it too.  GL


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## maniclion (Mar 11, 2004)

HAN I can imagine what you are going through.  In Nov. I went through some major relationship issues that forced me to lay off of the weights, then we had a huge flood at work that destroyed half of our stock so much so that I almost lost my job, then the holidays were stressful as usual, my Grandfather got pnemonia and died and my brother tried to commit suicide.  I used to meditate everday, but as I grew older and my schedule got more hectic I forgot how it relaxed me.  I finally got so stressed I started looking for answers when I remembered how I used to just free myself in meditation before.  It has helped alot, but you have to really release yourself to it not just go through the motions.  I also found after years of being a skeptic that St. Johns Wort really does promote a feeling of well being, I take a few before I meditate.  Have you thought about just completely cleansing your body, stopping all supps and medications for a couple of weeks and flushing your system.


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## hardasnails1973 (Mar 18, 2004)

I have been taking it really easy past few weeks.   monday I am going to start a stong detox program for 21 days to repair liver and colon. I just purchased on of the strongest systems for flushing system out of any toxins.  It clears ALL residue from your intestinal track unlike the colonics that skim the top.  Accupucture has been a god sent for me for clearing my mind as well as body of impurities.  I also added ST johns wart with 5 htp, l- tryosine and my sense of ell being and out look on like is un real.  The accunpunture has given me so much positive energy that I have a hard time sleeping and I am still energetic during the day time with no stumilants.  Now I just have to alleviate this constipation which I think the detox will take care of becuase I having so much residual "gunk" in my stomach and not being able to get rid of it caused my the toxins to back up in my body and brain causing the cloudy thinking and irritabliltiy.  Once I remove this sludge I will be on my way to full recovery and a New out look on life and health as well.  I may expect to lose any where between 10-15 lbs in the next 21 days but it will not be muscle but only the muck that has build up in side of me.   I belive every one who participates in the wear and tear we put on our selfs should do this once or twice a year.  I know it made me aware what I have been doing to my body as well !! I will post the supplemetns I will use and before I begin to diet for show time I will probably do this same system again to get me kick started and a fresh clean.  I have also found what may have been causing constiaption.  ROIDS and I am not talking kind you inject either LOL

I have been hitting this from all angles
tuesday I get my hormone levels cked to see if they are up to par
next week I goto the GI specialist to make sure there is nothing blocking up my colon from the outside.

after this i should have knocked out all possibiies !!


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## myCATpowerlifts (Mar 18, 2004)

glad to hear everything is going to be worked out


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## hardasnails1973 (Mar 19, 2004)

worklout

lat pull downs 
3 sets of 250 x 6 

bent over spider rows
3 sets 5 plates x 6 

lat pull ups
3 sets of failure

biceps
alternating dumbell curls
65 x6
70 x6 x2

preacher hammer strength
45,25,25 x 6 
45,25,25,25, 6 x2

hangiing concentration curls
40x6
45x 6 x 2 

hammer curls 
50 x 6 x3 

all shakes are gone be cause whey being dairt can added to bacteria build up which i want to get rid of

detox products 
oxypowder - removes plaque
primal defense -restores flora
avotrol - reduces hemmroids
bentoinite/fiber shakes - flushes out the plague
triphala strrengths digestive track


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## Rissole (Mar 19, 2004)

> _*Originally posted by hardasnails1973 *_
> worklout


 Sounds just like you bro.
Good to hear your on top of things


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## hardasnails1973 (Mar 20, 2004)

starting monday i am going to take part in a very strict detox program with slight modification

bascailly its going to be lean protein and no grains or complex carbs other then veggies and certain fruits 
essential fats 3-4 TBSP a day 
no nuts, no sugar, no shakes, no conditments, nothing processed

the program it self cost me 120 bucks and for 21 days but it will rid my body of every thing and put me back on track where I need to be.  I came to the conclusion I was right from the start in the fact I had intestinal infection and the fuken dr's did not do shit to help me other then make it worse.  The whey portein and dextrose I was slamming in my body was only feeding it and making grow.  End result is bad bacteria over riding good bacteria causing the joint pains, constiption, light headness, all my sysptoms and also make sense that my gums have bleed for years becuase of bacteria has been running rampant in my body. Well no more.   21 days 2 times a year is worth it no matter how much muscle i may loose !!


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## atherjen (Mar 20, 2004)

I definitly feel that you have made a wise choice with the detox! best of luck with it, Id love to hear more as you go along.. how you feel exactly, keep us updated!


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