# Not Giving Up!



## jstar (Jun 2, 2004)

Hey Everyone

 I am back. I felt I needed a break from journaling but then I realized that this board plays an important part in keeping me accountable and motivated. Without this board and all of you I don't feel like I have a healthy outlet in my life to rant about all the things that have been going on. (Oh boy, get prepared, there is a lot.) Well part of the reason I temporarily quit posting was because of my job and just being too busy between my gym and the job, as I am sure most of you can relate. Well that won't be a problem anymore because last week I was fired from my job. I was horrified by the whole thing and did not see it coming a mile away. I was there for only two months and working as a consultant for her home business. It was just me and her, my boss, so I guess she just lets people go left and right as she wants. Unlike in a real company where you need a freaking reason.  Since this happened I have been depressed about it but my family has been supportive and knows that it wasn't my fault. I have been trying to step back and look at the whole thing because I know I did the best job I could and gave it my all and that is all I could do. I am over it. So now I have no health insurance, no income, no job. I called unemployment but I will have to wait and see if they allow me to collect again. If you get fired they usually don't let you but then I can appeal it - and that is probably a pain in the ass. So I am screwed, but that is ok. Thank God I did not make any offers on the condos I saw and thank God I still live with my parents or I would be sleeping in the park.

 Coupled with that drama is the issues between me and my man and my possibly moving to Florida.  My family is raring to go and relocate (but they say this all the time so I don't know how serious they are). We are going down for 2 weeks at the end of this month to check it out since none of us have ever been there. I am excited about the trip and my aunt gave us all these real estate magazines of houses in FL and OMG they are all so gorgeous and affordable. I could totally afford to by a house there - but NOT here. Where I live a small 5 room cape is 400,000. Yeah right! 

 It is a HUGE decision for me to decide to relocate and my man doesn't want to go at all. We (he) decided to stay friends and just leave it at that for now. It is so sad, I think eventually he will meet someone else and since he is too much of a gentleman to keep talking to his ex (me) while he is seeing someone else then I guess we will eventually just separate for good. Not only do I lose someone I love but also my best friend. It sucks to say the least. 

 All signs are pointing for me to go - I lose my job, I lose my bf, none of my friends are ever home lately so I have no one to talk to and I am going insane, my family wants to move, I can't find a job here, the list goes on and on. Jeez, if I do move I am going to become a personal trainer, live in a beach front condo or maybe a house and compete. Sounds like a nice life.

 Now onto the actual health and fitness stuff:

 I decided to hook up with an online trainer who is also an IFBB pro figure competitor. She is awesome!!! My diet and training is going great, I love it. 
 I plan to compete in 3 shows in the fall and she is helping me get ready for them. The best thing is that she emails me a lot so I don't slip. With all the other baggage going on in my life right now I am just glad I have something positive to focus on. In this journal I don't plan to post my exact diet and training but I will post how things are going, measurements, pictures, and everything else.


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## sftwrngnr (Jun 2, 2004)

Congrats on not giving up!  Life is inherently unpredictable... ya gotta just pick yerself up by the boots, and keep goin'!
-Dan


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## JLB001 (Jun 2, 2004)

Moving may be a fresh start that you need.  And ya know what... Craig may decide to open his practice in Florida too!  His parents live down there close to Orlando.

Try not to stress over everything, easier said than done at times, but the stress is just added stress.  LOL

Which Pro did you decide on?   I'm excited to see how things progress!


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## jstar (Jun 2, 2004)

Thanks Dan! When it rains it pours, in my life anyways. I think the best thing for me is to look at what I can do instead of what I can't do since that is what is stressing me out.

 Jodie - hello girl! are you guys moving to Orlando if Craig moves his practice (duh, I guess so huh LOL)? I am planning to move to the Tampa area so I will be close by. Oh, I am working with Stacy Hylton - she is super, super great.
 I really can't post up my diet/training programs because that would be wrong but I will journal and update without giving away the secrets . She has really tailored this plan to me specifically so I am excited to see how things progress too. It has only been a week so far, but I am already feeling better.


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## JLB001 (Jun 2, 2004)

It's alright.  Just asking because I didn't know if I knew them or not.
Stick with it!  The results will follow.


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## nikegurl (Jun 2, 2004)

JLB001 said:
			
		

> Stick with it! The results will follow.


That's the real secret right there!


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## ncgirl21 (Jun 2, 2004)

Hey girl!! Glad your back  , I was wondering where you took off too  ??  Good Luck with your workout and diet, I'm sure you'll do awesome and I'll be following along.  Don't stress the job or the boyfrined, you deserve better in BOTH situations!!


