# Captn's cabin



## Captn'stabbin (Jan 27, 2010)

Here is a thread for the drunks. I frequently get hammered so i figure this would be a good place for the drunks to convene and discuss the issues affecting the world today. Such as "what should i jerk off to later?" or "should i beat the shit out of my girlfriend for being dumb?""(switch it around it your a drunk bitch)

For tonight i'm scumbagging it and drinking gilby's vodka and a bottle of sake.  
Where you guys at?


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## theCaptn' (Jan 27, 2010)

I'm a fan of the Captain . . . and Ive been hitting the booze pretty hard myself . . I got shitfaced last night with my boss on rum and red wine . . with this chick as well . .very close to AP


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## Captn'stabbin (Jan 27, 2010)

j-pet said:


> I'm a fan of the Captain . . . and Ive been hitting the booze pretty hard myself . . I got shitfaced last night with my boss on rum and red wine . . with this chick as well . .very close to AP



hell yeah that's what i'm talking about. I got semi-clobbered last night lucky for me the night ended in a fight with my girl and then she pissed the bed. My life is pretty cool. ooh yeah i just put the sheets in the washer, my workout clothes came firs, of course.


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## heavyiron (Jan 27, 2010)

Couple of ice cold Coors and a syringe full of Testosterone.


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## Captn'stabbin (Jan 27, 2010)

heavyiron. said:


> Couple of ice cold Coors and a syringe full of Testosterone.



sweet, you can fed ex it if you want, i'll give you my acct number.


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## heavyiron (Jan 27, 2010)

Captn'stabbin said:


> sweet, you can fed ex it if you want, i'll give you my acct number.


Mine all came from Florida so....


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## kraken (Jan 28, 2010)

Ahh, may get enbalmed later tonight. Not sure the route I'll take yet. 10% or over beers, or Tullamore Dew?


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## pitman (Jan 28, 2010)

Captn'stabbin said:


> Here is a thread for the drunks. I frequently get hammered so i figure this would be a good place for the drunks to convene and discuss the issues affecting the world today. Such as "what should i jerk off to later?" or "should i beat the shit out of my girlfriend for being dumb?""(switch it around it your a drunk bitch)
> 
> For tonight i'm scumbagging it and drinking gilby's vodka and a bottle of sake.
> Where you guys at?


nooo way !!!! a fucking thread forum for the drunks and sociables...i love IRON MAGAZINE.COM..They know how to put a forum up..i love it!!!!  Hi everyone im tim..aka pitmann...


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## theCaptn' (Jan 28, 2010)

the Capt. enjoys a good tot of rum on occassion . .  in his own cabin, and those of other sea farers . .


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## pitman (Jan 28, 2010)

CaptRichArund said:


> the Capt. enjoys a good tot of rum on occassion . . in his own cabin, and those of other sea farers . .


aaaarrrrrrrrrrrr,captain i believe we are out of rum...


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## jmorrison (Jan 28, 2010)

I get regularly shit-faced, but nothing compares to the long ago nights of Soju (spelling?) in Korea while I was in the military.  I once woke up in a puddle of vomit, shit and blood.  And the blood wasn't mine.  Win?


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## weldingman (Jan 28, 2010)

A cold beer and a cup of winny anyday


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## Hoglander (Jan 28, 2010)

Oh yeah look at ME!!! I had "A" beer. 

I don't even beat off until I've had a six pack. I've beaten off 3 times already. FAGS!!


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## weldingman (Jan 28, 2010)

I have my ass sucked out after a 6 pac, queer,


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## Hoglander (Jan 28, 2010)

You should write a book.... Fagtastic 6 pac Diet.  

By Fagtastic

P.S. I love you guys


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## Hoglander (Jan 29, 2010)

LOL I must have been wasted.


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## theCaptn' (Jan 29, 2010)

the Capt suggests there is no shame in a few man-tears . .


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## Little Wing (Jan 29, 2010)

jmorrison said:


> I get regularly shit-faced, but nothing compares to the long ago nights of Soju (spelling?) in Korea while I was in the military.  I once woke up in a puddle of vomit, shit and blood.  And the blood wasn't mine.  Win?




tell us the rest of this story.


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## Hoglander (Jan 29, 2010)

CaptRichArund said:


> the Capt suggests there is no shame in a few man-tears . .




Thanks Captn

This ones for U with max lift @ 3:13






YouTube Video


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## Little Wing (Jan 29, 2010)

there's no water till the end but this is probably what a day of pirating feels like






YouTube Video


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## pitman (Jan 29, 2010)

CaptRichArund said:


> the Capt suggests there is no shame in a few man-tears . .


hhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmm?


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## jmorrison (Jan 29, 2010)

Little Wing said:


> tell us the rest of this story.



I don't really know anymore about the story.  It's the only time I ever actually blacked out.  The last thing I remember was one of my buddies had me in a choke lock from behind while the bartender poured soju down my throat through a funnel.

I apparently got separated from my friends, and the next day 3 of us lost rank, one of my friends head got smashed by a brick and he looked like the elephant man, and my sergeant informed me that the MPs had found me the night before sleeping in a trash can outside of my barracks.  The dragged me inside and my sergeant put me to bed (apparently).

When I woke up I had shit my pants, vomited all over my bed, and was COVERED in blood, but had no apparent injuries.  The only reason I didnt get into trouble is NO ONE could actually recall me doing anything wrong other than shitting the bed.


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## Little Wing (Jan 29, 2010)

jmorrison said:


> I don't really know anymore about the story.  It's the only time I ever actually blacked out.  The last thing I remember was one of my buddies had me in a choke lock from behind while the bartender poured soju down my throat through a funnel.
> 
> I apparently got separated from my friends, and the next day 3 of us lost rank, one of my friends head got smashed by a brick and he looked like the elephant man, and my sergeant informed me that the MPs had found me the night before sleeping in a trash can outside of my barracks.  The dragged me inside and my sergeant put me to bed (apparently).
> 
> When I woke up I had shit my pants, vomited all over my bed, and was COVERED in blood, but had no apparent injuries.  The only reason I didnt get into trouble is NO ONE could actually recall me doing anything wrong other than shitting the bed.



that's a good story. there should be more of these in this thread.


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## Captn'stabbin (Feb 1, 2010)

alright well due to unforeseen blk outs i haven't been able to make it in to the cabin. 
Here's a short summary
friday- blacked out by myself at a bar cause my girl is only 20, yes i am a pedophile. Pretty much made a seen going out to dinner with my parents who i haven't seen in 3 years. Ended up starting a huge fight with my girl none of which i really remember. Jack daniels usually treats me better. 
sat- patched things up with everyone. Started to drink around 4pm, VOdka and frozen lemonade, keystone lights and 350 of jack. pregame lasted till 12am then went to a party where i dominated the beer pong table. The jack finally took ahold of my girl and she went down, had to take her home. Despite the long hours of drinking i made it to the gym , almost threw up during db rows. But luckily enough for me it sparked some sweet heartburn for the rest of the night. 

Also a sidenote to all the others who join the cabin: The captn' has never been so proud of all of you, whether it be shitting your pants, beating children and women, or even skull fucking the elderly keep proving them wrong.


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## Captn'stabbin (Feb 1, 2010)

heavyiron. said:


> Mine all came from Florida so....



Ahh gotta love FL, i'm actually about to jump on a small one 10-12weeks at 500 of cyp. Should treat me well. 



kraken said:


> Ahh, may get enbalmed later tonight. Not sure the route I'll take yet. 10% or over beers, or Tullamore Dew?



I hope it was the tullamore dew, that stuff ain't bad at all.