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## jstar (Jun 2, 2004)

Hey guys - thanks alot!!!

 I already feel better. It is SO TRUE - the only time you see results is by consistently doing the right things. So many things in my life are changing right now and I am a person who is terrified of change, so naturally I resist. I will try to go with the flow, since it will lead me to a better place both physically and mentally.


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## jstar (Jun 2, 2004)

Wed June 2nd

  Going to the gym twice today. 

  First workout:
  45 min intervals on the elliptical
 I hate first thing in the am cardio. Today was really pm cardio since I slept really late. No that I have no job keeping to an early schedule will be a challenge. Starting tomorrow I am going to aim to get up consistently around 7 am. I don't want to mess with my meal times either.

  Second Workout: 
  Arms then cardio (stepper and treadmill)
 Great workout. I finished at 10pm. Egads I need to reset my inner clock!

 Todays Meals:
 Went according to plan. 

  Meals:
  I have more meals than ever. Somedays have 7.  I discovered talapia since Stacy wants me eating white fish now - yummy. I am eating lots more veggies, less carbs (but not too low at all). The thing I struggle with is the "no condiments" rule. She wants me to stick to this specific diet until I get back from FL on July 11th. Then we switch things up again. She wants me to lose 5-8 lbs of fat in this phase.

  Contests:
  9/25 OCB Figure Competition
  10/2 OCB Figure Competition
  10/23 USBF Figure Competition

 All are small shows but I am thrilled to do a small show after doing 2 huge ones. I hope to keep working with Stacy during the offseason as well to add more size to my upper body and help me progress.


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## Stacey (Jun 2, 2004)

STAR!!! I'm So HAPPY to see you back--And I think moving to Florida will be a great change for you!! (I know..I hate change to.. real bad.. but this may just be Your Oppurtunity to change so much stuff in your life) 

Thats great your working with a trainer--I have heard she is Awesome!!


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## JLB001 (Jun 2, 2004)

jstar said:
			
		

> Wed June 2nd
> 
> Going to the gym twice today.
> 
> ...


Girl...you better get up early to do that cardio!  if the meals are off, you feel all messed up for the day. (well, I do anyways).

Sam's Wholesale has good size bags of Talapia, 2 fillets equal 4 oz.  Yummy stuff!   Throw it in a skillet sprayed with Pam and some seasoning.  Quick and easy!  Turkey and Fish are the only things I can have right now besides eggs.  Are you allowed Salsa and Mustard?


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## atherjen (Jun 2, 2004)

StaryStar, SOOO glad to see you back around girl!!! 
	

	
	
		
		

		
			





 and back with a postive attitude! 
that is very cool that your working with that woman! She should serve as super help for you!! I only wish you the best girl! Thats a ton of plans on your plate! Especially with a ot changes in your life. you know... change is _good _


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## shortstuff (Jun 2, 2004)

J so good to have you back!!!    Was wondering what happened to yah......  I am so glad you figured stuff out.  I am hearing everyone competing and I want to also, but man I need to hold myself back for a while.    Congrats hun!!!!  I am glad you are back we are here for you


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## Jill (Jun 2, 2004)

This is so friggin weird. I was thinking about you and where you've been this am, and was gonna go fish for your journal. Glad to have you back I missed you

Oh ya when it rains it really does pour.....Hope your doing ok. Glad to hear about the new trainer, good luck with all your goals. Remember: life IS what you make of it, just try to stay positive, I know you are one strong lady!

Steve and I are off to cuba Friday, am real excited! Talk to ya soon darlin! *hugs*


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## jstar (Jun 2, 2004)

I feel so loved  You guys rock!!!! I missed you all too, believe me I just needed to take a step back and think about things. I think the worst of stuff is over and yes, change is GOOD. I am starting to realize that for real now!

 Stacey - Hey  I agree. I think FL will be nice and the best part of all - no more snow. (How could I resist that?) I am still on the fence but after my trip maybe I can make a decision. Gee, if I do move I am throwing a big pool party at my place and you are all invited! How are things with you? Are you guys still trying for a little baby? I will catch up on your journal now that I have time ...oh what did you hear about Stacy? She is really great, WOW!

 Jodie - I do feel messed up not being on schedule - I will get up earlier. promise~ Hmmm, I don't have a Sam's near me but last time I bought too much and after I cooked it a few days later it didn't taste right. I am going to have to freeze it and reheat or else by it every few days. No condiments allowed right now. Because of my trip she thinks I may not be able to stay on the plan to a tee so I need to be strict right now. I put dill on the fish - try that it is good. You can try Mrs Dash, lemon, pepper, I guess you must be sick to death right now of turkey and fish. Hang in there - you are thisclose baby!!!

 AJ - I love that smilie!!! too cute! I missed you I love your new avi - finally a face with the name (you are pretty girl!)  Thanks for the well wishes. I am sure everything will come together for me soon enough. Everything in life happens for a reason, and maybe it is all for the best!

 Shorty - Nice to see you again hun! I am glad to be back I do have lots to think about and ya know it seems crazy to compete with all this other stuff going on in my life right now but in a way it is my "stability." I hope you decide to compete ~ why wouldn't you? Don't think you need to be perfect your first time out - it is all about you and making progress according to your schedule and your desires. Everything else is just icing on the cake. 

 Jilly-Willy!!!! I missed you too babe. Wow, Cuba? Takes lots of pictures and have a great time. Finally some sun and nice weather for you and Steve - enjoy it - you both deserve it! Thanks for you words - it really hits home. I am glad things are taking a positive turn for me now. All this drama is too much for me.

 Love you all :hugs:


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## shortstuff (Jun 2, 2004)

I really want to but it seems to be so expensive (even thought I have suits already) plus I am taking 4 classes this summer and I have an internship 3 days a week and I am president of the marketing club at school.    man that is a lot huh?  Honestly I just feel like after my last time last summer that I would not be able to do it.  I don't know and I am so scared my boy will not be supportive and he would rather me finish school.  Eeeek i am rambling in your journal but I have really really been wanting to do it.  Plus I feel for the amount of time I spend  at the gym, doing cardio and everything I should get in that type of shape.  Ooops sorry i am done i promise.


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## jstar (Jun 3, 2004)

Wow Shorty that is alot! You are quite amazing No problem with ranting in my journal - you can wruite whatever you want or as much as you want in here Yeah, it is expensive. I decided to forgo the NY show I was going to do because it would be too much; instead I am just doing some local shows this fall and using all the stuff I already have - the suits, shoes, tanning stuff, makeup, etc. I spent a lot on all that stuff the for the first show but now that I have it all the only thing I have to pay for is the entry fee.


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## JLB001 (Jun 3, 2004)

J...I'm still able to have salt up until Wed. this coming week, so no Mrs. Dash or dill till then! It'll be bad enough having to use it for two days. ick ick ick! I don't mind the turkey and fish, just want a HUGE sirloin! I miss that the most. I love red meat.

Shows do hell to the bank account.


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## jstar (Jun 3, 2004)

June 3 - Thursday

 I worked out late last night and couldn't drag my a** out of bed this morning.
 But I will get to bed earlier tonight, it is just hard beacuse my mind was racing last night about all kinds of stuff. Today I feel better though. 

 I talked to my friend who is a fitness competitor today. I haven't had a chance to connect with her in a while but we made plans to get together for a walk (or in the gym, depending on weather) this Monday.  She is stressed from her job and hasn't been able to compete yet this year. We agreed to help eachother out and motivate eachother so we can be ready for the fall.
 I am so excited .

 Training:

 Tonight I do cardio then eat 1/2 apple then do shoulders. No AM cardio today 

 I keep forgetting to take my green tea caps before cardio - they are optional but I would like to take anything that will give me an extra fat burn! I am also running low on protein powder; she wants me to try EAS precision protein so I may buy that at the Vitamin Shoppe tomorrow. I hate trying new powders because you never know if the stuff is going to taste awful. Since I have tried Myoplex Lite before I guess this stuff won't be too bad. I've gotta go buy some things at the supermarket today too. Be back later


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## atherjen (Jun 3, 2004)

the EAS precision isn't bad. At least from the reviews we got from ppl at my old job. Some really liked it. Its was pricy though. 

Thats so cool that you and your friend are going to kick each others butts!


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## shortstuff (Jun 3, 2004)

Hey J congrats!!!  I am so looking forward to chatting and watching you and cheering you on!!!  Hun I am thinking good thoughts for you.


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## jstar (Jun 4, 2004)

Jen, I am just worried about the taste  I've wasted too much $ on powders that taste crappy. I wish I could buy single servings to test them out but no one sells them that way.  ---Oh,  I am so excited about my girl - she has such a great routine, all disco, Diana Ross (it is too cute!) So you can bet I am going to be pushing her to do a show this fall so she can strut her stuff.

 SS - thanks I am excited to follow your journal too. You have so many great goals!


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## jstar (Jun 4, 2004)

June 4th - Friday

  I have a busy day today. I am about to hop on my elliptical for 45 minutes of cardio intervals. clap: I remembered to take my green tea  ) then I have a job fair at 5pm for Stop and Shop (Supermarkets). Their corporate office is the next city over from mine, about 10 minutes away. I already sent my resume to them a few times over the years but they NEVER call me back. At least this way I can speak to someone face to face. 