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## maniclion (Feb 1, 2010)

One time I was drinkin' underage at a Korean Karaoke Buy-Me-Drinkee Bar and these 2 muscle bound guys came in with 4 girls who looked like porn stars, they claimed to be professional Wrestlers, I gave them some ecstasy and was already flying on my own handful, next thing I know these guys pull out a wad of money and pay off the bartender to let them serve the drinks, they are behind the bar making all kinds of concoctions sending me, my friends and these four gals into oblivion.  At some point I remember my vision was impaired, everyone was decapitated I assume from my lidded eyes, but I was still rather coherent.  After a while of owning the bar we decided to go to an afterhours rave club with the bottles of vodka we stole from behind the bar.  I barely remember being on the dance floor with 2 of the chicks grinding all over me, looking around at all these candyland raver kids staring at us like we were debauched hooligans.  At some point I decided to go to the chill room and take a break cause my legs were cramping and when I returned to the dance room my new friends had disappeared, when I walked outside the sun was already up, 7 o'clock in the morning there I was still drunk and buzzing on ecstasy smelling like whore, with as I found out later, lipstick kisses all over my neck.  My legs were too sore to walk back to the hotel so I found this little garden next to some real estate office and sat against the tree where no one could see me, and passed out for an hour.  I got up still drunk, popped another tab and came stumbling out of the bushes while all these work-a-day people stared at me like I was a creature the nights should devour and never allow to see the light of day.  I made the arduous 10 block journey back to the hotel and kicked all my friends out of bed for our traditional French Toast and Chi Chi (vodka, pineapple juice, cream of coconut blended with ice) breakfast at the little cafe downstairs which always prepared us for another day and night of partying.....


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## jmorrison (Feb 1, 2010)

lol where at in Korea?  Sounds like hooker hill!


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## Captn'stabbin (Feb 2, 2010)

very nice. i woke up in my own puke on my friends parents dock. Sleeping outdoors is fun.


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## Captn'stabbin (Feb 4, 2010)

Mr. stabbin will be loaded tonight.


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## heavyiron (Feb 4, 2010)

Captn'stabbin said:


> Mr. stabbin will be loaded tonight.


Do tell!


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## Captn'stabbin (Feb 4, 2010)

on my second bottle of sake now, beer is coming. might toss in a couple shots of shitty vodka.


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## heavyiron (Feb 4, 2010)

Sounds like hell to pay in the morning!


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## Tesla (Feb 4, 2010)

I gotta party with Stabbin', dude sounds like an animal..........


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## weldingman (Feb 4, 2010)

Captn'stabbin said:


> on my second bottle of sake now, beer is coming. might toss in a couple shots of shitty vodka.


 
What kind of PCT do you take for this Cap? lol


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## theCaptn' (Feb 5, 2010)

Captn'stabbin said:


> Mr. stabbin will be loaded tonight.


 
so will Capt Richard (Rich) Arund (ret.)


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## heavyiron (Feb 5, 2010)

He must have died of alcohol poisoning


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## Tesla (Feb 5, 2010)

heavyiron. said:


> He must have died of alcohol poisoning


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## Captn'stabbin (Feb 10, 2010)

Ponyshow said:


> I gotta party with Stabbin', dude sounds like an animal..........



Anytime your in south florida i'm down to black out. 



weldingman said:


> What kind of PCT do you take for this Cap? lol



Shot gun 2 beers, no specific brand, immediately after waking.




heavyiron. said:


> He must have died of alcohol poisoning



Still alive, didn't even black out on sunday. kinda lame but i proved them all  wrong on on friday. ended up sleeping in my car at some random parking lot, couldn't find it again if i tried. Almost ruined my relationship with my girl, not that it's terribly important anyway. But all in all a complete success in the fight against my liver.


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## Tesla (Feb 10, 2010)

Captn'stabbin said:


> But all in all a complete success in the fight against my liver.


 

Good job, Stab-master.......my liver is tough, too........but I think I'm wearing it down....will be goin' in for the kill soon. 

Just say NO to Milk Thistle.


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## Saney (Feb 11, 2010)

Is gay when drunk - CollegeHumor picture


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## Captn'stabbin (Feb 11, 2010)

Sanesloot said:


> Is gay when drunk - CollegeHumor picture



you look very fem in that pic, i like my men more village people biker style.


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## Captn'stabbin (Feb 12, 2010)

I'm drinking currently. One large watermelon malt liquor beverage as I'm getting some more work done on my back. I'll post some pics for you ladies later. 

So have some beers for the captn'


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## Captn'stabbin (Feb 13, 2010)

first pic is outline, last night we did the shading. next time some color. 7 hours down probably another 7 to go.


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## sprayherup (Feb 15, 2010)

Captn'stabbin said:


> I'm drinking currently. One large watermelon malt liquor beverage as I'm getting some more work done on my back. I'll post some pics for you ladies later.
> 
> So have some beers for the captn'


 
Are you drinking that Joose stuff? It's like 10% no?


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## Captn'stabbin (Feb 15, 2010)

sprayherup said:


> Are you drinking that Joose stuff? It's like 10% no?



i think it was called "four". It was 12% and it was a terrific catalyst for diarrhea.


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## sprayherup (Feb 16, 2010)

Ahh yeah, I've had this before. Strong ghetto shit indeed.


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## Captn'stabbin (Feb 28, 2010)

i've been a real fuck off lately but i'm drinking now motherfuckers!!!!!!!!!


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## theCaptn' (Feb 28, 2010)

sprayherup said:


> Ahh yeah, I've had this before. Strong ghetto shit indeed.


 


Captn'stabbin said:


> i've been a real fuck off lately but i'm drinking now motherfuckers!!!!!!!!!


 

Man, that is some evil-looking wickity-wack juice right there! 

Mix it with some cough syrup! or drop a couple of benzo's!


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## Captn'stabbin (Feb 28, 2010)

CaptRichArund said:


> Man, that is some evil-looking wickity-wack juice right there!
> 
> Mix it with some cough syrup! or drop a couple of benzo's!



man i have had some good times drinking some promethazine(sp) or codeine syrup. fun shit!!!!


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## theCaptn' (Mar 6, 2010)

got any new anal adventures, Capt?


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## Captn'stabbin (Mar 27, 2010)

CaptRichArund said:


> got any new anal adventures, Capt?



last week,i got black out drunk and awoke to a my girl blowing me. I pushed her off and went back to sleep. 


st. patricks day-- i stayed home alone, luckily i got my gf to go out with friends and leave me the fuck alone. I just felt like sitting and bullshitting on the interwebs for a bit. While i drank my sake and beer in peace and quiet. All was well.... 330am my GF gets home and instead of being quiet and letting me sleep, i fell asleep on the couch watching ironman on my new tv. She starts making all this fucking noise and waking me up and fucking with me till i came in the bedroom. 7am i hear loud banging, didn't think much of it. i heard it again sure as shit it's my door. I open it it's one of her friends crying and banging on the door. She's fucking hysterical, saying "i'm soaking wet, i need my pants, i need my pants." So I say" what fucking pants you weirdo?" I'm thinking she was raped or thrown in a lake or who knows. i wake up my girl asking her if she knows where her pants are. My gf doesn't give a shit whats happening.Nobody fucking knows, then this chick says "not my pants my keys i need my keys" At that point my rage his vocal level, i start yelling at the both of them to figure their shit out. 2 fucking times i get woken up with bullshit. Turns out the keys were in the car where she slept and she pissed her pants. She comes in to my job with my gf's wallet and says"here i guess i pissed on this last night" I tell her to take this piss wallet and give it to my gf herself. I'm not piss wallet currier. For fucks sake how does a great night of solitude and sake turn into this fucking mess.


Last night i slept in my car cause i decided to blk out, at one point in the night i believe we were at a bar/club for old people. Like 60+ pretty fucking weird.