 Then later it's off to the gym for chest/legs and more cardio. This is my 2nd leg day, I do legs all alone on Mondays. Today's leg routine is just single leg presses supersetted with single calf presses; and seated leg curls. It is interesting how she arranged my workouts because they are very specific for my body type and goals. My goals are:

  - to lean out the lower body (without adding a lot of size since I have enough there)
  - increase my v-taper
  -add size to my arms

  She had me give her specific goals; as in how many inches do I want to lose/gain and from where:

  - chest 35" - fine
  - waist 31" ---goal is to lose 6" 
  - hips 39.5" ---goal is to lose 4.5"
  - thighs 22.5" ---goal is to lose 1-2" (just whatever fat is there; keep the muscle)
  ---biceps 10.75" ---gain 1.5" --long term goal

 EDIT:

 Meals - I missed one darn it - fish/veggies. (My 2nd to last meal) because my timing was screwed up for the day again. I got back from the gym at 9, had my shake, then later some eggwhites. It's hard eating fish at 11pm, I need to seriously make myself get up early!

 Workout - AM - did the elliptical intervals like I was supposed to. PM - chest and legs, missed cardio program #1 - will do it today (Saturday)

 Other: 
 The emails I sent to Stacy bounced back so I decided to call her cell and let her know her email box was full. This was the 1st time talking to her on the phone. She is so sweet- cute southern accent. Of course she probably thinks I sound like Boston Rob on Survivor  anyways...I told her I couldn't do a pushup so she gave me some tips on how to get better. Instead of doing them all on my knees she said to get in pushup position and lower myself super slow to the floor then collapse. This focuses on the eccentric strength and this is what really makes you stronger over time. I gave these a shot last night and boy I can feel it in my arms and chest today!

 Oh, and I have a wedding coming up in a couple weeks so I needed a dress. I have been putting off buying one until the very last minute because I wanted to of course buy it when I am at my leanest right before the wedding. Well, I bought 2 yesterday and I love them both. The best part is that I only spent $25 for the 2 of them. One was $15 and one was only $10! ....Just an FYI to everyone: I love getting a bargain


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## shortstuff (Jun 4, 2004)

I love your goals hun!!  I love your gal as she sound just like mine who set up my workout.  Lots of reps for legs to add intensity and up fat burning.    Well you are awesome and I love chit chatting with you.


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## jstar (Jun 5, 2004)

awww you are too sweet shortstuff, we should call you sweetstuff

 Who is your trainer? Maybe we have the same one? I am very happy with my trainer and the results I am getting. Although I haven't weighed or measured myself since I started I "feel" leaner, more muscular, never hungry - finally I found the right combination of diet/cardio/weights for me.


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## jstar (Jun 5, 2004)

Saturday June 5th

 I can't post too much now - I need to get ready for a job fair this morning. Just a quick question for anyone reading --my resume is 3 pages -- is that too long? It's actually 2.5 pages.

 Workouts planned for today:
 *cardio that I missed yesterday
 *1 hour walk


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## shortstuff (Jun 5, 2004)

WAYYYYYYYYYY  Too long!!!  A resume should be 1.5 max  You need to tailor it for each person you send it to and take things off and add things depending on the job and company.  I am glad you have so much stuff too add but from talking to HR people resumes that are too long they don't look at.  If you have more stuff to add talk about it in cover letter and when you go in for an interview.  I hope this helps  

Oh and my trainer I saw was Jenny Lynn, I got lucy she has her gym 5 minutes from where the boyfriend lives in California so I can go see her when I go down there, I might make an appointment for next week, go check in and see if I can do a workout with her.    Pam


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## jstar (Jun 5, 2004)

Haha being in HR I should know better. I really think it depends on the company though. The last place I temped at I was pulling resumes from people's folders and some were like 20 pages long!!!! I am not kidding either. HR wanted long resumes but I think it depends on the field (this was a biotech company).

 I am going to have to tweak my resume anyways because I get the feeling from recent interviews I have been on that it might be confusing the way I have it set up now. I hate taking stuff out because then I will forget everything I did but maybe I will just save a master copy and just create different, shorter versions depending on where I apply.

 I also emailed Jenny Lynn but I went with Stacy only because I heard back from her first. Jenny has a 12 week program on her site that sounds really great. I love that she gives you manuals and stuff. Is that the program you purchased? I think we are both in excellent hands, wouldn't you say?