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## jcar1016 (Mar 29, 2010)

Captn'stabbin said:


> last week,i got black out drunk and awoke to a my girl blowing me. I pushed her off and went back to sleep.
> 
> 
> st. patricks day-- i stayed home alone, luckily i got my gf to go out with friends and leave me the fuck alone. I just felt like sitting and bullshitting on the interwebs for a bit. While i drank my sake and beer in peace and quiet. All was well.... 330am my GF gets home and instead of being quiet and letting me sleep, i fell asleep on the couch watching ironman on my new tv. She starts making all this fucking noise and waking me up and fucking with me till i came in the bedroom. 7am i hear loud banging, didn't think much of it. i heard it again sure as shit it's my door. I open it it's one of her friends crying and banging on the door. She's fucking hysterical, saying "i'm soaking wet, i need my pants, i need my pants." So I say" what fucking pants you weirdo?" I'm thinking she was raped or thrown in a lake or who knows. i wake up my girl asking her if she knows where her pants are. My gf doesn't give a shit whats happening.Nobody fucking knows, then this chick says "not my pants my keys i need my keys" At that point my rage his vocal level, i start yelling at the both of them to figure their shit out. 2 fucking times i get woken up with bullshit. Turns out the keys were in the car where she slept and she pissed her pants. She comes in to my job with my gf's wallet and says"here i guess i pissed on this last night" I tell her to take this piss wallet and give it to my gf herself. I'm not piss wallet currier. For fucks sake how does a great night of solitude and sake turn into this fucking mess.
> ...


Ah yes reminds me of my childhood......Goodtimes.......Goodtimes


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## sprayherup (Mar 29, 2010)

Captn'stabbin said:


> Last night i slept in my car cause i decided to blk out, at one point in the night i believe we were at a bar/club for old people. Like 60+ pretty fucking weird.


 
Did you run into Roids's ex girlfriends at this bar?


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## Dark Geared God (Mar 29, 2010)

what ever happened to St ides beer?


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## sprayherup (Mar 29, 2010)

The Situation said:


> what ever happened to St ides beer?


 





YouTube Video


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## Captn'stabbin (Mar 30, 2010)

sprayherup said:


> Did you run into Roids's ex girlfriends at this bar?



hell yeah scored a gummy in the parking lot. 



The Situation said:


> what ever happened to St ides beer?



that's a hell of a question, i used to love that stuff. I was only 14 but damn it did the trick.


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## jcar1016 (Mar 31, 2010)

Ah St. Ides.  My loving mother used to put it in my bottle.  Fond memories


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## Dark Geared God (Mar 31, 2010)

sprayherup said:


> YouTube Video


 

i remember Ice cube rapping about that


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## Captn'stabbin (Apr 10, 2010)

still alive and still blacking out.

 Apparently i was blacked out grabbing tits and screaming for cocaine the other night. No cocaine was available so i threw up in a coffee container instead. My buddy banged a loose woman on my futon, didn't even pull out. Still doesn't know her name, i refuse to tell him.


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## Curt James (Apr 14, 2010)

^Ah, yes, living a life of wanton abandon vicariously through *Captn'stabbin*'s thread!


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## Captn'stabbin (Apr 22, 2010)

date/time- Saturday goth/punk/burlesques show

desired results- have fun not blk out

Equipment- 4pk 16oz Milwaukee best ice(for the drive there), 16oz pbr's, shots of whiskey

Results- Burlesque show was weird, lots of dumb contest and no nudity. One band was pretty cool, something straight out of house of 1000 corpses. Viva la vox. good time. down about $70, made it home and people came over, i blked out. I guess i can't control myself. But at least i didn't do any drugs.



date/Time- sunday. was great drank for 12 hours maybe more
desired results- blk out.

Equipment- handle of ron carlos rum(yeah the shitty stuff), Small bottle of absinthe 69%, 18pk coors light, and the cocaine(thanks to a friend that stopped by and shared)

Results -blk out achieved, woke in middle of night to fucked up to make it to the bathroom so i leaned over threw up on my carpet and dirty laundry. Woke up with a sore throat, still hasn't gone away. 

Can't wait for next sunday.


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## Dark Geared God (Apr 22, 2010)

dude you can party....


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## Captn'stabbin (Apr 24, 2010)

^ it's more of an addiction

Any one else getting on the liquid dinner diet tonight?


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## Dark Geared God (Apr 24, 2010)

yep 1.75 of JD COKE<<<AND COKE WITH A SIDE OF STRIPPERS>>>IT SHOULD BE A FUN MORNING....
AlL i want for X-mas is a new liver


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## Captn'stabbin (May 25, 2010)

The Situation said:


> yep 1.75 of JD COKE<<<AND COKE WITH A SIDE OF STRIPPERS>>>IT SHOULD BE A FUN MORNING....
> AlL i want for X-mas is a new liver



Very nice. I bought 1.75 of jack last weekend. He won the battle again. I lost my balance and slammed by back into a corner right near my kidney. I almost pissed my pants i hit so hard. Now a week later i still have a huge bruise. So this weekend i finished that fucker off with some powder and feel pretty good about myself.


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## sprayherup (May 25, 2010)

Good Lord!


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## cale (May 25, 2010)

nice story got any more


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## Tesla (May 25, 2010)

Nobody partys like da Capp........

I tried Fri. night.......hammered a sixer.....went downtown....pounded 6 Double Bacardi and Cokes......3 shots of Don Julio......then my buddy and his chick got in a fight...My chick went to go deal with the drama.......I went around the corner(this was right when the bar closed at 2 AM) cuz I didn't want any part of it.......Did a couple pipe-rips and put a dip in.......my cell rings with my chick screaming.....I go around the corner and my boy got cold-cocked by a beaner that was harrassing our chicks....figured dude was OK...I've been cracked in the grill plenty of times and I was always fine after a while........we get the L-plate.....talk to the cops, Blah Blah Blah.......we leave in a cab........dude starts passing out and asked to go to the hospital.......They drop us off at the Vagabond where me and my chick get a hotel and they proceed to the hospital........My chick grabs my boys backpack and we get in the hotel and there is a full bottle of Rasberry Vodka and Gatorade in it.......we party and finish off the whole bottle before sundown........my boy is still in the hospital as we speak with a crushed eye socket(orbital bone).....His face is swole as fuck and purple......couldn't believe it.......needs facial reconstructive surgery......I've been popped in the grill by sum pretty big fuckers before, but I'm thinking this little cholo musta been packin Brass Knuckles.......only way I can see damage like this being done.....Anyway.....this happenned Fri. Night and he just had the surgery today.......took a cab back the next morning with my chick and we pounded half of another handle of rum and then it was finally lights out


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## theCaptn' (May 25, 2010)

fun and games in sac.cal.


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## Tesla (May 25, 2010)

As always.......


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## Captn'stabbin (May 25, 2010)

Ponyshow said:


> Nobody partys like da Capp........
> 
> I tried Fri. night.......hammered a sixer.....went downtown....pounded 6 Double Bacardi and Cokes......3 shots of Don Julio......then my buddy and his chick got in a fight...My chick went to go deal with the drama.......I went around the corner(this was right when the bar closed at 2 AM) cuz I didn't want any part of it.......Did a couple pipe-rips and put a dip in.......my cell rings with my chick screaming.....I go around the corner and my boy got cold-cocked by a beaner that was harrassing our chicks....figured dude was OK...I've been cracked in the grill plenty of times and I was always fine after a while........we get the L-plate.....talk to the cops, Blah Blah Blah.......we leave in a cab........dude starts passing out and asked to go to the hospital.......They drop us off at the Vagabond where me and my chick get a hotel and they proceed to the hospital........My chick grabs my boys backpack and we get in the hotel and there is a full bottle of Rasberry Vodka and Gatorade in it.......we party and finish off the whole bottle before sundown........my boy is still in the hospital as we speak with a crushed eye socket(orbital bone).....His face is swole as fuck and purple......couldn't believe it.......needs facial reconstructive surgery......I've been popped in the grill by sum pretty big fuckers before, but I'm thinking this little cholo musta been packin Brass Knuckles.......only way I can see damage like this being done.....Anyway.....this happenned Fri. Night and he just had the surgery today.......took a cab back the next morning with my chick and we pounded half of another handle of rum and then it was finally lights out



damn that's a nice outing right there. Had to have the brass unless he's that much of a power puncher but on a diet of corona and tacos i doubt it. Any AP with said female?

I banged out a milf with fakes on friday. Not a bad way to start off the weekend. My buddy gave me the keys to his condo, so i took her to the beach for cocktails. I started fucking her on my boy's couch and my other friend was just chilling on the computer. So i was trying to go full throttle with a 1/4 of a hard-on, guess i was using too much hips, a 1L of jack hits the ground and shatters. I kept going and made my boy clean up while i worked my way to a 1/2'ie. neeedlees to say i didn't finish, passed out, woke up naked in my friends bed, didn't know where i was for a couple mins. it all worked out. 
 i should have some really solid stuff coming this weekend, genitals willing.


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## Captn'stabbin (May 25, 2010)

TheCapt'n said:


> fun and games in sac.cal.



captn' you bed any galley whores lately?


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## Tesla (May 25, 2010)

Captn'stabbin said:


> Any AP with said female?


 
I destroyed the puss in the hotel.........I took a script "c" at like 11 PM that night......so I had no prob. with wood even after all the booze.....put the hammer down nicely


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## Dark Geared God (May 25, 2010)

Captn'stabbin said:


> Very nice. I bought 1.75 of jack last weekend. He won the battle again. I lost my balance and slammed by back into a corner right near my kidney. I almost pissed my pants i hit so hard. Now a week later i still have a huge bruise. So this weekend i finished that fucker off with some powder and feel pretty good about myself.


 still waiting for that new liver..more lines please


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## Captn'stabbin (May 26, 2010)

Ponyshow said:


> I destroyed the puss in the hotel.........I took a script "c" at like 11 PM that night......so I had no prob. with wood even after all the booze.....put the hammer down nicely



that's a good game plan right there. Vaginal destruction: check



The Situation said:


> still waiting for that new liver..more lines please



i have one more section to kill,  then i can fuck my way to the top of the donor list. 
the only other thing i did was get super trashed on thurs and do some blow. Picked up 30 pins and lost them somewhere. hopefully a drug user found them.


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## Dark Geared God (May 26, 2010)

Captn'stabbin said:


> that's a good game plan right there. Vaginal destruction: check
> 
> 
> 
> ...


 
After all the years of partying the old liver is fine surprised me.. now its time too party even harder..


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## Tesla (May 26, 2010)

Keep up the hard work, Gents.......we must band together in an effort to destroy our livers.......I'm doing my part tonight.......popped a couple vikes, 1 klonopin, pounding sum merlot........and NOT taking Milk Thistle cuz that is sacrilegious


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## Captn'stabbin (Jun 10, 2010)

the 28th thru the 3rd is a blank. I know i spent 280 at the bar on the 1st and threw up a bunch. I did some coke at the bar in front of some families and a friend pissed all over the bar at the end of the night. It all could have went down a lot better.


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## Tesla (Jun 10, 2010)

Once again Da Capp does not dissapoint.......


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## Captn'stabbin (Jun 14, 2010)

took it pretty easy this weekend. I did purchase an inflatable beer pong table for the pool. Probably the best decision i have made this year other than getting rid of my gf.


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## Tesla (Jun 14, 2010)

Captn'stabbin said:


> took it pretty easy this weekend. I did purchase an inflatable beer pong table for the pool. Probably the best decision i have made this year other than getting rid of my gf.


 



We played beer pong at the pool this weekend too........Good job on gettin rid of da Ho


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## Buzzard (Jun 15, 2010)

I had a wedding to go to this past weekend. It was a country wedding in a pasture... Longhorns watching and shit. Anywho... It started at 6 and they had 3 kegs. Well, I started cracking Miller Rites at about 1:30 and I was pounding them down cuz my girl had me pissed. I packed a cooler cuz I figured, it can't hurt to have a back-up plan in case the kegs ran out. So, after 15 or so, we're at the wedding. Me and a buddy are actually tapping off cold ones during the ceremony. After MANY more beers, me & the girl head to a nearby honky tonk. Shots and a few more beverages... I'm talking the the singer and the band and he's impressed with my big/jerked status and proceeds to tell the bar that I requested a certain song and if anyone had a problem with, that I'd punch all their faces in. I lay the ground work with I chick from work ( that I'd been wanting to meet). So now... Most of the bar time is a blur. I don't remember most of it. We leave and my girl blows me in the parking lot (she swallowed)... Then, we are leaving and I want to fuck so we pull in the lot across the street and I AP her. Then, we are leaving and I tell her to pull over and I try to fuck again, but I guess I was drained. So she drove home with me butt-naked in the backseat of my truck and my feet hangin out the window.

Most of the bar and fucking I don't remember at all... I hope I had a good time. She claims I popped 2 times within 20 minutes. Sounds like it worked out.


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## Tesla (Jun 15, 2010)

Buzz in da Hizzy..........good werk knigg...........


Keep punishing those livers with oral abusers and booze like good little soldiers


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## Tesla (Jun 15, 2010)

Fat prips and stiffies on me mah good knigglets


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## theCaptn' (Jun 15, 2010)

I'll take a stiffy w. sum cheeky lines  . . .  lets get sum fresh bitches for da hot tub!


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## maniclion (Jun 16, 2010)

Did I ever tell you guys about the night I wanted to and tried to die like Jim Morrison?  I'd been drinking whiskey all night, writing poetry at the bar while my friends kept dragging vacationing trollops over to our table.  These 2 girls were particularly interested in me and my writing, they wanted to be writers too, were even in college for it(which I told them you don't go to college to learn to write, you go to a bar to learn to write, college only teaches you where to punctuate, or what a prepositional phrase is or how not to write like your professor because he most likely never found his voice so he fell back on teaching).  Anyhow I managed to keep these 2 dazzled long enough with flowery words of seduction, and an adlibbed offshoot of Jimi Hendrix's Rainbow Bridge drunken fable about Peoclatra, er um Cleopatra, what.....and the naughty Asp that bit her ass, the ladies of the night with mattresses strapped to their backs and trickled in some of my own fairy tail elements.  This locked them in.  After the bar closed we all went to the pier to smoke some bowls and finish off some fifth's......some how we ended up swimming in our underwear, the girls topless.  After that we walked around, me in my boxers waiting for them to dry....my other friends ditched us to go to the hotel with some girls they'd met....it was just me, my 2 admirers and 2 of my strikeout friends barely hanging on to consciousness, the girls suggested we head back to their hotel room.  So we get their, my 2 buds fallout in the patio chairs, I'm alone with 2 college girls drunk and smitten so I fooled around, hand up ones sarong, petting her slippery oyster while the other one unbuttoned the front of my boxers and pulled out the electric eel.....a bj led to bonified boning and then some post-coital petting then they were out and I was wide awake thinking I could die now having been with 2 girls at once......I then had to piss so I got up, walked to the bathroom and took a leak when I noticed the flaky white dried up ectoplasm of sex all in my crotch, on the shaft, the head even the hairs.....I decided a bath was better, lay back, write down some shit and get clean all at once.  So I ran the bath, went and got my pen and spiral notebook, plus my headphones with discman playing Strange Days on repeat....last thing I remember was writing about crawling to the edge of the abyss, and tossing the shackles of childhood and my fathers pride over the horizon....the sound in my ears------
"When the still sea conspires an armor 
And her sullen and aborted 
Currents breed tiny monsters 
True sailing is dead 
Awkward instant ......" 

trailed off into a cold wasteland, I felt stinging pains down my spine it was so cold....my legs were numbed, I was dying and the light was growing brighter not dimmer as I imagined it would in death.....then a flash of sound awoke me, a sound that not only vibrated my eardrums, but sent a spark to my eyes.  I flung open my eyelids and it was golden all over, a mopish angel sat staring at me with pain in her eyes, pain that said "Ohh what a night!" suddenly I realized I was in the bathtub, naked dick shriveled but somehow the water was gone and a towel covered my midsection...the angel, one of my admirers and concubines of mere 2 hours earlier, extends her hand to mine and pulls me out of the tub to drag me back to the bed asking why I fell asleep in the tub...I told her I thought I was Jim Morrison and this was my time to go.  I crawl in between the warm covers, middle of my spine and ass cheeks still wet....my guardian angel wraps her arm across my belly, buries her head into my chest......we fall asleep under the sparkling dawn......we'll sleep until noon, wake and bake then grab breakfast downstairs along with a little mange o' the dog....but for now we dream all together, a communion of young souls, subconscious minds intertwined in the REM spun vibrational ether....waves of dreamcasts rolling off of our lidded eyes.....