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## shortstuff (Jun 5, 2004)

YEAH she is awesome, i need to eamil her and do a check up on my workouts and send her the tweaks I have done since the original workouts I got was the end of february and in the last couple of weeks I have started changing thema bit to switch things up.  I really like her and I am doing her program she gave me again to a T.  I fell off for a bit do to some things but I am back with a vengence.  I want to work with her when I choose to compete when I live in San Fran and and have a real job


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## jstar (Jun 6, 2004)

That is great SS I am back with a vengeance too! 

 Grrr yesterday I discovered that the diet soda I have been drinking the past few days was regular and not diet.  I am so mad at myself I drank 4 bottles. 4 liters!!!

 So I have been on this plan for 13 days now and I am down 3.5 lbs. My waist is 30" (down from 31") and my hips are 38.75"  (down from 39.3") yeah almost 1/2 inch there 

 I haven't been following everything to a tee so I decided to add a new section to my journal where I post weekly and daily goals. I think I am unconsciously sabotaging myself--no matter what little goals I set for myself I always have that voice in my head saying "but you could just do xyz instead" or "you can postpone cardio and do it tomorrow." It is always something- I need to get real and just do what I am supposed to do, no excuses!!! This is the reason for the weekly and daily goal section of my journal.

 I will write my goals in the next post.


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## jstar (Jun 6, 2004)

*Weekly Goals: June 6-12*

Sun - 10:30-11:30 yoga/pilates class then 11:30-12  30 min elliptical

  Mon - AM = 45 min elliptical intervals plus 5 min wu and 5 min cd
           PM  = LEGS; cardio program #1

  Tue - PM = cardio program #2, eat 1/2 apple, then BACK

  Wed - AM = 45 min elliptical intervals plus 5 min wu and 5 min cd
           PM = ARMS; cardio program #1

  Thu -  PM = cardio program #2, eat 1/2 apple, then SHOULDERS

   Fri -  AM = 45 min elliptical intervals plus 5 min wu and 5 min cd
           PM = CHEST, LEGS; cardio program #1

  Sat - 1 hr walk

  **********************************************
  Goals 
 1) get all workouts in. do not skip any. do not switch days or change up this regimen in any way. this is the priority, everything else must be scheduled around training.

  2) diet - no skipping meals. no "substituting." no condiments (except cinnamon, Mrs Dash, and splenda which are allowed). 

 3) to help me adhere to goal #2 my meals need to be cooked and stored in tupperware ahead of time, otherwise it is just to easy to eat something not approved. two or three days during the week will be "cook" days. i will post those days when i decide figure out my schedule.

  4) get up at 7am everyday!

  5) spend at least an hour a day studying for the ACE exam. (next week it goes to 2 hrs).

 okay, that is it for now. the daily goals will be very specific and i will schedule times for when i will eat, workout, study, etc. otherwise nothing will ever get done!


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## jstar (Jun 6, 2004)

*Sunday, June 6th*

Rainy, cold and blah

 I was 5 min late to yoga and as soon as class starts they turn off the lights and lock the door! So I missed it....note to self - get there at 10:15 next Sunday! So I did 45 min on the elliptical instead (on an empty stomach)

 Workout = AM cardio 45 min elliptical (no intervals this time  )

 Diet = so far I have only gotten 2 meals in and it's 4PM. Okay, see I really do need help with scheduling all this. It is tricky! Tonight I am going to sit down with my notebook and come up with a time table for this week. I will of course post that later tonight. You should all get a good laugh out of my journal ha!


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## JLB001 (Jun 6, 2004)

Take the amount of time you are awake and divide by the number of meals to come up with the hours to space them.  Then eat when you are suppose to at those times.  Even if you are not hungry.  I get up at 6 am, but usually do not eat until 8, so my meals are spaced every 3 hours from there. at 8, 11, 2, 5 and  8, then sometimes right before bed.

J...gotta get tose planned out!  Gotta kick that metabo in the butt and eatting is a must.    You are gonna step on stage looking your best!!!


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## jstar (Jun 6, 2004)

Hey Jodster!  How is the final week of dieting treating you? I am so excited for you right now:bounce:

 Coming from you - yes I know how right you are! I have to eat all my meals as scheduled no matter what. If I was working this wouldn't be a problem at all, but since I have no reason to drag my but outta bed early I allow myself to sleep in  It really kills me on M/W/F when I do AM cardio because by the time I eat my first meal it is noon! I did figure out my schedule for tomorrow though and I will figure out the rest of the week tonight.