For a couple years I corresponded the old-fashioned way with these 2 girls, they even sent me a new journal since I'd dipped the bottom part of my other notebook in the bathwater, I called it my Cosmic Erotic Book, it had stars and moons of gold and deep blue on the cover, inside they'd written a letter of inspiration...I still have it somewhere have filled with poems....


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## Captn'stabbin (Jun 17, 2010)

Ponyshow said:


> We played beer pong at the pool this weekend too........Good job on gettin rid of da Ho



haha very nice.



Buzzard said:


> I had a wedding to go to this past weekend. It was a country wedding in a pasture... Longhorns watching and shit. Anywho... It started at 6 and they had 3 kegs. Well, I started cracking Miller Rites at about 1:30 and I was pounding them down cuz my girl had me pissed. I packed a cooler cuz I figured, it can't hurt to have a back-up plan in case the kegs ran out. So, after 15 or so, we're at the wedding. Me and a buddy are actually tapping off cold ones during the ceremony. After MANY more beers, me & the girl head to a nearby honky tonk. Shots and a few more beverages... I'm talking the the singer and the band and he's impressed with my big/jerked status and proceeds to tell the bar that I requested a certain song and if anyone had a problem with, that I'd punch all their faces in. I lay the ground work with I chick from work ( that I'd been wanting to meet). So now... Most of the bar time is a blur. I don't remember most of it. We leave and my girl blows me in the parking lot (she swallowed)... Then, we are leaving and I want to fuck so we pull in the lot across the street and I AP her. Then, we are leaving and I tell her to pull over and I try to fuck again, but I guess I was drained. So she drove home with me butt-naked in the backseat of my truck and my feet hangin out the window.
> 
> Most of the bar and fucking I don't remember at all... I hope I had a good time. She claims I popped 2 times within 20 minutes. Sounds like it worked out.



Sounds like a god time to me.



maniclion said:


> Did I ever tell you guys about the night I wanted to and tried to die like Jim Morrison?  I'd been drinking whiskey all night, writing poetry at the bar while my friends kept dragging vacationing trollops over to our table.  These 2 girls were particularly interested in me and my writing, they wanted to be writers too, were even in college for it(which I told them you don't go to college to learn to write, you go to a bar to learn to write, college only teaches you where to punctuate, or what a prepositional phrase is or how not to write like your professor because he most likely never found his voice so he fell back on teaching).  Anyhow I managed to keep these 2 dazzled long enough with flowery words of seduction, and an adlibbed offshoot of Jimi Hendrix's Rainbow Bridge drunken fable about Peoclatra, er um Cleopatra, what.....and the naughty Asp that bit her ass, the ladies of the night with mattresses strapped to their backs and trickled in some of my own fairy tail elements.  This locked them in.  After the bar closed we all went to the pier to smoke some bowls and finish off some fifth's......some how we ended up swimming in our underwear, the girls topless.  After that we walked around, me in my boxers waiting for them to dry....my other friends ditched us to go to the hotel with some girls they'd met....it was just me, my 2 admirers and 2 of my strikeout friends barely hanging on to consciousness, the girls suggested we head back to their hotel room.  So we get their, my 2 buds fallout in the patio chairs, I'm alone with 2 college girls drunk and smitten so I fooled around, hand up ones sarong, petting her slippery oyster while the other one unbuttoned the front of my boxers and pulled out the electric eel.....a bj led to bonified boning and then some post-coital petting then they were out and I was wide awake thinking I could die now having been with 2 girls at once......I then had to piss so I got up, walked to the bathroom and took a leak when I noticed the flaky white dried up ectoplasm of sex all in my crotch, on the shaft, the head even the hairs.....I decided a bath was better, lay back, write down some shit and get clean all at once.  So I ran the bath, went and got my pen and spiral notebook, plus my headphones with discman playing Strange Days on repeat....last thing I remember was writing about crawling to the edge of the abyss, and tossing the shackles of childhood and my fathers pride over the horizon....the sound in my ears------
> "When the still sea conspires an armor
> And her sullen and aborted
> Currents breed tiny monsters
> ...



You should submit that to penthouse forum. Funny shit.


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## sprayherup (Jun 17, 2010)

Talk about some good creative writing...


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## maniclion (Jun 17, 2010)

Captn'stabbin said:


> You should submit that to penthouse forum. Funny shit.


Please, I'd need to juice it up some more for Penthouse...thanks though..


sprayherup said:


> Talk about some good creative writing...


That whole Cosmic Erotic journal has several of my sexscapades chronicled.  One in particular has me being consumed into a vagina with each stroke almost like reading a book, as you turn the pages you get absorbed in the story.....


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## Tesla (Jun 22, 2010)

I'm absorbed in a huge shot of rum right now


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## maniclion (Jun 23, 2010)

ponyshow said:


> i'm absorbed in a huge shot of cum right now


o"rly?


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## Tesla (Jun 23, 2010)




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## Captn'stabbin (Jun 23, 2010)

Here's summary of Sat night activities, i really wanted to hook up with a goth chick cause i was going to a crazy goth type show but i failed. If i would have had the cocaine it may have been diff. 
Highlights/lowlights:
Saved a kitten in traffic. i had about 9 drinks in me, made my friend stop the car i jumped out crossed 6 lanes of traffic, the cat made it safe somehow. COrnered it in the bushes and caught her. It think it's about 4-5 weeks. I named it pancake, seems fitting. Vet said it's been clipped by a car before and it's jaw is messed up but it's fixable and it has a fracture in it's leg that's healing. pic included. 

Made out with three different chicks (one was more forced), one out of towner, one neighbor(the rapist), and another one i knew. Neighbor wanted to fuck me real bad but i wasn't into it. Couldn't convince the out of towner to ditch her sister and fam, so that was a waste. The last girl came over but i had so many people at my house including her brother so that fell through. So the only pussy i got was 4 week old one that already cost me $55. 

None of them were goth chicks, so fuck my life!!!!!But one was blonde with some tatts. Close but not quite right. There's always next weekend...


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## Tesla (Jun 23, 2010)

You are quite the humanitarian, Capp........good work 


Now it's time for a shot of Tequila


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## Dark Geared God (Jun 23, 2010)

Captn'stabbin said:


> Here's summary of Sat night activities, i really wanted to hook up with a goth chick cause i was going to a crazy goth type show but i failed. If i would have had the cocaine it may have been diff.
> Highlights/lowlights:
> Saved a kitten in traffic. i had about 9 drinks in me, made my friend stop the car i jumped out crossed 6 lanes of traffic, the cat made it safe somehow. COrnered it in the bushes and caught her. It think it's about 4-5 weeks. I named it pancake, seems fitting. Vet said it's been clipped by a car before and it's jaw is messed up but it's fixable and it has a fracture in it's leg that's healing. pic included.
> 
> ...


 
good job saved the cat...


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## Captn'stabbin (Jun 25, 2010)

Mr. stabbin looks down upon no creature, except for filthy women who don't share the pussy. 


So i'm soaking some gummy bears in vodka for sunday, hopefully this will be a success.


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## Dark Geared God (Jun 25, 2010)

Captn'stabbin said:


> Mr. stabbin looks down upon no creature, except for filthy women who don't share the pussy.
> 
> 
> So i'm soaking some gummy bears in vodka for sunday, hopefully this will be a success.


 
You have done well highlander...


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## Buzzard (Jun 28, 2010)

I was just reliving so ol' Irish Car Bomb memories and thought I would share one.

Me and my buddy use to live in this sweet loft in the downtown of this crappy little town. Well, we had a few hot neighbors thru the years we lived there, but there was this one that was the hottest. I swear she's like high-end porn hot. Long brown hair, unbelievable big tits (it's been a longtime debate around this area if they were real... They are real.). Her pussy was the smoothest shaved I've ever been associated with. It's like there was never any hair. Plus, this chick is ultra high-maintenance, but cool as hell. She and I had an ongoing friends with bene's relationship.