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## jstar (Jun 6, 2004)

*Schedule for Monday:*

7 AM - Wake up, take green tea, water
 730-830 AM cardio
 830-845 AM shower
 845-900 AM Meal 1 (oats, eggwhites)
 **chores - get gas, go to back, write bills/mail
 11AM - Meal 2 (1 scoop protein, glutamine)
 **go shopping - my mom needs help finding a dress for the wedding!
 1PM - Meal 3 (in car on way home from store - chx, sw potato)
 3PM- Meal 4 (gr, turkey, veggies)
 5-530PM Meal 5 (1 scoop protein, glutamine)
 545-730-8PM - Legs, cardio (at gym with my friend. the w/o takes 1.5hrs)
 8-820PM - Meal 6 (fish, veggies)
 ***shower, study 1 hr, cook/prep food for Tues)
 10PM - Meal 7 eggwhites (choc. eggies are okay! )


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## greekblondechic (Jun 6, 2004)

Hey Girly welcome back! i like the sound of this new journal already and congrats on the results you are already seeing! keep on doing it and it will work out great I can tell! I think a move would be great, a fresh start, you need freshness! PM me anytime hon!

*hugs* Vivian

EDIT: I just saw you are still eating choc eggies   LOL


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## aggies1ut (Jun 6, 2004)

Wow, going to the gym twice a day. Are you on a shortened time schedule?


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## hikerchick (Jun 6, 2004)

Hey Shining Star! 
 Your program looks so awesome! You can do it girl, I just know it.

 I didn't know you worked in HR...I worked in HR for two years before my current gig of "SuperMom" which I think is the best job ever, by the way.  I know we talked about where you live before, I think we were laughing at all the New England accents, I forget though - where do you live again?

 Your goals and food look great, I will be keeping a close eye on you! Keep up the good work sweetie.


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## JLB001 (Jun 7, 2004)

J..That program looks really close to the one I use.  Just more meals.  

You should see lots of progress!


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## shortstuff (Jun 7, 2004)

I think your schedule looks great and plus this will give you reasons to get up and more of a structure to life even though it may seem without any right now.  You are going to kick butt!!!  I want to look as hot as you all are going ot look, not have my flabby ass.


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## jstar (Jun 8, 2004)

Hey Greekie  how are you? Yeah my trainer wanted me to eat eggwhites for the last meal so I asked if I could put in a TBL of cocoa and splenda and she said it was okay for now:bounce: (I can't do the "Reese's" style that Jill does though  - those were yummy!) I will PM you - we need to catch up!

 Aggie - I only do twice a day workouts on M/W/F. My schedule is going to change up every 4 weeks though - it all depends on how I progress. The next contest is 9/25 and I started dieting at 17 weeks out. Since I gave myself a lot more time this time I should be ready on time.

 Hikerchica - Hi girl  Thanks for the encouragement I worked in Compensation which is a part of HR. No one ever knows exactly what it is (they assume worker's compensation) so I just say I work in HR. What did you do in HR - recruiting, benefits, etc?  I am from the Boston area and I am in denial about my accent  I can't wait for my trip to FL - I am going to bring some of those free real estate booklets and leave a few lying around so that the Floridians can see how much houses cost up here. They will be shocked 

 Jodie - It does? Well then I should get great results because you look FANTASTIC!!! 

 Shorty - I saw your pics - you are smokin' now! I hate my butt too - it always the last thing to lean down - if it ever truly does! I am just tryin' to be consistent as best as I can. You are doing really really well with being consistent and I KNOW you will reach all of your goals. You have proven in school, and in life, you do achieve the goals you set for yourself and I admire that alot! That is why I know you are well on your way


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## jstar (Jun 8, 2004)

Update on yesterday (Monday)

 Meals - no cheating - got them all in 

 Workouts - Yesterday was insane:
 *AM cardio - did it
 *I went walking in the afternoon with my friend - 1 hr
 *My mom still can't find a dress so I agreed to go to the mall with her. We spent 2 hours walking around (she still needs a dress!) 
 *PM Workout - Legs/Abs then 25 min stepper intervals, 20 min treadmill 4.0 incline, 4.0 mph 

 My legs are pooped to say the least! My friend couldn't make it to the gym with me and she is really struggling to get back into the swing of things so to make it easy for her we went for a one hr walk in her neighborhood~ the cool thing is we made plans to get together Wed. morning at my gym. I will be doing my AM cardio and she will be doing her thing~


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## shortstuff (Jun 8, 2004)

OMG J I LOVE YOU!!!  You really know how to make a girl feel good, you should feel just as good about yourself as you are doing all this for yourself also!!!  I think you are so amazing dealing withe verything and dieting and doing crazy workouts at the same time.    You ROCK!!!!!!!!