Anyhoo... One night we are at
Chili's (we go there cuz the bartenders hook us up bigtime). Well, we get going on some car bombs. The taste so good, you don't even realize the damage you're causing for later. So after Chili's, we head over to a real bar and my neighbor girl comes up and hugs me. She's just started dating this dude she's with and she whispers "make him jealous". So I ablige... The bombs/beers/etc... Are really starting to kick in and I'm all over her. This dude ain't caring for this one bit. But I'm being cool with him and letting him know we are just friends, but he ain't buying it.

So after numerous beers, it's time to go and the girl wants me to drive them home (we live in the same building), ao I'm like sure! So I tell the dude to get in the back seat. She hops in the front with me in the middle and my buddy is ridin shotgun. This poor bastard is riding in the back while his chick is sitting between 2 guys... Funny shit.

Anyway, the next morning, I go to get in my truck and there's whataburger trash in there. So look in my wallet and there's 2 receipts. One from 2:30am and another from 3:10am. I have no recollection of any of it. So I guess I was drivin around, blind ass drunk. Hopefully I enjoyed that whataburger...


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## Captn'stabbin (Jun 30, 2010)

^very nice. i have a pretty good car bomb story. i'll post it up tomorrow.


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## Captn'stabbin (Jul 8, 2010)

tomorrow it is....here's a good car bomb

me and buddy went to the beach in Ft. lauderdale as always cause it's walking distance. We bring an 18pk and hit the sand. Not the best day out but the beers were hitting the spot. It's time to piss so i take an empty and fill her up sitting there. My friend was pretty impressed, i said "it's easy give it a try". He pisses all over himself, i told him "you'll get it next time." He didn't. So beers are done, we walk over to blondies, a local shithole type bar but it faces the beach. So we precede to get shitfaced. Some girls sit next to us, we don't say a fucking word to them. About an hour they get up to leave, i say "your leaving me already?", they sit back down and we start buying shots. By no means are these girls hot, i would say decent. They start getting wasted next thing you know i making out with one and my friend is with the other. *(side note- i normally never do shit like this at the bar, unless i'm wasted. I get wasted a lot) So we get the idea to do some car bombs, my friend has hit his stride by now. He spills the whole fucking thing down his face. He's wearing a white shirt so the stain looks like a big brown bib. So now it's all hitting the fan, my friend goes to the bathroom and the chick i was fooling with. As soon as they are out of site the other one starts making out with me, i had to keep my composure from not busting out laughing. So it starts to wind down, the chicks leave and we start our walk home...

My friend is rather destructive when he gets wasted. He starts smashing the guide rails with his beach chairs. He breaks through 3 of them. I was fucking shocked but i was laughing my ass off. So we stumble down his street, i'm walking ahead not thinking anything. I look behind me and he's on the ground. He says he's ok, doesn't really know what happened. He steps into the light and has a big scrape on cheek. i start laughing my ass off, then we decide we need more beer. We go to the store, grab the beer get to the register. Imagine a kid bleeding from the face with a big brown stain on his shirt, stinking of alcohol trying to buy beer. So the bitch won't sell to us. Random enough we get a bum to buy us beer. Two 25 yr old guys in a Bmw need a bum to them beer. Get back to my friends place, have about 2 beers each and pass out in his garage and wake up in the morn. 

God bless alcohol...


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## letsgoflyers (Jul 11, 2010)

i love beer.


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## Captn'stabbin (Jul 14, 2010)

^ add drugs to that and you have my epitaph...


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## jmorrison (Jul 14, 2010)

I am throwing my best friend his bachelor party on Bourbon street on the 7th if any of you poop-stabbers are going to be there.  I should have a decent story after that one.


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## Captn'stabbin (Jul 19, 2010)

just fucked my neighbor 10 mins ago in front of my friend. haha i'm scum.


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## Dark Geared God (Jul 19, 2010)

well done....


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## Captn'stabbin (Jul 27, 2010)

sunday was a complete success, i don't even have a story to tell cause i'm not sure what the fuck happened.


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## ceazur (Jul 27, 2010)

Captn'stabbin said:


> sunday was a complete success, i don't even have a story to tell cause i'm not sure what the fuck happened.



Are you aware that your a sex craving alcoholic ryte?
It really brings out your eyes


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## Captn'stabbin (Jul 27, 2010)

yeah it's one of my finer qualities...


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## OTG85 (Jul 28, 2010)

jmorrison said:


> I am throwing my best friend his bachelor party on Bourbon street on the 7th if any of you poop-stabbers are going to be there. I should have a decent story after that one.


 
I live in new orleans


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## jmorrison (Jul 28, 2010)

legendkiller85 said:


> I live in new orleans



I will be sure to throw up or defecate on something owned by you.

GICH.


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## SenorBlumpkin (Jul 28, 2010)

I threw back 5 shots of 151, popped a BLUEY then pissed in a coworkers mouth.  ahhh


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## Captn'stabbin (Jul 29, 2010)

that's not a bad afternoon...


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## SenorBlumpkin (Jul 29, 2010)

Pretty good gotta say...bitch called me and left a message how she wants to taste me again.

Downing some Crown right now...gotta figure something epic for tonight


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## Mike09100 (Jul 29, 2010)

I would like to change my name to Capt'n Mikee


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## Captn'stabbin (Jul 30, 2010)

SenorBlumpkin said:


> Pretty good gotta say...bitch called me and left a message how she wants to taste me again.
> 
> Downing some Crown right now...gotta figure something epic for tonight



any luck last night?


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## SenorBlumpkin (Jul 30, 2010)

Actually made it out to Wet'n'Wild...met some random chick and got head in the bathroom.  Lots of Hoes there...I think I remember feeling one up in the lazy river...I can't remember the whole night


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## Dark Geared God (Oct 15, 2010)




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## Buzzard (Oct 16, 2010)

Non shizz, my knigg.


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## Buzzard (Oct 16, 2010)

I'd say something about my bachelor party, but don't remember anything... Except for finger fuckin the Japanese chick with all the hoodrat tats above her FLAWLESS tits... But that's it.

Good times... I think.


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## Dark Geared God (Oct 16, 2010)

what happen to stabbin


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## Captn'stabbin (Apr 20, 2011)

I live gentleman, I live...

Last friday i went to bar to console a buddy about a girl, and by that i mean drink heavily. As i walk in my friends are shitfaced and screaming like maniacs. I immediately started shots of jack to ease the suffering. One friend was the shining star, from screaming at the bartender to pouring beers in his front pocket he then moved on to fucking with other people. His girlfriend took a cab home terrified, she got mad and went to the bathroom so he started kicking the door yelling at her. If we didn't know the bartenders so good he was gonna get destroyed. Final he starts talking to some black dude, i think he got a couple words in before i grabbed him by the neck and threw him outside. He sits down and starts drinking this bums beer, so i go inside to get the bum a beer cause i mean shit he's a bum. I go back out he and my friend have their shirts off and are wrestling. It ends in a quick bodyslam. As the wasted kid is recovering he see a couple walking by and pulls his pants down and starts to jerkoff on a s2000. That's when i threw him in the car and made my friend take him home. I then go back in the bar proceed to get black out like nothing happened and woke up on my couch with a ton a voicemails saying i stuck my friend with the tab and my girl freaking on me. 

Pretty good night...


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## withoutrulers (Apr 21, 2011)

Glad to see yer still kickin, and you're my alcohol hero. Nobody destroys themselves better than captn'stabbin


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## HialeahChico305 (May 5, 2011)

YouTube Video


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## theCaptn' (May 5, 2011)

haha! the Captains' liver transplant must have taken!


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## Captn'stabbin (May 24, 2011)

theCaptn' said:


> haha! the Captains' liver transplant must have taken!



Damn i might need one. I'm all geared up and went on a binge and my ankles swole up. Not sure what the deal is but hopefully i'll die and not have to deal with it.


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## Aries1 (May 24, 2011)

Captn'stabbin said:


> Damn i might need one. I'm all geared up and went on a binge and my ankles swole up. Not sure what the deal is but hopefully i'll die and not have to deal with it.


Do you also stack deca?


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## Captn'stabbin (May 24, 2011)

Aries1 said:


> Do you also stack deca?



All day... haha


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## Captn'stabbin (Aug 13, 2011)

well i'm back to being single thorough the grace of zeus. So hopefully i should have some updates...


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## theCaptn' (Aug 13, 2011)

Captn'stabbin said:


> well i'm back to being single thorough the grace of zeus. So hopefully i should have some updates...



About fkg time. Gears & whores for all!


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## Tesla (Aug 13, 2011)

Captn'stabbin said:


> Not sure what the deal is but hopefully i'll die and not have to deal with it.


 

Werd!!


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## AdmiralRichard (Aug 14, 2011)




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## Captn'stabbin (Aug 17, 2011)

made out with a hot jew last night, i'm a fucking disappointment to my own thread. At least i should have got an old fashion...


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## theCaptn' (Aug 18, 2011)

Captn'stabbin said:


> made out with a hot jew last night, i'm a fucking disappointment to my own thread. At least i should have got an old fashion...



good werk!

You know jews are circumcised, yeah?


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## Captn'stabbin (Aug 20, 2011)

theCaptn' said:


> good werk!
> 
> You know jews are circumcised, yeah?



i'm cool with a discount...



i was out till 7am last night and had to work at 10am. 

spoils of war
1 number
80$ tab
terrible hangover


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## Captn'stabbin (Aug 22, 2011)

ran my self dehydrated on this 46 year old, then went to the bar and made a medium ass out of myself. still trying to screw that jew but i get to fucked up to really make it happen. 

tab 1 55
tab 2 25
tab 3 66

covered in sharpie, clit lord on my knuckles, dick dasterdly mustache and some weird heart triangle  possible cock on my arm...


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## Captn'stabbin (Aug 26, 2011)

lots of parties this weekend should have some good stories. i have a decent one from tuesday. I'll try to get it down soon... Don't worry it has male nudity and women crying...


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## cg89 (Aug 26, 2011)

I wanted to write a book when i was 18 about my stories heres one of them.

Written when 18.

Strip Club Saga

 With me turning 18 I am now an adult in the eyes of the law...not a good thing, but me always looking on the bright side of every situation I am happy that I will finally be able to go to a strip club for my very first time. So the first time i ever went to a strip club was by myself on a friday night, because all my friends decided to go on vacation or have family events they hard to partake in. I decided to drink the last of the vodka i had on the way to the strip club so i would have a better time...alone. I pull up to the strip club somewhat drunk and take a seat against the wall far from the stage so i can let all the live nude women all sink in along with the quarter of the bottle of vodka i drank. Im chilling and of course all the strippers are giving me attention because they don’t see young studs like myself everyday. I shew them away because i wanted my first lap dance to be with the hottest stripper in the club and she was on stage. Then the vodka kicks in and it hits me like a fucking brick wall, I am drunk and start talking to the strippers, finding out why they are strippers, and what are the perks of the job, does it come with a health plan? Free STD tests? What? Sadly to say none of those come with the job except a cocaine problem and a unwanted child.  Finally after what seemed years the stripper I wanted to give me a lap dance comes off stage and comes up to me, calls me cutie and puts her hand down my shirt. I get a lap dance and during the lap dance which was the best 4 minuets of my life at the time, the stripper starts licking my dick through my pants...and me being the smart I free balled it and was wearing basketball shorts. I was very happy then it was over. So as I walked out of the lap dance room i had the biggest boner of my life and of course it was sticking horizontally out and somehow the slut who was working the register spotted me and started pointing and laughing. I casually did the “up tuck” and walked out of the club. Now i am siting in my car texting all my friends and telling them about my night and how it was much better than theirs. I am the fucking man to them because they never had the balls to go to the strip club ever and i did. The next week my friends came back from vacation and they were all eager to go...i guess i was the test dummy.  One problem was all my friends were 17. We decided to go anyway, and of course we drink on the way there. I am drunk once again and this time I am with my best friend since Kindergarden. I am praying that they don’t I.D. us and trying to remember back to last week they didn’t I.D. me so it shouldn’t be  a problem. We get into the club and both are wasted. With me being there last week  was all cocky and thought i knew everything. So I start getting loud and obnoxious, I am belligerently screaming at the strippers on stage yelling “SPREAD YA LEGS,” “IN YOUR ASS” and things of that nature. I am also  barley tipping them and they still are holding conversations with me, this could only mean one thing, I am the best looking guy in this strip club..not much competition needless to say. My best friend gets inpatient and wants a lap dance. I get a text from a kid who I go to high school with and he asks what i am doing..so i go to the bathroom to text so they don’t think im some type of pervert trying to take pictures. I tell him where i am at and he is with his friends. They say they will be there in 20 minuets. They finally walk in after 40 minuets of waiting and he was with kids I did not know because these kids were from the local public high school. The group of guys consists of two of us who are 18, one who is 17 and two who are 16. They sit by us and the 16 year old kid who i just met goes “THIS IS SO UNSANITARY.” Then  my friend Gl*** who never went to a strip club before is sitting  by the stage and looks the happiest i have ever seen him. I look away for a second then Gl*** is talking to a stripper on stage. The stripper starts fingering her asshole, and Gl*** shouts “DON’T FUCKING FINGER YOUR ASSHOLE FINGER YOUR PUSSY SLUT” she stops and waves the smelly finger right in his face. Once i see this go down I know either A) we are in trouble or B) this is going to be the best night ever, so I started harassing the strippers even more by throwing my dollars at them, cheering them on, folding my dollars into mini airplanes and throwing them on stage. The strippers just took whatever i said they did nothing about it. I felt like i was their master or their pimp whatever i said they did i could disrespect them and they would do nothing about it. It was the best feeling ever. The next day Ry** and I go to the strip club again...we are officially degenerates in my eyes. Of course we drink on the way...because the strip club is more fun when your drunk. We go and I am the loudest, cockiest, most disrespectful person to these strippers I am calling all them bitches and sluts right to their faces and they are taking it like it is their fucking job...maybe it is i am not too sure. Then I notice the hottest stripper i have ever seen on stage. I pull up my cum stained wheeIy chair up to the stage and i tip her multiple times. Soon as she gets off stage I pull my chair away from the stage and start talking to Ry** and im mind blown, it was my perfect type of girl. The stripper and her friend sit directly behind us. I point this out to Ry** and the stripper who i am in love with is standing up wearing a thong and her ass was amazing. I do a “desecrate” point to my friend, so i thought and she turns around right as i point to her ass. Then she backs up and basically squishes my hand in between the seat and her ass. I start talking to her and find out she is 20 years old and from Freehold, which was about 15 minuets from me, and that the friend is her sister. I start “spitting game” which i have none of. I tell her i am 19 years old and attend the local community college (what a catch huh?). We talk for about 30 minuets and she has to go on stage again. I am in love with this girl, and when she was on stage and other guys were tipping her i would got jealous so I screamed at her to get her attention so she only focused on me I was screaming “HE HAS HERPES DONT GO TO HIM” every time another guy would attempt to tip her...and it worked. She was done stripping and came back to talk. Now I start harassing her for her phone number. After about 10 minuets of harassment and pure cockiness by me she gives in and i get her number. Ry** and I get a lap dance from her and her sister. During the lap dance I glance over and Ry** is fingering her sister...I am sitting here just chilling with a naked bitch on me and Ry** gets to finger his girl? What the fuck...the dance ends. We go out to pay and the manager of the club was right by the register for the lap dance room. We walk out i give her the money and i slap her ass. She turns around and kisses me on the lips in front of the manager. The manager bugs out and starts screaming at us “YOU TWO HAVE BEEN DISRESPECTING OUR CLUB AND OUR GIRLS THE WHOLE NIGHT AND YOU PULL THIS?” I reply “WELL ITS NOT OUR FAULT YOUR GIRLS LIKE US SO MUCH KEEP THEM ON A  FUCKING LEESH ISN’T THAT YOUR JOB ASSHOLE?” ... “We kindly get escorted out of the club” which didn’t make a difference because we were leaving anyway. We get into the car and I instantly update my facebook status to “I AM FUCKING GOD...I JUST GOT A STRIPPERS NUMBER” so all my facebook friends could know who is the fucking man. Monday rolls around and I have to go back to school,on my ride back from school with Gl*** we were talking about what happened and out of nowhere he was like “yo bro hit her up today” I was a bit skeptical but i thought why not, so i texted her and went to see what she was doing at night. I had school the next day so if i could chill like from 7 to 10 it would be fine.  Shockingly she is free too and she wants to hang out. I pick her up in Freehold around 6ish and i had nothing planned so we decided to see a movie. The movie was the worst movie i’ve ever seen and not to mention there was about 3 people in the theater including me and her and some random Asian guy. We leave the movie early and early meaning in the first 15 minuets because that’s how bad it was. We get back to the car confused on what to do. I am afraid to make the first move, so I just tell her “I have no game” so that she will make the first move and get the ball rolling.  She goes “What does that even mean” I go “never mind” I start thinking well your not getting anything tonight. Than I guess she was thinking about it and she goes “So what would you think of a girl who had sex on the first date?” To myself I was thinking well...you are a stripper, but I said “Nothing I would think that she really liked me and wouldn’t think twice about it” which was probably the smartest thing that ever came out of my mouth. She goes “Okay” then I reply “So you wanna hook up?” she goes “okay sure” so i am now driving around looking for places to hook up and i am not familiar with the area that well. She suggests a spot we go back there. The best way to describe this area is that you could get raped, tortured and murdered and no one would find out. I go fuck this we will just go to a empty street or something. I find colt-a-sack, and drive to the end and there are big houses so there is a lot of land between each house and it is not lit very well so its perfect. I throw all the seats down in the back so we can lay down. We start making out then she takes off her bra then her panties. I am completely clothed. So i need to step up my game and take off my pants so i do so. We make out for about 20 minuets which seemed forever. Then I go “Just blow me” She reply’s “You could ask nicely” Now im thinking wow ask a stripper to blow me nicely? but i reply “please blow me?” She starts blowing me. Then she goes “You aren't going to do the same for me?” Meaning to eat her out. In my mind there is absolutely no way i am eating out a stripper. So I tell her no. She gets mad and stops blowing me. I continue fingering her, and she goes just fuck me. So i go “Okay you got a rubber?” she goes “um...your the guy” I go “your the stripper...i thought those came standard” she gets offended. So i continue to finger her to hopefully change her mood. she goes “fuck it just fuck me” I go “Okay” but am worried about cumming inside this stripper since i dont know how long i will last or anything considering it is my first time. I start fucking her...she’s tight and fucking like a pornstar. I do about 5 or 6 pumps and get fearful that i will cum inside her and i tell her i can’t do it anymore. she calls me a bitch and i tell her blow me. she starts blowing me and goes “Yum my pussy tastes good” I am appalled. Blow job lasts 30 minuets and i still haven’t came. She gets tired so i just go ill just jerk off and tell me where you want it. She goes “On my tits” So i jerk off and finish in 15 minuets and bust my load all over these glorious tits. I drop her off the last thing she ever said to me was “Im mad you didn’t fuck me” Whatever if my dick penetrates a vagina i count it as sex...who wouldn’t. I check my phone and i have a message from the stripper worried. She goes “Shit that was so bad you don’t have anything do you?” I go “um.no” then she goes “You sure you didn’t cum in me?”  I go “Um...yeah im sure” those are the last texts i’ve gotten from her. The next day i tell Gl*** about it the first thing he says is “Bro you got aids” then it all sinks in...”FUCK...I HAD SEX WITH A STRIPPER WITHOUT A CONDOM FUCK....GOOD LUCK CHRIS HAVE A HAPPY TIME DIEING AT 40” I get a STD test...and pass all in the clear..I am the luckiest man alive.