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## jstar (Jun 8, 2004)

Tues June 8th

 Oh oh, today is my brother's b-day so that means there will be CAKE in the house 

 MUST AVOID, MUST AVOID!!!!

 Ok, here is what is on the agenda for today:

 *Prep food for today and Wed
 *Clean room
 *PM workout - cardio then back:
 10 min rower
 10 min rec. bike
 25 min treadmill intervals (walking)
 eat 1/2 apple
 then lift - BACK 

 Back is my favorite day!


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## JLB001 (Jun 8, 2004)

Oh damn I hate when they have cake!   I had to bake one on Sunday for my manager.  It was tough!   I LOVE cake batter!

J...you had asked how this week was coming, it's progressing nicely!  I'm excited yet scared poohless!  Craig drew out my routine lastnight in the form of stick people, so I have to learn it from stick people on paper!  (I know why I love him so much).  Work has calmed back down, but I faxed out my resume to other places on Sunday, have job interview on Thursday at 2.  Told them they did not want me to come Fri. as I would be a really strange shade of brown and might stink.  

In looking at your meals, I am assuming you're having about 3 to 4 oz of protein?  If so, that is really close to what Jon has had me doing.  You'll do great!


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## jstar (Jun 12, 2004)

June 12th

  Alright I am back (again!)

 I have been bingeing uncontrollably the past 3 days and feel sick to my stomach. I swear I have never been so stressed out in my entire life. I really feel like I need to take stock and figure out what the heck I am doing to myself. As I stated before I hate change. I get comfortable with things and like them to stay that way. I like security in my life. I need to grow up and realize that things are not always going to be smooth and when things get crazy I should not revert to my familiar ways and binge on food. That only leads to more self-loathing and self defeat. So many negative changes have occurred in my life recently that I am scared stiff, I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me. The 2 main "sure-things" in my life are no longer there: my boyfriend of 5 yrs and my job. It has been rough going trying to find another job; and all the rejection just dampens my spirits more and more. It is tough to not buy into this rejection as a sign that there is something terribly wrong with me, and that I am not good enough or not personable enough...I know that isn't true but it gets harder and harder and harder and harder to tell myself that every day. Also, my bf and I had the most solid, strong relationship...I felt secure there but now that has come to a bitter end. It was not pretty. 

 My question for any one out there who may be reading this is how do you pick up the pieces and get yourself back up and try again when you feel like you have done that a million times and just keep getting knocked down again? I am so tired, SO TIRED, of giving into bingeing as a way of coping. It does not work, yet I continue to do it! 

 There are so many choices that lie before me right now - do I stay here and take any job I can find and live w/my parents? Do I move to FL and try to make it there? My best friend said she would come down and live with me if I get an apt. I know she would so that is a possibility. I had a nice long talk with her today and she basically said I should do it and that I shouldn't look back and just keep going on even if I want to return home, things will get better. She is completely right. I tend to "go back" to what is familiar when all else fails. I need to move on, move ahead, do what is best for ME and not worry. She is totally opposite me in that she is very adaptable and can easily accept change and see it as good. Maybe this is what I need to do too.

 Sorry for all this rambling. I am going to keep working out and trying to eat clean with out going overboard (bingeing) for now. I don't know about competing because I don't know if I will even be here in the fall. If not, I will compete in FL. I just want to control my eating habits, get lean, feel great, feel healthy. Once my direction in life becomes clearer I can set more specific goals for myself but for now I only have one: "no more bingeing".


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## JLB001 (Jun 13, 2004)

J..don't look at change as always being a bad thing.  Lots of positive can come from it.
When we get knocked down, pick up those pieces again and start again.  It's part of life, its all in how we choose to handle that knock down.  It's like riding a horse, if you fall off, you dust off your pants and get back on, take control of the reins and plow ahead.  Life is the same way, its in which path we choose to take.


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## jstar (Jun 13, 2004)

Thanks Jodie  
 I totally agree. I am started to feel inspired again. It is just a matter of taking a few small steps and building momentum to go in the direction I want to go in. 