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## theCaptn' (Aug 26, 2011)

utterly unreadable . . . how about beaching that shit down into paragraphs?


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## cg89 (Aug 26, 2011)

only if i could edit that bitch i would..thats was a good idea


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## AdmiralRichard (Aug 26, 2011)




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## Captn'stabbin (Sep 3, 2011)

once again the captn' has plundered the booty... round of applause for booze and vagina...


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## theCaptn' (Sep 4, 2011)

Narcotics & pharmaceuticals?


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## Captn'stabbin (Sep 5, 2011)

yea i did some of those sat night...slept in the street in front of the bar, topless of course. had to push start my car...


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## Captn'stabbin (Sep 20, 2011)

Alright gents update... Friday i can't remember shit but my checking account says i spent 180 between two bars...

Saturday- drank at the beach, had a new one meet up but i can't really remember where or what time. But we head out to the bar with my boy. Another girl i bang meets up with a friend of mine. SO it got a bit awkward but there was plenty of whisky to fix that. I pull the Houdini and fuck this other one all over my place.
 I take a shower and i guess i was so fucked up i didn't really close the curtain and fucked my bathroom all up. 
Head out to a party but it's the wrong one and theres another girl i fuck there. i couldn't win, so i tried to pay no attention to them and talk to different girls. seemed like the best strategy i could come up with after taking two dynapeps. apparently me and my buddy were having a dance off, someone told him it was a costume party so he wore a spandex bike outfit. But thats neither here nor there.
The one girl sleeps over, at some point in the morning my Ex is pounding at the fucking door. She is demanding her fucking pyrex 2qt bowl back. She comes in luckily the other girl went into the bedroom, they know each other... SO she continues on to tell me i'm an asshole ans she fucked some guy last night. I promptly throw her out and tell her to fuck off and never show up here again. I'm done with that bullshit...

Sunday- Go to my boy's house and hit the beach. Weapons were sprite and handle of skol. Finish that then head to the bar, don't remember much. Apparently did some coke in the bathroom... I guess i made a decent impression on the bday girl at the party so my buddy gives me her number. Now it get's interesting. We head over to my friends parents house cause his brother is in town. We slam some more beers and smoke some of that legal weed. It tastes like shit... We start showing off some pics and shit, some girls but mostly disturbing shit. So he tells me to send his buddy some pics. Well i send one then get confused with the number of the bday girl and his buddy. I end up sending this chick pics of an aborted fetus, a guy taking a huge shit, a naked chick, and my buddy with a bum...
I don't think she is going to hang out or talk to me... Ooh well

Monday- broke and hungover with mild anxiety attacks sprinkled throughout the day...

Sweet life right here...


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## Captn'stabbin (Oct 17, 2011)

last couple weeks were a blur... Got alcohol poisoning, so i'm gonna go 30 days sober, 7 days in so far...


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## theCaptn' (Oct 17, 2011)

Captn'stabbin said:


> last couple weeks were a blur... Got alcohol poisoning, so i'm gonna go 30 days sober, 7 days in so far...



You won't make it


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## Noheawaiian (Oct 17, 2011)

Captn'stabbin said:


> last couple weeks were a blur... Got alcohol poisoning, so i'm gonna go 30 days sober, 7 days in so far...



Take copious amounts of Adrol and Oral Tren throughout the rest of the 30 days, that should do it


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## Captn'stabbin (Oct 17, 2011)

theCaptn' said:


> You won't make it



son of bitch...



Noheawaiian said:


> Take copious amounts of Adrol and Oral Tren throughout the rest of the 30 days, that should do it



i wish i had some, some supp company should sponsor me... MY rebound would be pretty epic...


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## withoutrulers (Oct 17, 2011)

hair o' the dog. It's the only scientifically backed cure for alcohol poisoning, and aids.


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## Captn'stabbin (Oct 18, 2011)

withoutrulers said:


> hair o' the dog. It's the only scientifically backed cure for alcohol poisoning, and aids.



this is true, all of it...


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