 Friday night after the big blow-out with my ex I called my friend on her cell. Her and a group were getting together to go to Chili's (about 5 min from my house) and she was trying to talk me into going. And she ended up yelling at me to just go and to get out because it is better than sulking and moping at home. I didn't go. Then she invited me out last night to go to a club with her and some friends. Even though I kept talking myself outta going I went through the motions- took a shower, washed my hair, painted my nails, did my makeup...I really didn't want to go at all but I MADE myself do it. I ended up having a great time and my friend's boyfriend told her that his friend who they want me to meet would "love me." So anyways, it was a nice self-esteem booster! Plus there was this U2 tribute band there and they were awesome. I think there site is u2tributeband.com. The name of the group is Elevation. They tour all over so if they come to your area I would highly recommend seeing them

 Today was even better. I went to the weekly fitness workout/posing session/get together ( I guess I don't know exactly what you call it but Cathy holds a weekly session every Sunday at her studio in the gym and we do a variety of things to get ready for upcoming shows). Since it is mostly fitness girls we do a lot of fitness drills. In other words, stuff I can not do at all! First we did some light aerobics then stretching and drills. Today I did cartwheels for the first time since I was oh about 10 yrs old! Then I manage to do a split (using yoga blocks but still)  First time EVER!!! Cathy said it was enough of a split to actually put into a routine if I ever did fitness. Then I tried to do a handstand pushup and fell on my head. But they were holding my feet so it's all good! I want to practice all the drills we did some more so next time I go back peeps can see that I am getting better. Then she gave us a talk on how important it is to train doing bodyweight and plyos not just for fitness competitors but for figure as well. I am going to incorporate more of this type of training into my workouts. We also did some walking/posing in our heels and I customized my front stance to look the best on my body. It was a really informative and great day! Everytime I leave I feel more motivated so I intend to go every week if possible. Plus 2 of our New England girls are in Oxygen this month in the future of fitness. Talk about motivating! Everyone is talking photo shoots and about their web sites... I just want to get myself to that level. Seeing everyone around me get to that level is great and I know I can do better than what I have been doing. I am not sitting around saying boo-hoo what about me. I know that I have to work harder and be more disciplined if I want those goals. If I can just make continuous improvements week to week without backsliding then I will be happy with myself.


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## hikerchick (Jun 13, 2004)

jstar said:
			
		

> June 12th
> My question for any one out there who may be reading this is how do you pick up the pieces and get yourself back up and try again when you feel like you have done that a million times and just keep getting knocked down again? I am so tired, SO TIRED, of giving into bingeing as a way of coping. It does not work, yet I continue to do it!
> 
> ".


 Oh Jstar - if I were there right now I'd give you a big hug!

 All you can do is just keep picking yourself up, dust yourself off and start over. It's kind of a cliche, but I go by the Alcoholics Anonymous creed of "one day at a time" or "just for today". Just for today, don't cheat. If you want to cheat tomorrow, go for it. But today YOU ARE NOT GOING TO CHEAT. It works for me sometimes. Just don't let yourself be talked into it by all those voices in your head , you know, the angel and the devil that fight up there? I'm really not crazy!! 

 Hang in there girl. You are not alone. You are going through a lot right now and all of your emotions are very hard to deal with. When that happens to me, that is when I binge. I'm working on that daily. Finding other ways to work through all the garbage in my head rather than sabotage my body with lots of junk. I'm here for you girl!

 P.S. When I worked in HR (I left it to stay home and take care of my baby), I was a "Generalist" which basically means I did everything under the sun related to HR. I like it a lot, but am going in a different direction now, careerwise.


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## jstar (Jun 13, 2004)

Thanks HC I KNOW those voices are evil, huh  I feel like I have 2 devils up there sometime 

 What types of things do you do when you feel "weak?" I find that I usually have to get out of the house. After going to that class today (see above post) it really helped me get my mind straight. I mean only 5 other girls showed up and they all look amazing and they all kicked my butt doing the strength drills. I went there fully expecting this. In fact I almost wasn't going to go because I said to myself okay all these girls are like 2 lbs above contest weight (or so it seems) and they can do handstand pushups and cartwheels with ease. I will look like a fool if I go. But I ended up getting a lot out of today and if I listened to that evil voice in my head I would have not gone and not learned what I learned today and not have come out being all motivated and pumped.

 The next time I will be able to attend class isn't until 7/11. Next Sun is Father's Day so it is cancelled; the one after that I am away, and the one after that is the 4th of July. My new mini-goal is to practice all the drills I learned today so that next time I go I can do the handstand pushups, some better cartwheels, high kicks and an L Press. Maybe even get that full split!
 Even more importantly though I want to be noticeably leaner. My goal is to stick to my workouts and diet for the next 3 weeks. 15 weeks to go!!!


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## hikerchick (Jun 13, 2004)

Wow, that class sounds great. Just knowing I was going back there to "compete" with those superfit girls again would be enough for me. I just have to keep myself in a positive frame of mind at ALL times!! If I deviate from that, I tend to listen to the devil voices.


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## shortstuff (Jun 14, 2004)

That class sounds awesome!!  I wish there were things like that around me, I have been proud of myself, even with my boy eatng shitty I have been sooo good


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